Clap! Bang! Boom!
Alex jumped on the couch, the bag of Skittles in her lap going all over the couch. She scoffed and started to pick them off her lap, wondering why the thunder had just woken her up, when she was pretty sure it'd been going on continuously, since it was so loud and windy out. She sighed, checking the big green letters on the cable box for the time. 12:43. Well, she wasn't expecting that. Where was Justin? He was the only other person in the house. Their parents had gone off to some sandwich convention, while Max had slept over at a friend's house (though Alex was sure he was lying, since he hardly ever had friends over). She let out a sigh as she quickly finished the rest of her Skittles, swallowing them fast. She stood up and went to the kitchen, hardly five feet away and let out a sigh. "Stupid trash..." the girl trailed off, "I should take it out..." she thought aloud and grabbed the bag out of the trash bin, walking the length of the loft to the door and set down the bag outside the door. "There." she giggled softly at how she got out of the work, in her own clever way and rubbed her hands together (as if carrying the trash that far was just so hard for the brunette to do).
Alex hummed softly to herself as she headed up the stairs, her bare feet practically shivering against the cold metal steps. She walked carefully as she pushed a piece of her bobbed black hair behind her ear and she looked up at the light in the hallway. It was flashing. No. Not now. Not when she wasn't even in her pajamas! She shrieked as the lights flickered once more and they finally went out.
Justin, having been asleep for quite some time now (he hadn't given up his 10 o'clock bedtime, even if it was summer and he was bound for college in the fall). "Alex?" he called to the brunette, groggily as he managed to sit up. "Alex?" the boy called his sibling's name louder in the pitch black color of his room. He grabbed the flashlight from the drawer of his bedside table and clicked it on, sighing with relief that the battery worked. Not like he was really that surprised; he changed the batteries every month just in case of emergencies, and this might be one. Then again, Alex was the reason he was getting up, and this could just be some stupid prank of hers, but he didn't think it was as he heard a small whimper from the other side of his door. "Justin!" Alex's voice was soft and she was practically whining. "Justin, help me! I can't see anything!" she begged.
Justin opened his door and smiled at the brunette. "Boo," he said with a roll of his eyes. "What's wrong? Why don't you have your flashlight?" he practically growled at her, "I told you to keep it on you in case of emergencies, Alex!" he preached to her.
Alex rolled her eyes. "Oh, I'm sorry, I was too busy being fucking blind to grab it out of my room!" she spat. Justin glared at her, crossing one of his arms over his bare chest. "Hey! Give me a dollar! We agreed that if you ever swore, you'd give me money. Pay up!" he said. Alex fumbled in her pocket for a dollar and set it in his hand. "Happy?" she asked in a bitter tone, glaring back at him. "Very." he smirked, finally pulling his hand from hers, putting the federal note into the pocket of his pajama pants.
"Take my flashlight," Justin started, handing it towards his little sister, "and go to bed. I don't need it." he said. Even though he was still a bit scared of the dark, his little sister's safety was more important to him than his fear of being swallowed alive by a black hole, or something.
"Um...Thanks." Alex said, slowly, pursing her lips, looking at his bare chest. My God, she'd never noticed that her older brother was so...well put together? In the slight glow of the flashlight's bulb, he looked perfect. He was styling his hair in this new way, that made him look like some movie star from the 1920's, or 1930's. She couldn't put her finger on it, but he looked so damn handsome. When had the apartment become so hot? Oh, shit...That was her...for her brother? (It's not like it was the first time this had happened. She'd found herself staring at him for too long, glancing at him and his girlfriends as they left the apartment, but she'd never actually taken the time to look at him in this way before...When had her brother become such a handsome man...Man? God, something was wrong with her.
"Alex? Hello!" Justin lightly grabbed his sister's arm and handed her the flashlight, pushing it lightly against her cleavage. "Way to visit la la land." he rolled his eyes and closed the door to his room. Alex whimpered softly at how he found it so easy to close the door right in her face. She turned around and walked to her room, changing as fast as she could into her green and pink plaid pajama bottoms and her small white, flowing tank top.
