This is in no way condoning adultery. It's merely a look at the other side. Love in a taboo form. And we all love a little taboo.
Thanks to Holly and Abby for looking this over and not judging me too hard.
SMeyer owns.
"Go get ready, Luce. Remember we have to be inconspicuous; blend into the crowd. Got it?" I told my four-year-old daughter, Lucy, who had already run into her room, her long bronze curls bouncing with each step.
"Got it, Momma," she answered over her shoulder.
I had to admit, I was more than a little apprehensive about this. But she had asked, and she was more understanding than any four-year-old had any business being. She knew we'd only be able to watch, and that we would get our turn later.
I couldn't help but smile when Lucy came back into the living room, wearing her version of "inconspicuous". She had on a neon pink tutu and yellow rain boots. She looked like Lucy, though. And I'm glad she ignored my request to be anything other than her. She was perfect.
"Kay, Momma. I'm spic-and-span now! Let's go see Daddy!" she exclaimed as she ran towards the door, before turning around and looking at me expectantly, obviously wanting me to hurry my butt along.
I couldn't help but crack a grin at her faux pas. Like I said, she's perfect.
I realized my thoughts had drifted to this morning when the stranger next to me spoke.
"So what's your story?" asked the tiny woman sitting a few seats down from me.
I shrugged and smiled and instantly the vague, mostly fiction story of my life, reserved for strangers who were likely to be judgmental, was on the tip of my tongue.
But I couldn't make myself say it. I was sick of belittling our ties to each other, and in public, acting as if I was an ex-girlfriend that he shared a kid with. Because while he never hesitated to be affectionate with Lucy when we were out in public, he and I had to keep a respectable distance. And I couldn't make myself say that we were essentially someone's second family; that we were the reason a husband and father couldn't, or maybe just wouldn't, devote all of his time to his family. We were so much more than that. We had made promises to each other, vows. Our story may be complex, and full of heart ache, but also so full of love it makes all of the turmoil somehow worth it.
So for once, I decided we had nothing to be ashamed of. Our story will never be wrapped up in some pretty, perfect bow. But we love each other deeply, profoundly. Our love has created some amazing things.
I studied the woman next to me for a moment, wanting to tell her the truth, but always cautious. She looked and seemed like a genuinely good person. She was small, but she was so pretty. She had this open, trusting face and I had lived a life of half-truths for so long. I wanted someone to know our story. So, I went with my gut and started my story. Our story.
"Come closer." I waved my hand towards her and waited until she settled herself to the chair on my left. "You'll want to be close to hear this. My story starts out like anyone else's, I suppose..."
It was nearing the end of my shift and my feet hurt. Two girls had called off and the day had been so hectic. It was great for tips, but I also kind of wanted to pull my hair out and pour hot coffee on someone. It was finally slowing down when I saw him walk in. He was so tall and he had this short buzz cut that made his hair kind of glow red. My eyes moved down his body, taking in his well-defined arms and broad shoulders. He had this trim waist, but his shirt was sort of tight, so you could see the muscles rippling as he moved. He was so manly, so handsome.
But I was immediately irritated with him after opening my mouth to ask him what he'd like to order.
His good looks and perfect, patient grin turned me into a bumbling, stumbling mess and as I attempted to come up with words, I stuttered my way through a greeting that fell just short of sounding English.
"Uh...h...a...hi. What can I get you, uh, today?" Internally, I smacked myself on the forehead. I was majoring in English; you'd think I could get through a sentence without making a fool of myself.
He smiled up at me. "I'll just take the special, thanks."
"Are you sure?" I blurted out and then looked around to make sure no one was around to hear me. "It's kind of...gross."
He stared up at me and I felt my face heat.
"I mean, never mind. The special. Got it." I turned to walk away and he reached out and grabbed my arm, chuckling.
"I don't want to eat something gross. What's wrong with the special?" he asked and I looked at him suspiciously.
"You're not the health inspector, right? Or a secret shopper? Or a food critic?" I rambled off and he blinked in confusion.
