The finger pointing at the moon
Kidou licked his lips and swallowed, but not too loudly. He hoped Fudou couldn't hear the hammering of his heart. In all of his sixteen years of life, he had never been so nervous.
"Fudou," he began, then decided to just say it all in a rush, "I like you. Please. Go out with me."
Fudou had been casually strolling off. But now, his back stilled.
"Kidou," he finally said, and it was pitched away, like he was talking to someone in the distance. This was not a good sign, but Kidou remained hopeful. "I…"
Fudou trailed off. He did not turn to face Kidou. He did not move at all.
Kidou's heart, held aloft entirely by hope, began to sink.
"I'm sorry," Fudou finally managed. And then, one foot after the other without looking back, he walked away.
Well, that confession hadn't gone well, but it hadn't gone disastrously. Fudou hadn't flinched away then and he certainly wasn't treating Kidou any differently now. Kidou had lived through being orphaned at a young age and then being groomed by a manipulative criminal for years after that. He could handle unrequited love.
They were at the beach now, for a Teikoku team barbecue. The sun was just reaching its peak and it was about time to start barbecuing the meat, but somehow, someone, somewhere had forgot an important element: the charcoal.
"You serious? Who's the genius who was in charge of that?" Fudou griped from his deckchair. While half the team had started playing beach volleyball, Fudou, Kidou, and a few other team members were lounging under umbrellas drinking fruit juice.
"It was Henmi-sempai," Narukami piped up from the next umbrella over. "You know how asking sempai for something can kinda be like flipping a coin…"
Fudou sighed. The exhale rippled through his body, starting from his clenched toes and ending with him grudgingly rising up. "I'll go get some then. Henmi owes me one. Hundred."
One hundred of what was not specified. Kidou had been admiring Fudou's toes as they flexed and his muscles as they stretched, but now he realised what was going on.
"Oh, I'll come too," he said. "It's the least I can do, since you guys invited me."
"C'mon, Kidou-san, you'll always be a part of Teikoku," Narukami protested, and Kidou was touched. He would've been even more so if Narukami hadn't been slurping his watermelon juice at the same time.
Fudou only smirked. Had he noticed Kidou checking him out?
But all he said was: "Could use the extra muscle, Kidou-kun."
It was the same joking disdain he always treated Kidou to. Fudou's smirk created fluttering butterflies in Kidou's stomach, but he pushed them down. At this point he could only be grateful that nothing between them had changed at all.
"Well?" Fudou said. "C'mon, Kidou-kun. I'm getting hungry."
"Fudou-sempai!" Narukami protested, ever the loyal kouhai, and Kidou got up and joined Fudou with an answering smirk that he tried to make as indulging and tolerant as possible. Nothing would change at all, if he could help it.
The store was a good 20 minutes away, which explained why everyone had put off getting the charcoal until now. The sun was blazing down, and since Kidou was shirtless, sweat was soon beading at his collarbones and the nape of his neck. The shade of the umbrella would sure be nice right now. This was why he hadn't gone to play volleyball in the first place!
To make things worse, when they finally reached the store Kidou found to his dismay that it wasn't air-conditioned. The only ventilation inside the building was a creaky fan pushing air towards the shopkeeper at the counter. It was as hot inside as it was outside, so they couldn't even get a few minutes' reprieve.
Fudou had 'forgot' his wallet, so Kidou paid for the charcoal. He had been planning to contribute substantially to the cost of the barbecue anyway, since his family was the most well-off of them all (though Henmi's and Sakuma's weren't too far off). Fudou carried the bulk of the charcoal in return. He walked quickly, supporting the bags of charcoal at their base and hefting them against his hips, and when Kidou fell behind in pace he could see Fudou's back muscles flex and fade as he moved, like pistons of an engine. Fudou's hips swayed as he balanced his load, and as the bags of charcoal rubbed against the hem of his board shorts, pushing them so low that his hip bones were visible, Kidou found his thoughts wandering to places he really should pull them back from…
"Ah, shit!" Fudou cursed, and Kidou's thoughts were yanked back into the present. In front of him, Fudou stumbled and stopped abruptly; Kidou reacted just in time to step to a side and avoid the collision.
