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Trigger warning: Mention of a rape.
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Cordelia sat up in bed against two pillows, the duvet pushed to one side. Despite the cold Montana weather, Cordelia was clammy and heating up with a slight fever. A fever that had nothing to do with any type of illness. She sighed and tied her auburn hair in a loose bun at the nape of her neck to get it off her shoulders. She let her bangs hang down, smiling slightly at the memory of Optimus' reaction when she had debuted them.
.o
Cordelia eased her key into the front door and unlocked it, stepping through as it swung inwards into the hallway of the ranch house. She walked into the lounge where she found Optimus sitting in his favourite armchair. The fire was lit, and the bright orange flames cast strange and beautiful lights on his knight like armour. He sat with his right foot resting on his left knee and cradled in his hands was a well-worn copy of Arthur Golden's Memoirs of a Geisha. All that was missing from the scene was a par of half-moon spectacles. Upon seeing Cordelia enter the room, a broad smile made its way onto his noble face. He placed the book on the side table next to the chair and rose in one fluid motion.
He pulled her into a strong embrace, resting his chin gently on the top of her head. She returned it in kind, rising up on her tip-toes so that she could get her arms around the metal 'collar' that adorned his neck. His armour was cool and smooth beneath her touch; it felt like home.
He took a step back to appraise her with a tender look from his kind blue optics. He left his arms resting on her shoulders while he looked at her, nothing but love and gentleness in his earnest blue gaze.
She looked up at him from underneath her eyelashes, a habit she'd developed whenever she was embarrassed about something. Optimus noticed this and gently curled his fingers underneath her chin, tilting her head upwards so that she was looking him directly in the eye.
"I see you've had a haircut little one." Optimus said, letting a few strands of her red hair fall between his fingers. Cordelia smiled in response, blood rushing to her freckled cheeks, causing them to go a deep shade of red. Optimus noticed this and smiled at her with just his optics in that special way of his. Her new hair now sat evenly on her shoulders in neat even layers. It was straight and sleek, and her small face was now accentuated by a heavy fringe.
She smiled shyly at him and tucked a strand of her behind her left ear. "Do you like it?" she asked quietly, dropping her green eyes from his gaze.
"Of course Lia; any way in which you wear your hair will always look beautiful." She eyed him incredulously and rolled her green eyes at him.
"Obviously you're not biased at alllll." She said, drawing out the last word.
Optimus raised a brow and feigned innocence. "Me? Biased? Never. I think you have the wrong Cybertronian there Lia." She just laughed and let Optimus help her out of her jacket.
.o
Cordelia's eyes misted over at the memory, causing her vision to become blurred and woozy, as if she was looking at an oasis in the middle of the desert.
She felt as if she were in the middle of the desert now; only there was no oasis waiting to provide her with the essential sanctuary that she so desperately needed.
She turned her head to look at the slumbering figure next to her.
Optimus Prime lay recumbent in the bed next to her, resting on his stomach, both arms folded to support his head. His optics were shut, and his mouth was pouting a little as he recharged. Every now and then he would exvent a little louder than usual as his systems played catch up with the amount of air he was currently cycling. The vents on the back of his head were responsible for 'inhaling' air and the vents that were situated where his 'nostrils' would have been were responsible for letting it out. Occasionally he took in too much air from the environment which caused the tiny fans within his central processing unit to spin too fast, causing everything else in his head to vibrate. The result was a sudden and short expulsion of air which hilariously sounded like he was snoring.
Cordelia tore her eyes away from his resting form and slowly swung her legs over the side of the bed. Grabbing her fleecy dressing gown that had been a Christmas present from Optimus, Cordelia padded quietly into the en-suite. She turned the light on to its lowest setting so that it provided just enough light for her to see what she was doing.
She sat down on the toilet and relieved herself before getting up and examining herself in the floor-length mirror. The hardship and stress of the last two months was written all over her face. Her eyes were faded and tired, seeing the world around them but taking nothing in. Her hair, once thick and glossy, was now dank and hung limply. There was no body or shine about it anymore, and her once vibrant auburn shade was now more akin to a rusty copper coin.
Her hand slowly and shakily made their way down to the bottom of her top. She grasped it between trembling fingers and lifted it to reveal the small but definite bump situated between her hips. She touched it gingerly with one hand, pushing against it slightly. The surface was rock hard and didn't give at all under the slight pressure that she applied. She could not pull her eyes from it; this seemingly harmless bump. A bump that contained a life nonetheless. A life that she carrying.
Hiding it from Optimus was getting more and more difficult. She was sure that he would figure it out for himself sooner rather than later, but the thought of him finding out was more than she could bear. She wasn't letting him pick her up as much as she had used to when he was his full size, and when he was utilising his human sized holoform, she very rarely allowed him to embrace her. She knew the sudden change in her behaviour both hurt and confused him, but bless his Spark, he carried on as if nothing was amiss.
It was killing her to keep deceiving him this way, but she couldn't see an alternative. The thought of losing him after all they had been through together was incomprehensible; she knew she'd rather lose her own life than his love.
She wiped fiercely at her eyes, catching the few stray tears that had made their way past her defences. A quick glance at her watch told her it was seven minutes past two in the morning. She knew Optimus wouldn't wake until seven in the morning at the earliest, so she had a few hours to herself at the very least.
She grabbed a pair of sweatpants from the laundry basket and put them on briskly over her knickers and tucked her bed socks into them. She exited the bathroom and made her way quietly to the door, pausing to look over her shoulder at Optimus.
He lay just as she had left him, the moonlight penetrating a small gap in the curtains, coming to land on his silvery back. He looked beautiful and other-worldly. She offered him a guilty smile and closed the door silently behind her.
Once on the landing, Cordelia made her way to the stairs and descended them carefully, mindful to avoid making too much noise.
