Castiel felt twigs snapping beneath his feet as he crashed to a halt against solid rock. Fingers frantically slipping against the damp cliff side, he held his breath, slowing his heartbeat almost to a stop. Thump. He blinked, not daring to move. Thump. His entire body was coiled like a spring, ready to bolt if needed. Thump. He stared blankly at the blackness before him. Perhaps it was safe—
CRUNCH. The sickening sound of flesh and cartilage and bone being torn and devoured raked against Castiel's ears. He gasped in surprise, but quickly hung his head as the familiar sounds and smells filled his mind once again. Whatever was chasing him had caught something else, and it was hungry. Or not. Maybe it just wanted to kill. Castiel could never tell if there was any reason for anything that happened here. He felt his muscles unclench as a silence blanketed the darkness, and the cracking and snapping and stomping of the creature faded into the distance.
The angel sighed and sank to the ground. Another night in Purgatory was upon him.
He could handle the screams, the running, the blood. He could handle the silence, the paranoia, the inescapable greyness that seeped into everything. But he still rocked back and forth on his heels, he still couldn't shake the knots his heart twisted itself into every night. He wasn't quite sure when it happened, but he knew it had to be close. And there wasn't a thing he could do to stop it.
And then, it was there.
Cas?
Castiel closed his eyes and bit his dirt-stained lip.
Cas…it's me.
Of course he knew that. Who else could it be? He inhaled sharply, his eyes shifting from tree to twig to rock, anything to distract him.
Listen, I…it's been awhile. I mean, I don't even know if you're still alive. Well, no, that's stupid. Course you're alive.
The pause that followed was tangible to Castiel, even though Dean was not speaking. It felt like his chest was wrapped in barbed wire, suddenly. He shook his head, trying desperately to empty it. But that was the thing, his sanity had returned to him like a bullet through his head: instantly, violently. He couldn't be empty anymore. This was not the place to be empty, but Castiel often found himself yearning for it.
Cas, I…
Castiel squeezed his eyes shut, his throat tightening. This was the worst part, the part he dreaded the most every night.
Please, Cas. Where are you?
Castiel rocked on his heels. He gritted his teeth, air hissing in and out between them.
I need you, man. I'm beggin' you…just come back…
He could feel Dean crying. It was like being strangled. He figured that Dean didn't know angels could hear the silent part of someone's prayers, but a lot of times they were the most important. Castiel wished with his entire being that he couldn't hear them.
PLEASE. I JUST…I SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY ANYMORE TO MAKE YOU LISTEN TO ME. I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING. DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN LAST IN THIS DAMN PLACE.
Castiel's breath escaped from his clenched teeth in ragged bursts. He buried his head in his hands with his fingers raking against his scalp; his eyes squeezed shut so tightly that stars and strange shapes danced in his vision. He rocked back and forth like a pendulum, writhing under Dean's voice.
…please, Cas. Please just come find me. Please.
A tormented sob clawed its way from the angel's lips. He trembled at the sensation of hot tears streaming down his mud-stained face, and he raked a hand through his dirty hair. His eyes fell to his shaking hands as he felt Dean's presence fade like a rock sinking into deep, clouded water.
He drew his stained coat around him like a blanket, his shoulders heaving and straining against the fabric. Some nights he could handle hearing Dean's voice in the back of his head. This was not one of those nights.