A/N: Hello. Back again, this time trying a stab at humour. Hehe. My second Sweeney Todd fic!! Anyway I made up a name for Mrs. Mooney because you never find out her actual name in the film. And if you know her first name please PM me, so in future stories I can put her actual name. Thanks! Anyway I hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: Don't own any Sweeney Todd characters of course.
Pussy Cats and Toast
I never really 'ad an idea of puttin' cats into me pies, or toast for that matter; I usually got me meat from the butcher down the street.
Although they may have been the worst pies in London, I still didn't want pussy cats or toast in me pies. I don't know 'ow Mrs. Mooney ever sold 'er pies but still people bought them over mine.
Ever since me shop became so famous around London she had started to lose many customers and money. I guess she was blamin' me for it. I couldn't help it if they loved eating people instead of pussy cats and toast.
That day I was baking, minding me own business as usual when she came into me shop. I sent Toby on an errand that morning and Mr. T was still waiting for the Judge Turpin to come so he could get his revenge.
"Mrs. Lovett," she said in a sing-song voice. I looked up to find Mrs. Mooney grinning at me. Her large frame squeezed through the narrow door and bight blue eyes stared into mine. I smiled back and tried to wipe the flour from me dress.
"Mrs. Mooney," I replied smiling. "Would yer like some gin?" I asked politely. I turned to get some from the cupboard and saw none. I forgotten Toby drank the last night before he passed out.
"No, Mrs. Lovett. I'll be fine," Mrs. Mooney responded and sat down at the booth next to the door. I was hopin' she would say that. I put the closed sign up and sat across in the booth.
"Wot brings you 'ere Mrs. Mooney?" I asked, curiously.
"I just needed to know somethin'," she said.
"Like wot?"
"Like wot you put in those famous pies of yours," she said, staring into my eyes. I studied her at first, hoping she was pulling my leg. "Well?" she asked me. I tried to think of something to say but I had a mind blank. I never thought of what to say to people who asked what I did put into my famous meat pies. They never asked why they were called that particular 'flavour'; they just accepted the name and ate them hungrily.
"Ermm…well," I tried to think.
"Is it the herbs or spices or is it the way you cook the meat?" she asked.
"It's a secret recipe," a voice suddenly said at the side door. We both turned to see Mr. Todd standing there.
"Good mornin' Mr. T," I smiled at him, happily. Mr. Todd didn't acknowledge my presence at all.
"Who might this be Mrs. Lovett?" he asked, without looking at me.
"This is Mrs. Mooney from down the street, she owns a pie shop," I reminded him.
"Oh," he said flatly and glanced at me.
She giggled and turned bright red.
"Oh, Mr. Todd I've heard so much about you around London and your barber shop," she started giggling like a school girl. He only stared at her with the same expression he always wore "Call me Dorothy, Mrs. Mooney sounds so ancient," she grinned.
I suddenly realized she was drooling over Mr. T. right in front of me. I saw Mr. Todd way before she even knew Mr. Baker, I mean Mr. Todd.
"You are old," Mr. T retorted. Mrs. Mooney chuckled at his response. She thought he was joking. He never cracked at joke since he got back from jail.
"Mrs. Mooney, don't you need to get back to yer shop?" I asked, through me teeth angrily.
"No, Nellie, dear its Sunday silly, we don't work Sundays," she said to me, not even looking in my direction. "Could you tell me the recipe Mr. Todd?" she asked him. He only stared at her intensely.
I glared at Mrs. Mooney in annoyance. She was flirting with my Mr. Todd in front of me and in my own shop. Although I knew he wasn't doing anything back to her it still annoyed me.
"Mrs. Mooney don't you usually go to church on Sundays?" I asked, hoping to distract her from Mr. Todd.
"No my dear," she answered, not taking her eyes off Mr. Todd. I cleared my throat and went to the back room to think of how I could get rid of Mrs. Mooney. I only heard muffles of their conversation and sometimes I could Mrs. Mooney's laughter. I wonder she was talking about herself again. Ever since I knew from down the street she always seemed to talk about herself, not about anyone else.
I suddenly realized I had pies in the oven waiting for me to get them out. I thought maybe I could get rid of Mrs. Mooney that way by showing off me famous meat pies to her. I walked back to them and got out the pies from the oven.
She must have smelt them before I even took 'em out of the oven because she was making Mr. T sit down across from her at the booth.
"I can seat myself, woman," he replied, angrily and sat down across from her. I could tell he wanted to go so badly. I saw him slid his jacket slightly and I could see the glint of silver from the razor. I suddenly hoped he wasn't going to kill Mrs. Mooney because everyone would notice her missing pretty quickly even if she didn't get the amount of customers I got.
I smiled to her and sat them down on her side while they were still talking. She was glancing from Mr. T's face to the plate in front of her.
Mr. Todd glanced down at the pies; he was thinking I was thinking for once.
"A pie ma'am?" Mr. Todd asked bluntly, without looking at her. Mrs. Mooney blushed and without hesitation, took one from the plate and hungrily ate it.
"So Mrs. Mooney, how are the neighbor's cats doin'?" I asked. She stopped abruptly from her chewing and narrowed her eyes at me.
"Wot cats?" she asked, with a mouth full of pie. I had to swallow a little before I spoke again.
"Yer know the cats. She 'ad hundreds of 'em," I replied. She shook her head nervous and swallowed the rest of her pie.
"Yummy," she said, smiling. Me pie I hope, not your the cat pies, I thought
I glared at Mrs. Mooney; she was still flirting even with the pie in her mouth.
"I have to go," he told her.
"Oh, Mr. Todd, please don't go," she pleaded, giving him puppy eyes. I glanced from Mr. T to Mrs. Mooney. He didn't even flinch. He got up and walked straight out without acknowledging my presence again.
I was relieved he was gone and smiled at Mrs. Mooney. Mrs. Mooney was not happy at all by the look on her face.
"Anythin' else, Mrs. Mooney," I asked, politely. She thought for a while. She slowly got up from the booth, still with bits of pie on her dress. She wiped them away and sighed.
"No, not from your shop, Mrs. Lovett," she replied in a huff and went straight out the door. I smiled and got the pies from the table and turned to see Mr. Todd at the door again. He only stared at me with those dark gaping eyes and slammed the door again.
A/N: Hello. Thank you for reading my first humor story for ST. I have rewritten this story because I only had one review and a lot of hits. I hope this one is more in character than the last one. Please review, pies for anyone who does.