Disclaimer: I don't own the Doctor, Doctor Who, or any affiliated characters; nor do I own the lyrics to the song 'Valentine's Day.' The lyrics are the property of Linkin Park, FYI
Hello, all. This is a little late.. okay, really late.But I've had this in mind for a while, just as an idea. But then yesterday the Plot Bunnies captured me, carved out my brain, and used it to write this. They gave it back when they were finished, but I've been held at gunpoint for the past ten minutes until this was up and posted. They may LOOK cute and cuddly, with their adorable brown eyes and fuzzy ears... but they hide machine guns and surgical scalpels underneath their pelts.
I'm going to shut up now.
Warning, DoctorAngst.
To Be Alone…
His Converse crunched over the thick, gravel-like sand, echoing across the empty beach. Normally he wouldn't have come here. Normally the pain was too great for him to even hear its name. Normally the two-syllables would contort his heart with grief and anger and pain.
But today was different.
Today he was alone.
Donna had declined. Jack had had enough. Martha had left. None could put up with him, and he was alone. Again.
But perhaps he was not completely alone as he thought – he had the TARDIS after all. But even the great ship wasn't the same loving, teasing being she had been before… Not after…
The Doctor stared out at the cold, grey water that lapped at the equally dull sand, then shifted his gaze across the slow-churning surface of the waves, all the way to the overcast skyline. Not after… He couldn't finish the thought. It hurt him that much.
It was a cold day at Cardiff. The Doctor could feel the icy fingers of winter as it clung to his coat and ripped at his lungs, desperate to keep spring from taking its place. It was early morning, and the chill was uncomfortable; but the Time Lord hardly noticed the physical pain it caused. His mind was elsewhere. He turned his head to look down the length of the beach, eyes stopping at an area that was all too familiar.
She had been standing right there that day, in the other Universe. Standing there and waiting, just for him.
She'd been standing right in front of him when she'd said it. The three words that hurt her so bad, but cut him even deeper.
"I love you."
…The words that had cut him deeper because he hadn't the heart to say it back.
"Quite right, too."
But why? Why was he unable to admit the undeniable right then? He shied away from it, didn't allow himself to think it, those three words.So stupid, so daft…
But he tried. He had forced himself to say it. But he'd stalled… he'd lost track of time and taken too long to open his mouth.
"I suppose this is my last chance to say it, so… Rose Tyler-"
And then she was gone. Disappeared in the blink of an eye, and he had found himself stopped in mid-sentence, staring again at the inside of the control room, as if she'd never been there at all. Just a memory, nothing more. Rose Tyler no longer existed in his Universe.
But he could remember. He had to remember, to keep himself going. And even now, years later, the same memory played over and over in his mind, the same emotions brought back to life as if they had never left.
My insides all turned to ash, so slow
And blew away as I collapsed, so cold
A black wind took them away, from sight
And held the darkness over day, that night
Unthinkingly, he lowered himself onto the sand, oblivious to the wind that rushed through his hair and stung his nose with its chill. He relived the moment, drowning in the same helplessness he had felt as he watched tears run down Rose's face for the last time, tears he'd wanted more than anything to wipe away. The last time he'd seen her face, her eyes…
And the clouds above move closer
Looking so dissatisfied
But the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing
I used to be my own protection, but not now
'Cause my path had lost direction, somehow
A black wind took you away, from sight
And held the darkness over day, that night
He'd stood in the empty control room, a single, unbidden tear rolling down his cheek. He didn't know what to do next, where to go. He was frozen, even though time continued its steady, unrelenting course around him. What now, now that she was gone? She'd promised him forever… who could have known that forever would never be enough? His hearts had sealed, reserved for her and her alone. It was one of the reasons Martha had left: her jealousy, having wished him over and over to move on with his life and being denied each time. And he'd tried, tried so hard to let go, to move on. But it wasn't possible.
And the clouds above move closer
Looking so dissatisfied
And the ground below grew colder
As they put you down inside
But the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing
There are some things worth getting you heart broken for, Sarah Jane had once said. And she was right.
Because it wasn't possible for him to let go, to stop fighting. Because he loved her.
He loved her.
The statement echoed in his mind, simply sending another wave of pain and sadness through him. The sea washed softly over the shore; a gull called in the distance.
So now you're gone, and I was wrong
I never knew what it was like, to be alone
On a Valentine's Day; On a Valentine's Day
On a Valentine's Day; On a Valentine's Day
And now they were both alone, left with only memories. "I suppose this is my last chance to say it, so… Rose Tyler…"
He whispered into oblivion, a single tear dripping from his nose.
"I love you."
Well. I think that turned out wuite nicely, considering I was constantly shooting glances at the barrel(s) of (a) machine gun(s). Ahem.
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