Senior year Prom was not at all what Rachel Berry imagined when she was a freshman in high school. First of all, she wasn't the most popular girl and therefore the party was not Broadway themed. She was dating the quarterback, though. She was engaged to him, really. That was definitely not something she had imagined when she was a freshman. The engagement was supposed to happen when they were twenty five, he would be her male lead and she would be on her way to having an EGOT.
Well… things changed, all the time. People changed. Dreams changed… right?
She never expected to be so lost, so confused about life.
If one listed the facts, her life sounded pretty good. She was the star of Glee Club. She had found true love. She had wonderful friends. She had great, loving, supportive parents. She had gotten into NYADA, one of the country's most prestigious arts school.
Except, she wasn't sure if she was going to attend.
Rachel Berry didn't expect to be contemplating putting her dreams on hold for her high school sweetheart by the time Senior Prom came around. To support his dreams of cleaning pools in California. It sounded silly, when she thought about it like that, and she felt bad for thinking less of her fiancée's dreams. Except… they were not big dreams, not like hers. He hadn't worked his whole life to make them come true, like she did. But she shouldn't think like that, should she? Just because his dreams were recent didn't mean they were less important, right?
She didn't know what to believe. All her life she had been called conceited and selfish, self absorbed, amongst other things. So was she being all those things by thinking more of her dreams than Finn's?
She didn't know. Right now it felt like she didn't know anything at all about her life, anything about anything.
And then… then there was Quinn.
Quinn Fabray.
Freshman year Rachel Berry didn't expect cheerleader Quinn Fabray to be one of her best friends by the time Senior Prom came around. She never expected Quinn to be her best friend, someone she just cared about so much she couldn't sleep at night, sometimes. Because Quinn had been through a lot of unexpected things during high school, but Rachel never thought something like what happened could happen to either of them. Least of all to her, to Quinn, who had been through so much already. It just wasn't fair, it wasn't right. At all. And despite Quinn's words, she still felt some of the weight of it on her shoulders, some of the guilt about what happened. She couldn't help it.
And Quinn was being so brave though it all. It seemed like the hardest thing that had ever happened to her, and yet it was the thing she handled the best. Quinn had hope, after all this time. Rachel wondered every day what had happened to her to make her change her mind about her life. She had gotten into Yale, and even though she had suffered a terrible accident that had her temporarily paralyzed from the waist down, she still smiled and laughed and had hope. Quinn was certain she would be up on her feet by Nationals and there seemed to be nothing in the world that could bring her down.
Rachel wished for the first time, not that she could give Quinn strength to believe in herself, but that she could borrow some of Quinn's strength to herself, just a little bit, and used it as fairy dust to bring some sense, some understanding to her life.
She had never expected their lives to be connected the way they were. It wasn't about sharing boyfriends, or being in Glee Club, not even about Shelby adopting Beth; it wasn't something literal that she could put into words (something she knew how to do so well). Rachel hadn't always known there was something else to Quinn beyond her tough exterior, but somewhere between Quinn becoming pregnant and giving her baby away, Rachel got to see the real person behind a Cheerios uniform and a dismissive sneer. And she felt inexplicably drawn to that person, the real Quinn Fabray that shone through those hazel eyes in her most vulnerable moments, moments Rachel somehow got to see, and tried to make better.
Quinn had so much going for her, and for some time Rachel was afraid she would never be able to see it.
Now it felt as if their positions had been traded. Quinn was so confident, Rachel was so lost.
If one listed the facts of Quinn and Rachel's lives, things should be the other way around. But somehow they were like this, like the exact opposite from the year before. Except there would be no slapping, because they were friends now, and Rachel didn't think she could ever do harm to Quinn's lovely face, even if she could appreciate the drama of it.
There were a lot of things she wasn't sure about, which made her want to kick herself because, if there was one consistency during her whole life, it was her belief in her talent and her dreams. Her dreams had always been bigger than anyone or anything, but somehow now she was not so sure.
Being in New York, on Broadway, it had always been the right thing. But now there was Finn, and she needed him with her, but he wanted something else. He wanted her, but somewhere else. He wanted her unconditional support, and that was something she should be able to give him. Unconditional support, unconditional love. They were going to get married, and marriage was about compromise. But where was his unconditional support of her dreams? It wasn't fair, not everything was about her. That was what Finn had told her on one of their fights about it.
Rachel sighed, resting her head against the wall she was leaning onto. Mike and Tina were dancing skillfully on the middle of the dance floor, and Brittany and Santana were kissing and slow dancing on a corner, even though the music was upbeat. Sugar was doing some strange dance moves with Puck that made her chuckle. Finn was grumpily drinking punch on his own, and Rachel looked away quickly. Her gaze landed, of course, on Quinn. It wasn't deliberate; it was something that just happened. Quinn looked gorgeous, as always, wearing her dress beautifully despite the wheelchair. And she was dancing with that new kid, Joe. His dance moves were nothing to talk about and neither was his voice, if someone asked Rachel. His hair was ridiculous and he looked like a teen Jesus, and Rachel didn't like him very much, didn't like him at all. She wasn't sure why, and she knew calling him teen Jesus was probably offensive, but she felt an inexplicable urge to send him to an active crack house, even if he wasn't a threat to her star position at all. He wasn't a threat, but somehow her chest still constricted uncomfortably when she looked at him; specially now, when he danced with Quinn. He just didn't seem like someone responsible or trustworthy, and he looked like he needed a shower, and Rachel didn't like someone like that for Quinn.
