Author's Note
Thank you for taking the time to look at this story! I think it is a very good story and when you read it, I think you will as well. It just has so much that is good about it. But before you read on, I think you should know a little bit about the circumstances in which I wrote this. You see, when I was little, I always wanted to be a writer. Most of the other kids wanted to be butchers, bakers or even candlestick makers, but I just couldn't understand why. I was always picked on by them because I would always spend my time in the library, reading and writing fantastical stories. Basically, my only friend was my father. He took care of me after my mother died and I am grateful to him for that. We could never afford much, but we managed to get by. Anyway, one day, my dad bought me a Nintendo 64 with a copy of Ocarina of Time for my birthday and I was hooked immediately. I finished the game in a week and the amazing world of Hyrule filled my thoughts. A character I was particularly interested in was the ranch girl, Malon. I never understood why she wasn't more important. I still remember when I beat Talon's Cucco Chasing Game (or whatever it was called) for the first time. I swear, I nearly took the cartridge out, bit it, stomped on it and smashed it with a hammer when he said that he was just joking about Link marrying Malon. Anyway, I wrote heaps of stories about her. I published some of them on this very site. Maybe you should read them after you finish this one. My dad started to get worried about me and forced me to stop writing and playing Ocarina of Time for a while. I was really annoyed at first, but looking back on it, I think it was the best thing he ever did for me. Without my writing to occupy me, I started to socialise with the other kids a bit more. All of a sudden, I had friends. My best friend was this guy called Tony. We had some really fun times together. Of course, I had several other friends. To name just a few, there was Robbie, Jonesy, Connie (a boy), Hamilton, Frank and George. After a few years, we finished school. Then, I fell in love with a woman. Her name was Stephanie. She had brown hair, blue eyes, soft skin and a round navel. I loved her from the first moment I saw her. But, unfortunately, she did not return the feelings. In fact, she already had a boyfriend. Now, most of you have probably seen enough movies to have an idea of what came next, but for those who haven't, let me explain. Steph's boyfriend, Derrick, was a real jerk. When he realised that I liked his girlfriend, he wasn't very nice about it. In fact, he dragged me into an alleyway and put me in a rubbish bin. Fortunately, I was able to get out, just before the rubbish truck came. Anyway, I soon realised that Derrick was an abusive alcoholic who came from an equally abusive family. I began to try and convince Stephanie that she was only going to be unhappy with Derrick. At first, she refused to believe it, but when Derrick threatened her with a knife (she never told me why), she realised that I was right. She left him and I didn't see her for a long while. I started to get back into writing and I got a few books published, but was largely unnoticed. Then, one day, an amazing book came out. It was called Twilight. I read the whole thing and was blown away. Then, I heard that the author was going to sign books around where I was. I went and was amazed to find that it was my old love who was the author! However, I was too nervous to mention it and left with only a signed copy of Twilight. I started to feel depressed, so, for the first time in years, I turned back to playing Ocarina of Time. I spent a few years in solitude until I recently had an unlikely experience, which is what I have based this story on. I sincerely hope you enjoy it.
Link fell off the roof of a house. He landed on Malon. They then got married and had three children: Ronald, Ukraine and Hetty.
So, did you enjoy it? I think it's absolutely amazing. It really captures the spirit of love and destiny. Even better is the fact that every word came from the heart. So, I'd like to know what you thought of this. Any chance you could leave a rev-?
No! No! I will not have review begging in this story! There's enough to cater for thirty stories in just one of mine!
Who are you?
Shut up. The story is over. And what a terrible story it was. Seriously? Link falls off a roof and marries Malon because of that?
Like I said, it was based on true experiences.
True experiences? Bull (expletive deleted)! You aren't even a real person! Just a stupid writer I made up to write a ridiculously long author's note. Now, this whole thing is over. You will vanish from existence and I will place a 'The End' here.
Wha-? No! No, I won't let you! I-I'll keep this author's note going on forever! I don't want to die!
Fascinating. Now, get away from my computer. I'm going to finish this.
No! No!
Get away from there!
No! I want to live!
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Sorry about this. I don't know why that idiot had to resist. Because of him, the end of this is just ridiculous, what with the whole 'self-insertion' thing. Well, never mind. It's over now.
THE END