A/N: Okay, I've retired a bunch of times, but you can tell I've slowed a lot this year, and I definitely won't have lots of time after this, though I may have a few ideas off of the Chronology.
I had an idea like this to help someone start a "Full House"/"Touched By An Angel" crossover over a year ago, but haven't seen it even started, so this is up; she can still use what I sent if she wants, as it is different and there's an easy divergence with someone meeting them at the zoo, from what I recall she had considered. And, if not, that's fine, too. I know, lots of times, story ideas get started, and then that's all they do sometimes, with how busy things get.
This deals with the change in radio since the show ended, and music in general. It's either universe, Steph's tastes in music would get more conservative and like her Book Universe self over time, just not as fast in the TV Universe – and the books that are TV canon – as it does in the Book Universe, as she's never into anything really wild, even at the worst on TV, and certainly not in books.
An Itch for a Niche
Jesse Katsopolis sighed. Almost 13 years since he got his dream job. He supposed it had to end sometime.
But, with a court jester impersonating Rocky and Bullwinkle finally getting the best of their enemies? That wasn't the way he thought it would end! "Looks like they're toast," his partner, Joey Gladstone, said, impersonating the cartoon moose.
"Awww, Bullwinkle, you're just saying that because they fell into that bomb that looks like a giant toaster," came the voice of Rocky, from the mouth of a man who had done incredible voices and impersonations over the years.
"My radio career is about to be history," Jesse mumbled, as Joey finished his skit about bombs that looked like normal, household appliances, "and I'm listening to a man who thinks he's a giant pun-making machine."
"And, there you have it, folks, the tale is now complete. As Porky Pig would say, 'Th-th-that's all, folks,'" Joey finished.
"Yes, and I want to say a final thank you to all our loyal listeners out there," Jesse said solemnly, "and remind you, that as we approach Independence Day, 2005, don't forget the brave men and women who gave you the freedom to be you. Whether you are…well, like Joey here, and just crazy, or whether you're like most of us, whether Rush Hour Renegades in the morning or in the evening, you can live your dreams." Jesse pressed a button, and the song "Born to Be Wild" began playing. His microphone went off, and he said tiredly, "And, that's a wrap."
Joey refused to be down in the dumps. "Hey, thanks for letting me do all that crazy stuff today," Joey said, extending his hand. Jesse tiredly took and shook it.
"Yeah, I figured you were right," Jesse said as he began packing his stuff. "They deserve it for canceling us and going to a talk format. Nobody listens to my kind of music."
"Well, Jess, we'd been fighting for a long while now; they kept insisting we play harder stuff, with more raunchy lyrics, we kept saying 'no' and talking more instead. Finally, they were bought by a group that does only talk radio. Hey, remember when we started interviewing the governor without him knowing he was on the air last April first?"
"Yes, and I'll admit, you kept your zaniness in bounds, but it was wild enough, it kept things going a year or two longer than they should have," Jesse acknowledged.
"Hey, we've still got stations we could work for," Joey reminded him.
Jesse shook his head as they walked out the door. "Aw, not that oldies stuff again!"
"Jess, that's what they call a lot of the music you play now," Joey said.
"No! I will not work for a station that plays elevator music!" Jesse sighed as they walked to the car; Joey had driven today, and they got in and Joey began to drive as he continued. "It was so much easier when Pam was around. Even after you and I moved in to help Danny raise the girls, after Pam died," Jesse said, referring to his sister, Pam, and her husband Danny.
They'd moved in way back in 1987 to raise D.J., then 10 and now happily married, Stephanie, then 5 and now out of college, and Michelle, then a baby and now finished with her first year in college.
"It depends on what kind of elevator you're in," Joey considered out loud.
"I'm tellin' you what kinda elevator most of these stations are in; one that doesn't go all the way to the top," Jesse ranted. "Did I tell you our GM called what I just played there at the end 'like elevator music'? Back when we got this job in '92, I told myself, that's the song I'm going out on; when I retire I'm playing that song.' It was rock, man." Joey nodded in agreement. "That stuff people like today; do you ever listen to some of the lyrics? I mean, we sang about rebellion, and being wild, but our love songs were clean, and we didn't get into all this crazy stuff and swearing." He sighed, and shook his head. "I'm sure glad none of my nieces was ever into that. Even Steph, she never liked it a lot, and got out pretty fast when she started to think about it. And, even she was into the really mild hip hop for that year or so."
Joey spoke as they pulled up to the house Jesse shared with his wife, Becky, and their children. "They had a great role model."