Alex found herself looking in the mirror and sighed. "I'm so pathetic," she said to herself, noticing now that she was nearly in tears. She sat on her bad and laid the flashlight in the lap, pointing it forward at the corner of her room as she wiped a few tears from the corner of her eyes. She looked over at the mirror. She didn't look as if she'd been crying. She turned off the flashlight and sighed. It was still so dark even with it on, and it was worse with it out. Justin's room had the moonlight shining into it, perfectly. It wouldn't be wrong to ask him if she could room with him, right?
Carefully, she closed her door and tiptoed across the hall to Justin's room. She paused, her hand resting softly on the door's handle. What was she doing? She was Alex freaking Russo. She wasn't a sissy little girl who stopped to think; she just did it without even thinking of things beforehand. "J-Justin," she stuttered and cleared her throat as the boy opened up his door.
"What now, Alex?" Justin asked, slightly irritated, running his hands through his hair. She bit the inside of her lip to fight back the feeling she had, the way she wanted to tell him not to do it, that he was messing up his perfectly swept hair. "I just..." she pouted, "my room is dark. Can I sleep on your floor?"
Justin let out a small sigh but nodded his head in a foggy daze. "Alright." he yawned and suddenly she wished he could keep his mouth open long enough for her to stop time and shove her tongue down his throat. Something was seriously wrong with her...
After about twenty minutes of lying on the ground with a blanket wrapped around her, part of it being used as a pillow, Alex couldn't take it. She could hear him breathing and had matched it with hers, and the wood floor was just so cold...Not only that, but she was scared. She could see the lightning and the rain from the window and she could feel the floor shaking with the thunder's wrath. She couldn't handle it. She sat up, "Justin..."
Justin looked over at her, "Yeah, Alex?" his voice was soft and gentle, more than it had been before. "What is it?"
Alex thought of how to word it, "It's scary down here, Justin...Can I please lay with you?" she pouted. Justin looked down at her. God, why did she have to pout like that? She was hard enough to resist with her soft hair and perfect skin, and then she does something like this...Justin knew he was screwed. It wasn't right, the way he felt about her. Anyone could tell, by the way he found himself thinking of how her shampoo and her body wash mixed in the perfect way, the way that gave him little shivers and made the hairs on the back of his neck and his muscular arms stand up. It was terrible. He had feelings for his little sister. And he couldn't help it, or change it. All these girlfriends he went through...It didn't help. Nothing helped, and it made him so mad, because he wanted to get over her. Or at least, that's what he told himself over and over. He was surprised that Zeke hadn't found out about it yet.
Justin nodded at her. "Sure. Come up here." he said, still in a sleepy daze from his rude awakening from about 30 minutes before. He smiled faintly at her and she was nearly beaming up at him. She walked around to the other side of the bed and got comfortable next to him. She let out a mini-sigh and laid with her back to him, but it's not as though he had to worry about anything; her back was to him, and she felt him move next to her. She had a feeling his back was to her too.
Alex felt bad. She'd done her fair share of annoying him in what...the last 40 minutes? But she didn't care. She wanted to just...hear him, his voice, talking directly to her. "C-Can we talk, Justin?" she asked softly, closing her eyes tightly, refraining from saying something more, or crying. She didn't want him to see her cry, not now, when she really had no reason to cry (at least, not that he knew of). Justin looked back at her, moving on his side slightly, his back bumping against hers. "Um, sure," the brunette boy said, half-asleep. He figured with Alex in his bed (oh, God, he wished that were literal...) he wouldn't get any sleep anyway.
Alex took a breath and twisted, moving onto her other side so she was facing him...Sort of. He was still facing the window. "I know, even though I said it on vacation...I don't say it more often, but...Thank you." she mumbled softly, hoping he could hear her voice under the loud hammering thunder outside that shook the foundation of the sub shop beneath them. Justin shrugged.
"It's no problem, Alex. I'm your big brother. I'm supposed to take care of you." But not the way I keep wanting to... Justin blocked the thought that followed his sentence away. He didn't need to think of that, not when she was talking to him, like this. This was going to be torture. Her going on about how she liked spending time with him, and that he was her brother. Disgusting. Why did he have to be born into this family? Everyone knew he was too smart to be a Russo child (he hated to admit it, but it was true, book-smart wise), so why was he one? God, he had to block the thoughts out of his head as his sister's voice filled the bittersweet silence of his room.
"But you shouldn't have to take care of me. I shouldn't mess up, but I don't really try. It might seem like it, but I don't. It just happens. I...I want, so badly, to be perfect, to live up to your image, but I can't, Justin. And it really pisses me off." Alex said, her voice cracking as she said his name.
