This is my re-imagining of the season 6 episode:The Flying Saucer.I do not own nor do I have any dealings with Maude or any of its spin-offs...Thank you.
Lights In The Sky
It was a late night at the Findlay house,Arthur, Vivian, Walter and Maude were all in a state of bliss reminiscing over good times while indulging in mixed-drinks. Everyone but Maude decides to head back inside. The guys Laughing and chit-chatting Going to mix more drinks and lighting a cigar Vivian dancing off behind them.
"Oh my God! What-what on earth is that it's so...?" Maude thought to herself as she gazed at the night sky over Tuckahoe, New York.
Maude continued to stare in awe of a sight so odd it left her mouth momentarily speechless. It was saucer shaped and was surrounded by eerie lights. Maude Findlay tried her best to figure it out but it left her blank without answers.
"Walter - Walter! Get the camera hurry!" Maude said gathering the strength to speak breaking herself from the trance of the unearthly object.
"What is it Maude? you're yelling like a mad-woman!"Walter said turing from Arthur and his scotch.
"Hurry Walter there's no time!" Maude said wringing her hands together frustrated at Walter for taking his time and questioning her.
"If only that man would listen,it would make things alot simpler, but no he has to test my last nerves...oh that Walter Findlay!" Maude thought to herself.
(Walter always had a way of ruining Maudes great moments, well at least in her mind. when in reality they kind of played off each other's worst qualities...one thing that made the marriage work.)
"It's gone - it's gone Walter you just couldn't grab the damn camera! Walter you'll never in a million years guess what I just experienced it was life changing it was I just can't...Damn you Walter!"
Maude charges in the house pushing the befuddled Walter out of the way and heading towards the bar needing a strong drink...even though they swore off the booze they still indulged every now and then. (you know to calm the nerves...along with Dr. Arthur Harmon's endless supply of prescription drugs.)
"Viv-Vivian, you'll never guess what I of all people on the planet had a chance to experience it - it - it was unbelievable it was life changing...and Arthur...Viv oh God Walter I need that drink!"
"Oh for the love of God Maudie what was it dear? Don't leave us hanging."Arthur asked before Vivian interrupted him.
"Arthur do you have anything to 'help' Maude? I think she's done gone crackers!" Vivian said hoping her husband had something to calm the hysterical Maude Findlay down.
"Vivian it was a..."
"it was...it was a!"
"Yes - yes - yes Maude! what! what!"asked Vivian eyes wide and awaiting Maude's response.
"A UFO Maude thought she saw a UFO it was probably a helicopter or military test plane!" Walter said cutting Maude off in her monumental moment mid-sentence .
"Walter, would you please let me tell Vivian! I know what i saw and if you wasn't dragging your behind we might have proof of something earth-shattering it could change life as we know it!"
"Please have a seat Maude, I have something for you it's a pain-killer, muscle relaxant and something for anxiety. Oh, and here's that drink, take those and tell us all about it, calm down Maude."
"Vivian I saw a UFO it was like nothing I've ever see...why couldn't Walter just grabbed the damn camera? It would have made this alot easier."
"Oh, sweetheart come in the kitchen, we'll talk away from the boys." Vivian says trying to get Maude to follow her.
Maude turns back and runs upstairs to the bedroom to confront Walter and raid her medicine cabinet.
"Maude honey,(Vivian calls out up the stairs to Maude) please! oh darn Arthur, she's gone fruit cakes. what do you think is wrong with Maude, I mean did she really see a UFO?"
"Walter...oh Walter I've got a headache and where's my damn pills?why doesn't anyone believe me?"
"First of all Maude Arthur just gave you pills, what are you doing trying to kill yourself? and second you're not making any sense try to think rational it could've been anything." Walter says grabbing the last remaining hairs on his balding head.
"Walter,listen...till my dying day I will remain adamant on what I saw and if you all don't believe me...well then...tough cookies." Maude says while popping another category 2 narcotic in her mouth already prescribed by Dr. Harmon for 'headaches'.
"Alright - alright Maude you saw a damned flying Saucer but you just gotta trust me when I say this - you're coming off as a mad, hysterical, psychotic WOMAN! now just DROP IT! for the love of God!."