"No, Ma'am." I wrinkled my nose when he called me ma'am. "I'm just curious. You're the one who told me the food was gross. Not a very good salesperson, are you?"
I laughed and shrugged. "No, not really. I tend to just blurt things out."
He sat back and smiled. "I like it. It's refreshing. I'm Edward, by the way."
I grinned. "I'm Bella."
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Bella." He gave me a crooked grin and I smiled widely back at him. "So, what do you recommend?"
"I like the grilled chicken," I offered and he nodded.
"Then I'll take that. Are the mashed potatoes safe?" he teased and I rolled my eyes.
"They are. The corn is good too," I offered up again.
"I'll take that, too. And some kind of bread?" He raised a brow and I sighed quietly.
"We have rolls." They came from a bag, you can't mess that up.
"Two of those, then." He closed the menu with a nod and I smiled.
"Um, I'll just go put this in for you." I stood there for a second and his grin got wider before I abruptly turned and walked away to his laughter.
A few minutes later, I came out with his food and noticed him fiddling with his hand. I looked down and my heart dropped.
"You're married!" I gasped dramatically, then kind of wanted to die when he stared up at me with eyes wide.
"I...yeah. I am." His shoulders slumped down, resignation oozing from him.
I set his food down and stood there awkwardly.
"How long?" I asked in a rush.
"Two years," he sighed, staring down at his food.
"Oh. Um, congratulations." My eyes darted around and I took a half step back. "Enjoy your meal. I'll be by to check on you."
I walked away quickly, muttering "stupid, stupid, stupid" under my breath. Of course he was married. A lot of people still get married really young. And he was gorgeous, like really gorgeous. If he were single then I would be confused. Plus, I probably wasn't his type. Guys like that end up with tall, leggy blondes who have tiny waists and big boobs. Not short brunettes with an average size chest. Not to say that I was ugly, but I wasn't really beautiful. Cute. Pretty, even. Not beautiful. His wife was probably really beautiful.
I waited a few minutes before walking back over to him. I noticed his food was barely picked at and he was leaning on his elbows, staring down. I frowned, falling back into my title. I was just his waitress; he was just a customer. Make sure everything is good, his food is decent, and get him out of here. Tonight when I'm home and in bed, I can imagine what I would have done differently if he weren't wearing that gold ring.
"Is everything okay? With your food?" I inquired and he startled, jumping up a little.
"Uh, it's great. Thank you." he looked up at me and his eyes were haunted, so full of sadness that my heart broke a little.
"Hey, are you okay?" I asked quietly. He nodded, then shook his head.
I looked around and sat down across from him. "Do you want to talk about it? I know that I blurt things out a lot, but I'm a good listener."
He stared at me for a few seconds before he ran his hand through his hair. "I'm not happy in my marriage," he blurted out.
I sat back, my eyes narrowed. "I'm not sure I understand."
He wasn't asking me to sleep with him, right? Like the guy that excuses infidelity because his wife is a crazy bitch, or won't sleep with him anymore, or something? I didn't want to come out and accuse him, because maybe he wasn't trying to do anything like that. Maybe he just wanted to talk. But, still, the thought was there.
"God, that didn't come out right. You just asked and I guess I needed to talk." He hung his head in his hands and I bit my lip, softening.
"Listen, I'm off here in a little over an hour. Do you want to go meet somewhere? Just to talk," I clarified. "I really am a good listener."
"Yeah, I think I'd like that," he answered, a small smile on his face.
"He actually ended up waiting for me, there in the booth in the back of the diner," I continued. "We walked from the diner, to the park and sat down on the old, rickety swings and just... talked. It was obvious from the moment we sat down that he had needed someone to talk to, and I found myself incredibly thankful that he had chosen me to be the person he confided in. He spoke of his childhood dream to be a career soldier and how as soon as he turned eighteen he had pursued that dream relentlessly. Edward was thankful to be making a difference in the world while also getting the opportunities to travel the world and broaden his horizons.
