Baka Papa By Phoenix Kaen and co-written by With Garasu Eyes
Summary: "I can't believe you left the baby at the supermarket AGAIN!" Mai shouted at him. "Relax, she's still there," Bakura said casually. He dodged the pan that Mai threw at him... Mai/Bakura
Disclaimer: WGE and PK do not own Yu-Gi-Oh. We only write fan fiction and do not profit from them.
"Stupid dog," Bakura muttered darkly as he carried the groceries into the house. His leg slammed the cardoor closed. A tiny poodle had attacked him again when he was at the supermarket, managing to bite off his pantleg again. It was the sixth pair of pants that dumb mutt had ruined. Its owner, an grouchy old lady, let it loose. She was lucky that he had promised Mai to stop sending people to the Shadow Realm or else she would've spend the rest of her golden years there. He opened the door with a key with a sneaking suspicion that he forgot something. He checked inside the bag and tried to recall the shopping list. "Let's see there was a liter of soda, a carton of eggs, a bag of diapers, more baby bottles, baby formula and-" He shivered when he said this last thing. "pads. What did I forget?" He racked his brain for the answer and couldn't think of anything. Bakura shrugged his shoulders and walked into his home.
Mai got up from the couch and bumrushed him. "Oh, there you are! Mommy's missed you so much! Mommy-" Then she stopped her baby talk. Wait a minute. Bakura and groceries but no baby? "Bakura! Don't tell me you left Mia in the car?" She pushed past him and ran to the front door to look at the car. The babyseat in the back of the car was empty. Then it dawned on him; the baby! He had forgotten the baby in the shopping cart!
Oh, Ra. Mai is going to yell. He thought as he set down the groceries on the floor and ran quietly out of the room. "Bak-" She turned around to find an empty room. "Bakura! WHERE IN THE HELL IS OUR BABY!" She ran to the kitchen where Bakura was hiding behind the counter. He didn't dare to make a peep as Mai walked around the counter. He crawled around the counter to avoid her. She knew perfectly well where he was. With hands on her hips, she breathed in deeply. One of her veins was threatening to pop if he didn't stop his immature antic.
"Bakura." She said strangely calm which sent a chill up his spine. He knew that when she used that tone of voice she meant business. He still wouldn't budge from his hiding spot though. He wasn't stupid. The impatient blonde bit down on her bottom lip. "Bakura," she repeated.
"Bakura's not here," he said in a falsetto voice. Mai jumped on the counter and glared down at him.
"BAKURA! Where is our baby?" Mai snapped. Her violet pupils dilated making him shiver slightly but he didn't show it. There was no way he would admit to being afraid of his wife.
"I may have left her at the supermarket…in the cart…" He hesitated in his words.
"WHAT! I can't believe you left the baby at the supermarket AGAIN!" Her neighbors probably heard her yell. "Arrgh! I can't believe you! You are probably the worst dad ever!" Mai almost pulled at her long hair.
"Relax, she's still there," Bakura said casually. He dodged the pan that Mai threw at him.
"You were the one foolish enough to let me watch her." He argued. Then he realized his mistake. Mai turned on him with the most piercing glare that anyone ever gave him. Not even Yami no Yugi's glare could compare to Mai's lethal eyes. His white hair stood more on end if that was even possible.
"You are her FATHER! You should want to watch her once in a while, not stay at home and watch your stupid soap operas!"
"HEY! I do not watch soap operas! That's the type of thing only my weak hikari would do."
"Give it up, Bakura. I found your magazines, normal married men would keep porn but you keep soap opera magazines." Bakura was blushing furiously and looking uncomfortable.
"That's not the point now! We have to go get baby Mina!" He got up quickly and rushed out to the living room. Mai looked after him whilst shaking her head.
"Our baby's name is Mia! Mia!" She ran after her husband. "And you better not back up on the plastic Dark Magician that Yugi gave us for Christmas again!" Bakura pretended not to hear the last thing.
At the supermarket, Mai's and Bakura's baby, Mia was playing with a young cashier who was on her fifteen minute break. She giggled when the teen made trilling sounds with her lips and tickled her belly. Mai came bustling in, looked around and smiled with relief. Bakura trailed in after her with his hands in his pants pockets.
"There she is." He said with boredom. "Now let's get out of here."
"Mia!" Mai called out her name. The baby's eyes widened at the familiar voice. She smiled widely at her mom who was walking towards her and the cashier. The latter was looking disapprovingly at the older woman.
"You realize that this is the fourth time your baby's been left here?" She questioned rudely when Mai embraced the Mia with ferocity. Of course, Mai wasn't appreciative of the tone of voice that the young girl was taking with her.
"Yes but it wasn't my fault. My idiot of a husband-" She jerked her head in the direction of the magazine rack where Bakura was flipping through the pages of a tabloid magazine. He was snickering at an article about Kaiba marrying an alien from outer space. "is the one responsible for leaving her."
"He's your husband?" She asked incredulously. Mai nodded. "He's the guy that keeps knocking down the marker to the floor and flipping our skirts whenever we bent down to pick it up!"
The blonde slapped her forehead with her hand. Just how many times are you going to get in trouble, Bakura?
He laughed uproariously when he saw an altered picture of Yami no Yugi in a pink tutu. He slapped his knees and said loudly, "Baka Pharaoh!"
"Bakura, stop making an ass of yourself," Mai muttered under her breathe. Mia, oblivious to the scene, laughed along with her dad. "Not you, too, Mia. Don't learn to be like your dad." She held Mia closer to her. She was about to tell Bakura loudly that they had to go but the latter checked his watch and panicked.
"Damn! It's almost time for 'All My Children'!" He exclaimed. "I mean, I'm missing out on a lot of porn." He added gruffly.
"Pervert…" the cashier murmured. Mai just held Mia to her side with a sweat drop.
A/N: My cousin, Phoenix Kaen, my partner in writing is sadly not here with me now. Because of her family's situation, she recently had a mental breakdown. Let's hope the best for her. I would like to dedicate this fic to her since she was the one that influenced me to try writing. Most of this was written by her anyway and she also came up with the idea.
Let me just add that if you want this fan fiction to be continued, it would be wise to leave a review. I don't want to feel like wasting time if no one cares for this story.