Day one of the 2002 Olympics.
{A.C.D}: Hello Spectators here and in the countries where the olympics are not being held at this time. I am you commentator A Clockwork Devotchka, and today I will be bringing you the play-by-play action of the brand new olympic sport, Solitaire! Our first and only entry to this sport is Trowa Barton from Japan.
[Trowa walks in stands in front of the table and does his opening stance, and falls over]
{A.C.D:} Oh My! That was a very awkward looking stance Trowa just did. The "Flapping Crane" is a very difficult stance and with him falling like that will make him loose quite a few points with the judges.
[Trowa gets up, brushes himself off and sits down at the table.]
{A.C.D:} This is vegas style solitaire.. You get 3 times round the extra cards and that's it! Look at him! I think he is about to deal his hand.... Yes! YES! He is dealing his hand!!
[Trowa deals out his hand. He sits for a minute staring at the cards.]
{A.C.D:} Oh! That is a difficult hand! The cards are as follow: 5 of hearts.. 10 of clubs... 2 of Spades.... 7 of diamonds... 9 of clubs.... king of hearts.... and the 7 of spades!! This will be a hard one to beat. Trowa is not able to do ANYTHING so far.... oh wait! He is reaching for extra card pile!
[Trowa flips over 3 cards.]
{A.C.D:} Ooooo!! He just flipped over an ACE!! What is he going to do? Oh he did it!! He put the ace by itself! After removing the ace he uncovered a 9 of hearts! What a lucky break for Trowa. Trowa is now bringing it down and placing it on the 10 of clubs...... Wow!! With that move he just uncovered the 6 of spades! This may make or break his game. He pulls it down and places it on the 7 of diamonds!!
[Trowa looks confused.]
{A.C.D:} Now there is a move he can do right now!! But he doesn't seem to see it! Wait Wait!! I think he sees it! It seems he was just reaching for a glass of water!!
[Trowa takes a sip of water and then places his glass back on the table. He sees the card and picks it up.]
{A.C.D:} Yes!! He saw the 5 of hearts AND the king!! he moves them both into thier proper positions. And it seems as though unless he flips over another 3 cards his game is up! Yes! Yes! YES!! He is going for the three card flip with a twist!
[Trowa drops one of the cards.]
{A.C.D:} Ow!! That's gotta hurt! There will be at least a 2 poit penalty! And the 3 cards he just flipped are NOTHING!! He can do NOTHING with them!!! He'll just have to draw again!
[Trowa flips over 3 more cards]
{A.C.D:} If he does not get something soon, he will most definatly LOSE this game and shame his family for generations to come!!
[Trowa pounds the table with his fists]
{Trowa:} SHUT UP!! GOD DAMN YOU!! I WILL NOT PUT SHAME ON MY FAMILY'S NAME!! I CAN'T SHAME MY FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS TO COME!! I DON'T HAVE ANY FAMILY!!
{A.C.D:} Oops.... ummm... BACK TO SOLITAIRE!! Trowa is reaching for the extra card pile again... He better hope to god this helps.... And It's bad.... Wait.. he's trying again! Once again it's no Good.... It seems as though Trowa has lost his luck... He keeps turning the cards... but each time he gets worse and worse.... Wait!! He has found a 6 of hearts!! He takes it and puts it on the 7 of spades... That is the end of round 1... And now a word from our sponsor.....
*Insert commercial here*
{A.C.D:} And were back with round 2 of the exciting world of competitive Solitaire! Trowa Barton of Japan is here with us.. he is the only competitor in this event... He started out strong in the first round but has now gone right downhill. Let's see what round 2 has in store for the Japanese competitor.
[Trowa flips the first 3 cards... and then flips the cards the birdie]
{A.C.D:} OoooOOOoooo!! Profanity will cost him some points with the judges... But this game in not going well for Trowa... Each Flip gives him worse and worse cards... And I can tell This game is all over!! It is the end of round 2 and he could not place a single card!! Unless he finds a loop hole somewhere this game is OVER! This is the end of round 2... And now a word from our sponsor....
*Insert commercial here*
[Trowa starts flipping cards frantically.]
{Trowa:} WHY?? WHY DOES THIS GAME HATE ME SO MUCH???? I SWEAR I WILL BOMB THE OLYPICS FOR THIS!! I HATE YOU!! I WANT A MEDAL!! WHERE'S MY GOLD MEDAL!!
[A security guard runs out and tries to contain Trowa. Trowa grabs ahold of the security guards neck. The Guard tries to communicate with me.]
{A.C.D:} What??!! Ok... ok.. 4 words... ummm.. ok... 1st word... take! Have! Give!!
[Guard nods frantically.]
{A.C.D:} Ok... GIVE!!... uh huh... 2nd word.... what?? All you are doing is pointing at Trowa!! why are you pointing at him?? Him?? Thats the word?? ooooh.... kayy... 3rd word..... ok... little word!! at.. in... you... the.... The? THE!! Ok ok! Give him the..... ok!! 4th word ...... three parts!! umm... first part sounds like HEAD..... Bed.. Bled... Sped... Said! SAID!! 2nd part is a little word... umm at in a... A... ok 3rd part.... Sounds like GIVE..... Ok... Sed-a-give..... GIVE HIM THE SEDA-GIVE!! no... wait... Seda-TIVE!! GIVE HIM THE SEDATIVE!!!
[I shoot an animal tranquilizer at Trowa. He falls over all passed out]
{Guard:} SEDA- GIVE!?!?!?!?!?!?!
{A.C.D:} Well That's all we have from the exciting sport of Solitaire...... uhhh... well.... The Japanese have lost this event... But they also have competitors in other events such as Bear Baiting, Fire Eating, Staring Contests and Mime!! That's all for now... The Triathalon is up next........