"Forks, Washington was too small to hold a man like Edward. His heart was too big. The whole world deserved to be touched by his generous soul. And he set out to make sure he made his mark on the world. Not long into his second deployment he was given weekend leave, which he decided to spend in in Paris, France.
"He spent the majority of his first free weekend in several months doing the typical touristy things: sightseeing, eating as much of the local cuisine as possible, and just enjoying the peace and quiet. He said he had been walking towards the Eiffel Tower, unthinkingly looking up because it had just come into view, when he walked right into someone and stumbled. That someone ended up being Tanya, a former classmate of his from Forks High School. It's a small world, right?"
"You can't even imagine," the petite lady, that had introduced herself to me as Alice, mumbled before waving her hand, indicating I should continue.
"Anyway, Edward hadn't kept in touch with anyone from high school, or Forks for that matter. So when he saw Tanya he thought it was a cool, nice thing, to see a familiar face. Tanya thought it was fate. Turns out she had nursed a very serious crush on Edward all throughout high school. Apparently he had picked up her books that had fallen to the floor after a senior walked into her without looking where she was going, on the first day of their freshman year. He made quite the impression on her. But for Edward, he dated in high school, but it was never anything serious. He went to all of the school dances with a date, yet he was very single-minded about his future. Edward is a planner.
"He didn't plan for Tanya, though. They kept in touch after their meeting in Paris, and over the course of a few months really got to know each other. Edward found he liked having a small link to the outside world, apart from his parents. Things changed pretty drastically when Edward hadn't heard from Tanya for over a month, which was highly unlike her.
"Edward eventually got a hold of her and being Edward, was immediately perceptive to the way her voice wavered when she realized it was him calling. After some initial prodding, Tanya gave her bad, no- terrible news. She had been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and just the initial visits with specialists were confirming her diagnosis, and giving her second opinions. And on top of everything, her insurance was fighting her, refusing to pay for her doctor visits and treatments. They insisted it was a "preexisting condition". What a load of bull, right?"
Alice nodded, her face grim as if she knew what was coming.
"He blurted out an offer of marriage," I continued, my voice not holding a hint of the bitterness that had, even after all these years, not entirely dissipated.
"Edward is a caring person. He's generous to a fault, obviously. Because even though the moment he offered to marry her, he wished he could take the words back, but he knew that Tanya could live some semblance of a normal life if given the opportunity to treat her MS. And Edward's military benefits would give her that. So he stood firm on his offer."
I wrinkled my nose, and finally showed some...of my true colors. "She wasn't very hard to convince," I said dryly.
"Very quickly, Edward, who had been a confirmed bachelor, found himself married and even talking about starting a family. Apparently Tanya initiated the "do-you-want-kids" conversation. She was understandably concerned that if they waited too long, her condition would probably prevent them from ever having kids. And although Edward had been a confirmed bachelor," I said sarcastically. "He always likes to think of himself as some sort of tough guy. He's not. Anyway, he always wanted to settle down eventually. And he knew that he would regret not taking the opportunity to have children. So. They did. Have children, that is. Two of them. They're adorable. A boy, who is eight, and a little girl who just turned six. Do you want to see their pictures?" I asked, while already rummaging in my huge bag/suitcase looking for my wallet to produce their photos.
Alice bemusedly took my wallet that I was holding out expectantly. Taking in their faces, she appropriately ooh'd and ahh'd over them. She continued flipping through the pictures I had in my wallet and stopped. She looked at me and asked, "And this is..." looking pointedly at the little girl at my side. She gave me yet another expectant look, prompting me to get to the "good stuff".
"That is... Lucy. Edward's and my daughter." Lucy looked over at her name with a grin and waved. Alice waved back, before she turned back at me.
"Your daughter?" Alice prompted. "How did...?"
