Author's Note:
Disclaimer: I do not own anything, and I'm glad or else everyone would be protesting, Lol
Please do read till the end, I promise it will not dissapoint you.
Enjoy!
The Girl with issues.
I ran. I ran as long as my legs could take me, as far as I could go without anyone coming behind me. I wanted to cry so hard, why won't these tears help me! I could feel my head getting heavier by the minute, feel the world crashing down like a bomb, my life was now falling apart fading to nothingness
My throat was clogged up, and the only sensation I felt was the wind, carrying my intense emotions. I crashed unto the road, abandoned like me.
I knew it was hopeless, I had seen everyone happy; especially my mother. But I knew it was a mask, until he broke that beyond repair. I remembered fighting my father to see that she never betrayed and then everything broke, like someone jerked me out of my dream.
He left me, alone and my mother was too broken to even take care of me. I hugged the tree and cried, wishing someone would hear the pleas of this undeserving eighteen year-old.
Wishing I could get all the times back where I would never smile hiding my pain behind a mask. The worst part was that no one knew about.
No one.
xxx
"Where have you been?" I didn't even bother to answer that question, people stared at me; I,a girl who was filthy from not bathing for almost six days stood in the middle of the road with such a withdrawn expression. I should have run further away than to stay here and stare at my bestfr— just friend. She had long forgotten me, I knew I was selfish. I was jealous, I was too…. egoistic. Maybe that's why I don't deserve this happiness.
"Nothing." I stuff my hands in my pocket, walking away like always whenever she would force herself to be with me, always wearing that uninterested expression like she missed someone else and didn't enjoy being with me.
The very one who knows everything about me parents. And also, the one who noticed that I was creepily stalked by a boy from our class, although I have no idea who.
"Kyoko!" I walk faster, I don't want to face her just yet. Not after being broken by my own father.
I ran, as soon as I heard her footsteps. It was hard now, all too hard. I don't want to fall into the pattern I have been falling into again and again. People showing concern like they always do, showing that they cared when in reality they are just pitying my situation. I hate it. I hate everything.
I thought life was supposed to be good in the end, after being born like going to jail, after watching the dusk I would see dawn.
But fate got me, it was all a hoax for some kind of sick game I didn't even suspect I was being played at. I could have everything he would give me, but I wanted only one thing.
Only one thing he could never give me; loving my mother to death. Was it so hard that he decided to cut every relation with her and hurt her to the point of no return?
I don't want anything, I watched as my hopes were crushed again and again. I watched as I was betrayed by my friend, I watched those fights, I watched the time when I was humiliated, insulted and played like a candidate of a sick joke.
But still everyone think I was being unfair denying to like any male in the world. Was it my mistake? I watched everyone in my family, whoever was married just being controlled like a servant, how can I live a life so suffocating?
I don't deserve love, I am too selfish, evil and I don't care about anyone but myself. I only wished and prayed for myself that every time I hope my hard work for something would pay off, I would fail.
I watched my grades go down gradually since eighth grade, the start of my parents fall out. It never was a relation to begin with, only a contract binding them together. I should have known better than to hope my father would ever love her like she did. That he would ever sacrifice a small thing for her.
Tears ran down my cheek, I knew every guy called me an aunty because I always wore a scarf. Was it so bad to be away from love? Was it so bad to hate marrying? I never cared about what people thought about me anyway, but it still hurt.
It hurt that no one, no one would ever see me for who I am. Not from my intelligence buried deep inside from the stress.
I hugged myself in the hot afternoon of June, wondering if I could ever go back and pretend nothing was wrong like I did every day.
I still remembered arguing with my friends, about me being a pure maiden forever, swearing off love. Was it so hard to accept that?
"Oh god!" I fell on the ground, my legs having no energy carrying me around.
I felt like drowning, closing my eyes never to open again. I just wanted to close my door and forget the world, sitting in a corner and never getting up.
I could feel the warm hand on my shoulder, a little large but that's all I wanted. My imagination was suddenly wild, I knew this couldn't be real, I felt sudden warmth behind me, enveloping me like a blanket, I would still feel the warmth of my mother even if she pretending everything was okay, that her not talking to dad was alright.
I should stop dreaming now, no one in this world would ever look at me, even if I tried hard. He couldn't have been holding me like I always wanted to.
"Sensei…" I whisper, breath hitched because this was so unreal.
I can't take this hallucination anymore, I can't risk myself being more broken than I already was. I don't want to have wild imaginations that would be a terrible mistake rather than a beautiful dream.
I couldn't think straight, I could still hear his voice from behind, but I knew I should stop dreaming, stop this weird sick game that would only drive me crazy.
I had seen my friends sigh as soon as they would see him. And then I felt it: reality.
I was suddenly flying, my right-side throbbing like hell, and I fell; a sudden jerk on my back.
I felt my body shutting down, a breath escaped and I heard distant laughter from my childhood.
A distant memory where I saw myself happily confiding into the person I never met ever again.
"Corn…." before I knew it, it escaped.
The name of the only happy memory.
xxx
"She will wake up any moment now, but the impact was really great. I must warn you that, her right side is paralyzed. A little exercise would help. That's all" I heard a formal tone inform someone, I panicked, thinking my father was here.
Hearing those words enough made me try to move my right side of my body, and sure enough I felt it was jammed up.
"Thank you doctor, Sawara-san." my heart stopped, insides turning cold did it mean he….
My suspicions were confirmed when he entered, his large form barely fitting the room, his warm brown eyes downcast as his long black hair hid his eyes.
He raised his eyes and stared into mine, I was struck by the concern that it made me want to melt.
"How are you feeling, Mogami-san." I looked away, I don't want to speak, no. I never want to speak ever again.
I suddenly was enveloped by the warm I felt at that moment, and I could feel myself giving in.
But I felt void of any emotion, it was too late now. He was just acting, like everyone else. He was just helping a student and now he would go, like everyone else that finally showed their true colors the moment I confronted them.
"You don't need to do this." I could feel myself tensing up, my anger barely minimum.
I knew I was being harsh, rude and it was completely disrespectful. But even I had had enough. This was too much, didn't fates know it was enough to play with me like that? Didn't they know better than to send a man at my weakest moments.
There was silence, until he shook me violently.
"Just go." I felt my voice hoarse; funny since not a single sob escaped under my watch.