Charcoal tumbled onto the ground in front of Fudou like a landslide. Black dust coated his feet. Fudou cursed again and crouched down. "Bag broke," he offered by way of explanation. Kidou had figured as much, but he nodded just the same.
"Let me help."
Fudou started to gather the charcoal chunks into one big pile. Kidou set his smaller bag of charcoal aside and joined him.
"You okay?" he asked as they sorted the charcoal, and Fudou shrugged.
"Yeah, just dirty all over now," he said flippantly. It was somehow an understatement as the charcoal shards had gone all over Fudou's chest, stomach, and shorts on their way down. The dust had mixed with the sweat on his torso to form patches of dark grey that gleamed under the sun. "Henmi owes me a thousand. God, it's hot!"
Fudou wiped the sweat off his head with a forearm, leaving a black smudge arcing along the skin at the side of his mohawk like an imprint of his old Shin Teikoku tattoo. The harsh sunlight bounced off his cheekbones and cast shadows over his face, and the goddamned butterflies in Kidou's stomach stirred to life again.
"We'll probably have to walk back, one of us, and get a bag to put the charcoal in. Why did we pick a spot so damn far from the store? Henmi better be there, this is all his damn fault…" Fudou kept up his rant as he picked up the last stray bits of charcoal, but when a shadow crept up to him he paused and looked up. "What?"
That was in a significantly different tone. And no wonder, because Kidou had stepped right up to him.
"Fudou," was all Kidou could say. He couldn't quite figure out how to describe his feelings at the moment, the swirling of emotions within him, hope and want and gumption overwhelming, building up into the one intense mantra that oh my God, he really really really liked Fudou Akio.
Fudou's shoulders drew back even as the rest of him leaned forward. "Kidou… -kun?"
Absently, Kidou licked his lips, and tried to think of how to say all of the thoughts of his mind. But his brain came up short.
"Just back away if you don't want this," he said instead, "I don't want to make you do something you don't want…"
But he could see it in Fudou's gaze. It wasn't as sharp as normal. Fudou's eyes were thrown into shadow by the hot sun directly overhead, which made his dark green irises the colour of mud. The midday heat settled around Kidou's muscles and worked its way into both their hearts.
Kidou stepped forward. Fudou didn't move, and they made contact, first through their noses nudging into each other and then through their lips meeting halfway. Kidou probed. Fudou pushed back. Their lips parted sweetly, their foreheads touched, and as Kidou looked Fudou in the eye he could scarcely believe this was happening.
Then Fudou stilled. One hand found its way to Kidou's shoulder and he gripped it, squeezing —pushing? — as he drew backwards.
"Sorry," he said, looking away. "I can't do this."
Kidou panicked. "Why?" he demanded, stepping back in front of Fudou and forcing eye contact. "You do like me, don't you?"
Otherwise, what had the past few moments been?
Fudou's face wrinkled up, his expression a battle between frustration and want. Kidou realised a moment later that it probably wasn't just Fudou who was dirty now. Smudged soot, evidence of what had just happened, had to be staring Fudou in the face.
"You have no reason, don't you?" he accused.
"No," Fudou immediately replied, to Kidou's surprise. "I do."
He sighed and dropped backwards onto the sand, on his hands and feet. "I guess I do owe you an explanation."
Kidou sat down next to him, a slight distance off, and listened. In the years to come, he would wish that he had taken his last chance to sit just a little bit closer.
"You know when I first joined Teikoku?" Fudou asked, thought it was clear he didn't expect an answer. "It was right after Inazuma Japan. We'd just come back with the championship, if you remember. I was excited. Who wouldn't be? It's fucking Teikoku!"