"I kept working at that diner all throughout college. Edward and I, we kept in touch. In those early days, before he was deployed again, we talked on the phone a lot. I learned a lot about him, became his confidant. He had years' worth of pent up emotions and you could hear it in his voice. He was so happy to have someone to listen to him. Edward was a good listener too, way better than I was. I could talk about something ridiculously trivial and he would be as interested as if I were curing cancer.
"He was deployed around Christmastime. Our calls weren't frequent, but we emailed back and forth all the time. They started off innocent; we had been so good until then. But it was inevitable. We started getting more and more flirtatious. We started to talk about more intimate things. Things that neither of us had told anyone else. We had months to really get to know each other. When he came home, understandably he had to see his wife-" I refrained from rolling my eyes-"and children first.
"One day I was at work and a man walked in wearing fatigues. My heart stopped."
"Oh, girl." Alice inserted a hand over her heart. "I know exactly what you mean."
I started laughing. "It's something else, right?"
"Beyond words. So sexy." She closed her eyes and smiled, before motioning me to continue.
I opened my mouth to continue when a little hand pulled on mine. I looked down at Lucy and she was staring at me, her little eyebrows furrowed. "Yes, baby?"
"What's sexy mean, Momma?" Lucy asked. I cringed, while Alice muffled her laughter beside me.
"Um..." I shot a glare at Alice, who was still trying to muffle her laughter. "Let's ask daddy later. He will love to explain it to you."
"Okay!" She nodded happily and looked back to the terminal doors, kicking her little rain boot clad feet in front of her.
"I hate you," I muttered to Alice, now trying to muffle my own laughter. "Anyway, he walked in and I wanted to run to him, but I was frozen in place.
"He walked over to me and I was in shock, just staring up at him. He grabbed my hand and asked if someone could cover me for a few minutes. I nodded dumbly before asking one of my co-workers to watch my section for a moment. We went outside and before I could blink, he had me wrapped in his arms. I don't think I had ever been held that tight. He was kind of shaking and I just...held on. We stayed like that for a minute and then he was kissing me. He had me pressed between his body and the wall. I probably should have felt guilty, but nothing had ever felt as right as this did. So when I kissed him back, I had made that conscious choice to cross that invisible line.
"That was when our relationship became...not so platonic." I whispered that last part; I didn't want Lucy asking any more questions. But she was still staring at the doors, her little face so earnest and excited.
"He was home on leave. There had been a roadside bomb. By all accounts, he shouldn't have made it home. But he did. And he was so messed up. He always had this look of panic in his eyes, like he'd witnessed something awful. He wouldn't talk about it; he still won't really. Back then he would sneak around to see me. He lived in Forks with his family. They could have lived anywhere but Tanya wanted to be by her family. She always imagined raising children where she grew up.
"Where I grew up," I said quietly and Alice's eyes shot to mine.
"You're from Forks too?" she asked, astonished. This was the most emotion she had shown since I started telling her my story, like this was the first thing that surprised her.
"My father is the Chief of Police in Forks. It's so awkward going to visit: the stares, the whispers, and the snide remarks. I grew up there and it's awful going home." I looked down at my hands and then over at Lucy, but she still wasn't paying attention. I didn't want her to ever experience what I was talking about, but the truth was she probably would. Because of choices her father and I made.
"I could still go home in those days and still be just Bella. Hometown girl. Loved by the community. It made our sneaking around easier. We weren't doing anything too terrible. That is, we weren't...going all the way. We snuck kisses, but that was it. It was so sweet back then. Kind of like your first crush in high school. You want to, but you're afraid to go any further than sweet kisses. Only fear wasn't what held us back. It was a whole family. His family.
"I'm not a bad person," I told Alice emphatically. "I know that what happened wasn't right. I know that adultery is a sin. But I wouldn't take any of it back. I was falling in love with him. And he was falling in love with me, too. It was a bad situation, but we aren't bad people."
"I don't think you're bad. Either one of you," Alice soothed, grabbing my free hand in hers and squeezing softly.