He held me even more firmer, making me angrier and annoyed. "You haven't come to school, your father reported—"
He stopped, looking into my eyes as soon as I felt my heart drop and sweat forming on my forehead. I could feel the lump forming in my throat and I felt sick hearing about.
"Just…. leave me alone, please." I knew I lost some pride here, pleading and begging like I had never done except that one time I asked dad to reconcile. He gave me one look, his eyes suddenly turning soft and he looked so worried.
But it was all an act. I knew he was a good drama teacher too, but he didn't need to display his talents when I am a mess.
He stood up, gently holding the pillows—that I never noticed until now –and placed it under my right arm and leg. Funny, because I can't feel a thing.
"You can always shout my name, I am right outside." he said before leaving, his tag flashing "Tsuruga Ren" telling me he had to go to school.
I grit my teeth, "Stop it already, I know you are really a great actor. Stop acting like you really care! If you want to test your skills out, then join some acting agency!" I knew I was being unreasonably, but there was no way he was genuine.
He sighed, and grabbed my left hand, closing my palm after placing something cold.
"You can always call. My number is there. And I have always cared for you, Mogami-san." he left me, making me fall for his lies like always did whenever anyone showed concern.
Despite that, I didn't throw the phone on the wall.
I kept it on my bedside.
xxx
I should have expected it. I knew he was going to come as soon as he would hear 'his daughter' being hit in an accident unfortunately being paralyzed on the right side.
But what I saw surprised me, Tsuruga sensei had come holding two plastic bags. "Oh, good your awake." he said, smiling at me in a way he always did.
I turned my face, willing him to take that as a sign to leave me alone. Melancholy was all I felt, wishing I would die soon.
That truck should have hit even more badly, injuring my brain so I could never remember anything at all.
I knew I was plain, boring, a know-it-all, had nothing that appealed to anyone and always polite to the point it was annoying.
But why did people always find me to pick on? I still remember when everyone laughed when I mispronounced something in English. It was funny until it became a joke on my personality.
When I became the center of jokes, that's when I closed everyone off; when Tsuruga Ren sensei came to school in tenth grade and saw me fallen on the ground because my ex—childhood friend pushed me into the gutter water. He was always polite, different from other teachers, didn't ignore my work like other teachers did, as they soon saw someone else take my stop of getting full marks.
I heard him keep the bags on the table, and work like he owned it. I had to bite my tongue from yelling at him like yesterday, I hate to disrespectful like how I'd been. But I didn't care anymore if I maintained my 'good girl' image. A tiny part of my still thought it was rude even though I was totally okay with it.
"Come on, lets eat some ramen together." I saw a bowl in front of me in a small table that were used to keep on the beds. I still didn't answer; my stomach had long settled on being unfed for a week.
"Mogami-san, please eat. I would never be able to live if something were to happen to you." That made me snap out of my restraint.
"If you don't wish to be hurt from my words, I suggest you leave right this instant, Tsuruga-san." shucks, I should have just called him Sensei.
He didn't budge, bringing the ramen close to my mouth. I turned my head as far as I could, forcing my left side to push myself away from him. I almost lost balance, but he caught me, again enveloping me in his warmth.
I couldn't take it anymore, this was enough and I tried to break free, using my hand that sensed and tried to push him as he tightened his hold on me.
I stopped, feeling weak, shocking as it seems, tears starting to fall down after a long time. In the moment when I least wanted to cry, when I wanted to just throw him off and be strong to not show my weakness.
He held me close, as I sobbed my days into his chest, all the times I wanted to cry and wanted to let that frustration, disappointment and pain all out. I clung my left hand on his shirt, maybe this was wrong, but now I didn't care. I had given up from trying to push him away, falling into the illusion that he may be really worrying about me. That he was here just because he cared for me.
I pushed him away, head turned after finally having the will to gather whatever was left of me.
"Please, leave me alone." this was barely heard, I knew I was too silent for him to hear. But this was too much, I can't accept even a small illusion. I had accepted enough in the past to make another mistake.
"Not until you had your food." he stubbornly held the bowl and tried to pry my mouth open. I laughed humorlessly, and for a moment I thought I saw fear in his eyes.
"Stop this charade already, you want me to have food? Fine! Give it to me!" I snatched it from his hand and threw it across the floor, folding my hands after I threw the bowl too.
A pause, silence filled in as I glared at him. He betrayed no emotion as he looked at me with intensity.
He sighed, like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. He fished into the plastic bag and removed another ramen bowl. My lips trembled, my will fallen into the soil as he removed the covering and fed me. The wetness on my cheeks informed me of my tears flowing down, I had finally given up.
Given up from living at all.
xxx
I was confused when he suddenly stopped in front of his flat. I knew the address because one of my classmates had forced me to tell him something really harsh which I apologized the next day as soon as I saw and told him that it was all a dare. Yes, I lied but I didn't like getting anyone into trouble at all.
"I will take care of you since you don't seem to like going back…. home." it hit like bricks, I felt reality hitting me for the millionth time this week.
I looked away, as soon as he took me inside his apartment, his scent hitting my senses. It was manly, cologne and all.
I didn't know what was admirable, his apartment or him. He simply was a person at the top.
Maybe he really was using me after all. Like how Sho used my kindness and devotion to him.
"Come on, I will show you your room." he simply told me, as he wheeled me into an empty room painted in white and black chess like walls. Only difference was that the one wall was completely black while the other was completely white. It would have been a good thing, except I could only think about bad memories.
He left me alone, I settled on staring on the wall.
What else was left of me to do anyway.
xxx
I blinked my eyes at him, he was eating his food.
He was eating his food! He cleared his throat as he swallowed the last of his rice.
"Do you need help in eating?" I felt my cheeks coloring, but I shook my head as I glanced at my untouched plate.
I felt my stomach turning and churning, I felt like throwing up. We were currently in my temporary room until he threw me out. He had helped me sit on the bed, while taking a chair and sitting down on it with a small bowl of rice and a plate of salmon on his lap.
He sighed, keeping his food aside and taking my bowl. I felt my face heat up as he sat next to me, making it incredibly hot in the already suffocating room.
He brought the chopsticks near my mouth; however, I didn't comply. "Please, if not for your sake at least for my sake." he pleaded and I didn't know whether to feel annoyed or touched.