She slipped her feet into the snow boots that were situated by the front door and shrugged herself into the thick khaki green parka jacket. She eyed the hat and decided against wearing it as she quietly pulled the front door open.
The cold air bit into her cheeks and stung her eyes; her breath swirled in pretty patterns around her as she made her way briskly to the car.
Cordelia risked a quick glance over her shoulder to look at the upstairs windows of the ranch house. They were all still in darkness. A thin layer of frost coated each window in all four corners, reminiscent of children's cartoons at Christmas time. Cordelia pushed the guilty thoughts to the back of her mind and dug her car keys out of her jacket pocket.
Although the air was cold, it was nowhere near cold enough yet to freeze her doors shut. That weather would come in December and January. Optimus had the useful ability of being able to send heat to any part of his body, and on such occasions as when the car doors were frozen shut, he would cup both of his enormous hands around the body of the car, thawing the ice within seconds.
Cordelia was grateful that she didn't need that particular talent at this moment in time.
She folded herself quickly into the blue Volvo C30, turning the key in the ignition. The car rumbled to life, the heating systems kicking in to warm up the vehicle. She didn't bother fastening her seatbelt; she wanted to be away from the house as quickly as possible.
She wasn't planning to go far; the ranch had a modest acreage and she was planning to stay within the property boundaries.
Right now, it felt as if the walls of the house were physically pressing down on her, and she just needed some time alone in a space that was outside.
She eased the car into gear and drove slowly out of the horseshoe shaped driveway; praying that the rattle of the snow chains on the car's tyres wouldn't wake Optimus. She kept a vigilant eye on the house in the rear-view mirror, but all the windows remained dark.
Cordelia allowed her shoulders to relax as she increased the distance between herself and the ranch house. She winced inwardly when she thought of Optimus' reaction to waking up to her absence.
She was just beginning to relax when an enormous dark green foot was planted in her path. She stomped on the breaks, swearing quietly to herself. She was in half a mind to sound the horn in protest, but she knew Optimus would hear that easily, even from the distance she was at. Instead she leaned over the steering wheel and peered upwards through the windscreen to see to whom the giant leg belonged.
Hound.
Cordelia felt her features turn downward in a scowl. She pulled the key out of the ignition. It was pointless wasting petrol when she wasn't going to get anywhere anytime soon.
Hound lowered himself into a squatting position, taking large drags from the giant bullet casing that also doubled as his 'cigar.' One giant finger beckoned her towards him.
Sighing, Cordelia opened the driver door and stepped out of the car, hunching herself up against the cold. She walked around the front of the car and sat on the bonnet.
"Where you off to at this time of night titch?" Hound asked, using his personal nickname for her. As he spoke, he blew giant smoke rings into the night sky, an impressive achievement when one considered that he did not possess a tongue.
Cordelia chewed her lip thoughtfully before answering him. She had to be careful; anything she said to Hound would surely get back to Optimus and she wanted to be the one to tell him of her…secret.
"Nowhere in particular." She said finally, shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly. "What're you doing up this late?"
Hound chuckled and looked at her thoughtfully, the cigar dangling from between his lip plates.
"I'm on patrol of the perimeter. My turn this week. So far I've not found anything."
"What do you mean 'so far'? I'm not anything." Hound raised a challenging brow.
"I don't think so titch. You're somethin', that's for sure." Hound lowered himself to sit carefully on the ground, one knee brought up to his chest. He gestured to the car. "Just fancied a midnight drive did ya?"
Cordelia shrugged. "I couldn't sleep, so I figured a drive might help with that."
Hound didn't look convinced. "Most humans settle for a nice hot cup of methylxanthines." At Cordelia's bemused expression, he explained further. "Y'know; theobromine and theophylline?" Cordelia's expression remained blank.
Somehow Hound managed to imitate a perfect sigh. "What is it? That hot liquid that humans drink?"
Cordelia laughed. "Coffee?" Hound shook his head. "Tea?" Hound slapped his leg.
"That's the one! Why didn't you just make a cup of…tea?" Cordelia smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.
"Tea's not gonna sort this one out Hound."
Hound appraised the tiny human with grave optics. Something changed in his face before he folded himself into the Oshkosh Medium Defence Tactical vehicle.
"Come on kid. Let's go for a drive." Cordelia's eyes widened in surprise. She had thought that Hound would immediately insist that she return to the house, and instead she was met with the sight of his passenger door hanging innocently open. "Well, are ya comin' or not?" His voice jerked her out of her reverie, and she ran forward; clambering quickly up the steps and settling herself in the passenger seat.
The seat belt came down and fastened itself across her of its own accord. "Don't think I didn't notice you weren't wearing your belt." Cordelia shot the dash a scowl. "Don't think I didn't notice that either." Hound said, a smile present in his gravelly voice. He pulled onto the road, the snow crunching nosily beneath his tyres.
The only sound for about twenty minutes was the gravel and snow being tossed around as Hound drove. He drove at a steady pace; a true professional navigating his surroundings. Cordelia was a little taken aback as she realised that Hound was heading for the same place she'd been driving towards.
He took a fork in the road that took them through a thick cluster of trees. After about 500 metres of the thick pines, they thinned and then gave way completely to a wide open space. It was full of crisp white snow; untouched save for the few footprints of various animals as they went about their nightly business.
Hound came to a halt, letting his engine turn off. For a few minutes, they sat in silence. Cordelia cradled the bump beneath her parka, tears threatening to pierce the dam she had built in her brain.
Light began to emanate from the steering wheel and Cordelia watched as it slowly built a human sized version of Hound. Although he was exactly the same as he usually looked at his full size; there was an overall softer look to the Autobot strategist.
Cordelia smiled, a little awkwardly. Hound's sudden decision to use his holoform had surprised her, and she struggled to hide her reaction. Hound's expression mirrored her own.
