"Guilty".
The words cut Ste Hay's heart like a knife and he knew life would never be the same again. He was going back to a place that he had vowed never to go again- a place that he loathed. Ste was going back to prison.
Of course, Ste knew he deserved the sentence. He did kill a man for christ sake. But still.. Prison. The word haunted him like a ghost.
"Take off all your clothes and over the table". The large, very male prison officer said to Ste after checking him at Chester Prison. He was being drug searched. The whole thing made him feel dirty and violated. When the terrible deed was done, Ste was forced to spend the night alone in a cold, dark, smelly cell until he would taken to his wing. He would be on E wing and was told he would meet his own personal prison officer tomorrow.
Sitting in the cell gave time for Ste to think. Really think about what he had done. He had physically killed a man. That man had haunted his dreams for years.. and he should feel bad about killing someone. Instead, he just felt sombre at the fault of spending the next part of his good years stuck in a prison cell with a bunch of nutters. Because despite what he had done.. Ste was no nutter. His father deserved the hit he got over the head with a hammer, and if he could go back.. Yes, he would do it all again. But he also thought of his children- Leah and Lucas. Oh christ, he would miss them all so much. They would be teenagers before Ste would eventually be released and he would miss out on thier growing up. That made him feel disgusting.
And Amy. Beloved Amy. His best friend, his former lover and former fianceé. The two had been through so much shit together. So much fucking bullshit. And now.. He wouldn't see her for years. Amy understood why Ste done what he did. She understood but she wasn't happy. She forgave Ste for killing his father, but she would never forgive him for abandaning his kids for years. He had begged her to bring the kids to visit him in the prison, but Amy had vowed she would never, ever put her through the torment of seeing thier father behind bars. Maybe when thier older. Maybe if they understood. But not now, she had to bring the kids up on her whilst thier father was rotting behind bars. It made her felt like a cold hearted bitch but she only had her children's best interests at heart.
Ste didnt' regret killing his father. No, never. He would never regret that. But he would regret the fact that he would miss his childrens first days at primary and secondary school and perhaps even thier first boyfriend and girlfriend. That would haunt him until the day he left prison and he had noone to blame but himself.
Then he cried. Ste hadn't cried for years and years.. Not even when his father was doing... No, not even then. The last time he cried was the last time he was in prison. And as Ste cried, and boy did he cry, he realised that this would probably be the first of many crying sessions.
"Steven Hay" the stern looking Prison governor said. Ste hardly got a wink of sleep last night, but he didn't feel tired. He felt apprehensive. She had a name badge that read 'Frankie'. She looked like a street hooker with her tits hanging out of her unbuttoned blouse. Not like a professional prison governor. "You are here for Murder". She stated the fact and she gave him a look.. If looks could kill, Ste would be on his way to the mortary by now.
"Yes" was the simple reply he managed. He was scared, he realised. More scared then he had ever been before. And he had been here before.
Frankie gave him another look, but this time the look was more of that of a concerned aunty or grandmother. "While you are here at Chester Prison we hope to rehabilitate you so that when you leave.. in what could be 7 years time if your good.. you will be able to go back on the outside and carry on with your life. Hopefully a fresh start". She paused for a few moments and looked into a file marked 'Steven Hay' and sighed. 'You done so well last time you was in prison. You made it seem like you would never be here.. But now your back.. and for murder.. it's a shame".
Ste was shaking. His hands felt like jelly. He hated being in this prison already and he hadn't even been to his cell yet. He could feel tiny beads of sweat dripping from his neck down onto his back. Prison scared the fuck out of him, but he realised he had to be brave. He couldn't have a repeat of last time.. Oh Jesus, no, nothing can ever be like last time.
"You will have your introduction meeting with myself tomorrow" Frankie commented "And you will be meeting your personal officer later today who will drop by your cell". She told Ste matter of factly.
A police officer with the name badge 'Ethan' stepped forward and led Ste out of the governor's office. It was a short but tiring walk to E wing and they had walked through many gate's. As Ethan, who looked somewhat a cross between a cage fighter and a toddler, opened the gate to lead him to E wing, Ste looked through the gates at the many lad's that were sitting down on the tables, playing pool, eating dinner and he physically felt like he was going to shit himself.
New blood! Most of the guys stopped what they were doing and stared at Ste as Ethan led him to a cell. Ste quickly caught the eyes of a somewhat hunky but moody looking prisoner who was sitting on a table with about 7 or 8 guys surronding him. The guy gave him a flirtarious but deadly look and Ste knew this was probably the 'Top Dog' of the wing. Not going to mess with him then! "Your sharing with 2 other guys- Brendan and Doug- they are working at the moment so won't be around until later" Ethan commented and Ste walked into the tiny cell that stunk of cigarettes and aftershave. And sex. It stunk of that familar stench of sex. "There nice guys, well.. Doug is" Ethan commented "Brendan.. well.. stay out of his way and your be alright".
And then Ethan left and Ste was alone in the cell. Looking around the tiny cell, Ste felt the sudden urge to cry again.
NEXT TIME:
"Ste" I replied, my hands trembling as the guy with the strangely erotic tache smiled at me.
"Steven" he answered, taking my hand and shaking it delightfully.
Pinning me up against the wall, I powerless to resist him as he shoved his hand's into my trousers and grabbing my relucantly hard dick. "This is mine.. I own you now" he smiled a dangerous smile at me.
"Sssh, it's okay.. You cry.. Everyone's allowed to cry.. It makes you feel better in the end". The words that were meant to be comforting me, only made me cry harder and deeper as the guy put his arms around me and allowed me to cry onto his shoulder.