Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Warriors. Sorry 'bout that!
Nightmare
Ah! you can die, the world can collapse, I have lost the one I love. I must now live in this terrible solitude where memory is torture.
-Albert Camus
The days were shorter now, and night came early. Much too soon ThunderClan retreated to their nests, tired and worn out. It was hard to believe the battle had been only a meagre half-moon ago.
Ivypool didn't want to sleep. She knew that if she did, the nightmares would come. To the young silver she-cat, the dreams were worse than they had been before, when she'd been in the Dark Forest. They differentiated daily. Sometimes they were memories, her darkest moments being relived. Sometimes she stood in the forest, once echoing with the screams of tortured souls. In the dreams, however, they were eerily silent. Then the ghosts would arrive, the shadows of cats she knew would never return, waiting in the shadows, just beyond her line of sight. She would hear them whispering.
Traitor, they hissed. Slimy foxdung.
No matter what, she would awaken, breathing hard and shaking with fear. Nobody noticed, though. They were too tired to care. Ivypool knew she could hardly blame them; they did, after all, have the right to be exhausted. Day after day she would immerse herself in the work, even when she was so tired she couldn't think straight. Life was beginning to lose its meaning.
She dreaded sleep. No matter how bad things got during the day, the nightmares always got worse.
"Ivypool?" called a familiar voice. "You coming?"
Ivypool sighed, turning to look at the red-furred tom. He had been trying to win her affections since the battle. Ivypool wasn't too sure herself. Sure, Foxleap was nice, but she didn't trust him. She didn't trust him to save her life if it came to it. She didn't know if she was worth it to him. Why would she be?
"Coming," she sighed, and padded over to join him. He nuzzled her neck as she slipped past him into the darkened warriors den. She curled up, anticipation bubbling in her stomach. Her eyes drooped down and she fell into slumber.
The forest was silent, still. Ivypool could feel hurtful gazes boring into her pelt. She turned around, searching for any sign of life, any sign of what was hidden in the shadows.
"Traitor!" voices hissed from the shadow. "Weak! Hopeless! A danger to the Clan! A danger to everyone!"
"No!" Ivypool cried. "No, no, no!"
"Give it up," the voices hissed. "Your Clanmates couldn't care less for you. You're a danger to them! If you really care about them, go. Leave and don't come back!"
"No!" Ivypool cried, sitting up straight, breathing hard. Her cry had barely woken anyone, the cats in the Warriors den were too deep in slumber. By the shadows in the den she could tell that it was very late. Her whole body trembled as she remembered what the voices had told her.
"You're a danger to them! If you really care about them, go. Leave and don't come back!"
The voices told her her very own fears. I don't belong here, she thought. I need to leave! I'm so sorry!
Her mind made up, she stood, picking her way across the den. Finally she reached the entrance and sighed as she emerged into the cold night air. She leapt up onto the top of the fallen tree and stared around with a heavy heart. What am I thinking? I can't leave ThunderClan! It's my home! I grew up here! She drew a shaky breath. If I leave, they wont be in danger. If I leave, the nightmares'll stop. She closed her eyes, then opened them again.
"Goodbye," she whispered, then leapt from the trunk and headed out of the thorn tunnel. She nodded to a half-asleep Rosepetal who sat on guard duty and headed out into the forest, wandering aimlessly. She passed the old two-leg nest, the training hollow, the sky oak, and came to sit beside the lake. As she observed the territories, her own heartbreak caught up with her.
"I'm sorry!" she choked. "I never meant for this to happen! I thought- I thought he was my friend! I thought they'd changed! Even when I saw the light, I continued to visit, to help my Clan! I never helped anyone! I did things- terrible things, things I'm not proud of! I even killed a cat! Then we won the battle and everyone was so, so happy! They were blinded with happiness whilst every night, I died a little more! I just can't take it any more! I know, I know, that I'm taking the coward's way out, but I'm scared! I'm so, so scared." She gulped. "Tell them I'm sorry, wont you? And, StarClan?" She paused. "Forgive me."
"I'm not sure about StarClan," a voice sounded behind her, "But I forgive you."
Ivypool spun around to see a pair of familiar green eyes watching her. "Foxleap?" she asked, bewildered. "You heard all that?"
"Not everyone is blind, Ivypool," he mewed. He padded down the beach to sit beside beside her on the lakeshore. "Sure, I was happy, but I could tell you were suffering. I kept an eye on you. I noticed you leave earlier, and I followed you." He took a deep breath. "Don't leave, Ivypool. If you leave, I don't know what I'll do with myself. We've been friends for a long time, and lately, you're all I think about." He sighed. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, I love you Ivypool."
"Me?" Ivypool whispered, overwhelmed. "Foxleap, you- you don't want me. I'm a bad cat. I've done terrible things. I don't deserve your pity, let alone your love. You deserve better than me."
"You obviously don't know me, then," Foxleap whispered, staring into her eyes. "In my eyes, Ivypool, there is no-one better than you."
"You don't mean that," Ivypool protested. "Do you?"
"Yes, I mean it." He licked her ear comfortingly. "I mean it with all my heart."
Ivypool leaned against him, and the two sat in silence. She kept her gaze fixed on the sky, and, for a moment, thought she saw a star blink.
Was this your doing, StarClan? she wondered. Did you lead him here?
A warm breeze ruffled her fur, and Ivypool could've swore she heard a voice whisper, We forgive you.
Thank you, Ivypool murmured, "Thank you."
Days turned into moons and moons turned into seasons. The Clan grew and was soon stronger than ever. Ivypool grew ever closer to Foxleap, and soon they were mates. About two new-leafs after the battle, Ivypool found herself in the nursery, Foxleap at her side as they stared at their three kits- two toms and a she-kit. The toms were black, though one had a red-tipped ear, whilst one was a black-and-silver tortie.
"The tom with the red ear should be Redkit," Foxleap mewed. Ivypool nodded, a tired smile on her face.
"Redkit's nice," she mused. "The other tom should be Nightkit."
"Yeah! You name the last one."
"Mistkit," Ivypool decided.
"Foxleap, out," Daisy snapped. "Ivypool needs her rest!"
"Fine, fine," Foxleap purred, amused. He licked Ivypool over the ear. "I'll see you soon, yeah?"
"Sure," Ivypool agreed, yawning. She curled up, closing her eyes. Her mind went back to that night by the lake, when Foxleap had saved her from making the biggest mistake of her life.
She hadn't had a nightmare since.