I twitched, but opened my mouth because I didn't like his pouting face that suspiciously looked like puppy eyes pleading face.
"So, I wanted to know about you ever since you bumped into me four years ago." he said suddenly, grabbing the salmon and popping it into his mouth.
I frowned, and he chuckled, "Well, I was shocked to see a girl not even in the least bit fazed by my smile."
I felt myself flush at his sentence, it's true I was too concerned about me being drowned in mud than be affected by his fake smile.
I didn't say anything, but continued to chew slowly as he waited for me swallow.
I shook my head as I felt my stomach feeling like it would flip any moment. He glanced at the bowl, only a little remained but he didn't force me.
"Come on, we have to exercise." he suddenly turned cheerful, and I knew it was acting for sure this time. I looked away, scowling.
"Stop acting so cheery, it's making me sick." I didn't want to be so rude, but I couldn't help it when someone tried to be too sweet.
He chuckled, "You are the first person to say that. Remember that day I threw paint on myself to make people laugh? And you had slipped how it was a little foolish? Yeah, you were the first person." he said, rubbing his neck sheepishly.
Punish me for finding him cute, adorable twenty-two-year-old man. I blushed at his words, I was so rude at that time when he tried to show that he was not at all affected by the female student's continuous shameless flirting and he ended up accidently throwing some paint on a female student who immediately fainted and threw on himself to show he didn't mind in truth he did. I saw that disappointed look in his eyes as soon as he glanced at his watch which was drenched in paint.
"You knew you would get your watch dirty, still you were disappointed. That's why I said you were foolish." I grumbled, although I did apologize at that time and denied that I found it foolish even though it was true.
Funny.
"Well, I'm glad you did. Because I admit even though I thought it would break the ice, it was a little too much." looking at his humble nature, I wanted to smile and give him the soft expression his been giving me the entire time.
Even though he would suddenly pop in front of me while I would be going to a class, or in recess except he would get pushed away from me. I thought he always wanted to scold me and I would try to stay away from him.
"Now that you're staying here, I want to get to know you." my head snapped suddenly when he started speaking, looking straight into my eyes. I missed his warmth as soon as he stood and took the dishes back. I felt a twinge of guilt as I heard the clinking noise.
He gently helped me on the feet even though I lost my balance and he had to hold me.
"I didn't think you would like some stranger help you exercise, so I volunteered. I hope you don't mind." It irritated me to no end, why was he going to such lengths to take care of her.
"Stop it, do you enjoy torturing me so much? Why are you doing this to me." I felt my voice shiver weakly as I tried to plead him with my eyes as he gripped my right hand. The bright sunlight hit his face, making him look absolutely handsome.
"Because I don't want you to be like this. I want the old Kyoko to be back." he replied, not exactly looking into my eyes but looking into my eyes at the same time. I knew that was not the reason, his eyes were flickering the time.
Again, the feeling of giving in crept in, and I felt myself following him. I wanted to refuse, ignore him. But I couldn't
Not when he was so close to me; only a breath away.
xxx
"You are worthless! Such a loose woman, such disgusting plans to destroy me, I knew from the start you were not genuine. Why do you think I left you?" His angry shouts reached my ears.
"I did no such thing, I was always loyal to you!" I heard my mother argue back and I couldn't take it anymore, this fight was sounding like bigger than I thought.
My legs moved swiftly, and I saw something that horrified me.
There, lying on the floor was my mother holding her cheek that was bleeding.
He stood there, watching me running towards my mother and pressing her cheek to stop the blood.
"You, Kyoko!" Immediately felt myself freeze as I heard his angry voice.
My mother was now standing in front of my, "I love you, at least don't stop it for their sake." my mother said, saying those words after a long time. Her actions said enough to convey her feelings, but this time I could feel like stomach twist painfully and my heart beat strangely faster as the cold feeling numbed my hands' sensation.
I noticed my father inching towards my mother with his hand raised, I saw her flinch and suddenly something inside me snapped.
"Stop it, dad." I felt confidence surge inside me.
"Don't back answer me! In fact, you are to get married this week, to Fuwa Sho." I knew my face was frozen, dread covering my features.
He knew that that jerk was my ex—childhood friend and that I hated him, but still he was setting me up.
"You are joking." I finally was able to say. He laughed so bitterly, I backed away.
I shook my head as he tried to reach for and then I ran.
I ran away from the one who I once called dad. But he caught me, and he was smirking at me!
And then someone else jerked me, my right side felt like it was squeezed between two walls. I found myself face to face with Sho and I screamed.
"Kyoko!"
"Kyoko, wake up!" my eyes snapped open, breathing heavily. My eyes met brown eyes with a hint of something light.
Without thinking, my good hand wrapped around his torso and I closed my eyes; shaking.
His hand was on my head and the other one on my back, he didn't say anything.
I didn't want him to say anything, he was here that was enough as I hiccupped and sobbed in his embrace.
I could feel myself feeling lighter, a little more better than I had been feeling for the past three weeks.
This, this was what I needed.
At least he pretended to worry over me. Even if I would end up getting hurt, for now I just wanted to forget that and snuggle next to him.
My eyes drooped, and then I drifted to nothingness.
xxx
I woke up, feeling optimistic than I had been feeling for a while now. I felt like I could think something good, the white walls gave me an idea to color them, and I tried to get up.
But I remembered that my right-side was jammed, making me frown. And what was this warm covering over me? My blanket was not nearly as warm was this.
As I let my eyes fall on down, I froze. My eyes blanched, my head jerking to my side. I felt like jumping out of bed, screaming my vocal cords out.
Then I saw his face, so close to me that I didn't breathe. He looked so peaceful, I didn't have the heart to move as I watched his face hit by the sun; so handsome.
I was lying straight, with his arm resting on my waist like he claimed me or something. I blushed on that thought although I knew it was completely impossible. He would never like such a plain, boring, unattractive woman who—
Wait a minute, what am I thinking?! I was horrified to the point that the temperature not only reached my cheeks, but also my face and my ears.
Then I realized that I had been staring into his brown eyes, that had that tint of some bright color hiding behind. I could now see that it was actually green, but why was he hiding it.
And suddenly, I was tracing his face, like I was trying to figure out something that wasn't within my reach. His breath hitched and I was brought back to earth. Then it hit me.
