one.

the old familiar heartache

He comes home after 8pm and is immediately concerned with the silence he finds. Stopping for second, he tries to listen for something. Rachel's usually blasting some Broadway tune whilst finishing dinner for them and singing joyfully with the sweetest voice he ever had the pleasure of listening.

Finn goes through the house quietly, thinking maybe she had a headache and had to lay down for a bit. Although she always texts him when she's feeling bad because she know he would go buy something to cheer her up or make her feel better as soon as he heard about it. It's easy as breathing to anticipate your partner's need after almost a decade together and he never gets tired of it. Every day he wishes more time, more moments, more days, and more love with Rachel. All the time in the world is never going to be enough.

When he gets to the main room and sees Rachel lying in bed he immediately feels something weird because she's not wearing her pyjamas. Instead, regular work clothes are covering her tiny body and he starts to feel that something is incredibly wrong. Rachel doesn't like to lay with her work clothes because she doesn't like to mess them up, she always neatly folds them after getting home, a habit he eventually acquired from her, making things much simpler for the next work day, if the clothes are clean, or course. Or, when he's in a hurry, clean-ish. Still good.

He rushes to her side and then he sees it. An otherwise regular paper, but he knows exactly what it means. Taking a deep, shaking breath, he gently removes the paper from her hands and then he reads it, the words that have been hunting and hurting them for almost eight years show up once again.

"No," he whispers softly. "God, no."

He carefully puts his hands on her shoulders and feels her small hiccups. She's sleeping, but her pain is still bubbling through her body, shaking it every so slightly, like it wasn't enough that it dragged her down to bed, it's like it has to keep going for its full effect to be felt. Like they haven't felt it enough over time. It gets through him, too, he feels. The pain exits her body and enter his and he falls to his knees next to the bed, devastated. Fuck, she was so happy a few days ago. So excited. And now this?

She seems so fragile and small in bed, it breaks his heart every single time.

Finn puts his hands on her shoulder and shakes lightly, stirring her up. Gently because at the same time that he doesn't want her to wake up and deal with this again, he still needs to know how she feels so he can work on making her feel better. He needs to be her rock, he needs to be there for her.

"Hi, sweetheart."

She struggles to wake up, sucks a deep breath and hardly opens her eyes. As they open, there is so much pain in them; he feels like it could swallow him to darkness and infinite sadness, a place he would be hopeless, much like he feels right now.

When Rachel looks at him, it's like his heart is being ripped apart. She looks so delicate, her eyes puffy and her lips trembling.

"It's okay, we're going to be okay, baby." He caresses her soft skin and repeats. "I'm here, it's okay."

She closes her eyes and starts to cry in a very soft and heart-breaking manner, it makes him tremble, sorrow overtaking his body and making him close his eyes. He can't take this.

"Finn," she whimpers.

"I'm right here, baby. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

"Why can't I do this?" Her voice breaks, "Why?"

"Honey, it's going to be okay…"

She tries to breathe and shakes her head calmly. "It won't, it won't ever be okay."

"Rach-"

"I just wish I could give this to you, why can't I? Why can't we have this?" She wipes her nose on her sleeve and wonders out loud, "Why can't I? Why? Why, Finn?"

Rachel turns her body to hide away from Finn, feeling that she can't face him and see the look of disappointment on his face once again. She can't do this anymore. Why must this be so hard?

With a muffled voice she says, "I'm so sorry, Finn. I'm just a dry and useless woman, I don't-"

"What?" He can't believe her words. "No, Rachel, you're not, stop that." He heavily shakes his head and gets up, going over the other side of the bed and lying down with her and facing her.

"Rachel, stop this, you're wonderful. God, I know you don't believe me, but you are. You are, baby."

She cries harder at his honest and soft spoken words, why can't this happen for them? With so much love in their heart and so much more left to give, why can't they have this? It's like the universe is playing a trick on them, over and over and over again... and it gets harder to bear the anguish every single time.

Rachel can't stand to know this is happening again. She puts her hands on her face and buries her head in her pillow, just trying to pretend that the last couple of weeks never happened.

Finn scotches over and puts his arm around her, trying to comfort her as he has been doing for the last eight years. It's hard to believe it's been so long, they have been trying for so long. He wonders why it hasn't happened yet. Don't they deserve it?

~.~

A few weeks earlier

"Hi, honey!"

Rachel entered the kitchen bouncing with happiness, light on her feet. Finn looks at her amused by her sudden bounciness. Sure, she likes to skip around, but this happy bouncing must mean something more and he can't wait to know what it is. Fuck, she makes him so happy by simply bouncing around.

He looks up from his papers and says, "Hi, babe, what's up?"

Rachel comes over to his side by the table and sits on his lap, putting her left hand on his hair and keeps her right hand behind her back. Giggling, she kisses his lips, making Finn smile, reaching for her mouth again, pure love pouring from his body and making its way towards her, making her feel it, too. He puts his arms around her and tries to deepen the kiss, but she pushes him slightly away. She pecks him again, smiles coyly and bites her lower lip.

She sing songs her next words. "I have something to share with you…"

"Yeah?"

"Yes! And I think you will enjoy it quite a lot, Mr Hudson."

"Consider me very interested, Mrs Hudson. What is it?"

"Well…" she says, enjoying this moment way too much. She has been waiting for this, after all, she's allowed to play around a little. She leans close to his ear and whispers the words they have been waiting for years, "I'm pregnant."

He almost jumps his chair, grabbing her waist harder and opening his eyes wide. "What?! Are you serious right now?!"

She closes her eyes in bliss, nods her head, puts her arms over her head and screams, "YES!"

"Oh my God, Rachel! Really?"

"Yes! I had five tests and they all came up positive! All of them, Finn! It has never been like this before!"

"Baby, this is so amazing, show me! I want to see them!"

She takes her hands behind her back and shows them to him, completely forgetting that he might think it's a tiny bit gross she peed on them. Oops.

He looks at them in wonder and he can't breathe. This is amazing indeed. Rachel is right, it has never been like this. It must mean something good, right? It just has to.

They look at each other and they can't believe it. It's finally here. Rachel voices their thoughts first. "This is it, honey. We have done it. This is it!" she says excitedly.

Finn doesn't take more than a second to join her. "This is really it, Rach."

He puts the tests over the table, gently picking her hair and pushing it over her ears, all the whilst smiling and breathing deeply, with pure adoration in his eyes. Mixed with tears, of course. He smiles at her. Her face mirrors him, a happy tear escaping her eyes and making its way down her beautiful, beautiful face. He can't remember a time he seen her this happy before. Their wedding dance and song come very close, but this is a very different happiness. It's new and exciting and something they are so ready for.

Kissing her deeply, all he can think about is how much they deserve this, after all this time, after all the heartache, it's finally here.

Breaking away, she whispers against his mouth, "Can I set a day to get a blood test? Will you come with me? I want to make sure I schedule it as soon as it's humanly possible!"

Finn laughs at her shiny enthusiasm.

"Yes, let's do it. Let's call the doctor's office and set it up." He takes a deep breath and says confidently, "This is it, baby. We're having a baby."

"We're having a baby!" Rachel screams in plain delight.

AN: Title comes from Radiohead's "Videotape". I do not own anything, not the song, not the characters, not the show, nothing. Nope, nothing.

Thank you for reading. :)