"We continued on like that for a while and then he had to go back to Germany, where he was stationed. It was like the beginning, all over again, between the phone calls and the emails. I honestly don't think we would have ever come as far as we have, or learned everything we have learned, if he had stayed in Forks.
"While he was gone, I think it was easier for us to open up. We could have these deep, in-depth talks and not have to look at the other while we did. It took a load off. Relieved some of the pressure. We talked about what this would mean. How, if we became an us, it would affect everyone else in our lives. It was my last year in college. I was trying to keep my GPA up, and line up job interviews, and figure out this relationship. It was one of the most important years of my life. It was the year that defined who I would become, the life I would lead. It was the year that Edward realized I could do this. That I didn't need him to be there everyday, that I could function without him. He makes me better, but I'm still okay without him. It was important for him to know this; it was what gave him the confidence that we would make it. And then, I was graduating college..."
Graduating college was turning out to be a bittersweet experience for me. For the most, rational part... I was excited to be done with college. I had worked my butt off and I deserved that degree in English. And while there was a part of me that was excited to start the next chapter of my life, I couldn't help but be nervous. It felt like a momentous occasion that was setting me off in a path I wasn't entirely sure I was ready for. Soon enough I would be teaching high school freshman English. And it really hadn't been too terribly long since I had been a freshman, myself. It was a bit daunting.
As always, though, my saving grace Edward knew exactly what to say to keep me from freezing in fear of my future. He was always an e-mail or the occasional phone call away, ready and waiting to tell me that while, yeah, I would be making a difference in these kids lives, that what I would be doing was important... it's still just a job. And my job doesn't define me. Edward assured me I would always be me, and that while I would grow up, it would be gradual enough that I wouldn't notice it. It gave me great comfort, realizing I didn't have to make the transition to being an adult just because I was graduating college and starting a new job; a new career. Yes, I'd have many more responsibilities, but that doesn't have to change who I am.
His e-mails also served as a distraction for me. Since his visit at the diner the year prior, things between us had gotten progressively more serious. We were still us, and were first and foremost friends, the best of friends. But falling in love had changed both of us. And while our relationship wasn't anything close to what anyone would consider normal, it was all we had; all we could have. And we were making the most of it. The nights that he was available we utilized web cameras and Skype. There were even times when we would share meals together, essentially watching each other eat; like a date, only not. But I kind of lived for those moments. And I know he did, too.
Getting ready for the graduation ceremony was a pain. All of my professors had said college had been for us. That was our experience. The graduation ceremony is for our parents and loved ones. And as much as I was dreading the possibility, and probably more accurately the certainty I would stumble and inadvertently knock the Dean over as he tried to hand me my diploma; or trip going down the stairs because my best friend, Leah had insisted that I wear her high heels...I've got to say I was pretty excited to see the look of proud adoration that Charlie, my dad would have on his face. Or the embarrassing whistles my mom, Renee, was sure to make. There was just one thing missing, though. One person. My loved one. Edward.
But I understood like I always had to. Edward had obligations that he committed to long before he met and subsequently fell in love with me: the Army and his family. If I was being honest with myself, something I usually forced myself to do even when the truth hurt, Edward not being there to share this moment in my life was the single bad part of what should be a special day.
I forced myself to continue dressing. I stepped into the surprisingly dainty, demure white dress Leah had helped me pick out and smoothed my hands down the dress before hesitantly slipping on the bright purple heels she lent me. I took a steadying breath and slowly made my way to my bedroom door. Closing my bedroom door in my father's house felt oddly significant to this day, to this moment.