"It's okay kid. I wasn't expecting to use it either." He said as if he'd plucked the thought straight out of her head. He rested his hands-on top of the steering wheel. "I gotta say; it's weird to actually sit inside myself; I've never experienced it before." Cordelia snorted.
She turned away from Hound to look at the glassy surface of the lake that was situated right in the centre of the meadow. In the summer, the meadow was bursting with colour and light. The grass would grow almost as high as her waist and the wildflowers would attract all manners of insects from miles around. It was a myriad of greens and blues and reds, pinks and pale whites. The lake was the centre piece, a perfect reflection of the blue, cloudless sky.
Now, in the winter, Cordelia felt that the meadow resembled herself. White and empty, void of life and void of hope. No amount of comfort or nurturing would thaw the ice that had taken hold around her heart. No one's except the one's that she wanted most. The one's comfort who she was most afraid to seek. She was ashamed of herself. Of her thoughts; for even having them in the first place.
Cordelia tightened her arms about her slender torso, holding herself together as if she was about to snap in two. Hound noticed and twisted in his seat to face her fully.
He gently pulled her arms away from her with next to no effort and held both of her hands in his. She wouldn't look him in the eye, and he didn't force her to, nor did he speak. They just sat there in silence, the only sound being Cordelia's shallow breathing as she fought to control her emotions.
She finally allowed her gaze to meet Hound's and the pity within his blue optics was almost enough to crush her right there and then. She tried to pull her hands free from his grasp, but he held on to them. He brushed his thumbs over her bony knuckles, wordlessly trying to comfort her in some sort of human way.
"You remind me of him you know."
"Huh?"
"Ironhide. You remind me of him. You are both fiercely protective of your secrets and those you love. You'll fight for what you believe in, and once you've made your minds up, nothing can change it."
Hound's sudden mention of his deceased Spark-mate took Cordelia by surprise. She had known that Hound and Ironhide had been bonded for well over 12,000 years, but the gruff Autobot rarely spoke of his loved one, if ever.
Suddenly Cordelia found herself seeing Hound in a completely new light. No longer was he just one of Optimus' soldiers, he was his own person, with his own stories. He had his own triumphs and failures; his own tragedies and successes. Ironhide was only one facet of his vast personality and Cordelia found herself somewhat embarrassed for seeing this only now. She took one of her hands from his and rested it on his broad green shoulder.
"You miss him." It wasn't a question.
Hound broke their gaze. "More than you know kid. It's as if someone has cut off both of my legs and expects me to keep walking as if nothing has changed. I'm learning to heal every day; but I'll never be fully whole again. That old fool stole my Spark long ago, and part of it died with him that day." Cordelia watched as Hound's optics glazed over as he spoke of his fallen love, and the pain and longing in his voice made her throat ache.
"I guess what I'm trying to say kid…is that you're not alone. I know what you've been through this last year and a half has been…hard. I know you've wanted to give up and just lay down and accept your lot. But you haven't; and that is something to be damn proud of.
"Optimus thinks the world of you…I've not seen him this content since before the war. So, I guess I'm tryna say…thank you."
Cordelia was gobsmacked, she didn't know what to say.
"It's okay titch; you don't have to say anything. Just…listen. Don't keep stuff from Optimus that could hurt him. He only ever wants to help you. I promise you titch; nothing you do could ever drive him away. He worships the ground that you walk on."
Cordelia sat up straight in her seat and looked Hound in the eye. "You…you know?" Her voice was barely louder than a whisper.
Hound nodded gravely. "Wouldn't be much of a medic if I didn't know now, would I?"
"Medic?"
He nodded again. "What do ya think this is for?" he chuckled, pointing out the red cross in the centre of his helm. "Yep. I was Ratchet's student before and during the war. When he came to Earth, he continued to tutor me when he could; sending me his findings and observations about humans. Obviously, pregnancy was one of the first things he studied. It fascinated him. Do you know how far along you are?"
"Umm about ten weeks I think." Hound chewed the end of his cigar thoughtfully.
"Would you mind if I scan you? I can give you a due date then." In response, Cordelia began to unzip her jacket." Hound shook his head. "You don't need to take your jacket off. I can scan through all items of clothing."
Cordelia felt the light tickle of Hound's scan and shivered as her whole body erupted into goosebumps. "Done." Hound said, offering her a small smile. "You are 10 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Your foetus is about the size of a kumquat. I reckon you're due around early May."
Cordelia's hands found their way down to her small bump. It now felt real. She had a baby growing inside her. A baby that was totally dependent on her for absolutely everything; life, safety, love. She took a deep breath and looked down at her hands.
"You alright kid?" Cordelia nodded in answer to Hound's question.
They sat in silence for a few more minutes before Hound spoke again.
"I'll let ya in on one of my guilty secrets. Here; listen." The radio flicked on and female vocals filled the space.
I have a tale to tell
Sometimes it gets so hard to hide it well
I was not ready for the fall
Too blind to see the writing on the wall
A man can tell a thousand lies
I've learned my lesson well
Hope I live to tell
The secret I have learned, 'till then
It will burn inside of me
Hound drummed his fingers on the steering wheel in time to the music. He leaned his head back against the headrest, closing his optics and just losing himself in the melody.
After a few bars Cordelia realised it was Madonna's voice crooning through Hound's speakers. They listened together in silence and as the song went on, Cordelia wondered what secret the song had been written about; wondering what man could tell a thousand lies.
The song drew to a close and Cordelia smiled gently at Hound. "I didn't take you for a Madonna fan." Hound grinned at her sheepishly.
"What'd I tell ya; one of my guilty secrets." Cordelia smiled and made a zipping motion against her lips with her index finger before throwing the 'key' away over her shoulder. Hound smiled.
"I'm sure the boss has some surprising musical taste as well." Cordelia laughed.
"Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies." Hound just smiled and looked ahead at the full moon. The night sky was clear and black, the moon hanging low in the sky. A pearl amongst a soft cluster of diamond stars.
"Hound; will you take me home please?" Hound wordlessly started his engine once more and headed for the ranch house.
.o
They pulled into the horseshoe shaped drive way and Hound killed the engine.
"Home sweet home kid, ooh." Cordelia followed his gaze to the front door which had been thrown open. Optimus stood in the doorway; visible tremors working their way down his long body. Cordelia swallowed past the hard lump that had suddenly formed in her throat and exited the vehicle. Hound's holoform materialised beside her.
"Lia? Where in the world-"
"I'm fine Optimus, I promise." Cordelia protested, walking up to her guardian. He placed a hand on her forehead, not satisfied with her explanation alone. He tried to surreptitiously check her over with a casual flick of his optics, but Cordelia knew him too well for him to disguise it effectively.
"Hey boss. I found her out on the road a coupla miles away so I brought her home. I'll bring the car back for you titch." Before Cordelia could reply, Hound's holoform had vanished and he was driving himself back the way they'd come.
Optimus looked down at Cordelia worriedly. She stepped forward and took one of his hands in both of hers. Even at this reduced size, he still dwarfed her in all manners. He imitated a sigh and led her back into the house.
Once they stepped over the threshold, Optimus helped her out of her thick winter jacket.
They walked into the lounge and Optimus sat down on the Native American style couch and patted the vacant space next to him. Cordelia sat next to him, though not as close as she usually did. The tension between them was palpable, and neither of them could bear it any longer.
"Cordelia, please talk to me. Can you not bear for me to touch you because of him?" Her breath hitched in her throat. His words brought back the rough touch of Attinger's hands on her body, holding her down while he forced his way inside her.
She shook her head, tears spilling over. She moved to embrace him, and he lifted her effortlessly into his lap. She allowed him to console her while she sobbed, relishing in the feeling of his strong hand rubbing soothingly up and down her spine.
She leaned her head against his chest and listened to the quiet thrum of his Spark. It never failed to calm her. Once her sobs had subsided, Optimus pulled back to look at her. He cupped her face gently in his hands, wiping stray tears away with his silver thumbs.
"Oh my little one, what has caused you such grief?" She couldn't help but chuckle at his formality.
"Can I ask you something first?"
"Anything." He said it with such conviction that Cordelia felt guilty for even needing to ask the question.
"You won't ever leave me, will you?" Her voice broke on the last word, and Optimus' optics grew misty with moisture.
"Never. Nobody or anything will ever come before you Cordelia. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone or anything; more than I will EVER love anyone or anything. Nothing you could do or say would drive me away. Nothing." He wore the scars of war in his tired gaze, but he spoke with determination and love for her. And she knew it.
She took a deep breath.
"I'm pregnant." His eyes widened in astonishment. At once they flicked down to her abdomen.
"You are with…child?" Cordelia nodded. "How didn't I see this?" Optimus, wondered aloud, more to himself than to her. He turned to face her. "This is why you were sick all day until a few days ago?" She nodded again, biting her lower lip.
He moved his hands downwards to gently pull back the thin pyjama top she was wearing. His whole hand was bigger than the tiny bump.
"How long have you known?" His voice was quiet.
"About three weeks." Cordelia replied, equally as quiet.
Optimus snapped his head up. If the situation hadn't been so serious, she would have laughed at his expression. His optics were wide circles, his mouth hanging open like a vacant animal trap.
"Why didn't you say earlier?" He asked, moving his hands back up to cup her face.
She placed her hands over his own. "I thought you would be angry." She said, dropping her gaze from his.
"You thought I would be?" He didn't finish his sentence; but pulled her to him, clinging onto her as if she was the only thing that could keep him afloat in the vast sea of his emotions.
"Oh, my little one; I would never be angry with you, ever! I will support you with whatever decision you make in your life. Your health and happiness are what is most important here."
"I'm going to keep it. I can't get rid of another one Optimus, I can't, I just can't!"
"Shh, shh. It's okay. I'm here. I'm here." He gently rocked her back and forth, cradling her head in a cupped hand.
She pulled away from him but rested her head against his chest and interlocked his hand with hers.
"When are you due?"
"Early May. What am I going to do? How am I going to afford a baby? What are YOU going to do?!"
"Easy little one, you're panicking. I will provide all the financial support you need. I have an arrangement with Joyce. Call it 'collateral' for all the trouble he caused. I will love both of you, unconditionally and without stipulation. Anything that could come from you would only be loved by me."
"Half of it will be from him." Cordelia spoke with her head drooped; her chin resting against her chest.
"He has only provided the physical material necessary for creating another human being. You will raise him or her with love and patience, and I promise you that I will help you in every way possible with every aspect of this child. From right now until they leap the nest. And then forever."
Cordelia giggled against his chest.
"What's funny?" Optimus asked against her hair.
"It's 'fly the nest', not leap the nest."
"Oh." Optimus smiled ruefully. "Come on little one, let's get to bed. It's late." Optimus stood and easily swung her into his arms so that he was carrying her bridal style.
He carried her up the stairs and placed her gently in the king-size double bed before climbing in behind her.
"Will you stay with me until I'm asleep?" Cordelia asked drowsily.
"Always and forever." Optimus replied.
The last thing she was aware of was his large hand draped over the faint bump on her abdomen.
.o
Cordelia woke to the smell of something sweet drifting up the stairs. She turned over onto her front and checked her phone on the bedside table. It was past one o'clock in the afternoon!
She flung the covers back and leapt out of bed, sprinting to the wardrobe and grabbing the first items of clothing that her hands touched. Rushing into the bathroom, she combed her hair messily with her fingers before scraping it back into an untidy bun. She whisked the toothbrush around her mouth and washed her face simultaneously.
