~Secrets~

The 13th in my "deleted scenes" series, this takes place mostly after "Reality Check", 413.

It's a one-shot but also ties into the 12th fic "Don't tell Sharon."

I had been here for two weeks now. I don't really like the feeling of being a burden on Sharon and Rusty. So I've tried to help out as much as I could or as much as Sharon would let me nowadays. It was an adjustment, not staying with her, it's not working that is hard to fathom. Since I have been put on medical leave it's been rough. I haven't had this much time off, ever. The only time close to this was when I was attacked outside an AA meeting years and years ago. It was Sharon that helped out then too.

Staying with Sharon turned out easier than I thought it would be. Which surprised me since I had always liked living on my own and the freedom that it entailed me. I could come and go whenever, with my job that was a bonus. Watch sports programs 'til all hours of the night, but since dating Sharon I had realized how lonely coming home to an empty house really was. Now being here with her made her condo feel like home more than my place ever had for me.

Over the weeks all three of us had settled into a nice routine. Though there was only one problem but it was a big problem and the main reason I was ready to move back home after my doctor cleared me. Now that I'm staying here longer and under 24-hour watch, the problem wasn't so bad as long it wasn't Sharon doing all the watching. If it was there inlaid the problem. Before our dates would end with saying goodnight to her at her door with a hug or a small kiss goodnight that was hard enough. I now find myself saying goodnight to her at her bedroom door and sleeping a hallway away from her.

The problem was honoring this old-fashioned dating. Don't get me wrong I would never do anything to hinder or ruin our relationship, at least not intentionally, but there are times when Sharon looks at me as if I was the rules and regulations portion of the LAPD handbook. I could only be so lucky if Sharon Raydor loved me as much as she loved the rules. I am more than happy to agree to date the way she has decided and it's been great. We have taken the time to get to know each other outside of work and it has meant more to me than anyone could ever imagine. That a woman as amazing as Sharon was willing to spend the little of her off hours that she has with me.

To add to the problem the smell of her shampoo and her scent was everywhere. Here, I thought it was hard to stay away from her at the office. Actually staying with the woman I cared about, but not actually living with her was ten times harder. The condo was obviously filled with Sharon, though I'm not talking about her stuff, her style or her presence. It was her perfume and natural essence of Sharon that was in the air. Oddly enough even with my injuries and my condition sleeping in Rusty's bed has been the best sleep I've had in a long time. It was comforting to know Sharon was right across the hall. Usually, I spent my nights dreaming of her but now it helped to know I would be able to see her when I woke up.

Going to bed wasn't easy because then I would have to leave her. On the nights we were at home together we would settle on the couch after dinner and watch a little TV. I was shocked to find out Sharon Raydor was hooked on the Walking Dead. We would sit next to each other. I know she worries about hurting me but I like to hold her as close as possible and now to me it's almost impossible to think of letting her go. So we would compromise she would sit thigh to thigh shoulder to shoulder, with her hand on my leg or holding on to each hand. Her thumb or mine would be stroking the others. To get her just that much closer I would carefully place my arm on the back of the couch and eventually to her shoulder. It made me smile when Sharon would humm as I would run my fingers through the silky strands of her hair within my reach. By the end of the night, she would be snug against my side and I would be feeling no pain. The best way to think of this was it was nice. Nice to be here, in her condo with her. It was nice to be near her, nice to be able to hold her.

What hadn't been nice was last week and having this damn blood clot, from that dust-up with that car. We agreed not to keep anything from each other anymore, but having to explain all that the doctor said had been one of the hardest things I've done in a long time. I tried to play off my own worry about my condition, as it's not that big of a deal. Though I knew immediately that Sharon didn't fall for my, it's nothing, act at all when I saw her draw in her lip and her eyes get glossy in concern or trying to keep from saying anything. I knew there was no way to not stop her from worrying too. As we sit on her couch with us in our regular spots my fingers are once again absently minded running through her soft hair. I think back to the day I did the hotheaded reckless thing of jumping onto a suspect's car and have been paying for it, but not all of it has been a bad price. Not when I hear Sharon let out a light sigh as she carefully eases in closer to my uninjured side, tucking her head into my shoulder. This right here in this moment was worth all the pain I have gone through.

This morning after Sharon's lips softly touched my forehead I asked her to give me something to do. When she answered with that with an "uh uh" I was sure she wouldn't do it. So I was surprised when Buzz showed up with DVD's saying the Captain sent them. Though I wasn't thrilled with the prospect of watching hours and hours of a stupid reality series. Who watches this crap anyway? Turns out I ended up getting hooked on it and binged watched the whole series, in a matter of days. Luckily I can pass it off as taking one for the team. I tried to keep my blood pressure down and not yell at the tv too much but it's rather difficult when you are watching idiots doing idiotic things. How can people be on a scavenger hunt show and not read the clues right? By the end, I was convinced any of the morons on there could be our murderer. They all seemed crazy enough to kill, to win the money.