"Thanks." He grinned, but turned away from Joey a bit, still hiding his feelings a bit and not wanting to show how much he truly appreciated his partner for putting up with his rants, and for his clowning around the last few weeks, ever since they'd learned the station was going to all talk, and they wouldn't be brought back as morning hosts. It was tiring for Jesse, but he liked the fact that Joey knew how to keep his spirits up.
"So, are you sure you don't want to go around looking for work?"
Jesse waved him off. Before leaving the car, he said, "Nah, I'm gonna go get Tatiana from Danny's house, and take her to the zoo. Becky'll be home from her TV show with Danny by the time we get back, and I'll have had some time to clear my mind." He knew that playing with the girls had always helped when he was living with Danny. He and Becky had had twin boys, Nicky and Alex, in '91, then adopted two girls later; Melanie, now eleven, and Tatiana, almost five.
Stephanie and Michelle had been watching the girl, along with a few other children. The young girl leaped into his arms as he entered. "Tatiana was really good, as usual," Stephanie told him.
"That's good, 'cause Daddy needs a trip to the zoo. And, I wouldn't have anyone to go with me if you couldn't come," Jesse told the preschooler.
"Why do you need to go to the zoo?"
Jesse tried to explain on her level. "Well, remember how Daddy said the place where he worked was replacing him with a bunch of dumb, talking heads? Can you believe that? Who wants to see a bunch of talking heads on the radio?"
"I'd like to see something on the radio; that would be interesting," Michelle kidded him.
"Well, you know what I mean." He told his girl, "Today was Daddy's last day. And, now, I don't know what I'm gonna do. The advertising business didn't pan out that well when Joey and I went solo. I got a lot of radio experience, but I still just have my GED. I already got someone good to handle the day to day stuff at the Smash Club, and to tell you the truth, that's too mundane for me, anyway, in some ways. Joey wants me to try for an oldies station, but part of me almost wants to try to put another band together. I mean, I'm just in my early forties."
"You talk like Uncle Danny," Tatiana said.
Jesse chuckled. "Yeah, that ramble was worthy of him, wasn't it? Let's go, before it gets so cute in here your daddy's tempted to try that househusband bit again."
They ate lunch at the zoo, and arrived home with some carryout items for supper. "Hey, everyone!"
"Hey, Jess; I got your message, I got home a little before the others did." Becky and Jesse kissed; Jesse felt so fortunate to have such a loving, understanding wife. "Feeling better?"
"Yeah, I figure I'll make something happen. Hey, after they started calling it oldies on our station back about six, seven years ago, I always said, 'We may call them oldies, but I've still got great hair.'"
"One of the more interesting mottos of our time," Becky concurred.
Jesse asked what everyone else was doing. Nicky and Alex said they'd just ridden their bikes home from a friend's house; that friend was trying to start a garage band.
"Oh, cool, can I be in it?" Jesse asked.
The others gave him odd looks. "Uh, Jess, these are teenagers," Becky reminded him.
"Yeah, I know." Noticing the uncertain looks, Jesse explained. "Look, someone else could even play lead guitar. I don't have to be the lead; that way you boys wont' feel like your old man's makin' you do anything. We'll start slow, and eventually we'll be on tour. It's just how I was with my bands as a kid."
"Dad, they're like us," Nicky explained.
Alex added, "None of us will graduate high school for four years."
"Oh. So, it'll take a little more time."
"Would you really want to wait that long?" Becky asked.
"Can I be in it, too?" Melanie, Jesse and Becky's eleven-year-old, inquired.
"What can you play?" Nicky wanted to know.
She hummed. "I can play the radio."
"Me, too, me too," Tatiana said as she raised her hand.
Alex giggled as he told his parents, "My friends don't know what they're missing when their parents don't make them sit and eat as a family at least once a week."
"It's entertaining," Becky agreed.
His mind still on the changes to radio, Jesse said, "Yeah, that's great you girls can play the radio. It's the one instrument I'm lousy at."
"Oh, Jess, you'll be great. Someone will pick you up."
"Face it, Beck," Jesse said as he cut some meat for the youngest one, "radio has passed me by. Everything's either this dumb, raunchy stuff, a bunch of talking heads, or music to sit in a rocking chair and watch your hair fall out by."
"There's other kind of music, isn't there?" Melanie asked. "What about Country?"