Eventually, after enduring a lot of excited hugs and proud whispers of encouragement, I found myself seated amongst my class in the middle of our university football stadium, anxiously awaiting the prompt for my row to stand up. I kept nervously looking back and catching my dad's eye, wanting his look of reassurance to aid me in soothing my panic. Like always, Charlie came through for me. I don't think he paid a bit of attention to the actual ceremony, but instead kept his eyes on me, his baby girl, who was graduating college today. And because of the significance in this moment for Charlie, I stood and walked surprisingly steady, following the single file line up the stairs to the stage and waited patiently for them to announce my name. As expected, the minute the dean said "Isabella Marie Swan," Renee, and even Charlie, let out embarrassing yells and whistles that left me red-faced and cringing. They hadn't been any worse than many of the parents, but their antics had caused the dean to be drowned out as he announced my accomplishments. Oh well. I guess their cringe worthy behavior had been good for something. After accepting my diploma, and pausing briefly with my hand in the dean's for pictures, I slowly, and ever so carefully, walked down the stairs and back to my seat to await the end of the ceremony.
I wasn't surprised to see my mom's tears of joy, but I was surprised to see my dad's eyes puffy and red; a telltale sign that he, too, had shed a tear or two. They fussed over me for a moment before allowing me to make the rounds; so that I could congratulate my fellow graduates. Not moments after I departed from my parents, though, I was intercepted by the one person I had been longing to see all day. Or more accurately, had been longing to see for the entire six months that had passed since I saw him last. Edward didn't hesitate; he put his arms around my waist and pulled me impossibly close to him and I wound my arms around his neck. He stood up straight, taking me with him and leaving my feet dangling just above the ground. I had never felt more relieved and excited and in love than I had in that moment.
His breath was sending shivers down my spine as he whispered in my ear, telling me how proud he was of me and everything I had accomplished. When he began taunting me about my parents and the spectacle they'd made, I let go and playfully slapped him on his chest as he sat me down.
"I can't believe you'd even bring that up!" I exclaimed, still feeling it was much too soon to be joking about such a mortifying moment.
"Oh, come on. They actually did me a favor," he said with a mischievous glint in his beautiful green eyes.
"Please. Do tell."
"Their yelling gave me the opportunity to shout my own praises, without drawing attention to myself," he said quickly, and not all together sure of himself. He knew that I would always prefer to be in the background, which is ironic considering my chosen career would land me in the front of a classroom full of teenagers with raging hormones for the next thirty or forty years.
"You're lucky I love you, and that I'm so excited to see you or else I might have punished you for..." I trailed off, not really knowing where I was going with that statement. I wouldn't know the first thing about punishing Edward and from the look on his face, he was ready to call me on it.
"Punish me, huh? I don't know. I think I can see the upside to punishment, as long as it came from you. What exactly did you have in mind?" he asked with his stupid, perfect face alight with laughter.
I huffed and folded my arms across my chest, stopping just short of actually stomping my foot.
"You know that it was an idle threat. I'd really appreciate it if you would kindly take the hint I've been trying to give you for years. It's best if you just... go along with what I say. It'll work out much better for everyone involved in the end."
He leaned in and gave me a sweet, lingering kiss, and I instantly forgot about my irritation with him. I wasn't even really irritated. I was secretly glad that he had been able to yell alongside my parents. He was my loved one, after all.
"What do you say we get out of here?" he asked. "I've got big plans for us tonight, my college graduate."
"Plans?" I squeaked; getting the distinct impression that what he had planned for us was going to change us, change our relationship, our lives. But as always, I would do anything just to be able to spend some time with Edward: my loved one.
"So after I blew off my parents and their plans to take me out to a big dinner at some fancy restaurant that neither my dad or I would ever have been interested in, Edward and I made our way to this quaint little bed and breakfast that was tucked away in the outskirts of the city. And I was right: that night did change everything."
Alice comically waggled her eyebrows, indicating she got what I was trying to say. That that night had been our first time together, and it had been amazing enough to change the world, or at least our world.
"Lucy came as a huge surprise just over a year later. We had never planned on having kids together and it certainly brought forth even more complications to our already complex situation. But neither of us regrets it. Lucy made us a family. And she gave me something to hold on to, to hold me together when Edward wasn't around to.
"Edward was, thankfully, able to be with me throughout quite a bit of my pregnancy and was even in the room with me while I gave birth," I added, almost defensively; but I wanted her know that just because the world may view me and Lucy as Edward's "other" family, he had taken the steps to ensure that we knew we were at the top of his list of priorities.
