Author's Note: Every year on Thanksgiving the President issues a pardon for one turkey, sparing the bird from becoming part of someone's Thanksgiving dinner. The practice is also carried out in many states with the governor issuing the pardon. I was unable to discover whether or not this is a practice in Hawaii but it was fun to imagine a story where this was the case. To all my US readers: I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!
The Case of the Missing Turkey
"What do you mean he's missing?" Steve yelled at the hapless aide who had approached him with the bad news.
The aide swallowed nervously as the he faced the infamous McGarrett glare. "He's not in the cage."
Steve shook his head. How does someone lose a turkey?
A hint of panic entered the aide's voice. "Sir, the ceremony is supposed to start in fifteen minutes. What do we do?"
Providing security for the official pardoning of the Thanksgiving turkey was supposed to be one of easiest jobs on Five-O's list of duties. This year it was looking like it was going to be nothing but a headache. Not wanting to imagine the public relations nightmare that would occur if the word got out that Five-O had lost a turkey, Steve ordered the aide to lead him and his men to the cage.
As the detectives walked, Kono shared his thoughts about the upcoming ceremony. "I don't understand why da Governor has to pardon a turkey. Da turkey hasn't done anything wrong."
Elbowing his friend, Danny replied, "It's because turkeys tastes so good."
"True," Kono replied as he patted his belly. "And if da turkey doesn't come back in time, I am gonna eat him."
Danny snickered. "This guy must be the only turkey in more danger free than then in captivity."
While Danny and Kono laughed, Chin leaned over and inspected the cage. "We can rule out human involvement," the detective announced. "You can see where the turkey bit through the wire."
Danny smiled. "He flew the coop!"
"Talk about fowl play," Chin added with a grin.
Steve groaned at the bad jokes. His men were clearly finding the situation more amusing than serious. "Gentlemen," Steve said and immediately the joking ceased. "We have fifteen minutes to find this bird. It couldn't have gotten far; spread out and search the palace grounds."
The detectives acknowledged the order and moved quickly to carry it out. Steve was searching near the tree where the governor often took a picnic lunch when Chin's voice came over the handheld radio. "Steve."
"Did you find him?"
"Yes…"
Steve could sense Chin's hesitation. "Well, where is he?"
"Your car."
"What?" Steve hollered in disbelief as he ran toward the front of Iolani Palace. As he reached the parking space where his black mercury sedan was parked, Steve saw that Chin was telling the truth: the rather large turkey had decided to take a nap on the hood of his car.
Could this situation get any more absurd?
Danny and Kono jogged into the scene as they too had heard the call over the radio. Danny's face was positively gleeful as he noticed the sleeping bird while Kono was shaking with suppressed laughter.
Steve shot a glare at his men, who then quickly downed masks of seriousness and surrounded the car, moving slowly as not to disturb the sleeping turkey.
Taking a few tentative steps forward, Steve was now within arm's length. In one movement, Steve jumped forward, hands outstretched to grab the turkey by the torso. His fingers grasped the feathers but the turkey immediately woke up and let out a cry of protest. Twisting out of Steve's grasp the turkey wobbled forward and jumped onto the ground but not before leaving an unwelcome present of the hood of Steve's car.
When the turkey touched the ground, Danny dove for the bird but received nothing but a face full of dirt for his trouble as the bird moved quickly across the lawn.
"He's faster than he looks!" Chin called out as he chased after the wayward fowl.
Deciding that chasing after delinquent creatures was not how he ever wanted to spend Thanksgiving Day but realizing he had no other choice, Steve pushed himself off of his car and ran after his men. A few minutes later the turkey came to a stop and again the detectives made a ring around the bird.
This time no one moved forward to grab the turkey as the detectives realized that they needed a plan.
"Anyone have corn or something we could feed him with?" Danny asked.
No one did but Steve thought that the idea had merit and radioed for HPD to bring him some pronto.
While Steve waited for the food to arrive, he watched as the turkey pecked the ground and wandered around the grass. A few times the bird came close to one of the detectives but whenever one of them moved to get in position to catch him, the turkey always quickly dashed back out of reach, clearly thinking that the whole situation was great fun.
Beginning to feel more than a little frustrated, Steve growled, "All right, Mister, the time for games is over. Either turn yourself in or I'll give you to my friend here for dinner."
The turkey gobbled loudly in reply.
"I don't think he liked dat, Boss," Kono stated.
"Steve!"
Steve turned and saw Duke jogging toward the group with a small bag of corn feed in his hand. "I heard you're having turkey problems."
"You can say that, Duke," Steve confessed as he took the corn from the HPD Sergeant.
Carefully opening the bag and spilling some of the feed on the ground, Steve stepped back to encourage the turkey to come forward.
The large turkey immediately eyed the corn on the ground and shot Steve a look that said 'stay back' and ambled forward to eat his free meal. While the turkey consumed the delicious morsels, Steve poured more corn into his hand and slowly approached his feathered advisory.
The turkey's distrust of Steve was not enough to counter his love of corn when the bird realized that this strange human was bringing more tasty treats. Within a few seconds, the turkey was eating out of Steve's outstretched hand.
Looking at Danny who had managed to sneak up close, Steve whispered, "Book 'em, Danno."
The turkey made no complaint as Danny grabbed the creature and lifted him into his arms. He simply gobbled and craned his neck to look for the remaining corn. Steve held his hand within the turkey's reach since it seemed to have a calming effect.
Turning his head to the side so that the turkey's large tail feathers were out of his face, Danny asked, "What charge am I bringing this fowl creature in on?"
The puns were still bad but Steve couldn't ignore the humor of the whole situation. "Escape, assault of a police officer and defilement of public property for a start."
"Doesn't matter, Boss," Kono stated. "The Governor will pardon him in a few minutes."
Chin joined in. "Our friend here will have the shortest arrest on record."
"Let me have our troublemaker," Steve ordered. "I have to get him to the Governor."
Danny was grateful to hand over the turkey that who now seemed resigned to his fate and made no further attempts of escape. Once Steve was confident that he a firm grip on the bird he walked briskly over to where the pardoning ceremony would be held.
Governor Jameson was standing next to few dignitaries and the local media who were waiting patiently for the ceremony to start. Jameson smiled when he saw Steve carrying the turkey. "I was wondering when the guest of honor would arrive."
Not wanting to share the embarrassing tale with the media within earshot, Steve simply said, "No turkey would want to be late for this."
The Governor laughed. "Of course not." Then reaching forward to take the placid turkey from Steve's arms, he exclaimed, "Why, Steve, I don't think I have ever seen such a well behaved bird!"
PAU