Author's Note:
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Firefly/Serenity, and this is merely a work of fiction.
Summary: There are many things Jayne does not want to find laying on his bed. River is one of them.
Thanks to: Katherine who beta'd, and to all the support from reviewers.
PS: Heh, this was my first fanfic, so apologies in advance for the … clichés.
She Would Want A Kiss
Growling did no good. Neither did cursing. Threatening, glaring, knife-pointing, begging, or even pouting was at no avail. That girl.
Poor, faultless Jayne, he just wanted to take a hot shower and go to his bunk to close his weary eyes. His troubled day had been full of hunting the ship up and down for any extra foods and avoiding that moon brained thing. Now here she was. Sitting on his bed.
"Gorrammit girl! What's yer problem? Last time I checked, you don' sleep in 'ere!"
"The girl is not sleeping. In fact, her neurological state of being is far from the voluntary reduction of body movement," River replied matter-of-factly. After seeing an exasperated expression on his face, she clarified, "She is quite awake, and cannot sleep."
"I ain't blind, woman! Now get yer fully awaken'd skinny arse outta my bunk!" He pointed a dripping finger in the direction clearly to the exit, his other hand occupied in tucking in the end of his towel wrapped around his waist. He was fully aware that all though the crazy girl insisted she was suffering from insomnia, she had to put on her thin sleeping chemise with it all too obvious that she only had a pair of skivvies on underneath. Jayne shook his head in attempt to break off the train of thoughts.
Woman? Is that what he thought of her? River slowly grinned. Yes. Yes, she was a woman. Never mind that deficient rear end.
"Will not leave."
"Like hell you won't! Get the gorram out of here!"
"This woman has chos-"
"Woman?" Jayne cut in, "What happened to the 'This loony little girl' bus'ness?"
"I ain't blind, woman!" mimicked the woman, complete with a scowl. Despite a slight stray accent, it was fine imitation. "This woman has chosen to stay," she continued, "She would also point out that she is not a 'little girl'"
Jayne burst into laughter. Much more like guffawed. River's smile grew; she had provided him amusement. This was going well.
"No offendin' darlin', but you ain't no womanly material," Jayne replied with a snigger, eyeing the rather shapeless outline of her frame through the nightie.
Shiny thoughts gone. Her mouth dropped open as her face crumpled. How dare he? Anger choked her now. Mouth set in a firm frown, eyebrows bunched together, she abruptly turned away from him, sitting Indian-style with her arms crossed, and her back on the edge of the bed, facing Jayne.
"Aw, common'. I didn' mean anything."
"Baby Bear's bed fit just right, but she is thrown out. Goldilocks' just a girl."
"What the go se are you ramblin' about? I ain't no baby bear, and you fer certain aren't no Goldenlocks," remarked Jayne. He tried not to think how much the last part was true. River did not have the chubby immaturity of the blonde in the tale, but was slender and precise. Her hair did not scream yellow, but adorned a shadowy brunette. Smiling eyes- of course, not smiling right now-always held a childlike curiosity. He was so deep into thinking, Jayne didn't hear the girl speak.
"I don't want to be a little girl," River repeated, louder.
Snapping out of his trance, he quickly answered, "Tough." Gorrammit. "I mean, well, y'know. It's not so bad," he promptly added, after having a murderous glare thrown at him from River's shoulder.
"The Baby Bear wants Goldilocks out. He only has to oblige her simple wish," she suggested. This could definitely go well.
The mercenary quirked a suspicious eyebrow up. "What is that supossed'ta mean?" It was getting mighty uncomfortable. He suddenly became conscious that he was only wearing a towel and his skin. Was it getting hot in here?
"She would want," River began, slowly maneuvering her lithe body to face Jayne again, "a kiss."
"No gorram way."
"A handsome prince kisses the princess from her ignorant state," she pressed on.
"Wha'?"
"Never has lips touched hers."
"Oh no. No, no. No! No way in gorram hell," he barked. He tried backing up, but the girl only stood up and gracefully closed the lost distance between them. It was getting harder to think, with all the blood rushing out of his brain to- well, more important parts. Banging against the wall, the man was at a dead end.
She had a smile on, nearly a smirk, "She cannot exit her tower without the hero waking her up first." She was now merely inches away from him. Her long lashes pointed upwards towards his eyes, "Or he could carry her out?" she hopefully offered.
"I thought we already discussed this? Remember?" Jayne weakly protested, "You was all awoken' already?"
If Jayne's pout wasn't any good, then River's gorram near melted him.
How were you supposed to say no to that? Obligingly, Jayne carefully placed his mouth over her full, warm lips. Damn, it wasn't supposed to feel this good. Battling within himself, he knew this was ten times the wrong, but his betraying body urged him on. Opening his mouth, he deepened the kiss, and with a contented sigh she accepted. Jayne found himself rather amused; whether it was from the surprising talents of girl, or from the enjoyment he was getting out of it, he couldn't tell, and he couldn't rightly care at that moment.
Groaning, the merc dragged River closer to him. As she started to lift a leg up, he grabbed the other one and set her about his hips. Grasping his head as an anchor, she continued kissing him back, all inhibitions lost. While Jayne held her in place with an engulfing arm around her bottom, he reached down to grab the hem of her shift when the door to his cabin rudely and inconveniently slammed open. It was Mal, who was shouting something on the way down.
"Jayne! What did I say about eating th-" He cut off, reaching the base and noticing the couple against the wall.
There was a moment of shocked and awkward silence.
"Uh. Hullo Captain," Jayne offered, shifting uneasily. He tried averting his eyes. Maybe if he can't see Mal, then Mal couldn't see him. Him with River, who was, well you know, wrapped around his waist. He had long let go of the delectable behind, but her legs were still firmly clutched around his middle and her arms encircled around his neck. Resting her on Jayne's bare chest, she faced the angry Mal, her eyes revealing all innocence.
In a fluid motion, Mal dropped the empty box of snack bars he was grasping to hold as evidence against Jayne's misdeeds, and drew his revolver from the back of his abnormally tight pants. Pointing the muzzle at his hired man, he calmly stated, "I would best advise you to give me an explanation of what you are doing with our kind Simon's sister. You've got about five seconds before I decide to blow up your head."
Jayne blankly stared at him.
"Uhh."
Exaggerating a sigh, River slid down from the warmth of his body and walked in front of the weapon.
"Not a comatose princess. Dark hair, light skin, but this girl used orbicularis oris muscles accompanied with her intrinsic muscles, which obviously cannot be executed by someone who is indisputability asleep," she recited to Mal, with that smile of hers that mocked, 'You're a silly goose.' Then as if she hadn't been caught in the arms of a half naked man, she glided past the captain and slipped out of the hatch.
Mal, with the devil riding his soul, glared at Jayne.
Jayne did his best to give him a million dollar smile.
The captain was too overwhelmed at the moment with River being crazy, and Jayne baring his teeth like he was about to eat him to be able to do a whole lot. So, Mal waggled his gun to emphasize the only words he could strangle out, "We're having a talk."
Orbicularis oris muscles: the muscles used to pucker your lips
Intrinsic muscles: The muscles in your tongue that allow you to eat, talk, and this case, kiss ;)