Kidou nodded. He might have been the symbol of Teikoku's middle school division for a few years, but its history stretched way beyond that. Teikoku was football prestige with or without him.
"Everyone I talked to wouldn't shut up about you." Fudou's tone was flat, matter-of-fact, and nothing could have been more effective at taking the wind out of Kidou's sails. "The nice ones thought talking about how you used to do things was helpful advice. The ones who hated me knew it was a reminder and did it all the more. Sakuma and Genda were the only ones who saw me for me, but no matter what they said, it kept happening. I realised I needed to strike out on my own. Make a name for myself."
"You did that."
"Yeah. At Teikoku." Fudou shrugged. His shoulders rotated their full range of movement, and Kidou couldn't help but look. "I'm hungry, Kidou. I've been hungry ever since I was a kid. I'm not fool enough to think that on the world stage it won't be more of the same."
Kidou had no rebuttal. Even purely as footballers, he and Fudou had a lot in common. Hell, Fudou's first ever cap for Japan had been as his substitute.
"I spent a lot of effort trying to be like you," Fudou said. "I need to succeed as me."
Succeed. Me. The two key words in that sentence that never failed to echo in Kidou's brain whenever he or Fudou hit another milestone in the years following. Fudou's pact with himself continued through high school and beyond. After graduation, Kidou was accepted to both the J-League and his preferred university. Fudou disappeared into smoke and reappeared six months later in the magazines as AS Roma's sensational new signing.
He moved to Italy. For a few days, Kidou was afraid he would never see Fudou again, but then he received his first text from him in six months, a selfie at the Roman airport. Fudou also always came back to Japan during the off season, too, but the line between them remained as strong as ever. They exchanged pictures of their food, saw each other at reunions, drank together, played together, even grudgingly cooperated with Kageyama together when Earth's future was at stake, but through all this Fudou placed himself firmly on one side of the line and relegated Kidou to the other.
It was maddening. The years had only impressed on Kidou that there was no one else for him. But for Fudou?
"It's like the girl changes every season," Kidou griped over shochu during one of his drinking nights with Sakuma. AS Roma had ascended to the top of the Serie A standings, but instead of celebrating that, the Italian tabloids had chosen to run photos of Fudou and yet another girl on their front pages instead. The girl this time was Japanese, a girl Kidou actually vaguely remembered from Shin Teikoku, which was surprising and also all the more infuriating. Kidou knew he shouldn't be jealous, but the thought that his fellow national was partying with Fudou while he was stuck here managing his company made him want to scream.
"I'm sure they're just friends." Sakuma sounded like he was rattling off a stock phrase, but to be fair to him, he had said this many times previously. Kidou just didn't believe him.
"And did you seriously start with shochu?" Sakuma continued, wrinkling his nose in disgust. "Going hard, aren't you? You sure you can go home after this?"
"What does it matter? We only meet up once a month. Just let me drink it off." Kidou put his head in one hand and swished his glass. The ice clinked against the sides of the glass, much like the emotions battering his heart.
"I know I shouldn't be reading this trash." He gestured at his tablet as a particularly vehement rush of envy hit him. "I'm busy enough running the company as it is. I don't have time to be reading this."
He sounded like he was rattling off stock phrases too. To be fair to him, he had said all of this many times previously.
Sakuma rolled his eyes. "Well then, why don't you?" he challenged him, thrusting his mug of beer out at Kidou. "Stop keeping tabs on Fudou, stop texting him like a lovestruck fool every other hour, stop exchanging pictures of your food like some kind of food blog competition. Let him be the one waiting for once. I don't think I've even texted Koujirou today."
"You really should," Kidou said. "I'm sure it'd make Genda's day."
"Yeah, but we're talking about you here, not me. Koujirou and I are very happy together, thanks for the concern. Meanwhile, you and Fudou? It's like watching a train wreck."