Nicky remembered a joke Jesse had told them. "Country's where that joke comes from about how if you play it backwards, everything gets better," he said. Jesse knew a few Country songs he liked, but not many. Indeed, his boys had stunned him, on their last anniversary, when they requested a Kenny Rogers song, "Through the Years," to be dedicated to Jesse and Becky.
"There's Jazz, too," Alex said.
Melanie recalled another one from school. "What about songs like Alexander's Rag Time Band? I never hear that on the radio."
"That's from what, 1910?" Jesse spouted. "Are you tryin' to make Oldies sound new?" He thought for a moment. "The scary part is it might be working."
Becky finished snickering, and commented that, "I don't think that's played anywhere, but you have to admit society has changed. It's not radio that's passed you by. Our culture is just so different. It's why you've had such trouble getting bands for the Smash Club for years, and went with more variety, and improved the menu to keep going."
"Yeah, Dad, now you've really found a niche," Nicky encouraged him.
"Where is it? I'll scratch it for you," Tatiana offered. Alex explained what a niche meant.
Melanie agreed. "I usually just hang out with the kids who like wholesome stuff. And, they say Joey's one of the few comedians they can stand."
"Sure, Joey's got a niche just like you," Becky said.
Still saying it wrong, Tatiana asked, "Do I got an itch, too?"
Alex agreed. "Your niche is cute sayings."
"Which reminds me, Dad, can we take her to the park with us tomorrow? You said girls are impressed by boys who hang out with cute kids," Nicky requested.
Jesse thought for a moment, and grinned. "I was gonna say 'yes,' as long as you help me get into that band your friends are tryin' to form."
"Well, Dad…if you really needed to, but…" Nicky wasn't sure how to finish. He and Alex looked at each other with great uncertainty on their faces. What would it mean to have their dad actually playing with their band?
Jesse hadn't been paying attention. He continued. "But, your mom's right. I went out on my own terms when I left music. Played 'Forever' at the end, then just walked off the stage. I don't need to go back." He thought for a second. "Then again, if nobody's gonna see rock and roll as rock anymore, and keep calling it Oldies…" he trailed off.
"Maybe that's your whole problem here," Becky suggested. "Some things, it's important to hold onto. Like good values, like decency, morality, caring for others. That's the niche you've made with the entertainment at the Smash Club. Maybe that means you need to go with an Oldies station. Because people need to learn that sometimes, the oldest things are the best." Jesse said thanks, and they began to talk about other things.
The following Saturday, Jesse had just gotten done going over every little detail of things at the Smash Club – and annoying the general manager in the process. He'd scheduled an interview for Monday at KLD, a station nearly twice the distance, in the opposite direction, but one where Joey had said they might have a good chance.
He'd spent time playing with Tatiana, doing housework – like in the old days when he'd just moved in with Danny – and so on. But, he was really getting bored. So, with Nicky and Alex downstairs in the basement recording studio with their friends, he decided to go down and check it out.
"Hey, how's it goin', boys?" Jesse showed his twin boys' friends his guitar; one without the Elvis signature. "I don't like to bring my fancy stuff down on the first try."
One of the boys gave him a quizzical look. Nicky and Alex had told them about Jesse's situation, but it had been a week, so they figured he wasn't going to try. And, the idea of a dad playing in their band was still…well, really silly.
"Dad's got an interview Monday, but he's getting the itch," Nicky said.
Tatiana, who had been there listening in, corrected him. "You mean the niche."
"No, no, this type is the itch," Alex responded.
"Then let me scratch it," Tatiana insisted.
"It's not…that is…look," Nicky said, "when you want to do something really bad, it's an itch. But…" He tried to think.
"You scratch it by doing what you want to do," Alex added. When the girl seemed to understand, Nicky gave his brother a high five.
"Better let Daddy join you," Tatiana told the teens. "He's really been itching lately."
Jesse agreed. "Yes, I've been itching. Now, do you have any songs down?"
"Wellll, Dad," Alex said, not sure if he wanted Jesse to be involved. "We did sort of start out with the Beach Boys." He knew his dad loved them, and was friends with some of them. He worried that might get Jesse really excited about the band.
It did. "Oh, cool. Let me see." He looked at the sheet music. "Surfing Safari, great. You know, when I was startin' out - this was before the Rippers – them surfing songs were the best. I thought, 'if only they could attach a motorcycle to a surfboard.'" The others laughed politely as Becky and Melanie came back from the mall and came downstairs. "Now, when you're doin' this one, you gotta be real careful; it took us weeks to keep from saying 'surfari' instead of 'safari.' 'Cause, one little mixup can cause big problems, and even just listening it's hard to hear your safari from surfari."
