TITLE: Lucky
AUTHOR: Pilla Jeffrey
CATEGORY: Drama, Missing Scene/Epilogue, Thoughts
PAIRING: Elliot/Olivia
SPOILERS: Episode "911"
RATING: G
CONTENT WARNINGS: pretty benign…
SUMMARY: Elliot and Olivia have a chat after the events of "911." EO.
STATUS: Completed
ARCHIVE: anywhere else, ask.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own. And I am not bitter about that at all.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: So Elliot wasn't in "911" at, like, ALL. This is my effort to reconcile that and the closeness between the two partners during a case that obviously had its toll on one of them. Plus, wouldn't Liv make a great mother? Read and winkwinknudgenudge Review!

Lucky

He didn't want to disturb her. She sat very quietly, very intently, over a cup of coffee. Her eyes were sharp, but staring at some thought that existed on the wall opposite her. How long had she been awake? At least it was all over now. Maria was safe and sound, sleeping in the hospital room down the hall.

Elliot Stabler pulled out the chair next to his partner from the wooden table. "Is this seat taken?" he asked.

Olivia Benson snapped out of her reverie and turned. "Elliot!" she breathed. "Sit, please, sit."

As he sat, she offered him her cup. "Coffee?"

He shook his head. She took another sip. Her eyes flickered back to her spot on the wall, and then she put her cup down, her fingers tracing the rim. "I was so close to losing her." She said it so softly that Elliot could barely hear her.

Elliot tried to face her, but her eyes went back to the wall. He studied her face. Her beautiful features were marked with confusion, stress, and drowsiness. Olivia was always so intent on blaming herself for everything. He often wished that he could protect her from the world, help her through her troubles. He wished he could take her home, and talk with her until she fell asleep. Maybe to more than just talk. But he was involved—Married? Separated? Certainly not divorced—and they were just partners. And he wasn't going to let some pesky feelings get in the way of the job.

He leaned closer to her, trying to catch her eyes. "But you didn't lose her."

"But I could have," Olivia insisted. "If I came minutes later, she would have been dead." She sighed. "I don't know what I would have done if she had…if I had been too late."

"Liv, you can't blame yourself for the evil that's in the world." Elliot watched her fingers move slowly about the ceramic cup. He wanted to reach out and stop her fingers with his own, but he resisted.

Suddenly, Olivia laughed. "What? What is it?" he asked.

"You know what's bizarre? I'm a result of the evil in this world, and I work so hard to atone for that. No one should suffer. But every person I help, I need to let go of. I'm not part of their lives for more than one moment where I help patch up a horrendous act and leave them to deal with the consequences. These children—Maria—I will see them grow up."

Olivia's hand stopped moving, and her eyes caught Elliot's for the first time. "I want to be a mom," she confessed. She laughed again. "I never thought I would, but I do. I want to raise a kid, be there to comfort her through her ups and downs. Love her." She looked down. "This must sound strange."

Elliot couldn't help but smile at his partner's confession. "Liv, you'd make a great mom."

Olivia shook her head. "No. I wouldn't." She turned her chair to face Elliot. "Do you know where I was before Maria called? I was about to go out with Rick. Our second date. He's charming, you know? It's been a while since I've been with someone like that." Her lips curved into a frown. "And yet, the job calls and I'm away. How can I do that to someone? To a child?" She stopped talking abruptly. "I mean—"

"No, you're right. I was never there for my family. For Kathy. For the kids. The lives of people I didn't even know came before spending time with my family." Elliot leaned back in his chair. "It's a hard balance. Your family will never get the job."

"But you're still a good father, El. You've raised four beautiful children. They love you. Whatever is going on with Kathy…" Olivia paused. "It's not my place."

Elliot didn't know what bothered him more: the reference to his pending permanent separation with his wife—a woman he had been with for nearly twenty years—or the fact that Olivia found it an unapproachable topic. Sure, recently they hadn't talked much, but he considered her one of his closest—if not closest—friends. Closer than Kathy, certainly.

"No, it's fine." His failed marriage made him angry, perhaps a bit unstable, but Olivia was more important than that. If he needed to release, he had perps. "Kathy and I…we have a few things to work out. Part of the blame goes to the job, I guess. But the job shouldn't run the person."

"But it means too much to me to stop. If I ever settled down, I need someone who gets the job. If he doesn't get the job, he doesn't get me. It's so much a part of me." Olivia seemed to smile, her eyes sparkling into his. "A guy like you, Elliot. Someone who gets me."

Elliot's heart stopped. He hoped his face didn't betray the overwhelming, schoolboy adrenaline that was piping through his system. The air seemed to charge with energy. "Well—"

"I should be so lucky, eh?" Olivia dropped the smile. "But you have been lucky, Elliot. You've raised strong, intelligent kids. It's better to be lucky some of the time than none of it, right?" Olivia looked at her coffee and, downing the last drop, stood up. "I think I'm going to check on Maria."

"Hey, Liv." Elliot stood up, and, against his better judgment, reached out for his partner, pulling her into his arms. She rested against him, fitting perfectly into his embrace. "You will make a wonderful mom for some lucky kid someday." He kissed the top of her head.

"Thanks, El." She pulled apart from him, smiling.

As she headed down the hall toward Maria's room, Elliot couldn't stop remembering her body against his own. You love her, you idiot, he thought to himself. Olivia was such a beautiful person. She would have beautiful kids.

Maybe he would get lucky again.

El Fin