"A train can only crash into a stationary object or an opposing force," Kidou said. "Not another train racing further and further away."
"Shut up, smartass." Sakuma exhaled through his teeth. "God, Kidou, you're one of my best friends and all, but if this lasts for much longer I won't be able to take it. No, no more rebuttals." (Kidou closed his mouth.) "That's right. You sit here and drink your shochu. I'm going to tell you something.
"Last time Fudou was back here, we had him over for dinner. Don't look so betrayed, you know he and Genda are close. And I almost didn't want him back over again. He wouldn't shut up about you, you know? Kidou this, Kidou that. I saw your menu for the entire past month. I had to listen to drunken him go on and on about your ass. Do you know how awful that was? And then he ended the whole night deciding to stick to his stupid plan to stay single until he was good enough. And here's you giving him reinforcement by being just present enough in his life for him not to miss you. Honestly, you two are so annoying. Can't you just get together already?"
"Tell that to Fudou," Kidou said glumly. It was flattering to hear that Fudou had been admiring his body, but in the end, it was just more of the same. "Not me."
Bayern Munich bought Fudou and his price tag made headlines around the world. Kidou Financial Group posted its largest profits to date. Sakuma and Genda got married in Australia.
Everyone from Teikoku and Inazuma Japan was invited to the party, of course. Even Fudou found time to attend, though when the seating plan came out he was seated on the other side of the table, with Narukami and Henmi. Kidou, on the other hand, was seated directly next to Sakuma. It was a natural state of affairs, especially given Kidou's best man status, but Kidou also knew that the distance between them wasn't a coincidence. Fudou had probably asked Sakuma and Genda for it the day he received the wedding invitation. This enforced separation was normal by now, but Kidou couldn't help but wonder when the day when Fudou finally thought he had made enough of a name for himself would come.
Kidou had never been to a gay wedding before. Actually, he had never been to a wedding, period, but the wedding planners Sakuma and Genda had hired were wonderful and told him exactly where to stand and what to do. As best man, Kidou had the best view of Sakuma and Genda as they walked down the aisle, and when they embraced and kissed he was the closest to their bright smiles. A billion photographs were taken and Sakuma was radiant in every single one. The whole room melted when the newlywed couple started to dance, and even Kidou hit the dance floor once the party started. He was genuinely happy for his best friends. The whole room was. The joy in the air was infectious.
Kidou had to help Sakuma and Genda back to their room after everything died down. He was the best man, after all. Sakuma and Genda undoubtedly had a blissful night ahead of them, and Kidou? He was just happy to finally get some rest.
He entered his room, kicked off his socks and shoes, and settled straight into the recliner. Oh, he wouldn't move after this. The chair was way too comfortable and his legs were so tired.
The doorbell rang. A few moments where Kidou tried to convince himself it hadn't passed. Then he grudgingly stood up and started the trek back to the door. Kidou Yuuto, young CEO of Kidou Financial Group, best man to the wedding, always ready to rise to the occasion. If it was Sakuma or Genda needing help, he would assist without hesitation. If it was Henmi wanting to invite him to a Teikoku bar hop, well… actually, Kidou wasn't totally opposed to that right now. And if it was Endou or Gouenji wanting to catch up, Kidou wouldn't be averse to that either.
The doorbell rang again. "Yes, I'm coming," Kidou called out, not bothering to hide the irritation in his voice. This wasn't company shareholders or the media, so he didn't have to put up a front. Surely no one could be expected to move so quickly after a party like that. Had they not seen the moves he'd pulled?! Whatever the person on the other side of the door wanted had better be good.
Kidou reached the door and slid the chain bolt free from the latch. He opened the door and it was Fudou with roses.
THE END.
Notes: This was my 2018 Secret Valentine's gift to shawn-and-aiden-frost-9 on Tumblr! Also, fics are posted first on AO3 nowadays; find me there.