Rating: T+

Warnings: Light language, sexual references, oversharing, moral greyness, inappropriate humor, vast amounts of cheesiness, heavy sappiness, etc.

Word Count: ~3800

Pairings: Gai/Genma, mentioned Kakashi/Obito, Neji/Tenten, past Kakashi/Genma

Summary: Part 7 of the Criminals 'verse. Maybe Valentine's Day shouldn't find him packing three guns and a bag full of military-grade infiltration gear, but then, Genma's never been normal. Nor has he ever particularly wanted it in his life. This works for him. And apparently it works for Kakashi too.

Disclaimer: Hah. I want some of whatever Kishimoto was smoking, but Naruto's not mine.

Notes: I will admit to writing this at about two in the morning, but I got the urge to post something for Valentine's, and when I questioned who the absolute gooiest, sappiest couple I could write was, GaiGen immediately sprang to mind. Then the bunny bit. Whoops. Only lightly proofread, sorry, I'll come back and correct it when my brain isn't leaking out my ears.

Heaven on Fire

"What? He got into another fight? Look, Gai, I know you're proud of him showing off his—oh. Tenten saved him? Again? I— No. No, I have no idea how she got a taser." Genma carefully toes a case of stun guns back into its place under the storeroom shelf, feeling only mildly guilty. If Tenten thought she needed to use it, she probably did. She's got a good head on her shoulders. "Hey, handsome, don't worry. We'll talk to the principal and it will all be fine. Lee is not going to get kicked out of school."

On the other end of the line, Gai sighs. "I worry that his youthful spirit is being crushed under the weight of his current attitude," he says, not quite miserably, but certainly not with his usual cheer.

Genma snorts softly, sandwiching the phone between his ear and shoulder as he hauls a tray of plates and mugs out of the industrial dishwasher. "Gai, Lee's a teenager. Everyone goes through these phases—it's just hormones. Give him space, let him know you're there whenever he wants to talk, and then just wait it out. That's all you can do. He's strong, Gai, and you've taught him a lot. He'll get his head on straight, don't worry."

"I worry far less since you've come into my life, Genma," Gai says warmly, and Genma smiles to himself, wondering how Gai can spout of the cheesiest lines in existence but somehow make them sound perfectly sincere. Probably because they are sincere; Gai's not one to lie in any form. "Will I see my beautiful husband for dinner tonight?"

Almost four years of marriage, and a simple compliment can still have Genma's heart fluttering, his breath catching in his throat. "Of course," he answers, grinning to himself like a fool even though there's no one else to see it. Not many people are even up at this hour, except for nutjobs like Gai and himself. "We've got reservations, right? Wouldn't miss it for the world. You'll leave Tenten some money if they want to order pizza?"

"Surely a home-cooked meal would be better?" Gai suggests brightly. "I could—"

"No, that's all right," Genma laughs, checking on the ovens. The first batch of muffins are almost ready to come out, and he adjusts the timer absently. "I love you with all of my heart, Gai, but I sure as hell didn't marry you for your cooking skills."

Being Gai, he doesn't take offense, just chuckles as well. "I believe you have enough for the both of us," he says cheerfully. "You won't be too tired, my love?"

"For you, Gai? Never." Four years married and two dating have made Genma almost as much of a sap as his husband, but he can't really bring himself to mind. He even finds himself humming softly as he starts laying warm croissants out in baskets. "I'll meet you at the restaurant at seven, okay? I should go; I need to open soon."

"I love you, Genma, and every day you make me the luckiest man in the world," Gai says, unexpectedly soft but no less intent. "I may be taking you out to dinner tonight, but I have no need to wait for Valentine's Day to show the world how much you mean to me."

"Yeah, yeah, you big goof," Genma huffs, trying to ignore the way his ears are growing suspiciously hot. "I love you too. Have a good day at work."

"You as well, Genma!" Gai hangs up the way he does everything, with a grand flourish and more enthusiasm than is strictly necessary, and Genma can't fight a chuckle as he pulls his mobile away from his ear. Gai will be fine, and so will Lee. He'll have to have a word with his daughter about being a little more subtle with whatever weapons she appropriates, but Tenten will be fine as well. She's a good girl.

The timer on the oven goes off just as the back door swings open, and Aoba groans and grips his skull. "God damn it, Shiranui," he complains. "What's with the fucking racket? And why the hell couldn't you decide it was your lifelong dream to open a bar, not a bakery?"