"God will get you for that Walter."
"Now I need a damn pill, where are they!" Walter says searching frantically for his own stash of meds.
"Your underwear drawer Walter!"Maude screams out to Walter.
"Thank God for Arthur, without him we would be screwed...because living with you I need a pharmacy to take the edge off in this house! he's a life saver he deserves sainthood or at the least a statue!"Walter says realizing how many scripts throughout their marriage Dr. Harmon has wrote.
"Same here Walter." Maude says smugly as Walter pops an muscle relaxant and narcotic pain killer.
Maude goes back down stairs were she's met by Arthur Harmon popping an anti-anxiety pill while chugging down a shot of whiskey.
"Oh hey Maude, everything alright? I also got some sleeping pills for you so you can take the edge off when you go to bed."
"Thanks Arthur you're a life saver...but right now I need a strong drink...that man - that man! I could just uggg!"
Maude knocks back a shot of scotch and heads to the kitchen...straightening her neck-scarf. At a time like this she really needed the support of Vivian, even though she just neglected her to dish it out with Walter trying to get the final say in the matter.
"I'm sorry Viv my head is in a whirl and no one believes me Viv - NO ONE BELIEVES ME!" Maude says as she takes a seat at the kitchen table slipping another pain pill in her mouth.
"You know what Maude? I understand. You see a few years ago...I too saw something so amazing...and you know to this day no one believes me I don't tell everybody."
"What Vivian...You've saw what I have just seen hovering over Tuckahoe before?"
"Well Maude, one night I was looking into the heavens, it was around Christmas time...I was staring at the stars and the moon watching the snowflakes fall oh Maude it was so pretty, just so..."
"Please Vivian, get to the point what did you see?"
"Well Maude dear, I saw - I saw - it was Santa Claus!" Vivian said with the most serious look on her face.
"SANTA CLAUS VIVIAN? I saw a flying Saucer a UFO not Santa Claus come on Viv your an adult act like it...I saw a UFO and i don't give a damn if you or anyone else believes me."Maude says clutching a glass of red wine.
Walter and Arthur resume talking in the living room Walter trying to get him and Maude more pill scripts Arthur agreeing while pouring another shot. Arthur was always a good friend to the findlays... he would always save them a doctors visit by writing out their prescriptions. He really was a chemical life-saver for them.
"Oh Arthur, I don't know what I'm going to do with that woman. do you truly believe she saw a flying Saucer?"
"I don't know about a hmmmm (clearing his throat)a flying Saucer...but maybe she saw something but maybe and i say this with the utter most respect Walter...it might have been in her head."
"In her head Arthur - IN HER HEAD! how dare you Maude may be alot of things...but crazy she is NOT!"
"Just giving my honest medical opinion...she is on alot of medication, and maybe she just had a bad reaction."
"Thanks for nothing Arthur all I know is when you all leave I gotta deal with Maude-MAUDE!"
"I'll tell you what Walter I'll prescribe some more anti-anxiety pills tomorrow but give her these sleeping pills now to get her through the night, and when she wakes up in the morning this will have all blown over, but have her come up to my office later and I'll see if i can prescribe her stronger dosages of her pain meds."
"Aren't you forgetting someone?"Walter says with a smile hoping to get an early Christmas present of his own.
"Of course Walter, you too. You didn't have to ask. My God Walter you've known me for years, I don't even give you exams anymore good God Walter(laughing) good one."Arthur says patting Walter on the back.
Vivian comes out of the kitchen having now calmed down Maude and wanting her and Arthur to return home.
"Arthur honey are you ready to go? it's getting so late sweetheart and you have golf with Dr. Reynolds tomorrow."
"alright Walter I guess I'll head on back to the homestead with the little misses...oh, and Maude doctors orders...take those sleeping pills i gave you and I'll talk to you later."
"Yes Arthur, just go home. But know I DID see a flying Saucer...and thanks Viv for being the one in this group to believe me."
"thanks Maude, you just get some rest and I'll be over for coffee in the morning."
Vivian said as her and Arthur left the Findlay house closing the door behind them both Harmons shaking their heads.