I gasped, my heart going a million per second and I tried to get up—my right-side was much better than before but not to the point where I could move—using my left hand to push him.
I fell on the ground as soon as he let go. I rubbed my head and tried to glare at him as he burst out laughing.
I watched him laugh, more like stared at him as he laughed. That's when I found out why he laughed. It really looked funny as I thought about it. I felt my lips twitch, tugging.
His eyes met mine and he faltered, then grinned. "There! Wasn't so hard, was it?" he said, making me look away with my face feeling hot.
Why does he make me feel like this?
"I'm sorry I slept in your bed, I didn't want to wake you when you were just had a nightmare." he apologized, helping me up in my wheelchair. I had no problem going to the restroom myself, but I needed to be in the wheelchair for that.
I looked away, I didn't exactly know what to say. What was I supposed to say, 'It's fine, you are welcome'? Or, 'No problem, I didn't mind though'?
"Come on, you might want to freshen up right now." he pushed me into his bathroom, giving me a dress he bought for me a few days ago. I did manage to grumble to give them back but he almost threatened me that he would make me wear his clothes and let the doctor have the liberty to judge the situation he liked. Of course I felt embarrassed and accepted the clothes but not without telling him that I would throw the next time he gets for me.
I sighed, feeling like sliding on the floor. I used my left hand to hug my waist, feeling his scent over me.
The horrifying part was that, I liked his scent, missing the feeling of being next to him.
xxx
"You…can move your hand." he said stupidly. I nodded, flexing my right hand and swinging my leg a little.
I felt a little happy, but still a little detached. In a blink, I was covered, drowning in his embrace. It still made my heart race, my face feel hot and nerves travel at high speed that sent tingles down my spine.
He looked down, disappointment clearly visible in his features. It had been six months since I got hit by that truck. And I still didn't know why he was going to such meters to help me.
"So, does it mean that you leave?" he asked so quietly, I almost didn't hear it. I knew I had to leave, I had imposed enough on him already.
"I must, I have been nothing but a burden over you. I don't think I can live knowing that I have been imposing on you making you deprive from your work." it was true, he didn't go to school for a month and a half. He would always be there whenever I needed him, even at times I didn't need him. He would make sure I smiled, telling me jokes and playing games that were fun and made me lose. Although he did let me win one time making me angry.
I looked around, deep in thought.
"Go after the doctor gives you the okay." he simply said and left me.
I stood there, wondering what had just happened.
xxx
"Congratulations, Mrs. Tsuruga. You can move." the doctor said with a smile, slowly moving my mind. I blinked, then frowned and he stood up to leave.
"Mrs. Tsuruga?" I repeated, and he gave me a confused look. "Yes, aren't you Mrs. Tsuruga?"
"Doctor, is she completely okay?" before I could open my mouth, he asked Sawara-san.
He repeated what he told me and left, giving me a look before he left.
"Why did you say I was M-M-Mrs.-Ts-Tsuruga?" I hated it when my tongue betrayed me like that. he gave me an amused look then sighed a year worth's sigh, running his fingers over his hair.
I still wondered about his eye color, I never had the courage to ask anyway.
"Well, I couldn't tell him I was keeping a student in my house. If I said you were my student, they would have asked for your name and called up your parents. Although I didn't know that you…were uncomfortable about your father finding out, I was still cautious just in case they would not allow me inside to see you." I felt my heart flutter at his words, liking the way he worried over me.
I gulped then looked away, guilty that I hadn't even told him anything when he tore himself away from his life only to look after me. He did deserve the truth after all.
"I…..ran away from home." I began, making his head snap at me. I felt my heart skipping a beat as he came closer and closer, sitting beside me on the sofa. I felt my senses clogging up at his closeness, but I had to finish what I had begun.
"My parents were fighting when I was studying. usually my father yells at my mother then everything quiets down. But that day I heard my mother scream back at him, and I went into their room. I ran inside when I heard a loud slap and found my mother lying on the floor." I said the dreaded confession from my mother, waiting for the melancholy to swallow me.
"When he said I was going to marry Fuwa Sho, I lost it. He knew everything about It, how Shotaro used my loyalty against me, used me like a dog and threw me. At one point I considered liking him more than a friend, but after that incident, I felt like the entire male race was like that: jerks." I felt him tense him as he held my hand encouragingly.
I didn't understand why he would feel so tensed when I brought Shotaro up.
"You may have never noticed, but I was actually pushed on the floor that day when we bumped into each other. I was never anything near appealing—never would be." at that point, he suddenly brought his palm over my cheek and looked into my eyes seriously.
"You are really beautiful, you grew up from being cute. I knew Fuwa-san was a playboy, and he seen you, he would have asked you out immediately. Every boy turns his head when you walk, that's why the girls are so mean to you. They feel jealous of you."
I shook my head, my sad eyes looking into his. "My best friend left me for another friend because she found her more fun. I didn't want to force her to be with me, it wasn't going to make me happy. So I slowly pushed her away as she happily went to her friend without even thinking I would be left alone. It's not a problem now though, I'm used to being alone." I shrugged, it's true though. It doesn't hurt much as it used to.
He sighed, "So, are you going to come to school this Monday?" he asked me, and I felt I saw him hoping I would say yes. But I didn't have the strength to come back to the place too painful.
I shook my head. "I think I will start working now. I am glad I got to study high school for once." I had a wistful smile as I recalled walking happily to school to learn something new and hope that today people would be nice to her for once.
He was silent for a few minutes, as I stared at the wall in front of me.
"Then I think you deserve to know about me too." he suddenly said, making me jump slightly.
I looked at him sporting a completely surprised and confused look.
He gave me a small smile, then fixed his stare on the place I had been looking at before his blurting out.
"I…..am not from japan. I mean I am half Japanese but….well….I'm—" I kept a hand on his fidgeting hands, making him look at me. I smiled at him softly, finally able to give him the tender look he would give me every time my face showed my fears.
"It's okay, you don't have to. I told you because you deserved to know after you took care of me."
