The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask - Supercondensed
Part one: The beginning
Link is found riding through the forest on Epona, which he KILLED TALON to take. He was on his way to find Saria and TAP THAT ASS.
Link: (in a sing-song tone) Sariaaa, Where are you---? I wanna do some stuff with you while we're both still kids, so it's not creepy and/or illegal to do---!
Just then a DEMENTED KID NAMED AFTER A SKULL OR SOMETHING popped out in front of Link wearing a RETARDED LOOKING NEW YEARS' MASK.
Skull Kid: HI!
Link: OH MY GOD IT'S A MONSTER KILL IT. ...Wait…A skull kid. What's with the ugly mask?
Skull Kid: Ugly?! I'll show you ugly! Tatl, Tael, attack!
The INSANELY UGLY KID'S fairies popped out of FREAKIN' NOWHERE and assaulted Link's eyes with BRIGHT COLORS.
Tatl & Tael: RARGHIFSHUFHDGSUD
Link: OMGWTF!? (He fell off of Epona and dropped his PRETTY BLUE INSTRUMENT)
Skull Kid: Sweet ride. I'm totally gonna take it and pimp it out with decals. (And that's JUST WHAT HE WENT OFF TO DO.)
Tael: Ohh, pretty. I'm gonna take your blowy thingie. (He SOMEHOW managed to do this despite being the size of a TENNIS BALL.)
Link: Noo! My ride! I wanted to pimp her out with racing stripes! ...Oh, and I guess give me back my ocarina. I don't wanna hear Zelda whine. Anyway, come back!
And Link chased the Skull Kid to recover his SWEET RIDE and his FLUTE THING.
However, Link managed to fall down a hole in a BIG ASS TREE which had lots of PRETTY LIGHTS AND SYMBOLS in it.
Link: Whooaa...so this is what it's like to be on acid? Wait, did that one say "XXX Girls?" Whoo! Strip club here we co---
And then Link landed on his ASS on a GIANT LILYPAD.
Link: OW! Oh man...I think I just broke my ass bone.
Skull Kid: Mwahaha! Welcome to Termina!
Link: Termina? That kind of retarded name is---Oh, nevermind. Gimme my…wait, where's Epona?
Skull Kid: Oh. That horse? She wouldn't shut up so I traded her on the black market for this cute green-haired chick. Oh man, am I gonna---
Link: What?! Green-haired? THAT'S MAH WOMAHN. MIIINE. AH KEEL YEW.
Skull Kid: Oh no you don't! 'Cuz I'm gonna do this!
Then the INSANE SKULL THING did a VOO-DOO DANCE and Link turned into a RETARDED LOOKING PLANT.
Link: ...Why does my mouth look like it was made for bl--
MOVING ON.
Skull Kid: MWAHAHAHA! Now, instead of using my magic to kill you right here and now, I'm going to...run away! (He DID.)
One of the INSANE FAIRIES OF DEATH flew in front of Link and LAUGHED at how UTTERLY RETARDED he looked.
Tatl: Haha, you're a Deku scrub! So, I have to ask you: WHAT NOW, BIATCH!?
Just then the BIG WOODEN DOOR of the INEXPLICABLE DUNGEON-TREE slammed shut.
Link: I'd say the same thing to you.
Tatl: Son of a bi--
And so Link and INSANE FAIRY #1 teamed up to open up the STRANGE WOODEN DOOR THING of the DUNGEON TREE.
Link: Alright, now how to get out of here.
Link walked around aimlessly until a strange looking flower CONSUMED HIM.
Link: OH GOD IT'S EATING ME.
But the flower decided he was TOO RETARDED to eat, and spit him back out with some kind of FLOWER HELICOPTOR THINGS.
Link: Look ma, I can fly!
Link suddenly felt the urge to EMPTY HIS BOWELS in the form of an EXPLODING NUT THING.
Link: Talk about busting a nut...Eh? Eeeeh? (wink)
Tatl: Just...don't speak anymore.
And so, the DYNAMIC DUO made it out of the EVIL TREE and somehow into a GIANT CLOCK.
Link: Why is this clock attached to a tree dungeon thing? Who the hell thought this up?
Nintendo: (whistling innocently)
However, Link and CRAZY FAIRY NUMERO UNO met up with a SEXUAL PREDATOR that sold WEIRD MASKS.
Mask salesman: Oh, hello there...(vacant grin) How are you, little boy?
Link: ...Um...fine…
Mask salesman: I'm glad to hear. I see you're under a curse though…Poor, sweet little child.
Link: ...I...guess.
Mask Salesman: Tell you what; you bring me back an instrument and a cute little skull child's mask, I'll tell you how to break the curse!
Link: ...Kay.
Mask salesman: Then maybe you could come with me to help with something...
Link: That'snicethanksbye. (run)
And so, Link and his FAIRY STALKER went off on their QUEST OR WHATEVER IT WAS.