The reflection that greeted her in the mirror was flushed and pink-cheeked but looked miles better than it had done last night.
She hurried her feet into the thick boot-like slippers that were sat at the foot of her bed. She ran down the stairs, taking two at a time.
Optimus was in the kitchen, bent over something that he was cooking on the hob. He turned as Cordelia entered the room. He took her hand and let her over to the dining table where a single setting had been placed. A pot of tea was steaming on the table accompanied by a vase with a single sunflower in it. He pulled the chair out for her.
"Good afternoon little one, please sit. Your brunch will be ready shortly." Cordelia raised a brow as she took the proffered seat.
"My brunch?"
"Mmhmm. I made pancakes with winter berries as an accompaniment. Here you go." He placed a generous portion of pancakes in front of her. They had all been quartered and, in the middle, sat a small cluster of blueberries and strawberries. They smelled divine.
"Wow Optimus! You didn't have to do this; I could have made myself some cereal or something." Optimus waved her words away with a quick swipe of his left hand.
He draped the tea towel over his right shoulder and sat down in the chair opposite her. He poured her a cup of tea from the pot, adding a small dash of milk with two sugars; just the way she liked it.
"It was nothing. I want to take care of you; a pregnancy is hard work. I was up through the night researching all I could learn about the phenomenon. For example, your uterus is about the size of an orange and your foetus is approximately 3cm in length. The fact that such a microscopic, tiny cluster of cells has grown into something 3cm long in already ten weeks is astounding!"
His optics were brighter with excitement, his whole face changed with the expression of wonder. His eyes softened as they met hers.
"Pregnancy is a huge job for your body; you need to rest and ensure you are getting adequate nutrition."
He rested his hands-on top of the table, lightly clasping them together.
Cordelia cut into the pancakes, her knife slicing through them as if it was butter. As she chewed, the sweet flavours of the pancake, the syrup and the berries all mashed together and danced on her tongue. The flavour was perfectly even in every bite she took, and the sweet tea was the perfect compliment to the food.
Cordelia finished her food in record time, laying the knife and fork down on the clean plate. She smiled at Optimus, taking in his features greedily.
"Optimus, I'm pregnant. Not ill." He smiled guiltily at her, collecting her plate and getting up to go and wash it. He ran the hot tap and squirted some washing up liquid into the water, creating soft, white bubbles.
His hands became silver blurs as he worked the sponge up and down the dish before rinsing it and setting it down in the draining rack. He retrieved the drying cloth from his shoulder, wiping the plate dry and putting it back in the cupboard.
"I know Lia; forgive me. I just…may I be honest?"
Cordelia got up from her chair and went over to Optimus. "Of course you can; Optimus, you can always be honest with me." He smiled and looked down at her fondly. He wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her onto the kitchen counter. Like that, they were at perfect eye level with each other.
"I am extremely excited about the birth of this baby. I have never had the experience of being a parent myself; it was not a common occurrence on Cybertron for Sparklings to come into existence. Besides, one needed to-" she placed her hands on either side of his face, drawing his tirade to a close.
"Relax Optimus, you're babbling."
"I just worry that you wouldn't want me to be excited for this baby…given the circumstances of the conception. I don't want to push you into anything you're not ready to do." Cordelia sighed and looked at Optimus through her expressionate green eyes.
"Optimus…I've already been made to get rid of one child. If he had been allowed to live, he would be eleven years old now. I don't blame you for being excited – truth be told, I'm even feeling quite excited. What has this baby done except exactly what it's supposed to do? It just came into existence like a clump of cells should – the circumstances behind that are not its fault. But what I can say is this; this baby will have no part of her father in her. I won't allow it."
If possible, Optimus looked at her with even more love present in his gaze. He raised his brow at the word 'she'.
"'She'?"
Cordelia shrugged. "Obviously its too early to say what it is, but something in my gut is telling me that it's a girl." Optimus grinned widely at her.
"I have heard that a mother's instinct is rarely wrong. We shall have to wait twenty-eight weeks to see if your hunch is correct."
Cordelia didn't say anything but latched onto Optimus like a koala bear, locking her arms tight around his neck. He gently lifted her off the counter and she wrapped her legs around his waist, enveloping herself in the safety that was him.
.o
They went about the rest of the day in a companionable silence; each glad that the other knew the secret that had lain between them.
Optimus let go of some of the sadness that had taken hold of him ever since they'd returned home from Hong Kong. Cordelia noticed it in the way that he walked; in the way he held himself. When he addressed his men, he stood straight and tall with his shoulders back and chest pressed out; the old Cybertronian instinct kicking back in.
Cordelia found herself feeling physically lighter, and the feeling of doom that she had been carrying around in the pit of her stomach was nowhere to be found. There was even a small gleam back in her deep green eyes.
Optimus excused himself for about an hour, to phone Joyce and sort out other 'things that demanded his attention' as he put it. He became suspiciously cagey when Cordelia asked what he was up to, merely smiling at her and suggesting she make a list of what foods she had been craving, if any.
Cordelia went upstairs and shut herself in the master bedroom. Telling Optimus hadn't been nearly as painful as she had anticipated, and she wanted to kick herself for doubting him. This was the bot who had stood by her through thick and thin, who had saved her life more times than she cared to remember. He meant the world to her, and now she would have another to love.
Attinger was on the fringe of her mind, but she refused to allow him that power over her. As Optimus had said the previous night; he had only provided the physical material that was needed in order to conceive a child. Science and fate had done the rest.
She was doodling absent-mindedly on the spiral-backed notepad that Optimus kept on his bedside table when a soft knock on the bedroom door brought her back to reality. "Come in!" she called, not taking her eyes from the doodle filled page.