"I know, Alex. I know you don't try. I like it though. I like being responsible for your mistakes." Justin relaxed next to her, and moved, laying on his back, looking up to the ceiling. "I like being responsible for your mistakes...It makes me feel important, like you need me. No one else makes me feel that way, Alex. No one." he said, looking down at where his hands were, keeping the sheet close to his abs.
Alex closed her eyes again. "Really? I make you feel...special?" she questioned. Justin nodded, the sheets moving against the nape of his neck. "You really do, Alex." he reassured her and looked over at her. She opened her eyes in time to look at him, her heart beating faster. "Thank you." she said again. He smiled. "Don't thank me. I'm just telling you the truth."
Alex smiled at him again. She had butterflies, but this time they didn't scare her. Not the way they had with Dean, or with Mason. And they should've scared her more than they had back then, since Justin was her brother. They weren't. She was enjoying this, too much. He was making her feel precious and special and...wanted. No one made her feel that way except for him. She liked it. She wasn't as scared as she had been 40 minutes before. So now, she decided it was the time to take a huge risk, and a chance. God, her heart was almost beating out of her chest. Couldn't he see it through her (very skimpy, which Justin had most definitely noticed) tank top?
"Justin..." Alex took a deep breath, matching the rising and falling of her chest to his, "I love you. You know that, right?" she asked.
Justin felt his stomach churn. He wasn't sure if it was doing it in a good way or a bad way though. She made him so nervous, it wasn't fair. "Yeah," he finally answered, after a few seconds of silence, "I know. I love you too, Alex." he said, breathing slower, on purpose. He was hoping maybe if he tried, he could breathe so slow it'd kill him. He could feel himself, that little tinge of hope was growing. He didn't want it to. He didn't want to love his sister like this. He didn't want to think of her as anything more than his sister, and he couldn't do that.
"Justin, I..." Alex thought for a second, "I don't mean I love you in a...sibling way. I love you." she said, blinking before she said those three words. She knew they'd make or break her. What if he told mom and dad? And Max? She was already the person in the family that was effed up the most. And adding this? She belonged in an asylum.
Justin froze next to her. He didn't know how to respond. How do you respond to your sister saying she's in love with you? Sure, he loved her too, but...How did he say it? How do you admit to incest, to feeling a love for someone that you're linked to by blood? He panicked. He couldn't admit it. "Alex, we need to sleep." he said, closing his eyes, but he didn't dare roll over. He loved her so much. If he woke up, he wanted to see her sleeping.
Alex wanted to talk back to him—she wanted to scream and shout and yell and pout and tell him to fuck off—but Alex couldn't do that. She loved him too much. And she trusted that, just maybe, in time...He wouldn't avoid her for it. He'd accept her, maybe, and the fact that she was utterly in love with him. So she rolled over too, facing his door and closed her eyes, but it didn't stop the tears from falling down.
When Justin woke up, he looked over to see his sister. He'd seen her a few times in the night, but he wanted to see her again, see the sunshine pool across her face in that adorable way...But she wasn't there. She'd left. Alex knew that he might be a bit surprised that she'd left, but she didn't care. She wanted him to ache for her the way she had when he was laying right next to her and she couldn't do a damn thing about it.
Justin came down the steps and into the kitchen. "Hey," he said, in a husky voice. Alex gripped onto the cup she was holding full of hot tea. He shouldn't even be allowed to talk to me in that voice, she thought to herself. He shouldn't be able to make me weak so easily. "Hi." she said to him. It was hardly audible though. Justin gave her a look, tilting his head to the side slightly. "Um, you okay? Cause of last night?" he asked, resting his hands inside his pockets.
Alex's eyes looked up to scan her brother's, curiously. What was he talking about? Her leaving his room, or saying that she was in love with him and him acting like a dumbfuck and not saying anything in reply? She figured, her leaving his room, since he was oblivious to the last part. "Yeah. I just wanted to get up early." she lied and shrugged, taking a long sip of her hot tea. Justin glanced at her and kept his eyes centered at her. "But you never want to wake up early..." Justin sighed.