"Because if I opened a bar, you'd spend your entire shift drinking yourself under the table and be even more worthless than you are now," Genma shoots back. "And knock it off, I haven't been Shiranui in four years." He sets the pans of muffins on the tall rack, then takes a glance at his employee and rolls his eyes. "A mohawk? Really? Damn it, Aoba, if you get me arrested for weapons dealing because you look like a thug, I'm going to kick your ass."

"The only thing that's going to get you arrested for weapons dealing is your actual weapons dealing," Aoba scoffs, tying his apron on. It's a very fetching pink, mostly because Genma himself doesn't care, and ticking Aoba off is one of his favorite pastimes. He regrets it less than ever right now, since between the hairstyle, the sunglasses, and the scars, Aoba looks like he'd be more at home holding up a convenience store than working the counter in a cheerful little bakery. "I'm not calling you Maito, that just sounds stupid. I don't care if you took your husband's name—you'll always be Shiranui to me. After screaming it across jungles, it's kind of a hard habit to break."

Genma laughs. "Have you ever met a trap you didn't trip?" he needles. "And the squad wonders why I retired. I got fed up with having to bail your sorry ass out all the time."

"Yeah, yeah." Aoba sighs and flaps a hand at him. "Did you already get the gushy morning phone call over with, or do I need to find something to use to plug my ears?"

With an offended huff, Genma flips him off. "It's Valentine's Day, jerkoff. If there's one time I'm allowed to be gushy with my husband, it's today, so fuck off."

"That would totally be a legitimate argument, except that you two are enough to put me in a diabetic coma on a normal day. I have no desire to endure one of your love-fests on a day when it's actually encouraged." With a snicker, Aoba ducks the offset spatula Genma chucks at his head, then swaggers into the front room to start pulling down the chairs. "Hey, we got any packages going out today?"

Genma gathers up as many baskets as he can carry and starts laying them out in the pastry cases. A glance at the clock shows it's a quarter to six; the first of their regulars will be arriving in about twenty minutes. "Yeah, Madame Shijimi's coming to get that butt-ugly birthday cake for her husband, and the police station must be having some kind of conference—those donut boxes are for them. That one blond guy ordered another case of Semtex and a set of triggers, and he should be swinging by around noon to grab them. And his friend, with the blue hair—I let her know that modified sight for her anti-materiel rifle came in, but she wasn't sure whether she'd be able to make it today or tomorrow."

Aoba gives a sigh that's almost dreamy. "I love a girl who knows her way around a SASR. You think she's dating anyone?"

"You could ask her," Genma drawls. "Just let me know beforehand—I want to get pictures of her feeding you your balls."

"At least I have them," Aoba retorts, grinning. "Think you spent too much time playing dress-up with your daughter and lost 'em."

That's such a ridiculous accusation that Genma laughs. "Dress-up? Tenten? Only as a commando. That girl's going to be the best arms dealer in the hemisphere someday, as long as she doesn't just keep the inventory all for herself." Sliding the cover of the case shut, he heads back to get the first tray of cups and the coffee pots.

"That pretty-boy Hyuuga she's dating is going to be in for one hell of a shock when he goes to cop a feel and ends up fondling a combat knife instead of a bra," Aoba says gleefully. "Get pictures of that. I want to see his face."

"Talk about my daughter getting groped one more time and I'll show you where she learned her knife skills," Genma threatens, casting his friend a scowl. "She's my little girl."

Aoba snorts loudly. "That 'little girl' could take out three adult men without breaking a sweat. Maybe even four, if they didn't see her coming. Your daughter is terrifying." From where he's loading up a tray, Genma hears the bell over the door chime. In the same moment, Aoba says, "Sorry, we're not—oh. Captain. Good to see you, sir. You're up early."

There's only one man alive Aoba would give that much respect to, and only one he'd call Captain in that particular tone. Genma straightens, drying his hands on his apron, and heads for the front again.

When he ducks around the doorframe, Kakashi Hatake is leaning over the counter, silver hair falling around his face and dark eyes serious, even though his face is set into a faint smile. Genma's seen that smile last through warzones and some of the shittiest conditions imaginable, and it never stops being at least a little eerie. Kakashi's far too good at holding a poker face, even when his eyes are screaming.

They're not right now, which is a relief to see. Serious, a little angry, but nothing like the look that would normally have Genma ducking for cover and grabbing for the Glock he keeps under the cash register. Still, something's wrong, and that's enough to have Genma stepping forward.