The mattress squeaked as Optimus lowered himself to sit on it. He smiled at her doodles and took the pen from her, adding his own squiggles here and there.
Cordelia shut the book and put it back in its place on the nightstand before turning her full attention on Optimus. He looked a little nervous.
"Cordelia, I-" she held up a hand to stop him.
"Optimus, what is it with using my full name suddenly? What happened to Lia?" She studied him carefully as she waited for him to answer her question, watching as faint traces of pinkish-purple made their way into the edges of his optics – a Cybertronian blush.
"Sorry – Lia. I have invited Leo over for dinner. I don't want you to think I was shooting the gun, but I feel that he needs to know of the child. I'm preparing your favourite; mashed potatoes with wiener schnitzel and assorted vegetables."
Cordelia eyed him with a knowing smile. "So that's what you were up to. I thought you were acting weird. Optimus; it's fine. You're right – Leo does deserve to know. He's been like a father to me. Thank you." She leaned forward and planted a light kiss on his cheek-plate. "Have you got the cooking under control?" he nodded. "Fab. Meet me out on the balcony. I want to see you." He smiled, understanding her meaning straight away. His holoform disappeared with a small poof; the rumpled duvet being the only evidence of his presence.
She hurried into her fleecy hoodie and bounded towards the French doors that opened onto the balcony.
The balcony boasted impressive views of the surrounding mountain scenery, offering a perfect panorama of the pine forest. You could also see the lake from the balcony, a shining mirror glistening beautifully in the distance.
The tell-tale sounds of hissing joints alerted her to Optimus' approach. She turned to face him, needing to crane her neck to meet his gaze. Even though she was on the first floor, Optimus still dwarfed the house when he was at his full size.
Cordelia held her arms out to him like a child, and his giant palm came down and scooped her up into his grasp of familiarity, comfort and love. He held her against his chest, his Spark reverberating through her whole body. She closed her eyes in pure contentment.
Wordlessly his radio clicked on, and Leona Lewis' cover of Run began to sound through the speakers. Husky vocals filled the air, caressing Cordelia's bruised soul, slowly knotting it back together to become one with the great Prime's Spark.
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you, dear
Louder, louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say
At that moment, the song said everything that neither of them was capable of. The air seemed to shimmer and vibrate with the love between them.
Optimus swayed slowly on his feet, sending the pair of them this way and that.
I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done
Cordelia was suddenly aware of lukewarm liquid dripping down the back of her neck and onto her shoulders. She looked up to see Optimus weeping softly. She wordlessly patted his hand and he brought her up close to his face.
His optics were closed, but still the water seeped out from their corners, trickling quietly down his nose and coming to rest underneath his chin. The vents on the back of his head cycled more air in to counteract the air that he was letting out.
Cordelia placed her hands on his nose and leaned against him. "Talk to me big guy. Tell me what's going on in that head of yours." She felt his lip plates begin to move against her body.
"I have failed you." He said simply. Four simple words that weighed more than the heartache of a lost world. Four words that weighed more than all the grief and sorrow in the universe. "I let that man…do unspeakable things to you. I let my race…ravage your world as we ravaged our own. I failed you."
Now it was her turn to comfort him.
They were an unlikely pair; a giant sentient robot and a small human woman, fiercely dedicated to each other. They shared the burden of partnership equally, each holding the other up whenever the time called for it.
She held him up against the succubus that was his grief. In return, he nursed her soul back to health and kept his demons at bay.
She stood in his palm and ran her hands slowly up and down the grooves of his triangular nose.
"You haven't failed anybody. You haven't failed me, and you haven't failed this planet. Yes, Attinger raped me, but that is not your fault. Yes, other Cybertronians tried to hurt this planet and its population; but they didn't succeed because of you and your Autobots! Do you remember what you told me when I blamed myself for humanity's actions against you?" She felt him nod.
"You told me that you would never judge an entire race based on the actions of a few."
He 'sniffled' a little, trying to control the continuous flow of liquid from his optics.
"I can't allow my men to see me like this. They cannot see me in this state."
"I don't give a shit about that right at this minute in time Optimus. I'm here with you right now; you're safe and I'm not going anywhere."
Her words offered him the relief he needed, and he took a big cycle of air in and let it out slowly, ruffling her hair lightly as he did so.
"Thank you. Thank you my little one." He brushed his lip plates across her hairline in a gentle kiss, clicking them softly. "I am sorry you had to see that."
"Optimus, with me you just have to be Optimus. Not a Prime or the Autobot leader or a soldier, just yourself. Be the bot who smiles at the sunrise and chuckles when I trip over my own feet."
"Thank you." He said again, his rumbling baritone so low that Cordelia wondered how he was capable of pitching it so low.
They remained leaning against each other for a few countless minutes, each taking comfort from the other's strength.
Optimus returned Cordelia to the balcony, setting her down on the varnished floor with the utmost gentleness.
"I need to go and keep an optic on the cooking. Leo will be here in approximately one hour." He smiled and leaned downwards, gently planting another kiss on her forehead.
"I'll have a shower and I'll meet you downstairs shortly." Cordelia said, grazing his cheek softly with the back of her hand.
Optimus folded himself back into the Western Star and reversed into the neighbouring barn where he would be sheltered from the harsh winter.
Cordelia hurried back into the bedroom, closing the French doors securely behind her. Although she had only been outside for a few minutes, the cold air bit into her skin with a surprising ferocity.
She grabbed her towelling bathrobe from where it hung on the bedroom door and hurried into the bathroom with it.
One hour. She had one hour to make herself look at least a little presentable before Leo arrived. She ducked into the shower and turned it on, giving the water time to warm up while she undressed.
Cordelia stepped leisurely into the shower, the steam curling around her slowly as it filled the room. As the water cascaded down her body, it erased the tension and stress that she had been carrying for the last three weeks. She rolled her shoulders, tilting her neck this way and that as she worked a thick lather of bubbles into her pale skin.
