I really want to warn you this has attempted and completed suicide in it turn back if you are delecate to this kind of thing...I won't hold it against you...

My name is James Worthington I'm 21 years old and I am alone in my cold and empty house, the people I might of hoped that would've stayed with me all left me alone abandoned one way or another all of them gone...but that doesn't matter...it was a long time ago eons considered to the here and now that I exist in not live...its been a very long time since I've actually lived. I lay here on my bed watching the shadows form and flicker across the swirling patterned the shadows...the only things that have stayed with me since the beginning..the shadows, I feel a blissful numbness inside which is what makes this so easy even if I wasn't I'd still do this regardless of how difficult it would be.

I get up slowly like I'm in a trance with even measured steps and make my way around my room grabbing the lone bottle that sits on my dresser reminding me of what I am doing, my fingers are clumsy as I pop the lid off the bottle of my precious poison-pills. I count 4, 9, 13, 19 and eventually I pour all 25 in the palm of my hand just staring at them silently like I've done every night for the past year, only this time its different something in me seems steadier like the calm before the storm. Am I really going to do this?..Yes...yes I am... I roll the pills around in my hand before I push them all in my mouth not bothering to wash them down with the chilled glass of water sitting on my nightstand my throat dries and I choke instantly as I try to swallow them all, but I keep trying to swallow and eventually they all go down and I suddenly feel overcome with dizziness and I find myself falling. I hit the soft and plush surface of my bed my legs seize up and my arms and back cramp painfully making me roll over so that I look at the swirling ceiling once again, colors pass by at a rapid rate blinding me making my eyes burn and salty tears collect and drip over onto my cheeks. I close my eyes to stem the flow and I feel a calm darkness spreading through me pulling me down as my body fights to get rid of the poison making its way in my body. The darkness keeps spreading until it encases my heart in its icy claws slowing it down and...and eventually stopping it, everything fades around me all smells, feeling, and sounds all gone. As I let the darkness take me there was one sound more like a distant echo of a door being kicked off its hinges and then darkness blessed darkness...

When I reopened my eyes I was slightly surprised to see an endless field of healthy wheat the sky lit up beautifully with oranges, yellows, and a slight pinkish hue. I walked forward happiness blooming in my chest as I realized it was over everything was over, the cold emptiness that haunted me and turned my home into a prison...was gone. A happy smile overtook my face and my steady walk morphed into a glorious sprint the warm colors blurring past me in a flurry and I ran and kept running until I had sprinted to an old wooden shed, a tri-colored flag blew proudly in the wind hooked on an extremely tall flagpole. I walk forward to the door of the shed slightly curious and try to open it...locked damn it.., I turn away and start walking wanting to take this place in and all its beauty. As I continue walking the scenery around me changes it morphs into one of those streets that would blend perfectly in with New York or some other busy city except everything was still and silent even the colors of the outside world deserted this place making it...empty, I thought I'd escape from that sickening feeling of cold emptiness but it seems that its disgustingly frozen claws have managed to capture me even here. I try to shake of the hollow feeling as I press onward passing several broken and unused cars as I do, finally I reach a dead end it with an ambulance blocking the rest of the road and I sigh and try to open the back door of the ambulance I expect it to be locked but it swings open with ease shocking me.