"Morning, Captain," he says, carefully keeping his voice cheerful. "What do you need? And remember, if you say this is a social visit, I get to check under your bed for a pod."

Kakashi snorts softly. "Shiranui, Yamashiro," he greets lazily, tucking his hands into the pockets of his heavy winter coat.

Genma makes a face at him. "Oh, fuck you," he says grumpily. "If you don't remember being Gai's best man at my wedding, you need to get your head checked out. It's Maito."

"It's weird," is Kakashi's mild rejoinder. "You've been Shiranui nearly all of the time I've known you."

"Four years. I have been married for four years. Why is the name thing still a thing?" Genma glares at Kakashi and a chortling Aoba equally.

The look Kakashi favors him with is as innocent as a summer sky. "Because no one wants to think about Gai being married. Especially not to someone whom I dated once. It's like an indirect kiss, only several magnitudes more horrifying."

Genma wonders if his ovens will get hot enough to burn bone. He doesn't want to leave any evidence when he kills the asshole, after all. Crossing his arms over his chest, he arches a cool eyebrow at his former CO and says, equally mild, "Oh? Well, it's a good thing we only went two rounds last night then, or I'd be walking with a limp and you'd have to think about it. Three would be enough, you know—Gai's pretty gifted in the size department, and his stamina is—"

"Stop talking," Kakashi says, just one hair shy of begging. "Please, just stop."

"Thank you," Aoba tells him, face pale. "The phone calls are enough. I'm already scarred for life. That would be—aargh."

Because they both deserve it, Genma laughs at their pain. He pulls a toothpick from the bowl on the counter, unwraps it, and tucks it between his teeth. "So?" he asks, amused, and leans his elbows on the wood. "This isn't a social visit, Captain, and don't try to say it is. What can a couple of retired soldiers do for you?"

Kakashi arches a brow at him, clearly calling him on his bullshit. "A jewelry store four blocks over was robbed last night," he says.

"If you're coming in here accusing us—" Genma starts, eyes narrowing.

With a wave of his hand, Kakashi dismisses his words. "No, burglary's not your thing. But I was hoping you could spare a few hours to help me track down who did it."

Genma trades glances with Aoba, feeling his brows climbing. Kakashi's out of uniform, which combined with his request can only mean that this isn't official police business. Humming skeptically, Genma looks back at the detective and asks, "What's the big deal? It's just a jewelry store, right? There's one every other block around here. Police'll catch the bastards eventually."

Unless Genma is very mistaken, stone-cold Kakashi winces. One hand comes up to run through his messy hair, and he sighs. "Yeah, normally I'd wait. But…I'm getting married in two weeks, and the rings were in that store."

Ouch. Genma winces, and then realizes what Kakashi just said. He straightens with a jerk, offering Kakashi his sharpest glare, and demands, "Married? And we're just hearing this now?"

"What the hell?" Aoba agrees, bristling faintly. "Captain—"

Kakashi raises his hands, warding them off. "Maa, maa, your invitations are in the mail. It was a last-minute kind of thing, since the chapel had an unexpected opening. But if I don't get those rings back, my fiancé's best man is going to be picking me out of her teeth, and I'd personally like to live long enough to enjoy my honeymoon. Can you help?"

Another shared glance with Aoba and Genma sighs, tugging off his bandana to run a hand through his hair. "You want me to leave my bakery on Valentine's Day," he emphasizes. "Next to Christmas, this is the biggest day for us, Kakashi."

"Genma, I think we all know you don't make your living selling cupcakes," Kakashi says dryly. "Now, are you going to help me or not?"

Genma flips him off, but obligingly vaults over the counter to land next to his former commander. "Aoba, stay," he orders.

"Woof," Aoba says agreeably.

It gets him a glare. "Make sure all those deliveries go out on time, and don't blow up my shop. That bread should be done rising by now, so get it baking. Kakashi, if we're not done by six, I'm bailing, regardless of what you try to blackmail me with. Gai and I have reservations."

Just faintly, Kakashi wrinkles his nose. "That's…horrifying," is his verdict. "You actually let him out in public?"

"I French him, too. All the time," Genma retorts, just to see Kakashi cringe. Petty, maybe, but still so satisfying. He catches the messenger bag Aoba tosses him, checks to make sure it's one of his complete emergency kits, and then grabs his jacket and scarf. February in Konoha is a bitter, bone-chilling thing. "So? I take it you've got some kind of lead, even if you're not here officially?"

