I drew a pic
http : / georginoschkavincen (dot) deviantart (dot) com/ art/ Farewell - 2 7 6 4 7 5 9 3 5
and felt like writing something to this pic. So, this is the edited version of the text/comment under the pic on Da. It's my first time of writing something in the first-person point of view ^^"
You should listen to: Yoko Kanno- Blue
Herbert Grönemeyer- Der weg
There was a gunshot to be heard, and a scream. It was my scream, and I screamed because of the sharp pain in my chest.
It was I, who fell down to the sandy ground.
It was Erik, who rushed to my side.
I got shot.
This was barely five minutes ago.
Now I lie here in Erik's arms, bleeding.
It's almost funny, so sureal, like a dream...I feel the pain, yes I do, but it is a dull pain somewhere in my chest and the back of my head. It is because of the shock, probably. I feel sick, and I begin to feel cold. My hands are shaking as they grasp the fabric of Erik's suit. He hasn't said a word, I think he is too shocked.
"You know...I never... thought that I ...would die this way..."
I've thought I would be old and bald, sitting in a rocking chair in my school, slowly drifting to an endless sleep, but certainly I have never thought about dying on a beach with a bullet in my chest. It hurts quite a bit more than falling asleep while sitting in a comfortable chair on my sunlit veranda...
"Save your breath, Charles." He says, and I know he is close to tears, though, I know he would never admit it. He has always tried to show as few emotion as possible when we were around the others. Now, however, it's because of a different reason...I think he tries to stay strong.
I know I am crying, maybe for both of us.
I know I'm not gonna make it.
I know he knows that too.
"I am cold." I say, just to say something. I am smiling. I don't know why. I think I am always smiling. A smile would suit him, Erik. He has a lot of teeth and he looks like a shark if he smiles. Though, it does not look dangerous. It is a kind smile.
He smiles back down at me, tries to smile. "I know. You'll soon be warm again, don't worry."
It's so difficult for him to stay strong.
I know he tries to cheer me up, and it makes me chuckle. A bad idea.
I can feel blood in my mouth and I can't swallow it down. I cough up the blood and it runs over my lips, down my chin. I think they are pale now, my lips. The blood makes them red again.
He is angry, angry and sad, I can see it in his face, in his eyes. He tries to stay calm, for me. That's nice. I've always wanted him to control his rage. I know it takes him a lot of effort to stay calm.
The others are quiet. I think they are under shock.
Moira tries to get help, but it is pointless, I know that; even if the teleporter, Azazel is his name, would teleport us to a hospital I wouldn't make it. The shot is too deep. It's a miracle that I am still breathing. It's not her fault that I lie here, neither is it Erik's, also not my own.
I think I stood at the wrong place at the wrong time.
My heartbeat is slowly and it continues to slow down. I try to push it, try to make its beating faster, try to breathe regulary...I fail, miserably.
My breath is shallow and my face is twisted in a grimace of pain. It simply won't stop, the pain.
"Charles, Charles, will he be alright?"
So much blood...
"Oh my god, Charles!"
My chest hurts...
"This...can't be true.."
It's so difficult to breath..
"Help,someone, someone has to help him!"
I...I don't want to..die..
"Charles...Don't go...Please..."
I am tired...
So many thoughts, so many emotions. My mental shields are weak due the encounter with Shaw and my weakening body. I don't know which emotions are my own. It's so...unreal..
"It's not fair..." Erik sobs inside my head.
I know, Erik...I know...
I don't know if he can hear my thoughts in his head or not. He does not wear the helmet, thank god. I think I would feel very empty without being able to feel his presence at my side.
I would not want to die without him at my side, in my head, in my heart.
It's not your fault...Please don't blame yourself..
He does, though. I think he will blame himself for this as long as he loves me.
My eyelids are heavy but I don't want to close them. They try to close on their own accord.
"Don't you dare to give up!" Erik hisses, pressing me closer to his body. "You hear me, Charles? Don't you dare to leave me!"
He says me, not us.
I laugh, and it hurts. My laugh turns into a hiss, something between a heavy rattle and a gurgle. What a weird sound.
I've never thought I would die today. Of course I have thought about the possibility of dying today, but...It has seemed so unreal.
I know that I am still crying.
He is crying now, too. His tears slid down his chin and onto my forehead and cheeks. They mix with my own tears and the blood on my lips. Slowly my hand comes up to grab his shoulder. It's a weak attempt of mine to stay close to him. His body is warm, so much warmer than my own.
My glove is bloodstained. His gloves are, too. It's my blood.
He has tried to stop the bleeding with his hands, but of course it was of no use. The blood has ruined my suit, I fear, and his too. I don't think it bothers him much at the moment.
"Erik.." I say, and my voice is weak, weaker than I want it to be."Erik..."
I can't get past his name.
Speaking is so difficult, suddenly.
"Shhh." He hushes me. I feel like a child that doesn't want to go to bed.
It's too early...It's too soon..
I really really wish I could have stayed longer.
At least we've managed to save the world. It makes me glad. I feel like a hero who has sacrificed himself for the greater good of the world. Somehow it makes me proud, not only proud of myself but of all of us. They will be heroes, some day.
"I...don't want to go..." And this time I sob. I refuse to go, even if it is impossible.
Erik is quiet. He doesn't want me to go either. His grip on my shoulder is tight. He doesn't want to let me go. He doesn't want me to be taken away from him.
It's such a drama.
I think he wishes that it was him who was shot, not me. He is afraid, more than I am.
I am not afraid, somehow. I am calm, so calm, while the blood keeps flowing...
I am tired...
"I know..."
"Watch over them..."I manage to gasp. Every breath hurts. "Over Raven...You..hear me?...Erik?" Of course he hears me, he is listening to my broken voice like it is music, something beautiful. It's because it will be the last time he will hear it, my voice. He likes my British accent. "Make...Make sure she..does eat...enough and...hng-" Blood in my mouth. I cough. I can barely breathe."- and..."
He hushes me again.
It pains so much. My heart.
I don't want to see him crying, not because of something sad.
Erik...Erik...Erik...I repeat his name over and over again. I know he can hear me. I... love you... He knows that, but I want to say it again. Sadly I am not strong enough to speak it out aloud, so my thoughts have to be enough for him.
"I know, Charles...I do love you too...I always will." He is crying so bitterly. I wish I could take away his mental pain. I didn't want it to end like this, no one of us has wanted that, but we can't change it anymore...It truly is not fair.
"It's okay..." I say, trying to soothe him as more tears fall down on my cheeks. He can't hold them back. He does not have to hold them back. I don't want him to hold them back, his emotions, because they make him...human...They show that he isn't just a killing machine like he thinks he is. They show that he is a person...Someone who is able to feel, to love...
I know he needs it, the shoothing. He needs me, I know that, I am a telepath, I can feel it. I don't have to read his mind.
I need him, too.
I am glad he is here with me...My Erik
and Raven...Goodbye, Raven...
and the others...Goodbye to you,too
I am not alone, till the end.
They stay with me.
And I'll stay with them.
I take my final breath and smile up at the sky. It's a clear blue sky. I love blue. My tears blur my vision.
Goodbye, Erik...
He hushes me, one last time, with his lips on my own. He is smiling, sadly.
I finally let go.