It had been hard see her leave for work each morning while I lay around in my pajamas and robe. It's been a kind of nice having time off but this isn't the way I wanted to do it. I had been helping out by getting breakfast and dinners ready. Cooking is the least I can do to pay Sharon back for letting me stay here. I like to cook so it's no heartache and she's letting me do it as long as I follow the rules of my doctors. Sharon and her rules no one could ever say she didn't like them or run her life by them but this time her following the rules might just save my life. Because I'm sure if I was home alone or staying with Provenza I wouldn't be going by what I was supposed to and probably be back in the hospital already.

Today as I have everything ready for Sharon and Rusty this morning, it's a light breakfast mostly fruits and toast. She comes out looking amazing. I still haven't figured out how she always looks so good even after a few weeks of living with her. Without makeup and in a t-shirt and jeans she is even more beautiful because then I can see the real Sharon. This morning when she can out of her bedroom I see she has that blazer on. The one that she was wearing when I asked her out and also if my memory is correct when she said she'd be my buffer at my daughter wedding years ago, Which had kind of started off my hopes that they could become more than just friends. Looking down at what I'm wearing I realize I really need to get out of this t-shirt, pajama pants, and robe. Oh, and speaking of my robe it's my favorite one. As my time here had gone on I had hoped that Sharon didn't realize that it matched her eyes perfectly. That was the main reason I had bought it in the first place. The dark green reminded me of her emerald eyes as she was laughing.

Feeling grungy after seeing how great Sharon looked I hopped in the shower while Rusty and she ate breakfast. I made sure to put on a dress shirt that matched her blazer. Feeling fresh and rejuvenated by the time I made it out to the living room. Sharon informed me that the kid had left for class and that Patrice was on her way over. So she suggested while we had a time that we could watch the reality show videos from the case. Since I was more than willing to help out the team any way I could I was happy to go over all that I've seen on the DVD's. While we watched Sharon sat close to me I could feel the heat from her hand on my arm. One of the many things I have found out about this woman as we've dated was that she liked to touch, even if it was just a light hand on my arm. It was something I didn't mind at all. At the end of the episode, I paused it and turned to get a bit more comfortable. I've been being careful about the blood clot but being closer to her was important to me too. So I carefully move my arm to rest on the couch behind her. Our hands automatically sought out the other.

"He was hoping for million dollars." Her voice sounded questionable and a bit personal to me. As if it brought up memories of her moron of a husband leave her to go gamble to win the big prize. When it was sitting in front of him the whole time. I'm not going to complain his loss is my gain. I just wish Sharon, Emily, Ricky and now Rusty hadn't of had to go through all the pain her ex caused.

"Not worth losing your relationship for, is it?" I hoped she understood I would not ever be willing to give her up at all. Man though the way this beautiful woman shook her head in agreement and looked at me made it hard not to kiss her. As we talked I ran my thumb along her fingers that were resting in my palm. The softness of her hands was addicting. I already knew I was head over heels for her for a while now, but there was time. I wasn't going anywhere, except maybe back to my place, when I was doing better. I would be here for her I would wait. When Sharon said we had two minutes until Patrice got here I was hoping to spend that time in a much different way than rewatching the couple's be horrible to each other. There would another time for that and right now we were discussing a case and she had to leave here presentable for work.

After Sharon had checked in with Patrice and she promised to call her if there were any problems, she had left for work. It was fun to have Provenza's girlfriend stay with me. We exchanged hilarious story about the man that I would be more than happy to blackmail my partner with in the future. A bit later after exhausted from laughing, I rested back on the couch while Patrice read. The quiet had me thinking back to moment last week when Sharon had to sit down next to me and put her hand on my leg. She asked me about me telling Provenza don't tell Sharon? I was nervous that she was going to be moving me out but when I looked into her eyes and saw no Darth Raydor glare there. Her eyes held a soft, but concerned glow instead as she looked at me. I started to explain why I said that but Sharon stopped me before I could start. I can still hear the tremble in her voice and felt it deep in my heart. "Andy, you don't have to tell why you said it. Just please don't do that to me anymore. You can't keep things from me." She had taken my hand in hers and intertwined our finger. "We are in this together. I need to know what going on. Know that I can handle it, as your boss and as your girlfriend."

I was relieved when she leaned in and kissed me. With my free hand, I slid it through her hair to cup the back of her head to keep her right where she was. Not being able to help myself I instantly deepened the kiss. After a moment I let her pull away and looking into her sparkling green eyes, I completely agreed with her. I had kept things from Sharon to not hurt her and ended up doing that very thing. I would never want to do to her what Jack had done. No, I would never treat her the way he did or leave her the way that idiot did. The thing that hurt her the most out of all that Jack had done to her was to lie and keep things from her. Though the dirtbag motives were completely different than mine, we had still done the same things to her. I had learned the hard way last year when I kept the fact that my family thought that Sharon and I were dating. When we had finally talked after that day, she had explained how she felt about secrets even if they were kept with good intentions.

The problem is I have one last secret that I've haven't revealed to her yet. It's a big one, but one that needs to be told at the right time. I don't want to frighten her away from us, from what we've become, by telling her how deep my true inner feelings are for her.

~The end~