"I got someone I know to pull the security footage," Kakashi says, leading the way out the door and into the first light snow flurries of the day. "Facial recognition gave us a name, and a…friend spotted him in the warehouse district a little after midnight."

Because he's been in the business ever since the ink on his discharge papers dried, Genma mentally translates 'someone I know' as 'a hacker' and 'friend' as 'informant', but doesn't ask Kakashi for anything more. He's the last person to be picking at illegal means, after all. "So? The name?"

"Mizuki."

Genma doesn't know him. Not a surprise, given the size of Konoha, but it still means this isn't a big-time operation. He wraps his scarf a little tighter around his neck, then offers, "A couple people down there owe me favors. Let's see what we can dig up." Clapping Kakashi on the shoulder, he quickens his pace, heading for the subway station.

A moment later, Kakashi falls into step with him, hands in his pockets and eyes trained ahead. "Thanks, Genma," he says, and that smile isn't the eerie one anymore. This time it's genuine, and just for an instant Genma is reminded of just why he ignored every single regulation and tumbled into bed with this man. Why they stayed together, even, right up until the darkness got to be too much for both of them, and they fled it in their own ways.

"Don't mention it," he answers with a grin, tilting his head back to stare up at the pre-dawn sky. "Been getting bored lately. This'll be a good change of pace."

Kakashi hums, sounding absent, though the expression on his face is thoughtful. "Do you miss it?" he asks after a pause. "Would you go back if you could?"

Somehow, Genma gets the feeling they're not just talking about the Rangers. Understandable, given that he's never seen Kakashi as the type to settle down long-term. Whoever he's marrying must be pretty special to make him want to. But even someone like that can still leave room for doubts to creep in around the edges—Genma had more than his fair share right before his wedding. Mostly, he thinks, a little wry, because Gai is always so damned good in everything he does. Not a saint, not quite, but…he makes the world a better place, and even outside of dealing weapons so he would have enough money to feed his daughter, Genma's just not.

He's gotten over thinking like that, for the most part. Gai knows what he does, knows what he used to be, and loves him anyway, and for Genma, that's enough.

"Back?" he asks wryly. "To being alone? Cold all the time? Angry somewhere deep inside but always afraid to show it? No, Kakashi, I wouldn't go back for anything. This—it's good now. I don't need anything else. I don't want anything else. Tenten has a stepbrother she adores, and a second father she loves. She's got a stable home, and I'm not about to self-destruct. At the time, I thought I was going to screw everything up irreparably, but it all turned out for the best. I think it'll be like that for you, too."

"You haven't met Obito yet," Kakashi, dust-dry, but his smile has spread into something deeper, warmer, more full of life than Genma can ever remember seeing it.

"But I will," Genma reminds him, taking the stairs down into the station two at a time. At the bottom, he turns to grin up at Kakashi, who's taking them at a more dignified pace. "Come on, Captain, let's save you from death by best man and go find those rings. I'm sure it can't be harder than that one mission in Kawa."

Kakashi raises a brow at him. "If you jinx us, I'm not inviting you to my wedding," he warns.

Genma knows better than to tempt fate. He really does. But he can't resist, because his blood is pumping and there's a task laid out clearly before them. He's got Kakashi at his side, ready and humming with tension, and a family waiting for him at home. The most amazing man in the world is taking him out to dinner at the place where he proposed, and Genma knows his husband well enough to predict that a dozen roses are definitely going to be involved. Maybe Valentine's Day shouldn't find him packing three guns and a bag full of military-grade infiltration gear, but then, Genma's never been normal. Nor has he ever particularly wanted it in his life. This works for him. And apparently it works for Kakashi too.

So he laughs, says, "Oh, lighten up. What's the worst that could happen?" and takes far too much pleasure in Kakashi's beleaguered sigh.

(They do eventually get the rings back, because Mizuki's a wimpy little shit. The bands are even all in one piece, and so are they.

The same can't quite be said for a particular warehouse near the docks, but at least nobody is going to be tracing that back to them any time soon.

Genma even makes it to the restaurant on time, freshly scrubbed to remove all traces of brick dust and soot, and when he steps out of the cab a familiar figure is waiting, a dozen red roses in hand.

"Genma!" Gai says brightly, sweeping forward to lift him right off his feet and spin him around.

Genma laughs, catches Gai's ridiculous, handsome face between his hands, and murmurs, "Happy Valentine's Day, and thank you. Thank you for everything you've given me."

Gai beams back, because he understands the way only a handful of other people ever will, and leans in for a kiss.

No, Genma thinks dazedly. He is never going back.)