Trapped in Kisses
Watching you, you look at me, too, but you don't see anything. All I see is blank eyes and an unfocused face. You were always so alive, the most alive of all of us. You would watch everything – the quidditch pitch, the forest, me – and drink it all in. When you were a dog, you were alive too, rejoicing in your body, in the scents and sounds. Whereas I, as a werewolf, would be in agony and whimper, and I never saw things as you did, I don't think. My head was always clouded. Except you- I'm sure I saw you.
But now, I am a thousand times more alive than you, and it's killing me. You are nowhere now, you can't even choke out my name, or Harry's, anyone's; you see nothing. They sucked everything out of you, everything that made you mine, made you who you are, you're gone now, you're a shell, but I haven't stopped loving you. Even if you never see me again, look at me the way you used, you're still mine.
They wanted to lock you up, in a hospital somewhere, I suppose, but Dumbledore let me take you, he could do that much, I suppose. I left in that carriage with you, shaking, beside me. I held onto you and let everything slip away. Twelve years without you, thinking you'd done something so terrible, perhaps that was worse than this. I can still hold you, and protect, you're still there, even if you're absolutely no one, too.
I don't know what to do with you, anymore. I have this faint, desperate hope that I'll be able to save you somehow, make you come back. Maybe one day I'll hum a tune, or say a word, or show you something, and then you'll remember, you'll snap back. But I know it's not going to happen. We walk together, here now in London, in the muggle streets, drinking in the air of this place where we used to live, and hid in the alleyways because we couldn't resist kissing each other.
I don't suppose you'll ever kiss me again, although at least now I can kiss you, sloppy kisses, on you neck and nose, and forehead. You used to look after me when I was afraid, but now I have to look after you, feeding you, washing you. You whimper in your sleep, and I hold you tighter. Do you remember something, then? Do you remember how this happened to you?
You're more like an animal, now, instinctive, unthinking. You trust me, thankfully, you love me, but the way a dog is devoted to its owner, the one who feeds it, and minds it. You don't love me like you used, in a way that was defiant and tender, no you won't ever love me like that again. We're trapped now, you and me, trapped because I kissed you, and loved you, and trapped because the dementor kissed you, and broke you.
So, I'll just have to watch you, with your glazed eyes, and you'll watch me back, in a blank, trusting way, and I'll live for the hope that you'll see me again. Maybe, maybe, you'll whisper my name.
::This is fan fiction, and isn't mine::