Chapter 2: Fear
POV Peeta
I see despair in her eyes and powerlessness.
Unutterable sadness and emptiness, which haunt us when we wake up from nightmares and realize that they are reality.
But I always search, futile, for fear in her eyes.
Fear of me.
I only see an old friend. The anger toward Capitol and toward what they had done to me.
I never ask her about it, but at some point I understood that these fears, weren't there.
In lieu thereof was confidence, which she had despite everything that has happened to me.
When fear grasps Katniss' body and soul, I understand why. There is nobody she can trust.
I saw her fear one day in the meadow.
A place which can mean home and ambiguity at the same time.
A place which was after the games not the same as before.
Katniss makes sure that our meat inventory was filled; she hunts in the woods beyond the meadow.
Even when I didn't have this leg prosthesis, I wasn't a big help to her, so I collect wild berries.
The part in the meadow in which we move is clearly arranged and I can hear the fizzling of the air, when she fires off her arrow. I can see her brown hair as Nayeli sings in a low tone.
She is lying on a blanket, not far from us. The sun is shinning on her, while she is babbling happily.
It was too quiet to notice her absence directly when it falls silent, but Katniss seems to feel it.
I never heard her voice pierce the air like that before.
Breathless, she blurts out, „Where is she?"
Never before have I heard her be so loud in the meadow.. „She couldn't be that far away!" Hectically, we run in different directions.
She is so small, she has small legs, she can't be far away!
It can't be!
I feel my throat cord up.
I can hear Katniss' broken-hearted calling, her crying and know this would kill us.
Not the Capitol, not the war, but the disappearance of our daughter. It would amount to the disapperance of our love, and our lives.
And then everything becomes silent.
My heart is beating in my ears, as I stumble through the woods.
With every blink of the eye I can see the very first moment we were allowed to see her.
The moment, when I see Katniss crouched down on the ground feels alike to that. Nayeli is whimpering, snuggled against Katniss' breast. Katniss softly rocks her back and forth while she kissed Nayeli's face and whispers her name again and again.
I sink to the ground next to them and pull them both in my arms. Katniss smiled softly and kisses my tear-stained cheek.
„You never, never run away again, Baby!" Nayeli's eyes become wide before she begins to cry and pushes her head against my neck. „You both!" I let my hand run over Katniss back. „Why should we go anywhere without you?"
Katniss runs her fingers trough my hair and we look into each others' eyes.
And then there is just love, so much love.
Nayeli is sleeping when I carry her home. I lay her down in the middle of our bed and Katniss and I build the protective walls around her.
„When you were pregnant with her I didn't understand your fears. I'm sorry for that!" Katniss reaches her arm over Nayeli and takes my hand.
„Today I had this thought... I'm so scared that I might forget her someday. That I might forget that she is reality. That I won't recognize her!"
Katniss leans over our daughter to me and kissed me gently. „You will not forget her, Peeta! Never!"
That night I draw them. Not because of the fear that I could forget them.
Because they are both so beautiful.
Katniss, the girl who was on fire and is still. Burning with love for her family.