She banged her head against the wall, deserving the grimace that provoked her. Somehow she couldn't stop thinking about Quinn. The blonde always found a way to sneak into her head, and Rachel didn't know what to believe.
It would be easier if they went back to the way they were last year, non confrontational but not on speaking terms, either. Except, she really didn't wish for that; perhaps things would be easier, but they wouldn't be better.
"Hey Rach…" She was startled to see Finn suddenly beside her, looking like a kicked puppy that had been caught chewing on a shoe. "I know we're, like, in a fight… and I'm still mad at you, but could we just forget about it for one night? I mean… it is Prom, and we should be enjoying ourselves and stuff, right?"
Smiling tiredly, Rachel nodded and took his hand, being lead to the dance floor just when a slow love song was being sung by Mercedes. She rested both hands high on Finn's shoulders and her head on his chest, scrunching her nose up a little at his strong cologne. His hands settled on her waist and they started swinging slightly. Her heart wasn't in it, and she didn't want to look up to see his face. She imagined what it would be like, if this was their wedding party and their first dance as husband and wife. It made a painful knot form in her stomach. They had postponed the wedding because of Quinn's accident, and after that she couldn't phantom the idea of getting married with Quinn in a wheelchair, still recovering from her accident. Quinn said she'd be on her feet for Nationals, and so they could have the wedding after that. Finn was happy about it, but Rachel… she sighed, she just wasn't sure.
Rachel bit her lip and opened her eyes, trying to force herself to think about something else. And she caught sight of Quinn, on her wheelchair next to Joe, who was sitting on a chair on one of the tables, speaking to Rory and Sam. Quinn's gaze was lost somewhere, but somehow it was like she knew she was being watched, like magnets coming together, and her eyes locked on Rachel. A small smile formed on her face, but Rachel couldn't bring herself to smile back or to look away, she could barely blink, and her heartbeat got stronger; not quicker, but stronger.
But suddenly the song was over and the lights were brighter and Principal Figgins took the microphone from Mercedes. It was time to announce Prom King and Queen. Rachel couldn't make sense of the words because she was busy trying to find Quinn with her eyes, suddenly surrounded by a crowd of people paying attention to the stage. She only turned around when Finn walked away from her, and she frowned, confused, until she saw him walking towards the stage where a crown was settling on his head.
"And this year's Prom Queen…"
Rachel gasped and looked everywhere for Quinn again, because her name had been called. She felt a surge of happiness inside her because finally, finally Quinn was getting one of the good things she deserved. The crowd parted to give space for the wheelchair, but the stage had no ramp. Rachel closed her eyes and breathed deeply, trying to quell her anger. Principal Figgins got off the stage and crowned Quinn on the edge of it, and after a moment Finn went down hurriedly. The music for their dance started playing, but Quinn was craning her neck up, searching for someone amongst the crowd. Without knowing or caring why, Rachel made her way between boys and girls to get to Quinn, and the blonde smiled softly when she spotted her. There was a circle of people making room for the King and Queen Dance, and Quinn wheeled herself towards Rachel.
"Congratulations." Rachel whispered, somehow out of breath.
"Thank you." Quinn whispered back, in her breathy, smoky voice, at the same time that she was getting the crown off her head and twirling it slowly between her hands. Rachel didn't know if the music had stopped or if the world had simply vanished around them, a sensation that was beginning to be quite common when they were together. "But this should be yours." Quinn stretched her arms and the crown towards her, but Rachel frowned.
"What? No! No, Quinn, you deserve this. And –and everything that's good, because –"
"I want to give this to you, Rachel." Quinn stated firmly, pressing her lips together seriously.
"But you wanted this, always…"
"It doesn't matter to me anymore." Quinn smiled softly. "And I don't need it." Everyone was watching them, but it didn't seem to matter. "I thought it would be the best I would ever get, but it's not, is it? I'm a lot more than a pretty girl, right?" A shaky breath left Rachel's lips as she tried to hold back her tears. She nodded. "And slow dancing with Finn like this would be pretty awkward." Quinn shrugged.
"Quinn…"
"Take it." Quinn thrust the crown into Rachel's hands. "Dance with your fiancée."
Rachel watched numbly as Quinn wheeled herself away, and she let herself be drawn into the middle of the circle by Finn, who grinned at her lopsidedly and set the crown on top of her head. They started swaying to the rhythm of the music, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from the spot Quinn had disappeared. It was… like a balloon, swelling inside her chest, the inexplicable urge she felt to run after her. Looking up at Finn's face, she felt like following the path Quinn had just taken would give her all the answers that seeking kept her up at night.
"I'm sorry." Rachel whispered, and pushed herself away with her palms on Finn's chest and turned around.
It wasn't hard to know where Quinn had gone. It never was, Rachel thought, as she pushed open the bathroom door.