"That's a blessing," Alice offered. "I know what it's like to go through pregnancy and birth without my husband at my side. It's very lonely. And your situation makes you even more isolated. You're a strong woman, Bella."
I blushed at her compliment and mumbled my thanks.
"He's never told Tanya about me. In the same regard, he hasn't told her about Lucy. But, she knows, of course. Lucy isn't one to shy away from claiming us as her parents. Not to mention, he could never deny her. Look at her red hair. She gets that from him." I ran my hand over the back of her head with a laugh before sobering.
"The whole town knows. But it has never been confirmed from his mouth or mine. The important people, I have told. People I can trust. My father. My best friend Leah. She's been there for me through everything. Let me tell you, the grapevine goes fast in small towns. I'm still not sure how everyone found out. All I know is one day I called Forks home, and the next all my former friends didn't hesitate to call me w...names." I quickly changed what I was going to say. I did not need Lucy repeating the word "whore."
"I find my strength in Edward, though; not just his physical presence, because that's not a constant, but just knowing that I have someone who loves, and supports me through anything is enough for me. And Lucy. You'd think that, as her mother, I'd be giving her the ability to thrive. But I feel like I draw my strength from hers. She's amazing."
"So how exactly did Edward swing so much leave during your pregnancy?" Alice asked with the bluntness you would only expect to hear from a lifelong friend. She did, though; feel like a lifelong friend. And maybe she was. I could only hope to keep this woman in my life for a very long time.
"Well, he got some sort of promotion. That was a huge help. And coincidentally, his... commander? I don't know. I'm sorry. We don't spend a lot of time discussing the particulars of our jobs when we're together." I blushed at my ignorance. "We tend to..."
"Focus on the important shit?" Alice offered. I nodded in gratitude before she continued, "Don't even think on it, seriously. I couldn't tell you what specifics of my husband's job are, and we've been married for fifteen years, ever since he joined the army when we were both just eighteen. A lot of soldiers really appreciate being able to come home and leave work at work. It helps to not have to talk about it in the comfort of their own homes. It's a good thing you offer that to Edward. A great thing."
I nodded in agreement, knowing what she meant and really appreciating that she had, in a roundabout way, referred to Edward's home as being with us. With Lucy and me.
"Anyway, Edward was given a promotion that ended up making him the subordinate of a man he had met during basic training, and remained friends with over the years. He told him our story and, surprisingly, the man was open-minded enough that he made it possible for Edward to receive more leave during the times I needed him most. And him being there made all the difference, even when he could only stay for twenty-four hours. We owe that man a lot."
"What's the man's name, if you don't mind me asking?" Alice inquired with a mirthful look on her pretty face.
"Jasper Whitlock," we both stated at the same time, and Alice put her hand out, as if to introduce herself again.
"I'm Alice Whitlock, Jasper's wife." She grinned at me and I knew, knew that this wasn't a coincidence. That she probably spotted me when Lucy and I walked in and sat beside me, got me talking to ease my nerves. She probably knew that I'm not really supposed to be here.
"It really is a small world," I said quietly, a little in awe of the entire situation.
At that moment, I heard a quiet squeal from Lucy and I turned to her, already knowing what she was excited about.
"What is it, Luce?"
"They're here, Momma. The soldiers are here." She pointed her tiny finger before scrambling herself up on to the chair next to me.
I stood and pulled Alice with me, before pushing her away with a laugh. "Go get your man."
She hugged me briefly and whispered something I didn't quite catch, before she took off running.
And then, my beautiful, wonderful, amazing four-year-old daughter, dressed in a pale pink tank top tucked into a bright, almost fluorescent pink tutu, accompanied by yellow rain boots, stood as tall as she could, waving her miniature American flag at the sight of the travel weary soldiers making their way through the terminal to their respective families. She dressed herself, so independent and stubborn. I told her to be careful in her outfit, not to go too overboard in her fashion choices. So, naturally, she did the exact opposite of what I said. Those rain boots had been a part of every outfit for the last two weeks. Frankly, I was starting to cringe when she put them on, but she loved them, so I didn't burn them.