"How's it going down here?" Becky asked.
"Sofari, so good," the drummer joked.
"Let me join in; I can probably do 'Surfin' Safari' with a few tries."
The others shrugged, and they began, Nicky and Alex enjoyed the idea of jamming with their dad, yet found it really odd at the same time.
He came close to being in rhythm with them, considering they weren't quite finely tuned themselves. "All right, sweet. That felt great!" Jesse exclaimed.
"Is this what they call a midlife crisis?" one of the other members asked.
"You could call it that," Becky agreed. "So, if you don't make that interview Monday, is this what you really want to do?" she asked Jesse.
"I gotta do somethin'." With a slight chuckle, Jesse added, "You know, it's funny. When I was your age, boys, I wanted nothing more than freedom, with no responsibilities. I wanted to be out on the road so bad."
"Was that an itch?" Tatiana asked.
"Yeah, you could call it that. But, now, it's like, I gotta actually be doin' something. My life is so different. And, yet," he mused aloud as he put his guitar down, "the music's still in me. At least when it comes to wantin' something that keeps the old time rock and roll I love. The kind I've taught you kids to love. The kind that's wholesome, and yet still fun for kids like I was growin' up, and even kids like you guys who follow all the rules and stuff. I want to find a way to do that."
"Is that an itch?"
Alex shook his head. "No, Tati, that's a niche."
"Actually it's an itch for a niche," Melanie said with a laugh.
Tatiana muttered, "An itch, for a niche, for an itch, for a…" She threw up her hands and said, "Who knows?"
"Got any cool ideas for names?" one member said to be polite. "I was thinking something ordinary mixed with something intimidating. Like…Radioactive Lint." The others shook their heads; they hadn't liked the idea very much.
Jesse gave them an odd look. "The way their Uncle Danny loves to clean, he'd ask which was the intimidating one," he kidded. "'Course, I've been doing this househusband thing so much this past week, if you really wanted something intimidating and maddening, I'd suggest 'Unmatched Socks' for your name."
"Cool, thanks, Dad," Nicky declared, to Jesse's shock.
Alex agreed. "We could play in stuff that really clashes." The others nodded. Nicky and Alex didn't like the idea of rebellion, Jesse and Becky had taught them well the importance of always following the rules. Still, innocent fun like that was fine. And, since the look would be different than most of society, they would still stand out as individuals.
The drummer concurred. "Yeah, I really want us to have a special look and feel."
"Is that an itch, or a niche?" Tatiana asked.
"It's a niche; unless the clothes make you itch, then it's both," the drummer explained.
"Man, hearin' you guys with Tati reminds me me so much of when we'd entertain Michelle while we played. If I could do this all the time…" Jesse mused. "But, I guess Becky's right; You guys'll have homework and all sorts of other things once school starts. Plus, I don't like goin' around in clothes that don't match. Okay, you convinced me; I'm gonna make sure we ace that interview Monday," Jesse said with certainty.
That Monday, Jesse and Joey were in a recording studio at KLD-AM. The difference was so huge, yet so similar, to when he first got hired at KFLH. The only difference was, he was open about his only having a GED now, whereas before, he'd still been lying about his graduation, and Joey helped get him the job not only because of his comedy, but because of his education; Joey had sent them a resume several years earlier, when he thought about giving up comedy.
"You two certainly had a great run at KFLH," the general manager said. "You got pretty wild with your comedy; I guess the station needed ratings?"
"That, and Jesse was desperate to keep being able to play music, even if it was really silly sometimes," Joey admitted.
"What Joey means is," Jesse said, "yeah, we did try to get ratings. Maybe we tried a little too hard at times, I don't know. But, there's still a place for good, wholesome music out there, without the influence of all these wild lyrics, and even wilder singers in some cases. I mean, sure, part of it's 'cause my wife's from Nebraska, but just knowin' how I was when I was young, and the kind of impression those singers leave, we'd never want our kids copying off some of these people."
"His boys and some friends formed a band, and the first song they did was a Beach Boys song," Joey remarked.
"That's nice; it really is hard to find a niche doing that nowadays."
Joey nodded. "At their place it's hard enough to tell a niche from an itch, from what Jesse said the dinner table discussion was like, with his youngest girl."
"Yeah, and that's the thing, I know your station likes to play…well…Oldies," he mumbled under his breath as he squirmed slightly. "'Course, I know your motto is 'unforgettable favorites,' but it's just rough gettin' used to, even though KFLH called them that for a while. Anyway, my partner and I, we like to talk, too. We don't have to talk near as much as we did at KFLH, but I gotta admit, playing music, to me, is more than just spinning records."