He squeezed our intewined hands and smiled weakly, "No, I must tell you. I'm half Japanese, and half American. I lived in America for sometime until I found my passion for art and acting, so I decided to start teaching because I loved teaching too. I don't exactly have a good past either. People think I am perfect, but I am not. I am anything but that. I thought I had…lost myself and become a despicable man. It was when I had just turned fourteen. I…got my cousin into a car accident because of me. Rick died because of me. I shouldn't have ran at all in front of the gunmen. I'm responsible for his death. I—"
"I think we both should stop thinking like that." I actually chuckled, making him smile a little uncertainly.
"And it was not your mistake. If he jumped in front of you, it only means he was willing to do it. He willingly sacrificed himself for you. It's not your mistake." I fell in the same pattern of comforting someone, like I always did to Sayuri. I always lent her a shoulder to cry without asking hers. I didn't need one then. Nor do I need now. Seeing everyone happy was enough.
"So, I met a girl when I was about to leave, it was strange, but I thought she was really cute even though she was crying.
"Hey, is everything alright?" a boy with emerald green eyes and blonde hair looked at her.
"Yes, I got a pat on my head from my father." she happily told him then stopped.
"I don't know you. And I don't talk to strangers." he laughed, she was different from others. she turned her head arrogantly but he found that cute.
"Alright, my name is Koun—"
"Wait!" I interrupted him, my heart suddenly beating even more fast.
"What's wrong?" he was obviously confused from my outburst.
"And then that girl gave him a confused look, then smiled brightly because she had never seen someone so beautiful look at her with such interest then she told him the truth that her father was usually strict and angry, he would fight with his wife everyday but make it up the next day. She would always make it a point to mention everything to Corn because they both would enter this creek which was Hamburger Kingdom to them." I finished the story for him, my heart hammering. Could it be…?
"And then he had to leave because his father had done all the necessary things, it became especially hard when he just started to heal because he met that girl and developed a crush on her but kept it to himself because she was just ten when I was—"
"Fourteen." He looked at me with hope, then grinned as I smiled at him silly.
"Kyoko-Chan?"
"Corn?"
I felt silly swinging my hands over a large man who just happened to be my best memory of my messed-up life.
Somehow, just being in his arms was enough; I could be inside my whole life. His scent was so comforting, I just couldn't get enough. My heart pounded the door to the outside, as I pulled away and looked into his eyes. Then my eyes fell on his lips, what would it feel like to touch them, to kiss them.
I found myself looking back at his smoldering gaze, which made me feel warm and mushy from inside. I felt myself lean into him, then suddenly I realized I shouldn't do this.
I stopped, it was wrong. This all was wrong, I could still feel his breath, see his closed eyes as he still leaned in. I pushed him lightly and straightened up. I couldn't bring myself to say anything to him, not after that.
I could still feel his scent, his hand on my back like a burnt paper. I regretted coming out of his warm embrace, I instantly felt cold.
I ran back to my room, and closed the door. I just…. I have to leave.
Like, right now.
xxx
"Kyoko, don't leave please!" I could hear his pleading voice. Somehow, after I ran into my room, he pounded on my door pleading me to open it and speak to him.
But I had long ago decided to avoid him and go away before anything else happened. I saw him behind me, trying to catch my wrist and pull me back. Unwillingly, I had to stamp his foot to run away, I don't deserve him, and it was painfully wrong.
I can't fall in love with my own teacher, can't fall in love with him, not when I can see my parents like this. a sob threatened to escape my throat, and I allowed it as I ran away from the street, his apartment, and him.
I knew I had nothing now, only a set of clothes and a cell phone.
Looking around me, there was a small restaurant, with the name "Darumaya" written in bold black letters. I gulped, I can try for the job here as a waitress. Stepping inside, the wooden plank gave the sound of a footwear, making a few heads turn and the head cook look at the door with the Okami to come around to greet the fellow customer.
"Welcome to Darumaya, I am the Okami of this restaurant and Ryokan. What can I help you with?" an old kind woman greeted me, bowing down embarrassing me.
"Oh no, please don't bow, I wanted to ask if I could have a job here as a waitress." I was nervous, who would take in this girl who looked more like a pile of dirt after being in the heat for almost four hours; running like a maniac.
"Oh dear, come inside first." the Okami escorted me to an inner room and stood in front me.
"Are you okay?" she looked at me kindly, reminding me of my mother that I left behind. My lips trembled slightly, but I managed to give her a smile. "Nothing really. I just wanted a place to stay—I will pay of course, I also wanted to work so I could pay for staying." I knew by the time I had finished that I didn't actually make any sense.
But the Okami didn't press further, she smiled at me, "I see, we do have a room upstairs in the far corner. You can stay there, and you will have to wear the uniform I give you for waitresses. I did want to hire a waitress, and it was good omen you came by. What is your name, dear?"
"Kyo—Saena." I said, not wanting to disclose my real name. It was my mother's name after all, and even though it hurt to use it, I had to hide my identity.
The Okami raised a brow but didn't comment on it. She nodded her head and led me to a room which was empty. I slid my bag down and looked around, nothing much was around. There was a cupboard in the far corner, the clothes went there as soon as my eyes landed there. My hand hit something hard, I came up with a book. It was wrong, horribly wrong to steal his belongings; especially his backpack when he still had to go to school. The last thing I needed was that stupid emotion, creeping at me at when I was at my weakest point.
Why him of all people? "Do you like torturing me so much?" If people had seen me muttering like that whilst looking at the ceiling like it had killed my cat, they'd think I'd gone crazy.
The fates were cruel. Terribly cruel for making me fall in love with Tsuruga Ren, the man from my childhood, my teacher, and also the only one didn't ask anything from me when he took care of me.
I had to leave Kyoto as soon as I can, I can't risk people finding me. There was no cash on me.
But I had to do this. Closing my fingers, my heart also closed off to anyone that would try to come inside.
Three weeks, that's it. Then my journey starts.
Goodbye, past.
oo0oo
After two years….
"Are you alright?" I snap my head, there was a man coughing uncontrollably, his head bent. I glanced at my kind renter, he had his hand over the blonde man.
I wiped my hands on my apron and approached them. "Ouji-sama, is something the matter?" I asked, the kind owner smiled at me and pointed at the blonde man who was still bent over.
His hair was lemon yellow as I approached him and kept a hand over his shoulder. "Sir, are you alright?"
He raised his head and I froze in my place. He blinked his eyes then stared at me for a minute. I gulped inaudibly, trying my hardest so he doesn't recognize me.
"Kyoko?" his light blue eyes silently peered into my golden eyes.
