Hey guys, it's been a while, hasn't it? More than a month. I'm sorry for the hiatus, but I had a lot of trouble with this one-shot here. It's a narrative about Elsa. These are her thoughts and feelings after releasing her magic and building her ice palace. Hope you enjoy, and please review! DISCLAIMER: I do not own Frozen or any of its characters.
The wind whistled softly around the mountain. She didn't know how long she had been standing here. Had it been five minutes? An hour? Time seemed to pass like an eternity here. She felt a pang of longing, almost making her want to go back. No, she couldn't. There was too much hurt there, too much pain, and too much fear, and all of it had been caused by her. When would it end? Would it ever end? Would it haunt her all the rest of her days? Would she live the rest of her life alone, still not knowing how to control it?
Well, why not? There was no one who could help her, anyway; not the trolls, not her parents, not even Anna. Dear, sweet Anna, who thought her sister must hate her, because she had refused to open her door, refused to even talk to her. It hadn't been fair to Anna that she had also been stuck inside the castle walls all those years, unable to go out and experience all the wonderful things the world had to offer. It wasn't fair that Anna had had to go more than half her life not being able to remember what had happened that night, why her sister had isolated herself from her. That night would never haunt her the way it did Elsa, like it still did, and would for the rest of her life.
But none of that mattered now. She was alone, the way she preferred. But now, as she gazed out across the shimmering, snow-capped peaks of distant mountains, alone didn't seem so lonely anymore. In fact, it felt strangely comforting. She had found her place, high up in the mountains, away from everyone. No one could follow her this way. She knew that eventually, someone would come looking for her – most likely Anna – but for now, at least, she was guaranteed seclusion and quiet.
Her cerulean eyes roamed over the great expanse of white below her. In the pink and golden light of early morning, it seemed to sparkle and shimmer, almost as if it had a life of its own. For thirteen years, hers almost did. She knew that she alone should be able to control it, but that hadn't been the case for a long time. Up until last night, she had almost given up all hope of ever being able to control it again.
But then, as she was running away from the only home she had ever known, she realized that hiding her emotions and therefore her magic had never worked for her. Rather, she should embrace and accept it as who she is. And she had, in more ways than one. She smiled as she remembered the joy she had felt at finally being able to release her magic, really release it, with no one around to glare coldly at her, no one who shrank from her because they were afraid of what she could do. She had felt light-hearted for the first time in thirteen years.
Suddenly, a realization came to her. Had shutting her away really been the best decision her parents could have made for her? She knew that she might have been too young yet to make her own decisions, and that her parents had only been doing what they had thought was best for their scared daughter. But now that she had grown and matured and had liberated herself from it, she was beginning to question that decision. That was something she had never done before. She wasn't like Anna, questioning every rule or decision. Or was she? Were she and Anna still that much alike, even after all these years? Maybe they were more alike than Elsa had realized. A shiver that had nothing to do with the cold ran down her spine.
She inhaled deeply of the fresh, crisp mountain air. It was in this moment that she decided that dawn was her favorite time of day. She enjoyed watching the golden rays of the sun stretch across the sky and bathe everything in its warm glow. With it came the promise that today was a new day, and now more than ever, anything was possible.
Anything was possible. Could she really believe that? Did she dare believe that? She didn't think it was possible that her magic could hurt anyone, but the accident thirteen years ago had proved that it could. She didn't think it was possible that anyone would discover her secret, but then, due to unforeseen circumstances that had been beyond her control, she had been proved wrong again. She didn't think it was possible that she would learn to embrace her powers and create something so beautiful and wonderful, and yet this castle stood proud and strong, just like the person who had created it.
But was she proud and strong? She didn't think so somehow. In the past three years, since her parents' death, she had experienced more pain and heartbreak than anyone should have to feel in their entire lifetime. It was then that she had hit rock bottom. She had been so emotionally unstable in that time that she had been afraid that she would never recover.
But she had, in a way. It might not have been the best way, but it had been the only way she knew how. She had hidden her emotions even more than those first ten years. No one had been able to get through to her, not even Anna. Oh, how she had wished she could have been there that day, even if she had just stood at a distance. She would have hoped that Anna would somehow feel her presence and be comforted. Oh, how she had wished she could have opened her door and given her a hug, the one thing any other sister would do without hesitation, but which she shrank from. She had been unable to be there for Anna at a time when she had needed her most. Nothing would erase the pain she had felt at not being able to comfort her own sister. She had been a terrible sister these past thirteen years. Anna deserved so much better than her.
