1For Forever- Chapter 1, a push from a sister

Buffy Summers was deep in thought as she walked home from patrol.

The night was cloudy, pouring rain, and it was three days before the full moon. She was trying very hard not to cry.

It was her 24th birthday. 7 years ago on this very night, Buffy and her eternal lover, Angel, had run through the pouring rain into his apartment. This was the night that she had made love to him. This was the night she had given away her virtue. This was the night her and Angel had shared pure passion. This was the night Angel had lost his soul and had become the monster, Angelus. This was the night that she had figured out she couldn't be with her true love ever again. This was her night of pain.

As she trudged through the water, she clutched at her sides. It was all she could do to numb the emotional pain. To cause physical pain to herself. Her control over her tears evaporated, and she began to sob. Each sob wracking her body. She needed someone. She needed him. But, where was he? He was in Los Angeles. He was no where near her. He probably wasn't even thinking about her. He had probably moved on. Probably, with Cordelia. She hadn't seen him since that night in the cemetery after she had killed Caleb. He hadn't said he was seeing someone, but, it showed in his face. She was his other half. She could tell if something was going on that she didn't know about. She was almost positive he was seeing someone. So, she suspected Cordy.

Her dark brown boots clicked on the pavement as she reached her road. She turned down a street, past another street, labeled, 'lovers lane' and cried even harder. When she reached the front steps of her house, she stepped up them quickly and took out her keys, unlocking the door.

As soon as she stepped into the house, that almost mirrored the one that used to be on Revello Drive, she collapsed on the floor in a wet mound and sobbed. It was when she noticed her hands were getting pruney, that she tugged off her boots and coat and stumbled up the stairs into the bathroom. She closed the bathroom door, and peeled the cold, rain soaked clothes from her body.

It was a relief to step into the warm water. The beautiful feeling of the hot sensation on her skin... The pain melted away with the cold, clammy feeling she had moments before. That feeling didn't last very long though. She had been in the shower for an hour before the warm water turned cold. As soon as it did, she turned off the faucet and grabbed a towel off the towel wrack. She dried off a bit and then wrapped the towel around herself and stepped out of the tub. Then, she walked down the hallway into her room, and over to her dresser. After finding a black tank-top and a pair of silky silver pajama bottoms, she slid them on and went back to clean up her mess in the bathroom. When she came back, she flipped off the light and climbed into bed.

The window was exactly where the one in Sunnydale had been, and there was a roof right outside it too. That's why she had chosen this room. It reminded her of all the good times she had had with Angel.

She lay her head on the pillow and within minutes she was asleep.

Cool fingers, cool skin, cool lips— cool lips covering hers—

When she opened her eyes, she was wrapped in white sheets and a maroon blanket. Angel was lying next to her. He smiled at her, they kissed passionately.

"Angel," she said, looking at him and getting lost in his deep brown chocolate-y eyes.

"Buffy, I..."

"You what...?"

"Love you, eternally... I want to be with you forever."

"I love you. I want to be with you forever too."

Then, to her horror, he vamped out, held her down, and bit in to her jugular.

"ANGEL!"

A bolt of lightning crashed, bolting her out of her horrifying dream.

Breathing hard, she reached beside her bed for a glass of water. Taking a sip, she put the glass back, and burst into more tears, as the rain pelted the window.

The only thing she managed to tell herself was, "H-happy B-b-birthday M-me..."

She couldn't go back to sleep so she decided on one thing. She had to get over him. She had to move on.

The next day, she walked down to the kitchen, a bounce in her step.

"Macho Macho man, I want to be, a macho man. Macho Macho Man..." she sang, and then quickly stopped when she realized she had a past with the song.

"I wonder where Will and Xander are..." she mumbled, noticing their absence, but was distracted by the sound of the toaster producing two nicely toasted waffles.

"Yum," she said, pulling two Ego waffles out of the toaster and buttering them with a black handled butter knife.

Then, taking her plate, she bounded out to the couch and plunked down on it, turning on some 'cheesy Saturday morning cartoons'.

"Well, I guess this will be a happy birthday, after all." she told herself, and began to eat her waffle.

An hour later, the mail arrived. Thinking nothing of it, she picked it up off the floor where it had fallen after the mail carrier had put the mail through the slot in the door. She picked it all up, not noticing the letter the had a certain return address on it. She stuck the mail on the table, reminding herself to look at it later. Before she had gone two steps, she realized there could be some birthday cards in the pile with money or gift cards in them. A ghost of a smile flickered on her features. She sauntered back over to the table and flicked through the mail. The first two letters were bills. She frowned and threw them into a separate pile. The third one however was a letter from her dad.

"Africa," she frowned, looking at the return address, and then opened it pulling out a card that was decorated with an Elephant standing on a beach ball, and the words, 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" plastered on the top of the card in blue glitter.

"Oh wow, he still thinks I'm four." She opened the card and about twenty-four fifties fell out. All

the card said on the inside was, "Buffy, Happy 24th, love you always, Dad."

Her eyes bulged at the money, and then she counted it.

"One thousand, two-hundred!" She exclaimed, and then put the money in her pocket. She crumpled up the envelope, and put the card on top of the bills.

The next one really caught her eye. It actually made her want to faint. She grabbed a hold on the table for reassurance, and picked up the envelope addressed to her in his neat bold handwriting.