{A.C.D}: Hello Spectators here and in the countries where the olympics are not being held at this time. I am you commentator A Clockwork Devotchka, and today I will be bringing you the play-by-play action of the brand new olympic sport, Solitaire! Our first and only entry to this sport is Trowa Barton from Japan.
[Trowa walks in stands in front of the table and does his opening stance, and falls over]
{A.C.D:} Oh My! That was a very awkward looking stance Trowa just did. The "Flapping Crane" is a very difficult stance and with him falling like that will make him loose quite a few points with the judges.
[Trowa gets up, brushes himself off and sits down at the table.]
{A.C.D:} This is vegas style solitaire.. You get 3 times round the extra cards and that's it! Look at him! I think he is about to deal his hand.... Yes! YES! He is dealing his hand!!
[Trowa deals out his hand. He sits for a minute staring at the cards.]
{A.C.D:} Oh! That is a difficult hand! The cards are as follow: 5 of hearts.. 10 of clubs... 2 of Spades.... 7 of diamonds... 9 of clubs.... king of hearts.... and the 7 of spades!! This will be a hard one to beat. Trowa is not able to do ANYTHING so far.... oh wait! He is reaching for extra card pile!
[Trowa flips over 3 cards.]
{A.C.D:} Ooooo!! He just flipped over an ACE!! What is he going to do? Oh he did it!! He put the ace by itself! After removing the ace he uncovered a 9 of hearts! What a lucky break for Trowa. Trowa is now bringing it down and placing it on the 10 of clubs...... Wow!! With that move he just uncovered the 6 of spades! This may make or break his game. He pulls it down and places it on the 7 of diamonds!!
[Trowa looks confused.]
{A.C.D:} Now there is a move he can do right now!! But he doesn't seem to see it! Wait Wait!! I think he sees it! It seems he was just reaching for a glass of water!!
[Trowa takes a sip of water and then places his glass back on the table. He sees the card and picks it up.]
{A.C.D:} Yes!! He saw the 5 of hearts AND the king!! he moves them both into thier proper positions. And it seems as though unless he flips over another 3 cards his game is up! Yes! Yes! YES!! He is going for the three card flip with a twist!
[Trowa drops one of the cards.]
{A.C.D:} Ow!! That's gotta hurt! There will be at least a 2 poit penalty! And the 3 cards he just flipped are NOTHING!! He can do NOTHING with them!!! He'll just have to draw again!
[Trowa flips over 3 more cards]
{A.C.D:} If he does not get something soon, he will most definatly LOSE this game and shame his family for generations to come!!
[Trowa pounds the table with his fists]
{Trowa:} SHUT UP!! GOD DAMN YOU!! I WILL NOT PUT SHAME ON MY FAMILY'S NAME!! I CAN'T SHAME MY FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS TO COME!! I DON'T HAVE ANY FAMILY!!
{A.C.D:} Oops.... ummm... BACK TO SOLITAIRE!! Trowa is reaching for the extra card pile again... He better hope to god this helps.... And It's bad.... Wait.. he's trying again! Once again it's no Good.... It seems as though Trowa has lost his luck... He keeps turning the cards... but each time he gets worse and worse.... Wait!! He has found a 6 of hearts!! He takes it and puts it on the 7 of spades... That is the end of round 1... And now a word from our sponsor.....
*Insert commercial here*
{A.C.D:} And were back with round 2 of the exciting world of competitive Solitaire! Trowa Barton of Japan is here with us.. he is the only competitor in this event... He started out strong in the first round but has now gone right downhill. Let's see what round 2 has in store for the Japanese competitor.
[Trowa flips the first 3 cards... and then flips the cards the birdie]
{A.C.D:} OoooOOOoooo!! Profanity will cost him some points with the judges... But this game in not going well for Trowa... Each Flip gives him worse and worse cards... And I can tell This game is all over!! It is the end of round 2 and he could not place a single card!! Unless he finds a loop hole somewhere this game is OVER! This is the end of round 2... And now a word from our sponsor....
*Insert commercial here*
[Trowa starts flipping cards frantically.]
{Trowa:} WHY?? WHY DOES THIS GAME HATE ME SO MUCH???? I SWEAR I WILL BOMB THE OLYPICS FOR THIS!! I HATE YOU!! I WANT A MEDAL!! WHERE'S MY GOLD MEDAL!!
[A security guard runs out and tries to contain Trowa. Trowa grabs ahold of the security guards neck. The Guard tries to communicate with me.]
{A.C.D:} What??!! Ok... ok.. 4 words... ummm.. ok... 1st word... take! Have! Give!!
[Guard nods frantically.]
{A.C.D:} Ok... GIVE!!... uh huh... 2nd word.... what?? All you are doing is pointing at Trowa!! why are you pointing at him?? Him?? Thats the word?? ooooh.... kayy... 3rd word..... ok... little word!! at.. in... you... the.... The? THE!! Ok ok! Give him the..... ok!! 4th word ...... three parts!! umm... first part sounds like HEAD..... Bed.. Bled... Sped... Said! SAID!! 2nd part is a little word... umm at in a... A... ok 3rd part.... Sounds like GIVE..... Ok... Sed-a-give..... GIVE HIM THE SEDA-GIVE!! no... wait... Seda-TIVE!! GIVE HIM THE SEDATIVE!!!
[I shoot an animal tranquilizer at Trowa. He falls over all passed out]
{Guard:} SEDA- GIVE!?!?!?!?!?!?!
{A.C.D:} Well That's all we have from the exciting sport of Solitaire...... uhhh... well.... The Japanese have lost this event... But they also have competitors in other events such as Bear Baiting, Fire Eating, Staring Contests and Mime!! That's all for now... The Triathalon is up next........