I walked tentatively into his room he was staring down at his long burn the print of a knife was repeated many times. It just showed how far apart we are, I didn't even recognize the signs.
"Why?" My tired voice spoke to him, he looked up and pulled the gown down. He looked tired but I didn't care at this point.
"Tell me why you would do this Adam?" He looked down.
"I just wanted to be rid of the pain." I sighed and walked to sit next to his bed.
"What pain, talk to me Adam." I looked into his baby blue eyes that I loved. I pushed his fringe on his forehead back and just rested my hand on his cheek.
"You will only leave." I smiled at him.
"I haven't left yet have I?" He smiled at me and sighed.
"I just wanted to make my own choice, I wanted to be able to break free."
"By almost killing your self Adam, what would that of done to me, Drew or your parents? So many people love you Adam." I took his hand and saw how gaunt he looked.
"I know, I didn't mean to lose control. It was one pill then four then more. Once I took them I just went painless but I wanted to feel the pain of the burn, I wanted to know I was alive."
"There has got to be another way to do that Adam." I rubbed my thumb over his hand.
"I know, I swore I wouldn't do it again. I hated my self after the first time, I doubted my self and us and that you were falling for Adam not Gracie. I can't escape my past and its killing me." I stood and took off my heels before I laid next to him snuggling up to his good side.
"This. Us we are real Adam, I don't want it to be all lies. I want you to trust that I am falling in love with the guy. I will be there for you Adam, no one will stop us. If you ever doubt, get me I will reassure you. I don't want to be afraid anymore." I looked up at him and leaned up to kiss him.
"I don't want to be afraid either." He met me half way and his sweet lips were on mine. I pulled back when I heard a cough.
"Better straighten up mother is coming." I sat up and in the chair.
"Fiona may I speak with my son alone." I turned to Mrs. Torres and nodded. I gave Adam one last kiss before I let the family be.
"Is he alright?" I turned to Clare.
"For now. No more protecting him Eli unless its necessary." He looked ashamed of him self.
"I feel like this is my fault."
"All of us do in a way Eli, none of us noticed what he was doing." Clare and Bianca looked downcast.
"You two knew. Didn't you?" I was angry with them.
"It was his battle." Bianca protested. I was so pissed all of this could of been prevented.
"What happened if he died? Would you be able to look me in the eye and tell me that you knew the guy I love died because you kept it a secret?" I walked away to disgusted, I wanted to be away from them all.
I looked to my brother.
"Its not your fault Drew. I made a stupid choice." He nodded but did not say a thing.
"Adam, why did you do it?" I looked to my mother.
"To feel alive, it was the one thing I could control. Until I lost it." I looked down at my hands.
"Did Fiona have any part in the suicide attempt?" My mother questioned.
"No, she didn't she is the thing that kept me from pressing it to my neck." I snapped back at my mother she would get no angle to break us up.
"You know I am disappointed in you."
"I know mother, I didn't want to lie about her but I needed her, I needed another way to feel alive. I cant do that caged at home." I stared my mother down in her eyes showing her that I wasn't going to give in.
"I know that is partly my fault not letting you and Drew go but I have a right to worry. Adam you have moved from three schools in three years. I wanted to create a place that you would be safe and when you got into those fights I knew I failed."
"You didn't fail, I love Degrassi better than those other places. I have friends, but you got so worried about protecting me and failed to see that I didn't need it."
"I know but I want you to promise me three things." I nodded to my father who spoke up now.
"One have Fiona over for dinner, Two no more burning, Three come to us if it gets to much don't hide it." I nodded to my dad, knowing that if he didn't speak up my mothers punshments would of been worse, she sent him a scalding look but he just hid it.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lose control. But I promise those three things."
"Good but your still grounded. I think a two week wait on the permit is fair."
"But that means I have to wait longer to get my license." My mother shrugged and I knew not to complain to much that I was getting off easy. I looked to Drew and socked him. He rubbed his arm and cracked a smile.
"Hey that frown on your face is making you uglier, better stop or the window will break." I told him, and he laughed and just shook his head.
"Your strange you know that right?"
"I know but I am your brother." I smiled at Drew and he smirked back.
"Better not forget it kid." He leaned over and gave me a gentle shake.
"Why would I or how could I?"