"Jess, they use computers now. Unless you plan to pick their mainframe up and turn it around," Joey teased him.
"I know that," Jesse insisted. "My point is, I like to give trivia, or talk about hearing these tunes and what they mean to me. And, Joey might do comical stuff about them, or goofy stuff like what he just said." He figured he could add that since the interviewer had chuckled at Joey's joke. "But, I think those things are important to reach the younger audiences. We shouldn't just write 'em off and say they're only gonna listen to that modern stuff. Is it gonna take work, sure? But, there's no reason a new generation can't grow up likin' the Beach Boys, or some other group like that. We just gotta show 'em why it's a great option." He could tell he'd really made an impact with the fellow.
A week later, at about 10 AM, Melanie and Tatiana raced to turn on the radio. Nicky and Alex were playing football with friends. "Careful, don't break anything," Stephanie kidded as she scribbled some notes for a free lance article she was writing.
Michelle's voice came from the kitchen. "Is their show on?"
"Just about; they have to have news first," Stephanie called.
Danny and Becky came in the front door. "Hey, we had a little time off before a lunch interview with one of our future guests, we thought we'd come and listen to the opening."
D.J. and Kimmy, D.J.'s dumb and weird best friend, came from D.J.'s old room. "Boy, Mr. T.," Kimmy said, "you people will celebrate anything. The only people who will listen to them from ten to twelve are…wait a minute." Kimmy turned toward D.J.. "Anything I say now will be insulting myself, won't it?"
"Yeah, it will," D.J. reminded her.
"How come barbers have off Mondays sometimes?" Tatiana asked. Kimmy worked at a salon.
"Nobody likes to work Mondays. We just did something about it."
Melanie rubbed her chin. "But…then isn't Tuesday the day they hate to work, since it's the first day of their week?"
"Hmm, I never thought about that."
As Kimmy pondered whether that made sense, D.J. whispered, "Don't encourage her; she might decide she likes to take off Tuesdays, too."
Jesse's voice came over the radio. "Hey, you're listening to KLD, and we're your new late morning crew."
"We're gonna help perk up your day, whether you listen at home, at work, or stuck in some horrible rush hour jam that leaves you fuming for three hours," Joey joked. "In which case, we still get to be your rush hour crew."
"Thankfully, we don't have any of those right now," Jesse said. He introduced himself and Joey, and said, "We're here to bring you unforgettable favorites. We'll talk more about who we are…"
"…So you know we didn't just wander in off the streets and start playing music…"
"…right after this song by the Beach Boys."
As a song began playing, Michelle said, "I think they'll do a good job."
"Me, too," Danny said. "Jesse remembered how that lady at the bank just wanted him to show her his heart when it came to the Smash Club, and, he gave a great presentation last week, just like that."
Becky said, "It's not the best time slot, but they'll grow into a morning or afternoon rush hour time like before. In the meantime, it's just good to know he's got something."
"I know. He told me he was almost a member of Unmatched Socks," Danny said.
Robin, Joey's boy, was there, while the older children, from Joey's wife's now deceased husband, were at other friends'. "My dad said he's almost glad he won't have to tell as many jokes. He said he was writing so much material just for the radio show, he didn't have time for anything else."
"And, we always thought you or Dad would be the kind to be able to talk through an entire radio show," D.J. kidded Stephanie.
Once the song was done playing, Jesse and Joey talked some more, including Jesse promising not to play Elvis 24 hours a day, and Joey wondering how many straight Elvis songs Jesse could do without getting tired. Then, Jesse said, "You know, this next song I've got, it goes out to my lovely wife Becky."
Becky grinned broadly; he'd said he planned to dedicate an early song. And, though it was one he'd never have thought of playing before, once he listened to it, he realized it really could say what he felt for her better than he could.
"And, in a way, it reminds us to hold on to those things that made us great. Family, love, and good, clean fun. They're the kind of things a lot of folks have forgotten about, and it's made society worse, I think. There's so much negativity, instead of building others up and being nice. But, whether it's a lovely spouse, or it makes you think of unconditional love in general, something like Kenny Rogers' 'Through the Years' can really speak to us. And, it's sure better to have something like that speak to us than some of that stuff."
Jesse grinned as he pressed the button, and the music started playing. It might be a little different than he was used to. But now, he could at least play what he'd always loved.