Sometimes, Kuroko wonders if Kise will ever leave him.
He is not the most affectionate person, nor can he express himself easily. Kise, however, somehow manages to look past these flaws, and love him just as much as Kuroko wishes he could tell Kise he loves him too.
The first time Kuroko thinks this is after their third date. Kuroko is used to Kise hanging around him all the time when they see each other, especially since he started attending Seirin. This time is different, however, and Kuroko can tell by the way that Kise is fidgeting with the hem of his blazer, looking a little more flushed than normal, and darts looks at Kuroko every so often and walking beside him at a distance instead of smothering him like usual. They have just finished dinner, and Kise, ever the gentleman, walks Kuroko to his front door. He looks at him expectantly, and opens his mouth, as though he wants to say something very important. He leans in, waits for a reaction, but thinks better of it and just says a simple "Goodnight Kurokochii" and walks away. They have not kissed yet, and Kuroko wonders if he should have leaned forward in that moment. He berates himself for thinking that way, since he always pushes Kise away when he is looking for affection, but when he is alone in bed, he wonders if their future dates will continue ending this way, or if there will even be any more for them.
The second time Kuroko thinks this is the day Kise proposes they live together. They are in Kise's apartment at the moment, with him packing his things for his next flight and Kuroko reviewing his lesson plan for the week. It is just a casual suggestion, but the way Kise stops and looks at him is pulling at his heart. The way he is staring at him, gauging his reaction is unsettling. The amount of hope in his eyes stirs strange feelings inside of him.
"Come on Kurokochii, you practically live here anyways. Your things are all over the place."
This fact is true, embarrassingly enough. Kuroko has found it extremely useful to keep an extra toothbrush, a change of clothes, his favourite novels, as well as a scattered list of other small personal belongings. Yes, of course I want to. I've wanted to for a long time. Haven't you seen the signs? Kuroko can't help but think this way, and he wants to say what he's thinking, but all he manages is a monotonous "I'll think about it", and the look on Kise's face once again pulls at his heart. His smile is so blindingly gorgeous that he almost stops breathing for a second to admire it.
"Thank you Kurokochii! I'll be waiting for your reply!" and with a quick peck to his lips, he walks out the door into his waiting cab. After hearing the door close, he wanders over to the window and watches the cab drive away, wondering once again why he can't just say the words he so desperately wants to be heard.
The third time Kuroko thinks this is when Kise proposes, and not for moving purposes.
"Testuya," Kise starts - and Kuroko can't help but feel all warm inside the first time he hears his name spoken from those lips without a –chii at the end, all serious and out of the bedroom – "Will you stay with me? For the rest of my life?" And at these words Kuroko doesn't understand. He just stares at Kise like he's grown another head, until Kise bends down at one knee and oh he's just proposed to me. Marriage worms its way into his head.
"Will you marry me?"
Kuroko is still speechless, but nods his assertion. There is no emotion on his face, no tears streaming down his face from joy. Just a simple nod. Kise is the one with tears of joy on his face from just the slight movement, and slips the ring onto his slim fingers. He slowly gets up, wipes his eyes with his sleeve, and kisses him, slow and lovingly.
Why do you love me so much? I wish I could show you how I feel. Kuroko's thinking this as he's in his arms, listening to Kise's hiccupy laughter from his joy at being accepted. Somehow Kise manages to sense that Kuroko is thinking too much, and smiles down at him.
"I love you."
Kuroko doesn't reply. Just buries his face into his chest and wonders what is wrong with me.
They get into an argument. It's inevitable, Kuroko thinks. He's bound to end up hating me, so we should just end this now.
"I don't understand! I don't understand a damn thing, Testuya. What did I do? I can change whatever it is that you don't like; I'll do whatever you want. Please, just don't…." and Kise is overwhelmed by emotions at this point and looks like he'll break down at any moment now. There are already red splotches on his face, and the tears don't stop their path down his beautiful face. The sight breaks his heart, but Kuroko needs to do this. He needs to do this before Kise gets hurt any more in this relationship. He knows he should have ended it long ago, but he always clung onto that hope that he could love Kise as much as he loved him. He doesn't realize that Kise understands exactly how Kuroko thinks, and accepts the fact that he has trouble showing his emotions readily. He also doesn't realize that Kise will always understand him, and will never leave him. In the end, the one leaving is me. You're too beautiful to be tied down to someone as dark as me. He doesn't want to smother the light in Kise's eyes.
"It's over Ryouta. I'm sorry." He says this, not with his usual deadpan expression, but a look of deep sadness that is reflected in his eyes, and a voice that threatens to crack but it doesn't, and watches Kise's heart break into two. Kise leaves at that moment, and does not come home the next morning.
The next day Kise leaves, and in a simple text states that he had to leave for a photo shoot in some faraway country, and no, Kuroko doesn't have to leave. The entire apartment is his now. Kise can't bear to go back to a home where they've spent their time in, where his memories of Kuroko are all over the place. He can throw out his things as he wishes. Kuroko moves out anyways. He can't bear to be there for the same reasons.
They do not see each other for three years.