She still takes his breath away.
It happens everytime, everytime he walks in to the same room as her, everytime he sees her working, or staring off into space. It always knocks him off course, he always has to stumble around his words before he can get them out. And he always, always says the wrong thing.
But there's not much new there. After all, he is Arthur Digby, and Arthur Digby always gets it wrong.
She's got this sparkle. It's inexplicable and something that sets her aside from all the others. It's always been there, although at first he tried to ignore it. After all, she was the new F1, crazy and impulsive and at times selfish and she had taken him, messed around with him even though she knew how he felt about Chantelle.
But it was magical, she was magical and he saw how much she was hurting. And how much she cared.
Things happened, there was Chantelle and there was Jesse and then there was the illness and he was so worried. He knew that with Guy she was probably safe and in the unit she was safe but he was always worried.
After all she was clever, if she wanted to do something stupid she'd find away.
He watched her walk up the stairs, saw her turn and ask him again to give her space, to leave her alone. He didn't understand what she was going through and he knew he never would. She was unique.
And then he found out she was leaving. She was going to Poland. Suddenly his mind was crammed with all these selfish thoughts like how the flat wasn't the same with out her and how he missed seeing her on the ward and how horrible it would be knowing she was miles and miles away.
The fear hit him when she hugged him, when he stumbled around his apologies and breathed her and her warm sweet scent and it occured to him that it could be the last time she steals his breath away and he had never been more afraid than he was in that moment.
But it was pointless and futile, she had told him they were just friends, told him she wasn't interested in anything else and it had hurt but he had moved on. There was Maria. There was still Maria and his mind floats back to her and how much of a horrible person he is for being with her when all he can do is think about Zosia and how he'll never see her again.
Never see her smile.
It was a smile that could end wars, cause empires to fall and win the hearts of its victims at the same time it destroys them.
Weeks pass and life goes on but she is always on his mind and he breaks things of with Maria because it isn't fair to lead her along.
He hears by accident, Dominic dicussing with a nurse her departure time. Before he can process anything he is climbing in a cab and ordering to be taken to the airport.
It's cliche, he knows but he can't let her leave.
She sees him first, eyes lock onto the back of his head and brows furrowed in confusion.
He turns and sees her watching him, his breath once again knocked from his body as he takes her in.
"Arthur?" She asks, confused and he moves closer until there is less than a metre between them.
"I.. Uh.. Hi." He mumbles, still unsure as to what he actually came here to say.
"What are you doing here?" She is baffled and her expression nearly causes him to laugh. Because it is ridiculous.
"I um... I heard you were leaving." He is getting it wrong. He always gets it wrong.
"Yes.. Poland. I need to be on my plane in a few minutes so..."
"Don't go." He says it without thinking. Her eyebrows knot further.
"Wha.."
"I know this is stupid and I know were just friends but don't go." The words make no sense. He knows that.
"I have to go Arthur. I need to get better and I can't do that here. Surely you understand? I..."
"Yeah, I understand its just..." He stops, runs a hand through his hair and down his face, "It's just that you may not come back and I wont see you again and I can't... I can't..."
"Arthur!" She take him by the arms, forcing him to look at her. "Arthur, I'll come back."
"You wont!" He sighs, "You'll forget, you'll forget about me and you won't know... you won't know."
"I won't know what Arthur?" He looks up, looks into her eyes and feels all his fear fade away.
"How I feel." The words are quiet and she blinks, nods in understanding. He goes on, "I know you don't feel the same way and I know that you need to get better so you should go. Don't worry about me."
He doesn't know how or why his mind changes. But it does. He can't have her. She needs to get better. She needs to be happy.
"I just wanted you to know, that I..." She isn't listening, mind of somewhere in the distance. It helps. "I am always here for you, and I will always love you. No matter what."
Her head snaps back to look at him so fast he fears it will break. He sees tears well in her eyes and panics. He has done it wrong.
"I'm sorry." It kills him to turn around, to walk away. It kills him to let her go.
But then she is in front of him, hands held out against his chest to stop him and for the first time he notices they're small height difference. He is taller than her, but she will always be stronger.
He kisses her then, thinks "What the hell" and goes for it because its his last chance and he kisses her like the world is ending around them. For him it is.
When he pulls back she doesn't say anything. When he moves around her she stands still. When he walks away she doesn't follow him.
Until she's in front of him again. This time her arms are around her waist, squeezing herself so tight he wonders how she can breath.
Then she kisses him. She kisses him and at first he is suprised but then he kisses her back and everything around them fades aways because she is in his arms and maybe he will never have to let her go.
They stop for breath. Each gasping in as much air as possible. He waits for her.
"I have to go."
His world crumbles.
"I have to go." She repeats and then she's gone. He has never felt so alone.
10 years later and she still takes his breath away.
At first the knock on the door annoys him. He had just sat down. He opens it, ready to give whoever it is a piece of his mind, when he freezes.
She still takes his breath away. She is still beautiful.
A few stray grey hairs have grown amongst her dark ones, and some wrinkles have appeared around her eyes but she is still so painfully beautiful. She still has her sparkle.
"Zosia?" He asks though he know's he is stating the obvious.
"I came back." She says and in her voice he can hear the tears she's holding back. "I love you too."
And then she's in his arms again. This time he knows he will never let her go.