"I'm sorry, I'm not Kyoko. I'm Kotono. Maybe you're remembering your wife. Should I bring hot water for you?" I managed to say it without betraying myself. He started coughing again, and I started to shuffle but he caught my wrist.
"Don't you remember me, Shotaro your friend?" I gulped, it looked like he recognized me.
"I'm sorry, I don't know any Shotaro. I have been working here for almost three years now. If you'll excuse me," I wrenched my hand from his grasp and hurriedly went inside, locking the door.
With a huge sigh, my legs gave away. I chuckled dryly, how funny to find Fuwa Sho in Fukuoka.
I took a deep breath and started to fill the glass of water. I unlatched the door and went out, giving the glass to him.
"Can I have a room for a night?" he suddenly asked me after finishing the glass. I went inside and asked the owner if our rooms are available for him.
Of course, he looked through his papers then gave me a yes, making me completely disappointed.
"Sir, your room is ready for you please follow me." my heart thudded in my chest as I nervously led him to the room Taisho had told.
As soon as I opened the door, he went in. I stood out giving him a smile, "Sir, if you need anything, please ring that bell and aah—"
He suddenly caught my wrist and pulled my in. He closed the door and locked it, then rushed to my side and sat down.
"Kyoko, stop this act already. I know it's you. Do you remember this?" he raised something in his hand, and my eyes widened.
"Corn stone!" then my hand flew to my mouth at the slip up. He smirked, making me even more frightful. His eyes softened then suddenly he started coughing again.
I hurriedly tried to scramble but he held me by my shoulders. He sure had gotten taller by an inch or two.
"So many things happened since you left. You parents got divorced, your mother needs you." he looked straight into my eyes trying to pry into my soul. However, I had built my defenses too hard for him to look through.
"She is alright but she misses you…. Kyoko you need to come back." I hesitated, I can't go back.
"No, Sho I can't." I said in such a defeated tone, he loosened his grip in me. It still pained me to remember him, every night and every morning. Every moment when I see something I get reminded of me. He deserves much much more than what I can ever give.
"And also, our school lost the most talented teacher last month. Tsuruga Ren." my heart dropped at his name, I could feel my body grow colder by the minute. Then my heart started beating rapidly, it can't be true.
"Kyoko are you alright?" he asked me, I couldn't speak.
"Kyoko!" he slapped me, then I was able to croak a "What?!" to him.
"Don't tell me you have fallen for that rich teacher, he left the school a long time ago somewhere after you best friend asked me if I had seen you around because she met you somewhere on the streets. Then last month I heard he was hospitalized because he was suffering from severe stress and intense fever. He hadn't come out of his house for almost two years after he came to school to resign. I thought how strange he asked me if I had seen you around. I went to his house because the girls begged me to go to him and see if he was alright. I saw a beautiful woman and two men talking from the window, but after that I came here just a week ago. The last I heard was that he refused to have any medicine and refused to talk to anyone. And—Kyoko?"
I ran out of the room, unable to take it anymore. I locked my room and threw myself on the futon, my throat bubbled with sobs, I gripped my pillow tightly.
"Ren…." my wished my whispers would be carried by the wind. Hands trembling, my fingers traced the stone and his bag I hadn't touched since I came here. With a painful lungful of air, my eyes scanned through my savings. It was enough for one trip, I will just look at him one last time. One last time before….
I curled up, crying my eyes out.
Oh, what have I done?
xxx
"May I come in, Oji-san?" I knocked on the door. He smiled at me warmly, making me wish my parents to come back together. He had told me to call me Outo-san, but when I refused, he strictly asked me to call him Oji-san.
He looked at my travelling clothes, and my backpack. "I knew you would go one day. You never belonged here to begin with." he told me kindly after closing his records book. I blushed and looked away; was I so noticeable?
"I….am going Kyoto for some days. I will come back as soon as my work there is done." I knew I must've sounded desperate, because he chuckled slightly.
"Kotono-Chan, please don't torture yourself anymore. You shouldn't keep him waiting forever." My eyes widened at that, and he laughed.
"One look at your face was enough to tell me. You refused to feel attracted by any man. And my son—no don't get me wrong—he was handsome and people would swoon over him. You just treated him as a fellow guest and with equal respect. Now go, or else it would be too late."
My eyes watered for the second time since I cried in eighteen months and I hugged him.
"Thank you, Oji-san." he patted my head and gently pulled away.
I wiped my tears and hurriedly went out, looking around me to catch a cab.
It was too cold.
xxx
"Did you say, you need a cook?" I asked the woman with blue eyes. She had blonde hair, and had a foreign face.
She smiled gratefully—weakly though—at me, "Yes, one who has no problem going near the sick patient."
"Is Tsu—Shinshi alright?" I cursed myself for the slip up.
She stared at me for a moment, "Are you his student from his school? Last year almost everyone tried to make him eat. But no one was able to budge him. If you are, please leave." her words were harsh, but I deserved them.
"I'm sorry, you are mistaken. I am actually an Okami from the Darumaya's Ryokan just five streets away from here." all those self-restraint classes worked. I wanted to plead this intimidating woman to let me through, but I needed to sound convincing myself.
"Why would you, an Okami want to cook and feed my son?" she asked suspiciously folding her hands.
"Already a woman has broken him so deep, I can't imagine what would happen if he met another." she muttered, stabbing my heart repeatedly.
"Please, let me work. I heard from some people. I don't have a job other than that Ryokan. I promise I will not try anything funny other than make him food and write when to eat them. I need this job." I crossed my fingers and hoped she would finally see I genuinely cared.
She sighed, "Alright, I can't push away another person just because I don't trust you. Come on then, make him food and write down what you think will work. I will see if he eats, then you can make dinner. And yes, please make sure to persuade him to eat his medicine."
Hands trembling, the kitchen became my refuge. I snapped a paper and wrote down what he needed to eat.
Wait a minute, what if he realizes it's me? A part of me felt thrilled but I didn't want that. The older beautiful woman came back into the kitchen.
"Done so quick? What's your name?" She asked, making me nervous all over again.
"Kotono Kobayashi." I wanted to say my real name, but he's had enough trouble as it is.