Reaching for the shampoo bottle, she held her left hand palm up as she squirted the lavender scented shampoo into it. She reached up and worked the suds into her hair, massaging her scalp with her fingertips, making sure the bubbles got to every part of her hair.
For a while, she just stood there, enjoying the simplicity of the shower as it washed away the dirt and grime of the day.
Dipping her head underneath the torrent of water, Cordelia rinsed the bubbles out of her hair, watching as the water turned the auburn to an almost black colour.
She stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself in the dressing gown, keen to keep out the sting of the cold air as the warm water left her body. She dried herself quickly and put on fresh underwear and then hurried into the bedroom to get dressed.
She opened the wardrobe and pulled out a grey roll-neck jumper and a blue and red checked skirt. She chewed her lip thoughtfully while she looked at them, wondering if she should wear them. She rarely wore skirts, having always felt more comfortable and confident in jeans. Shrugging, she pulled the garments off their hangers and started to put them on. To finish off the look she put on a pair of semi-transparent black tights.
She glanced at herself in the mirror and was pleasantly surprised with what she saw. The young woman standing before her looked chic and sophisticated, if a little apprehensive. Her hair still hung in wet clumps around her shoulders, so she quickly pulled a brush through it. She blow dried it quickly, turning her head upside down for extra volume.
She sat in front of the mirror on her dressing table and pulled out her makeup bag. She dabbed on a little foundation and used her little finger to apply some brown eyeshadow. To finish off, she applied a little blusher to give her pale cheeks some colour.
Sitting back, she appraised her reflection in the mirror. She offered herself a small smile and got up and dumped her dirty washing in the laundry basket before heading downstairs.
.o
The smell of cooking meat wafted up her nostrils, causing her mouth to water ever so slightly.
Optimus had his back to her whilst he delicately prepared the food before him. He had cut the chicken as finely as Cordelia had ever seen it; barely four millimetres in thickness. Leaving the chicken to fry in the breadcrumbs over a low heat, he turned his attention to the potatoes. He mashed them efficiently and with purpose and when he was finished, there was not one single lump in the creamy mixture.
"Smells delish big guy," Cordelia grinned, elbowing him gently in the side. He turned to look at her, and his optics widened in surprise.
"Lia! You look…you look ravishing. As beautiful as I have ever seen you and more."
"I have a pair of legs after all!" she laughed, moving to set the table.
"Ah, I've already done that little one." She was just about to answer him when they heard the doorbell ring.
Cordelia pulled away from Optimus and went to answer the front door.
She opened it and it swung open to reveal Leo. He stood relaxed on the doorstep, with one hand in the pocket of dark grey trousers. A white collar peeked out from underneath his grey wool-blend peacoat.
His eyes also widened once they alighted on Cordelia, softening as they fixed her in their steady blue gaze.
Cordelia stepped back to let him in and was surprised when he brandished a bouquet of flowers.
"For the lady of the house" he said, smiling.
"Oh wow, oh Leo you didn't have to do that" she said, taking them from him. She put them down on the foot of the stairs and helped him out of his jacket. Once it was hung up on the hook he bent down and engulfed her in a bear hug.
He lifted her a few inches off the floor, bringing her petite 5'1" frame almost equal to his 6'3".
She inhaled the smell of his aftershave, relishing in its scent. She hugged him back tightly, burying her face in his neck.
"Something smells good!" he explained, clapping his hands together.
Cordelia walked into the lounge ahead of Leo, on the hunt for a vase for the flowers.
Leo and Optimus regarded each other a little awkwardly. Things had been different between them since both Cordelia and Optimus had returned home after their time away. Optimus had tried hard to pick up from where they had left off, but Leo was not at all receptive.
Cordelia hovered while they shook hands, watching as Leo's calloused palm was engulfed in Optimus' silver one. Optimus shot Cordelia a look from the corner of one optic that said "I've got this" and she went over to the sink, reassured.
She found a vase in one of the cupboards and half filled it with water before cutting an inch off all the stems on the flowers. She placed them into the vase and then set it on the kitchen windowsill. They fit in well with the rest of the décor, and the mere sight of them brought a small smile to Cordelia's face.
The egg timer on the work top pinged and Optimus hurried over to turn it off. He turned to Cordelia and Leo, gesturing for them to sit down.
"Please, sit. Dinner is on the way!" As he spoke, he took Cordelia by the hand and pulled out a chair for her. Once she had settled in it, he pushed her in underneath the table. Leo sat opposite, resting his arms loosely on the table top.
Optimus produced a wine glass and poured the dark liquid into it with more poise than a cocktail waiter. Leo nodded his thanks and took a sip. Optimus then placed a glass of lemonade in front of Cordelia.
Next came two steaming plates of wiener schnitzel along with a pile of garlic mashed potatoes and an assortment of carrots, runner beans and sweetcorn. On the side were two salads dressed with olive oil and white wine vinegar.
"Bon appetit!" Optimus said, drawing up a chair to sit next to Cordelia.
For a few minutes there was nothing but the sound of knives and forks scraping against plates.
"I have to say Optimus, for a giant alien robot, you are a bloody good cook" Leo said with a full mouth. He took another sip of wine and gestured to Cordelia's lemonade glass. "You not drinking tonight Lia?"
Cordelia took a deep breath. She knew she would never have a better opportunity to tell Leo about the pregnancy than right now.
"No, I'm not drinking tonight. And I won't be for quite some time." Leo frowned, confusion etched into his features. "I'm pregnant." She said the words before she swallowed them back down, where she knew they would be lost forever.
Leo half-choked on his salad.
"You're what?! How?!"
"Well…I didn't think I'd need to educate you on that part of life Leo." Leo rolled his eyes.