I quickly step aside horror and numb shock gripping me as I see a stretcher roll out of darkened abyss of the back place of the ambulance, and hooked securely in it was...me? Shakily I leaned down it seemed...odd looking at my dead body while I was here standing above myself. My dark wine colored hair barely grazed the bottom of my closed lazy looking icy blue lazy blue eyes, and when directed at someone gave them the I don't give shit vibe. The dark circles were still there permanently etched into my deathly pale skin right under my eyes, I looked away from hi-no my face I was wearing the clothes I was now...the clothes I was wearing when I...died. My cotton button up black shirt strait and cleanly pressed and my ordinary black jeans with my dark grey converse sneakers, I tore my gaze away from myself to see that while I was observing how identical we looked, my dead doppelganger's mouth had fallen open to reveal a silver shining key stuck in my mouth. Hitching an eyebrow I pulled the key carefully from my mouth and examined it Looks like it could go to...to the shed! I grinned and got back up ready to try out my idea my curiosity driving me back towards the old and hopefully abandoned shed, I quickly got up clutching the key and jogged towards the wheat fields. A rumbling made my icy colored eyes look up at the ceiling as dust rained down and continued to shake, fearfully I sprinted in the direction of the warm and comforting fields the rumbling sounds behind me as the ceiling collapses swiftly making me throw myself forward praying that I didn't crushed under the concrete rubble as it sends up a thick spray soot. I lay there on the cold hard ground my bones and muscles aching as I push myself up unsteadily seeing to my relief and astonishment that the wreckage had missed me by a few inches, still breathing heavily I dust my shirt off and settle for a nice walk back to the shed taking my time. My walk is unfaltering as I continue onward to my destination but I give a deep sigh of relief once I'm out of the colorless, empty, cold and compressing car filled street and back among the warm color filled wheat.

I look down at the shining key and full of relief trudge to the shed but my eyes widen as I catch sight of a prideful stag with an impressive rack, a ease forward not sure if it would attack me or not and to my reassurance it trots away quickly as I get closer. I heave a sigh of relief as the key slips in the lock perfectly and it unlocks cautiously I ease it open, a short hallway and a giant machine was inside tilting my head curiously I stepped inside to see if there was anything else but was disappointed to find only a boarded up hole which I was pretty sure that I didn't want to be messing with if the suspicious stains were anything to go by. I pouted and left the shack to see the deer that had trotted off staring at me with dark and intelligent eyes as it slowly strode towards me, frozen I waited to see what it would do and it trotted forward before looking back at me expectantly. Cautiously I walked next to it as it kept jogging forward and lead me into an area of trees that had most defiantly hadn't been there before, regardless I pressed on but for a while longer and stopped when the stag disappeared confused I looked around before I froze in horror the chilling numbness had griped me again at the sight of my body...once again dead but hanging limply from a tree. Mechanically I stepped forward wanting to get myself down but noticed the complicated knot that would take hours and sore fingers, I looked up once more to see if there was a weak spot in the rope suspending my body and was distracted by another shiny silver key. I snorted and shook my head more damn keys really?! a caw brought me out of my thoughts and I turned my head to see a gorgeous black and sleek looking crow. It cawed again and flapped its wings frantically at me getting the hint I strode over to it and raised an eyebrow as if to ask well what now, the shadowy bird seemed satisfied and few to another tree before looking back at me getting the idea I repeated the same process that I had done with the stag passing through the trees and coming to metal walls and a horrible rotting smell permitting ahead. Swallowing nervously I shakily continue and my eyes widen dramatically as I gaze at the defiled corpse of the stag, a hunters knife had been crudely stuck in it as a trophy and a low dangerous growl rumbled in my throat making the crow squawk I stalked towards the belly of the stag and viscously yanked the knife out of its gut. Seeing a bolted door I walked over an unlocked it and stepped out to see the same tree that I was currently hanging from.

I gripped the knife tighter as I stepped forward and brought it down on the rope holding me in the tree effectively severing it making my body fall to the ground with a dull thud, letting the knife fall to the ground I stumbled to my prone form I look like I'm sleeping I thought calmly. Carefully I took the key that was around my neck and pocketed it, I glanced down at myself and turned away beginning to walk towards the jet black crow that had flown in front of me. Instead of seeing the familiar shed I came onto a giant blackened iron gate with...numerous ripped off animal head stuck on it, shivering in disgust I tried the key and sighed happily as the gruesome gates swung inward hiding the heads from my sight. I resumed walking but stopped as the sight of an elderly woman on a porch greeted me, she looked up and smiled a thin lipped smile and I felt the air change around her mimicking the atmosphere that had been around the stag's rotting corpse as she fondled a dead and blackened rose in her boney fingers. "Hello James Worthington welcome to me house..."