She looked at it in surprise, and then spun around and made her way up the stairs.

As soon as she reached her room, she threw herself on to the bed, and curled up by the pillows.

Her blonde hair fell in to her green eyes, as she opened the letter. She pushed the stray lock of hair behind her ear, and pulled out the letter. It looked to be a few pages long, and she was afraid to open it further. She convinced herself after many minutes to continue the opening. As she read the first line tears started forming in her eyes.

Buffy,

It's been a few years, and you're growing older. Now, don't worry because it's not one of those cheesy, 'if you're reading this I'm dead' letters. It's a Happy Birthday letter. And, it's also another type of letter. You'll see what I mean very soon.

Buffy Anne Summers, I love you. I still do, I never stopped. I wanted you to know that before I continue on. My feelings for you will never change. I've tried to move on, forget like you asked me to, but it's harder than it seems. I feel like it's been a millennium, and I haven't even lived that long yet.

I need you to know Buffy, that I still want you, and that I still need you. You are my true soul mate, my dear. Never forget that.

I promised you for forever. And, I haven't really kept that promise, have I? It was my fault, that I gave up the life I wanted with you, but, Buffy, I am still hoping that you have, or will find someone that makes you happy. Someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Someone you can have children with, someone who can take you into the sun. I know you've heard this already, and I know you have a lot on your hands right now, what with all the slayers that you and Willow brought to calling, and then coming to help me fight The Apocalypse. I know I never saw you there, but, don't pretend you weren't there because I felt you Buffy. I guess our connection hasn't faltered after all. I wanted to say thank you, my love.

I also wanted to give you all of my love that I have left. I'm getting along fairly well, considering I look older, even though I haven't really aged. Also, considering that I lost Wesley, Fred and Wolfram and Hart. I am back at the Hyperion Hotel, and Spike, Illyria, Gunn and I are bringing back Angel Investigations. (It's going to be named something else because Spike isn't letting me get away with that.)

I talked to Dawn recently. She informed me of your new address, and told me about how well she was doing in college. I saw her when I went down to Penn State to visit someone else I know there. She was very excited about your birthday, and I don't know if she's said anything to you yet, but, she's planning something big.

Willow, has also contacted me, about you mostly. She says you've been rather unhappy for the past few weeks, and I was worried. She's down in the lobby right now, actually, talking with Spike. She said that if you're looking for her and Xander, they left you notes down on the refrigerator door where you usually go when you get home from patrol. Xander's gone to Anya's empty grave site, a.k.a, the pit that was once Sunnydale, California. She told me that she will be home by the night of your birthday.

Beloved, I know you're experiencing some hard times, and I know that you'll get through them. You're surrounded by people that care about you, Dawn, Xander, Willow, Giles, Faith, and even though I'm not there, I love you. You are loved. So, Happy Birthday, Mo Anam Chara.

I'll love you always,

Angel

Buffy re-read the letter sixteen times. Her tears were freely flowing down her face. She just sat there, even as Dawn, who had to drive a very long ways to get to her sister's house from Penn state entered the room.

"Happy Birthday, Buff!" She squealed, bounding into the room. Then, she noticed the tears and the letter.

"Buffy?" She walked over to the bed, and hugged her sister, while reading the letter over her shoulder.

"Oh, Buffy."

"Dawnie, I just can't stand this anymore. I need to move on, but, how can I when he does this? I have a desire for him and he keeps bringing it up!" Buffy cried, still clutching the letter.

"Buffy, I've had enough. You have Angel face."

"Yeah."

"You... I... I've been home like, four and a half minutes and you already have Angel face!"

"I... I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You're going to L.A."

"What...? What are you talking about? You, you just got here, and hey! No, I'm not!"

"Yes you are. You need to talk to him in person Buffy. Don't fight me. I have on Willow's resolve face."

"But you–"

"Have Faith."

"But I still don't trust her."

"Xander's coming with her, and anyway, I'm in college, I'll be fine."

"And Willow–"

"Is coming over too, I know it's been heard since Kennedy died last year, but, she's dealing, Buffy. We'll be fine."

Dawn glanced at her watch and got up off of the bed. She flipped off her shoes and went over to the closet. Buffy sighed and tried to think of a good excuse even as her sister dug around in her closet and pulled out her suitcase. The sound of the zipper made Buffy feel like her heart was being ripped out.

"Dawnie, I really don't think I should go."

"Well, I do. I need you to get this figured out."

"Dawnie–"

"Buffy, you need to do this. If you love him, you need to do this. Willow and Xander told me that every time it rains you go up to your room and sulk."

"No I don't!"

"Sure you don't, Buff."

"I don't, and anyway how did you–"

"Buffy, you're going."

"Dawn–"

"Buffy, take the ticket." Dawn handed her a plane ticket and Buffy looked it over.

"You got me a ticket?" She looked the ticket over.

"It's your birthday present." Dawn flashed her sister a toothy grin before returning her attention back to the suitcase she was packing.

"One way!" Buffy's eyes widened.

"We don't know how long you're staying. It's a free one. You come back whenever you want, but, don't think for one second that you can go, not even see him and come back."

"I won't," Buffy said, still staring wide eyed at the ticket.

"Good, now, get some rest because your plane leaves at nine."