"I was going to fix my makeup, but I can't reach the mirrors." Quinn said tiredly when Rachel walked in. Rachel rested her back against the door, but didn't say anything. "Why aren't you dancing with Finn?" Quinn questioned, tilting her head to the side.
"He wants me to go to California with him." Rachel stated. It felt like the right thing to say.
"After the wedding?" Quinn frowned.
"Instead of New York." Rachel shook her head. "He wants to start a pool cleaning business with Puck."
Quinn gaped at her for a few seconds.
"You –you can't do that." She said at last.
"Do you think I'm selfish… if I think my dreams are more important?"
"Are you comparing your dreams to –to that? Rachel, cleaning pools is not a dream. Becoming an astronaut or –or the President, or being on Broadway is. You know that, right? And he's had that idea for, what? Two weeks? Rachel…"
"I know that, but…"
"No, listen." Quinn said firmly. "Do you know why I applied to Yale?" Rachel shook her head slowly. "Do you know why I'm here, right now? Or why I didn't go along with my stupid plan of separating Beth and Shelby? Do you know why I haven't given up on trying to get out of this stupid chair?"
Rachel shook her head again, one hand clutching at the skirt of her dress.
"It's because of you." Quinn said brokenly, firmly, smiling a little when Rachel frowned. "You have been the only one to ever believe in me, did you know that? The only one to tell me that I'm more than a pretty face, that I'm a lot better than what I think of myself. You –there's been no one who's been more adamant in getting me to believe in myself. And so –I… when I told you I would support you, and that I want you to be happy, I meant it. But not like this. I'm sorry if I told you I wouldn't get in your way about the wedding but Rachel, you can't give up on your dreams."
"Not everything is about me…" Rachel frowned, shaking her head. But somehow she wasn't so sure that made sense.
"You have an amazing life ahead of you; I told you that, didn't I?" Quinn raised her eyebrows, turning her head to meet Rachel's eye. "Your dreams… they are so big, but they're going to come true. You deserve them, and you've fought for them your entire life. Finn should understand that, and I know you love him and that you're going to get married –"
"Do you really think that?" Rachel interrupted. "You think… I'm going to make it?"
"I know it." Quinn breathed out.
"I was hoping you'd stopped it." Rachel blurted, bit her lip when Quinn frowned. "That day… the wedding…" She brought her hand to cover her mouth when the tears started spilling without notice. "I was just… I'm scared, and –and so lost… and Quinn… I don't think I want it anymore."
"You don't want to get married?" Quinn gasped. And the tone of her voice… and the look in her eyes…
"I'm sorry that this happened to you, because I was so confused about everything and that you were there… suddenly you were there, and I felt like I was drawn to you, but I thought I had to be with him, because after all this time…"
"Rachel, what are you talking about?" Quinn asked desperately, clutching to the armrest of her wheelchair with a white-knuckle grip.
"It's… it's you." Rachel whispered, like suddenly the answer she had been looking for appeared right in front of her eyes. "Suddenly you're there, and I don't think I've ever wanted anything else as badly as I want… I want…"
"I want to be there for you." Quinn declared breathlessly. "Because you've always been there for me, stopping me from making the wrong choices. And –and just being…"
"I care about you." Rachel whispered, whipping the tears from her cheeks. "I want you to be happy."
"Why?" Quinn gasped.
"Because… because I see you, and I think… you see me."
"I never thought I would get to say this to you..." Quinn confessed, pressing her lips together before taking a deep breath. "Rachel, I –"
"Wait." Rachel shook her head, stepping away from the door and walking towards Quinn. "Not now, not like this because I'm still…"
"You're not sure about this." Quinn nodded, lowering her head. "I get that. I'm… like this," she gestured down to her legs. "And you're…"
"It's not that…" Rachel shook her head. "You're still the prettiest girl I've ever met." She smiled softly when Quinn smiled. "It's just that I… I have to talk to Finn… and it's not that I'm not sure, about you… but maybe I'm not ready, yet, to– to –"
"Rachel." Quinn locked their hands together, tugging a little to get Rachel to look at her. "I understand."
Rachel nodded, smiling a little when she noticed that even now, Quinn's makeup looked perfect. Borrowing some of that strength from Quinn's hand in her own, she bent down and placed a soft kiss to Quinn's cheek, enjoying the second of warmth it gave her.
"Thank you." Quinn breathed out in awe, and Rachel giggled.
"Your make up looks perfect." She mumbled. She took a few steps towards the door before turning around. "You should go back to the party."
"I'm kind of avoiding Joe." Quinn admitted awkwardly, and Rachel felt an odd sense of triumph. Quinn was touching the tips of her fingers to the place Rachel had kissed. "Maybe in a little while." She mumbled distractedly, and Rachel used her entire will power to not turn around and kiss her on the lips.
Senior year Prom was not at all what Rachel Berry imagined when she was a freshman in high school. She never expected to take home the Prom Queen crown, or a sudden knowledge of who she was. She never expected to break up with her boyfriend, least of all fiancé, in the school's front steps after the party. And little did freshman Rachel Berry know that, just a few days after Senior Prom, she would get her true love's kiss.