As she held the tray, I gently kept my hand on hers. "Please, if he asks whether the writing is handwritten or printed, say it was printed. I printed it on my way." She gave me an uncertain look before finally nodding. I could feel my heart sinking, but all I could do was hope.
oo0oo
(Third person's POV)
The food today smelled light and simply delicious. "Koun, please have some of this. Here, the cook sent something for you so you could read what she wants from you."
The man in bed slowly sat up, not an emotion betraying his features as he took the note from her. His heart nearly stopped, jaw slacked and hope rekindled.
His mother must've noticed the change on his face, the drain and shock. "Kyoko!" he jerked the blanket away from him, trying to stand up.
Juliana caught him before he fell despite him being taller than her. "Koun! Please! Lie down!" she worriedly stared at her son as he struggled to desperately run.
"Mom! Kyoko! I need to get to her before she runs away from me again!" he pleaded, his eyes near to watering.
"Koun! There is no Kyoko! This note was printed." she got suspicious of the cook all of a sudden. Painful as it looked, she needed her son to get a grip of himself.
"Only Kyoko can write like that, I bet that she cooked the meal too!"
"What are you saying? The cook's name is Kotono Kobayashi." he stopped struggling just a little.
"And there can be many people with the same handwriting. If it really was Kyoko, wouldn't she want you to eat after making it?" he stopped struggling completely. Of course, if it was her, she would try everything to make him eat. She did that when she came into his apartment the first time telling him it was dare during his teaching days.
He quietly picked the bowl up and savored the feeling of the food. He remembered her making something similar to this; only the rice tasted the same.
His eyes drooped slightly, and before he slept, he thought he saw golden eyes watching him from the door.
"Kyoko…." that was the last thing before he fell into deep slumber.
Julie rose and marveled at the woman standing on the passage way. She managed to make her son eat without coaxing him like others did. With a single note, she was able to make him eat without eat.
And she even managed to give him medicine without him realizing. Just who was this woman? Was she his Kyoko?
Julie honestly felt suspicious towards the woman in the kitchen.
xxx
"Kotono, what had you written in that note?" Julie asked her, making her confused as she got all the ingredients together.
"'Please eat properly, there is rice, miso soup and some meat.' Did something happen?" She should have suspected, he would have already started searching for her if he was in good health. For just this once she was glad she didn't have to come close to him.
"Nothing really, he finished his meal, so you can make his dinner now. And Kyoko?"
With a natural grace, she turned to her given name. Then realized her mistake. "Did you say Kyoko or Kotono?" she felt her defenses crumbling as Julie gave her a strange look.
"So, you are Kyoko." she stated, ignoring Kyoko's helpless look. Kyoko desperately bowed, her entire face pleading Julie.
"Please, don't tell him. Please." Julie found it hard to believe that this kind-hearted woman would leave her son. She couldn't believe the thief of her son's heart was standing right in front her. But why did she not want her to say anything? Her son had been searching for her for weeks for goodness' sake!
"Why?" she asked, despite herself.
"Because he doesn't need another reason to blame himself when I am to blame. He deserves someone better, someone who knows how to make him happy and not feel like a constant burden on him."
Julie wanted to knock some sense into his girl. She wanted to scream and yell at her that she was enough to make him happy. But she wisely held her tongue and left the kitchen.
Kyoko sighed in relief, sliding on the counter. Wiping her brow, her hands started working fast. So she could go sooner.
Because if she stayed her any longer, she might start to give into her heart to see him.
xxx
"I'm so glad you are getting better, Koun. A week already and I can see the color returning to your face!" Julie excitedly told him after he woke up feeling fresh. He nodded, his entire being was dying to meet the cook behind the wall separating them. It was getting too painful as he kept receiving notes that were similar but he would always detect the care in them. He knew they were handwritten, the printer does not print ballpoint blue pen.
"I'm not going to eat this breakfast." he turned his face away from the food that returned his stomach the need to enjoy food.
Julie frowned, "Is it not good? Should I tell her to change the food? Should I change her?"
Koun almost faltered when she said that. "I want something else. I want meat." he glanced at tray and realized meat was already there.
"I want another flavored meat."
His mother hurried back to kitchen and came back with another flavored meat.
"I changed my mind, I want salmon. Like the one from the restaurant down the lane."
He shook his head, controlling his hunger and himself from devouring the delicious aromatic food.
"What do you really want, Koun?" she asked frustratedly.
"I want to speak to the cook, and tell her exactly what I want." his heart skipped a beat, maybe if he played his cards right, she might show up. Julie didn't even realize what he was working at, and soon jumped back into the kitchen dragging her without telling her where.
Only when he saw her in front of his door, he was sure; terribly accurately sure that it was her.
But it wasn't her too, her hair was different and her clothes were not the ones he had given her. In place of the Kyoko two years ago, there was a beautiful woman standing at his doorway with her orange hair tied up in a bun with a few strands hanging loosely, her long shirt tucked in hastily and her baggy jeans making her look so wantonly enticing, he just wanted to hold her tightly and lock the door never letting her run away ever again.
He saw her hesitation, but she stood confidently, and he saw how she suddenly stood like she was greeting a stranger.
"You asked for me?" her voice, it was as sweet as it had been, he just wanted to break all those issues in her mind and make her accept him. He blinked his eyes as she almost slid her foot out of the room.
"I want light salmon, the one with kimchi and a few snacks so I could have after I have my breakfast." he saw how she suddenly frowned then realized that he was trying to make her scold him.
"I will do whatever I can." she deadpanned, although it sounded like she didn't remember him at all, he smiled. He knew she was holding back. He must take it slowly, or else she would run away again.
She came back with steaming salmon(seriously, from where did she even get so many salmons and meat) she hesitantly placed it on his bed, her feminine scent close for him to feel intoxicated and want her. He had to control himself before he did anything in front of his mother who was watching him.
"Where are the snacks? Rice crackers, rice cakes, and many more—I don't find any." he frowned, she bit her lip, stirring something inside him.
"I'm sorry, sir. There were no snacks in the house. Please forgive me for not restocking." She didn't go full on the ground.
"Koun, I am going out to get some rice crackers and rice cakes. I'll be back in a few." he silently high fied his mother in his mind, giving her a brilliant smile that would have blinded Kyoko if she'd peered into his mind.
"Err...madam, I'll get it. Please sit here." his eyes wandered to the back of Kyoko, whose expression mirrored a pleading dog.