The silence that had been in Justin's room the night before overcame the kitchen. He didn't know what to say; she was looking at him, lost and hopeless. "Alex, we should talk." Justin finally broke the silence, sitting at the chair in front of the island, while she stood behind it. They were across from each other. No one was in the house but them, still. Alex felt overwhelmed by this, but didn't say anything. Last night she decided he was running from the truth, now she wanted to? She had to be strong and brave. Or she wouldn't get through this. "Okay, what do you want to talk about?" she asked, looking up at her brother from the coffee cup in her hands.
Justin thought of how to word what he wanted to say, for several seconds. "I want to talk about," he began slowly, "how you told me you...love me." Justin had trouble even forming it in his head, but it was out into the open, even though he'd almost choked on the words.
Alex shrugged. "It doesn't matter. I was just scared. I wanted you to comfort me. And I had a few too many Skittles last night before bed." she lied. Justin looked at her carefully. He could tell when she was lying most of the time. But...He wasn't even sure. This wasn't something she normally told him, so he couldn't tell if she was lying. But you didn't just tell your brother you loved him in a non-sibling way. Not without meaning it.
"Alex, don't lie." Justin shook his head, resting his forearms on the counter of the island, looking up to his sister, his posture improving with this simple movement. "I know you're lying. I can tell. Last night...When you said that, I was...petrified." he admitted, "in a good way though." he concluded, looking up at her. His expression was so blank, she didn't know if he was telling the truth. She always knew. She could read him like a damn book – but why was this so hard for her to think about? That he was telling the truth? She was scared again...Or, in Justin's own words, petrified.
Justin added onto what he'd said. He could tell she wanted more details, more information, some kind of explanation for what he'd just said. "Alex, I..." Justin searched for more words. He felt like his vocabulary was so small at this moment in time, when he was so smart. She turned him into an idiot. "This is so hard," the young man ran his hands through his black hair, "I..Alex, you're my sister. And this is so wrong. I don't even know...What to say. How to say it, that is. I...I love you too." Justin was quite proud of himself for finally spitting it out to her while Alex's face light up.
"You-You do?" she had to keep her cup of tea stable in her hands as she looked up at him. Justin looked up at her and nodded slowly. She silently set her cup down. "Mom and Dad...They'd kill us, Justin." she said, shaking her head as she made her way past the island to walk over to him. He turned around in the swivel chair to face her.
"Listen Alex," he started, "we'll be fine...as long as they don't find out." Justin reached out and took her hands, his thumbs rubbing small circles into the back of her hand. Alex looked down and beamed, looking back up to let their eyes meet.
"You...You mean, you want to give this a shot? No offense, but you don't know how to lie. And you're not one of those 'sneaking around' types." Alex said, a small pout forming on her lips.
"Alex..." Justin lightly moved one of his hands up to set it on the edge of her jaw, as he looked up at her, "You'd be worth getting caught. Or anything else that could possibly go wrong for us." he stated, a smile appearing on his lips.
"Justin..." Alex inhaled and her shoulders rose, "this is perfect." she said, holding onto his hands a bit tighter. Justin stood up and looked down at her while she moved her head up slowly to look at him.
"I know." he said softly, closing the space between them with a small step of his foot then leaned down at kissed her softly on the lips. Alex didn't even know a kiss could be so fulfilling. She pushed her lips against his harder and moved her hands up into his hair. It was so soft, as was his touch as he lightly put his hands on her hips and pulled her hips closer to his.
Alex found him irresistible as his tongue lightly darted across hers. She whimpered softly and pulled away. "I love you so much." she held onto him tightly and closed her eyes.
"I love you too, Alex." Justin lightly kissed her forehead and held her tighter, his arms draped around her shoulders tightly.
The door clicked just then and Justin immediately let go of his sister but half-smiled at her. Alex grinned back and went to her coffee cup as Max started talking on and on about something...Razor blades?
"They're so pointy! I didn't even know it! Did you know you bleed if you use them sometimes?" Max asked. Justin turned around and smirked at Alex. "I didn't know...No idea, Maxi." he said. "I'm gonna go up to my room." he added, standing up and walked up the steps.
"What's his problem?" Max asked after Justin was out of earshot.
"I don't know," Alex shrugged, bringing her cup close to her lips again, "It's not like I care about him." she said with a scoff before taking a sip out of her tea, smirking against the cup's edge as it went past her lips and slid into her stomach, awakening the butterflies that had been left there by Justin.
She didn't care about him at all...