Disclaimer: I still don't own anything anybody cares about.
A/N: Don't ya just really hate it when you're in the middle of trying to get through a crucial part of a story for the second time so you'll have it read for a book discussion the next day and a story idea comes flying at ya and WHACKS you in the face and then your muse decides to punk out on you before you really feel like you've written enough? Yeah, I thought so.
WARNING: SPOILERS FOR BOOK 6!
All For Naught
What if all this, everything we've done, is all for naught? What if everything we've worked so hard to achieve, to prevent, doesn't mean a thing. What then? Will everyone I've striven to protect simply waste away? Or will they meet a fate worse than death?
These things I've wondered for some time now, never before been able to find the answers. But now some things have become clear to me. I now see that there are some things that I am incapable of preventing, some things that must happen for others to prevail.
I knew from the beginning about the Malfoy boy and the choice he would make. I knew that he would join Voldemort, but for what reason I am unsure. Could it be because he wishes to avenge his father's imprisonment? Or could it be because he was simply to naive to determine his fate for himself? What I didn't know was that he would be sent to kill me. I had a feeling that Voldemort had such an action in mind, but the means to achieve it did not become clear to me until recently.
I never in my wildest dreams imagined that Voldemort would allow one so young and inexperienced to join his ranks. I was under the misguided impression that he was wiser than that, that he knew the naive lacked the courage and conviction to achieve his means. But then again, perhaps he was blinded to this, since he was an extraordinary individual himself at that age. Perhaps it has not occurred to him that others are not nearly as gifted.
If this is the case, then a problem has arisen. I did not take into account that Voldemort would be using children in his schemes. If I had known sooner, I would have adjusted my plans accordingly. But alas, I did not, and that, above all else, may very well prove to be my downfall.
All my well-executed plans, down the drain. I did not know of these developments, but had I come across this knowledge sooner, something could have been done. I would have taken more precautions, watched over things with a more careful eye. But I did not. And now others will have to suffer for my ignorance.
But, perhaps, some good will come of this. Maybe now Harry will be able to muster the courage and gall he needs to face Voldemort. Hopefully, my death will spur him in a way that the deaths of his parents and godfather did not. If this fails, then everything will indeed all be for naught.
I like to believe that I have been something of a father figure to Harry, guiding him when all others would not. But I have failed to be there for him when he needed me most. My absence provoked insubordinate thoughts against me, and for that, I am full of morose. If only I had always been there, never faltering, he would be that much stronger and have that much better of a chance of doing what I could not.