Okay. This is probably a huge mistake. But the Jenna/Toby relationship has always appealed to me. In particular, Toby randomly going back to Jenna in the latest episode (2x23), after being so afraid of her, and so desperate to get away from her previously. The idea is that Toby ... doesn't so much love Jenna, as feel safe around her. For the longest time, emotionally, he was completely dependant on her. He knows where he stands with her, and he knows she cares about him. He's in a place of extreme emotional vunerablility now, and he latches onto Jenna again because it's an instinct. His survival was so wrapped up in her, his emotions and outlook on life are so wrapped up in her, that he just falls back in line with her for security.

Not that I don't think he's also got a plan, and is trying to find information but ...

Anyway.

Rated 'T' for mature themes.

It's a bit disjointed, and a bit strange but ... give it a shot? Please?

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue

Safety

Jenna's safe.

It's stupid, considering all she's done, that he should feel that way. It's so stupid, and he's being stupid, but he can't help it. He knows exactly where he stands with Jenna, he knows exactly what she wants for him, how she'll treat him, how to act. He knows she won't snap and hurt him, as long as he's not 'difficult'. As long as he doesn't say 'no' too loudly or for too long. If he's good, if he helps her, if he doesn't give her any reasons too, Jenna won't hurt him.

Not like Spencer.

Damnit, not like Spencer. Who was meant to be safe. Who was meant to protect him, to love him, because Spencer was his. Spencer looked at him, and saw neither victim nor freak. Spencer held him, and told him he was her safe place. Spencer made him feel worth something, storng on his own merits, capable of protecting someone, not just desperatly in need of protection.

Spencer was supposed to love him.

He let himself believe Spencer loved him. That backfired.

Now, every time he looks at Wren, or Doctor Kingston, or whatever he's called, he sees the person Spencer wanted. The person Spencer left him for. The person Spencer wouldn't even tell him about.

He sees everything he's not. Because he'll never go to collage. He'll never be whole, never be completely free of the rumours and his reputation. He'll never be able to offer Spencer anything, not safety, not stability, nothing. Except himself and his love, and damnit, he gets that that'll never be enough. It can't be enough, for anyone.

Except Jenna. He's enough for Jenna. Who holds him, and promises to make Spencer pay for hurting him, and whispers "I told you so's" in her sweet honey voice and he can hear the steel underneath it. He can hear the implication that he'd better have learned his lesson. That he better do as he's told from now on, better listen to her.

He can feel her smiling as she presses her cool lips against the top of his head. Her hands are warm as she rubs his back, her glasses press against him, and she's so real, so solid, and she's holding him. And he's being stupid. Painfully stupid, because this isn't safety. Safety doesn't have a threat just below the surface. But ... it isn't love either, and he knows that.

He can tell himself Jenna doesn't scare him still, and almost believe it, but he can't convince himself that he doesn't love Spencer. He can lie to himself with Jenna, and right now, right now, he really needs too.

Because tomorrow ... then he's going to find out what the hell is going on. He's going to find out what Spencer can't tell him, what Emily won't tell him and what Jenna seems to know about but won't even talk about. But for now, he lets Jenna kiss him, he lets her hold him, and he tells himself he's not shaking.

Because Jenna's safe, but she really isn't, but it feels like it sometimes, and that's wrong, and it's stupid, but ... he really doesn't care.

xXx

So ... That's all she wrote ... What y'all think?

-jp