Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Just a random little oneshot I busted out last night. Enjoy!
Fingers curl in her hair, pulling at the roots. Warm, wet tears fall down her face. They won't stop. Why won't they stop?!
The moon, usually so comforting, haunts her. It screams at her, throwing all the terrors of her past into her face. She squeezes her eyes shut, hoping the painful memories would be kept out too. If only it was so easy.
Her teeth grit together, her jaw cramping up. She wraps her arms around her stomach, attempting to contain the sobs. The others can't hear her. She doesn't want them to see how tainted she is.
She hadn't wanted this. She never asked for this. It just happened. She wishes she could rewind time, redo everything.
A stinging sensation catches her attention. Her nails had broken skin, cutting into her forearms. She shakes violently.
Red. So much red. It's drenching her hands, staining the dark skin. She stumbles to the ocean, dunking her hands into the cool water. Furiously, she scrubs, scratching and itching at the sticky liquid covering her hands. It doesn't come off. It won't come off! Get it off!
She cries, and shakes, and washes. She just wants it off. Why isn't it coming off? Get it off!
She thinks that maybe she deserves this. Perhaps this sinister stain is her punishment. Maybe it'll never come off.
And suddenly, there are hands, pure white hands, yanking at her wrists and halting her hysterical scrubbing. She sees gold.
"Katara! What on earth are you doing?!" Zuko shouts, fierce gold eyes piercing into her. Someone's mad at her. He's mad at her. It's all her fault. She's a monster.
"I'm a monster."
He looks like he's been slapped.
She stutters, talking to fill his silence. "I-I'm sorry. I just-I don't-"
"What the hell are you talking about?" He cuts her off. "Katara, you aren't a monster."
More damn tears blur her vision and she blinks frustratedly. "Yes, I am! I'm a monster!"
She shoves her red, red hands into his face.
"Look! There's so much blood! It's all my fault. Do you have any idea what its like to be able to pluck at someone's heartstrings? To be able to control their every move, their every action? Do even have a clue what it's like to be afraid of yourself? To be constantly scared of this terrifying ability you possess? Do you know what it's like to have something so dark, so horrifying forced onto you? No. You don't, because you're not a bloodbender. Not like me. I'm a monster."
He stares. His eyes flick back and forth from her unsteady hands to her anguished face. Then, ever so slowly, he takes her hands in his, pushing them down away from his face. She watches with empty eyes.
"No. You aren't a monster." She is confused at seeing admiration, not anger, in his gold eyes. "You are Katara. You are sweet, kind, compassionate Katara. You cook our food, even when we don't say thank you. You do our laundry, even if we never notice. You stay up with us when we have nightmares, even if that means you're exhausted in the morning. You are always patient with Aang, despite his childish whims. You help Toph write letters to her parents on the days when guilt is especially painful, and when she can't find something, you scoot it closer to her so she can reach it without thinking someone helped her. You encourage Sokka when he can't figure out his latest invention. You always include Suki in our conversations so she doesn't feel out of place. You look out for everyone at your own expense. You put everybody else before yourself. You always help people in need. You give me hope, everyday and night when it feels like our task is impossible. You forgave me, when you should've killed me. You helped me, when I never deserved it. You befriended me, when you should've hated me."
He reached out a hand, gently wiping the tears from her cheeks. A small, but genuine smile curved his lips.
"Does that sound like a monster to you? No. You are Katara. Beautiful, perfect, Katara."
He, still holding her hands, tugged her to him until she was partly in his lap, head against his chest. He cradled her, stroking her hair softly.
"But I'm still a bloodbender. It never goes away." She tries not to sob.
He never stopped stroking her hair. "My uncle used to say that a gift is given for a reason. Whether good or bad, it is up to the person how that gift is used and why they use it." Her arms gradually returned his embrace. "I don't think your gift defines you. You define your gift."
There was a silence for awhile as she pondered his statement. Maybe he was right. Maybe he was giving this ability way too much authority in her life. When had he gotten so wise?
Her tears hadn't stopped, but the aching pain in her chest had.
"Zuko," she whispered. "Do you think I'll ever find a good use for my... gift?"
He leaned his cheek on the crown of her head. "Yeah, I think you will."
She drifted off to the sound of his heartbeat and the vibration of his voice.
Author's Note: Angst. Comfort. Short. Zutara.
Hope you guys liked it.
MI3