"You know what I mean Lia." As he spoke, his blue eyes widened with understanding. His knife and fork fell to the plate with a loud clatter. "You mean – you mean that man?"
Cordelia nodded silently, not wanting to meet his gaze. Leo got up from his chair and hurried around the table to be at her side. He knelt and clasped both of her hands in his.
Her eyes welled up and spilled over into her lap. Optimus moved to stand behind her, letting his gentle hands rest upon her slender shoulders. Cordelia looked down into her lap, feeling more alone and ever despite the touches of the two she loved most.
"I'm sorry." She said quietly, a simple statement of defeat. At once, two sets of hands embraced her. One flesh, the other metal. Two completely separate species coming together in a single act of love.
When Cordelia looked up to meet Leo's gaze, she saw that his eyes too were swimming with unshed tears. He reached up and touched her face, the palm of his hand covering her whole cheek.
"My girl, you don't need to be sorry for anything. Do you hear me?" Leo's words came out shakily but full of conviction. "Optimus and I will support you, whatever you want to do." Optimus nodded in sincere agreement.
"I know and thank you. I've decided I'm going to keep it…the baby. I'm due in early May. We're going to start sorting out my first scan and pre-natal vitamins tomorrow." Leo moved to sit back in his chair, as did Optimus.
"How are you going to pay for it? Babies and all that they need don't come cheap."
"I have that under control Leo. Joshua Joyce is going to cover all of Lia's medical costs, from the vitamins right down to the midwife."
"Good. Of course, if there is any way I can help, please, please let me know. I want to be there in every capacity possible."
"Thank you, Leo. That means more than you know. Now, let's not let this food go cold!"
They resumed eating, and within twenty minutes the meal was finished. Optimus and Leo tackled the dishes while Cordelia went upstairs to make up the guest bed. Leo was going to stay the night as he'd had a drink.
His Ranger was parked in the driveway next to Cordelia's Volvo. Cordelia could see it through the little window that was peppered with the early evening snowfall.
She finished the guess bed off by adding the deep grey throw blanket. It went nicely with the rest of the room.
Cordelia was rather proud of the guest room. Before they'd had to flee the ranch due to the presence of Cemetery Wind, Cordelia had decorated the spare bedroom.
Three walls were painted a pale grey with the western wall painted a crisp white. In the middle of the room sat a generously sized single bed, adorned with dark grey bedding and variously patterned pillows. On the dark mahogany floor, a pale pink and grey blanket served as the centrepiece. In the corner of the room was a small grey armchair with a single pale pink cushion nestled into the seat.
She made her way back downstairs and paused at the doorway. Leo and Optimus were sat at the dining table, the dishes long dried and put away. Leo nursed a bottle of Budweiser whilst Optimus toyed with something too small for Cordelia to make out.
"Optimus, what really happened in Hong Kong? I know that…that man had his way with her. Why won't you just tell me?"
Optimus simulated a perfect sigh and looked at Leo through tired optics. "I will not discuss what happened in detail without Lia's permission."
Leo let out an exasperated breath. "I appreciate that, but what happened to him? I can get the bastard behind bars for what he's done."
Optimus pinched his nose between a thumb and forefinger. "I can assure you that will not be necessary Leo. The matter has been dealt with."
"'The matter has been dealt with'? What the hell does that mean?!" Optimus did not reply. "Do you know the hell she's come from? The heartache and suffering that she has endured to get to where she is now?! Have you ever heard her wake herself up by screaming herself raw from the flashbacks of her father crawling on top of her? Have you ever had to pull her back from the edge, when it is her sole intent to jump?!"
Optimus exploded up out of his chair, bringing himself into Leo's personal space.
"I have done all that and more! I have held her in the palm of my hands when she cannot breathe for the panic attack taking hold of her body. I have put her back together when she has torn herself apart. I have taken her hand and led her out of the darkness when there was no one else to do so!" His voice was perfectly even, but his tone was ice cold.
He moved away from Leo and went to stand over by the sink. Leo drained the last of the beer from his bottle and set it on the work top.
"I'm sorry. What I said was out of order."
Optimus allowed his shoulders to sag. "I too am sorry Leo. What we need to remember is that Cordelia and her baby are the most important people in this situation. It is not a contest to see who can offer Lia the most comfort. She needs both of us right now and we are letting her down by squabbling amongst ourselves." He clapped Leo on the shoulder somewhat awkwardly, but their argument lay forgotten between the mahogany floorboards.
"In answer to your question…why putting that man behind bars won't be necessary. It won't be necessary because I killed him. I shot and killed Harold Attinger in Hong Kong, shortly after he had raped Lia, although I was unaware of that at the time. I am not sorry for my actions, for he hurt my little one."
Leo looked taken aback by this news, but not appalled. "I…I don't blame you Optimus. I would have done the same. God knows I wanted to kill her father for what he did to her."
Cordelia decided that she had heard enough and eased herself into her warm parka. She pulled her woolly hat on, making sure it covered her ears. The Montana winters were harsh and unforgivable and to even stand outside for too long meant risking chilblains.
She stepped outside onto the porch and looked up at the night sky. It was crystal clear, unblemished by pollution or smoke. The stars twinkled silently and solemnly; tiny silver dots on a canvas of black.
She hadn't been standing out there long when Optimus and Leo came through the front door to join her.
Optimus stood on her left, Leo on her right. They stood next to her, pillar like in their sentry.
They each took one of her hands. She was tiny between them; as a flower between two trees.
Optimus turned to look at her, love and adoration apparent in his face.
"You've got this Cordelia Prime. You will live to tell of this. Your son or daughter will be the luckiest child to have ever come into existence on this earth; for they will have you as their mother."
Cordelia smiled and looked ahead to the future.
She knew it would be full of tribulations and challenges, but it would also be full of love and happiness.
Most of all, she knew that she would live to tell.