That was another reason she had run away. The day Anna was born, she had made a promise that she would be there for her no matter what. But just five short years later, she had broken her promise when she had shut herself away from the only sister she had, the one person who had loved her so much that she had spent almost every day outside her door, reading, singing, and sometimes just talking, even when she knew that her big sister would not talk back. Elsa had never admitted it to anyone, least of all herself, but she had actually enjoyed Anna's visits outside her door, had even looked forward to them. She would always visit at the same time everyday, just after dinner, so she could tell her everything she had done that day, always in great detail so that Elsa would be able to picture it herself. She would talk about the adventures she would have in the castle and the discoveries she had made, most of them being hidden rooms or secret passages. Elsa would sit on the other side of the door and listen as Anna babbled on and on until she eventually ran out of things to say. She would leave shortly after, but not before saying how much she loved and missed her. Elsa's heart broke every time she heard those words, the only words that she wasn't able to say back. Her heart ached even more at the memory.
She gave a resigned sigh and turned to go back inside, closing the balcony doors behind her with a light gust of cool wind. She looked around the massive upper room, with the ice crystal chandelier suspended from the ceiling. It looked so empty, much like her life had been up to this point. She started walking around, running her hand along the walls and pillars made of clear, shimmering ice, marveling at her creation. How could she, someone who knew nothing but fear and destruction with her magic, have created something so wonderful and so beautiful?
She thought back to the years before the accident. She had been so happy to use her magic then. She had created beautiful things with it. Using her magic had been a source of great joy to her and Anna. But then a slip on the ice and a misjudged aim had ended all that happiness. What had gone wrong?
Even though it had been more than a decade, Elsa still remembered the words that the troll chief, Grand Pabbie, had said to her the night of the accident. Your power will only grow. Well, she had found that out, hadn't she? She had been twelve years old when she had discovered that her magic wasn't being suppressed, like she was hoping, but growing stronger every day. She had been so scared, and it was then that she had started shying away from physical touch, even her parents', because she hadn't wanted to hurt them.
There is beauty in it, but also great danger. Looking around at her ice palace, she knew that her magic could be beautiful, but in the last thirteen years, she had only known danger with it, especially if the accident in the ballroom and her reveal at her coronation ball were any indication.
Fear will be your enemy. But what exactly did that mean? Was it the people's fear of her? Was it fear of herself and what she could do? Maybe it was both. She had hidden her magic all those years because she had been afraid that if people knew about it, they would be afraid.
And now they did know. All it had taken was one brief emotional outburst, and she had let the unthinkable happen. She had let her magic loose in front of everyone. Her greatest fear had come to life. One moment of weakness, and now her own people were afraid of her.
Well, not anymore. Up here, she was free, free to do whatever she wanted, free to let her magic loose, free of fearful mutterings. Yes, she was alone, but alone had never felt so good before. It was almost like a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She felt lighter than air.
Of course, she had to admit that there were disadvantages to being alone, one being that she had no one to talk to, or at least, no one to talk to her. Back home, she had been alone in her room all the time, but at least Anna had been there almost every day to talk to her. Sometimes, the silence had felt so overwhelming that she had felt like she was suffocating inside it. Here, it felt like it was echoing against the walls, roaring in her ears, pounding inside her head. She wanted it to stop torturing her, but it wouldn't go away, no matter how hard she tried.
She looked around and was startled to find herself in the main entryway of her palace. She had been so lost in her thoughts and memories that she had walked all the way downstairs without realizing it. She looked around the room. It looked so empty, so impersonal, so cold. Without giving much thought to what she was doing, she raised her hands and crafted a simple, but beautiful fountain between the two sweeping arms of the double staircase that led to the upper floors.
She rubbed her face with her hands. She suddenly felt very drained. Unleashing her magic, building her ice palace, and warring with her conflicting thoughts and emotions had all sapped her of her energy. Perhaps she would lie down and rest a while. Besides, if she was going to live here, she might as well make it look lived in.
She went back upstairs, but stopped at the first landing. Using the last of her concentration, she raised her hands and created a large canopy bed out of solid, shimmering ice, with a few layers of thick, fluffy snow. She sighed in relief when she lay down on it, finding it to be as soft as her bed back home, maybe even softer. Despite the thoughts still raging inside her head, she fell into a deep sleep almost instantly. Nothing could bother her anymore. She was finally at peace: at peace with the world, at peace with her magic, and maybe even at peace with herself.
I have to admit, this is not my best story. Since Elsa is such a complicated character, I find it very hard to write about her. Also, I hope the ending doesn't sound rushed. I just wanted to get this out, as I was tired of looking at it.
Thanks for reading! :)