Julie shook her head and left before she could give in to the cute face Kyoko had been making.
"Um...so I will be in the kit—"
"I haven't forgiven you yet." she raised her eyes at the sound of his strong voice, too caught up in his strong aura. She looked away, but didn't move.
"I want you to feed me, then maybe I would think about forgiving you." He saw how her nose flared and she almost rose. He caught her hand, forcing her to look into his eyes with tears brimming in her eyes. It broke his heart watching her so pained.
"Do you enjoy making me suffer, Koun? Didn't you get satisfied with torturing me by getting sick?" she tried to break free from his grasp; he had learned his lesson the first time she left him. Could it be what he thinks it is...?
"Kyoko, I never intended to make you suffer, I didn't want to hurt you in anyway. Won't you ever listen to what I have to say?"
"Please, leave me. If I stay any longer, I might give in." Give in to you.
"Please, Kyoko just listen to me this once. I promise to let you go after hearing your answer." she stopped struggling, still not looking at him.
They were silent for a beat until Kyoko noticed that the food was getting cold. Julie was taking awfully long for some reason. Kyoko suspiciously thought she left them alone on purpose.
"Complete your food first before you speak." she mumbled as he pulled her closer to his bedside.
He didn't need to be told twice, he swiftly started dumping the food in his mouth. She caught his hand, a small smile threatening to escape.
"Eat slowly, I'm not going to run away." He chuckled, realizing that he wanted to convince as fast as he could.
He rose from his bed as she took the tray in her hand. She gave him an incredulous look, "Rest, you can't get up just yet." she said, standing near the doorway as he started to follow her like a mindless child. He insisted and she gave up, quickly cleaning up and following him back to his room. If it would have been in another situation, she would have laughed at his expression.
"The first time I bumped into you, I felt like I had seen you before.I wanted to see you when you gave me that smile, as you came into my apartment that day. From that day on, I always tried to speak to you, even tried in the class whenever you came. I always noticed that your smiles were fake except the one you gave me that day. Every time you would pass by, you would never notice boys staring at you, I would feel like crushing their faces. I even threatened a group as they spoke dirty things about you." he chuckled, her face colored into the familiar color that was his favorite.
He continued, "And then you stopped coming, like suddenly you vanished. For almost three days, I thought you were sick and decided to pay a visit to your house. But then I remembered that I didn't exactly know your address, and then your friend—Sayuri said she met you somewhere on the street. I was worried, and when I came home to find you on the doorstep, I ran and held you as you sat there so defeated. And then your expression changed, you panicked and ran away from me—the first time and got into a truck accident. I thought I'd lost you that day. And I also realized another thing." he then looked into her eyes.
She was shocked, touched and her heart beat wildly at his confessions like he were telling her what he felt for her. She then realized that he was waiting for her to say something.
"What was the other thing?" she was even surprised that her voice came out. He caught her hands and held her in place, with a soft smile playing on his lips.
"I love you." he never thought it would be so easy to say it, he always thought he would never be able to say.
He saw her shock, how she blinked her eyes, "Stop kidding, if you didn't want to say then why did you ask me to urge you to speak on?" she was angry, he knew this would happen. He knew she would not believe him with her issues.
So he did the second most natural thing despite his growing weakness. He pulled her wrist, making her land on him. She squeaked and tried to move away from him. He held her in his embrace and completed the action he couldn't do two years ago.
She stopped struggling, surprised and caught off guard from the sudden contact. Her fingers loosened their grip on his shirt, and he tightened his hold deepening the kiss.
He could feel his eyes grow heavy, but he needed to make sure she heard him right this time.
He rolled them over, making her open her eyes and widen. He pulled away, breathing heavily. He leaned in to kiss her again, and felt her hand in his hair like a soft caress. His hand automatically held her cheek, the other one tightening its hold on her waist.
"I love you, Kyoko. I realized it on that day." he finally said, their breathes mingled. She couldn't say anything, but she responded by leaning back for another kiss.
He complied, his heart fluttered, electric sparks flying and creating all sorts of feelings and urges in his mind. He was surprised, but he couldn't stay any longer.
And soon he succumbed to the land of dreams leaving Kyoko in the dilemma of being trapped under his hold.
xxx
"Miss Mogami?" she raised her eyes, her assistant said as she read the file.
"Yes?"
"Someone's come to meet you. Said it was urgent. Should I send them in?" She frowned, who would want to meet her on this holiday?
"Alright, send them." she said, closing the file and stowing them away.
She heard the knock on the door and soon in came two people, a tall blonde man and a woman with black hair.
She froze as her eyes met the woman's. Her form was frozen in place, standing in front of her table.
She didn't move until the woman swung her hands around her neck and said,
"Mom! I missed you so much. I found you finally after three years of searching!"
And just like that, Saena cried after five years of being away from her daughter.
As she pulled away, she noticed a glint on her daughter—Kyoko's finger and stared at it.
Kyoko followed her line of sight and glanced at the man behind them standing with his arms folded.
"Meet him, Koun Hizuri." she said, making Saena suspicious of him.
Ever since she divorced her late husband, she prayed with all her might that her daughter would not be forced by any man.
"What's that on your finger, Kyoko?" She couldn't handle the wait, and watched her daughter pull the sweetest smile she ever had, being the happiest she had ever been. And then she knew she could trust her duaghter with him.
"Mom, we both are engaged." Kyoko held his hand, as he smiled at her with a soft gaze.
Saena sighed, "Well, since I can't do anything now, all that I can ask is, Koun you are coming with me inside the room for questions. And no, Kyoko you are staying out of it."
All that Kyoko could do, was pray for him.
And well, we can do the same. Although Kyoko managed to find her dawn in this universe, in some other universe she was still trying hard to feel happy for Ren.
Even though she didn't know that he was doing the same for her.
The End
Author's Note:
So I tried writing in first person, and maintain the Pov for sometime, but you can see how I failed(oh, how awful Uwah)
Anyway, I have nothing to comment on the story, it's pretty much understood, although I would love to know what you guys would say.
This is the longest I have ever written in a while, especially a long one-shot being my longest ever!
So do pray for my exams, their going pretty downhill. These past few hours I was re-reading the reviews and trying to make myself feel better.
Goodbye! Hopefully I might know what you say of this story! :)