She spotted him impossibly soon, through and around at least five soldiers in front of him and whispered, "Daddy."
Lucy just sat there in awe, patiently watching her daddy cross the floor and embrace his two other children and then Tanya, his wife. Masen and Liz excitedly returned Edward's hug and while Lucy was watching them, I was watching her for any indication that she couldn't handle it. That our situation had gotten to be too much for her, that our decisions had led her into a world of hurt. But, as always, Lucy surprised me. She was beaming. Because even though she was witnessing her half brother and sister get the chance to run to their daddy; to her daddy after he had spent a very long nine months away from home, away from her... she was content just to see him, to watch him from afar. Because she understood our situation as best she could. She knew that we both had to be patient. But she also knew that her daddy loved her, and that he would always, always keep his promises. And her daddy had promised with firm conviction last night during our "family Skype date" that he would be home in time to eat dinner with her. That he couldn't think of anything he wanted more than to eat the rainbow cupcakes she and I had made, before tucking her into bed and reading her a bedtime story. My heart was breaking for our daughter, and even a little for myself... because I wanted so badly to be able to allow Lucy to barrel across the airport and into her daddy's arms without hesitation. I wanted to do the same thing.
But our situation isn't an easy one, and there are certainly times where we wonder if it's all worth it. We never wonder for long though, because one look at Lucy and we can see everything that our love is capable of making. She's the best, strongest part of us and even though she's staring across the terminal, undoubtedly restraining herself from running to him... she's content to just watch him, to know that he's home and that she'll see him soon.
Edward and I must have done something right.
The crowd dissipates; the soldiers obviously not wanting to delay getting home any longer than need be and Edward's family starts to make the trek to the exit. Lucy and I watch them leave, until we can no longer see the back of his head and I turn to her, holding out my hand.
"Let's go, Toots. We have to beat Daddy home!" I infused forced enthusiasm into my words as she grabbed my hand.
"Momma, do you think Daddy will like my rainbow cupcakes?" she asked worriedly, and I smiled, knowing she could have served him dog food and Edward would have swallowed it with a smile.
"I know so," I stated firmly.
She nodded in agreement with me and began to pack up her little backpack. Once she got all of her coloring books and crayons put away, she handed the bag to me and turned around, asking me without words to help her put it on her back. After helping her put her backpack on, she turned around and in yet another surprising move, lifted her arms, indicating that she wanted to be carried. And I quickly, and gladly, pick her up; happy to feel needed in this moment that I'm sure is rougher on each of us than we'll let the other know. I started for the exit when I noticed a little commotion coming from there.
I know before I see his face, that it's him. Edward. And he's walking swiftly towards us, clearly holding himself back from running and before I could blink, he's got his arms around Lucy and I and it's like all three of us exhaled in relief. We hold onto each other tightly, Edward and I both shedding tears. And Lucy, Lucy who is ever strong just says, "Oh, Daddy. I knew you'd see us."
I swallow back a sob and just relish in this moment. I take in everything, trying to commit to memory, because this time... it feels different. Better. Promising. And as Edward whispered to us, telling us how much he loves us and how much he missed us, I became only slightly aware, in my peripheral vision, of a couple flanking us; blocking us from view of the outside world. They're allowing us the privacy to have this rare chance to welcome Edward home in public, as if we're a normal family and I couldn't be more thankful.
And as I'm standing here, holding our daughter, while Edward holds us, I know that everything we've been through and will continue to go through will be worth it. Because a love as strong as ours can withstand anything. If it ever all falls down around us, we'll go down together. And normal is kind of overrated anyways.
I hope that you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I'm considering turning it into a multi-chapter , but regardless, I've already written a couple futuretakes. Let me know what you think, I'm not convinced either way. Thanks for reading!