Today is the day I dread the most. Mom is unbearable to be around, if she happens to even leave her room. She stays in there and cries for hours on end. It's not very Abnegation of her but we know how hard a day like this can be. My sister, Ivy finishes cutting my hair. I'm allowed to look at myself in the mirror but only for a short period of time. Abnegation rejects vanity. Some people don't even have mirrors. We do, so I decided to take a glance at myself. The first thing that comes to mind is that I definitely needed that haircut. Even with it my hair falls below my breast that are unnoticeable in the loose fitting grey dress I am wearing. It has waves to it, the complete opposite of the bone straight hair that my mother and sisters have. My eyes are almond shaped and shine a bright green. They look to be almost too big for my face. Another trait I've inherited from my father. I look at m lips which are full and almost heart shaped. I know I got those from my mother. They curl when she laughs and make her smell look so happy and carefree. I think my mother is naturally beautiful without the embellishments that the girls from other factions use. Me on the other hand, I'm not so sure. I've never considered my beauty. It's not something members of Abnegation are allowed to think of. But I guess someone could find me attractive. I look at my skin, the light caramel tone looks smooth and blemish free. Well, except for the birthmark on my forehead. I still don't know how it got there. I must be looking at myself for too long, when Ivy covers the mirror again.
"That's enough, Iris. You wouldn't want to make father angry". She eyes me cautiously. Ivy just turned 14 two weeks ago so she won't be choosing her faction anytime soon. But she seems older than she is. Maybe it's how she carries herself but people always assume that she is older.
I think back to my father. He hasn't been the same since the government transfer. About a few months ago, Erudite attempted to lead a strike against Abnegation. They said that it was because we weren't leading the government right. Erudite began to spread rumors about us, that we were hoarding food and resources for ourselves. None of it was true. When the Dauntless soldiers came kicking down our door, I was sure that we would be killed. But at the last minute, the council decided to hand over the government to Erudite. Being in charge meant nothing if it meant risking the lives of their own people. A truce was set up where Abnegation was spared and the Factionless were given protection. And Jeanine finally got the power she wanted.
Ever since the truce, my father has been on the edge. The council gave him a sense of importance amongst the people. He won't admit it though. t would be too self-indulgent of him. Now he works in a shelter providing support for the Factionless. But it still doesn't change how tense he is at home. Sometimes he yells at my mother if dinner isn't ready fast enough. Sometimes he yells at us. He doesn't hit but he has grabbed my mother. He's even grabbed and shook me whenever I've made a mistake. It scares my other sisters Irina and Indira. They're only six. They don't understand the stress my dad is under. He's scared of Erudite. What they will do with the power. To be honest, I'm scared too.
As I sweep up my hair, my father walks in.
"Has your mother eaten this morning?" he asks warily.
"She and the twins had breakfast this morning", Ivy responds.
My dad appears relieved. Feeding my mother is one less thing for him to worry about today.
"And what about you girls? Have you eaten?"
"Yes father. Ivy made all of us breakfast" I hate to see him so stressed.
He nods and walks over to me and cradles my face in his hands.
"Iris," he struggles to find the words, "Whatever you choose, I will love you no matter what'". I look into his eyes, my eyes and see them almost brimming with tears. I know he means every word.
"And what about mother?" I almost whisper to him. He almost sobs and pulls me into a tight embrace.
"Your mother will always love you" he says and kisses the top of my forehead.
My mother has always hated the Choosing Ceremony. She doesn't say it because it wouldn't be proper, but I always sensed it. She would comfort friends whose children left Abnegation and I could see the how it drained her. And then two years ago, when my older brother Isaac chose Dauntless, she lost it. She stayed in her room for almost a week in "mourning". On Visiting Day, she refuses to go. She's too scared of the emotions that run through her. My father tries to convince her that it would be the selfless thing to do, but she can't. Ivy stays behind to take care of her but I think she does it for another reason. If there were any of my siblings who were destined for Abnegation it would be Ivy. Everything about her is Abnegation. How she behaves, how she thinks. She adheres to our manifesto with her whole heart, something I never could do.
As my father releases me from his hug, I hear my mother come downstairs. She has washed her face to remove any evidence that she has been crying.
"Are you ready to head out?" she asks. It's heartbreaking to see her try so hard to be brave. But I know if she can do it, then so can I.
"Yes mother, I just need to put my hair up". I go to do it, but she stops me and does it herself. When she finishes her hands rest on my shoulders. I turn to face her and we look each other in the eye. She nods as if she is reassuring herself that she can handle this. Or more so that I will stay with her and not leave. We walk out the door one after the other, the fate of our family still undetermined.