So I was watching The Princess Bride (one of my all-time favorite movies) and I just got the idea that instead of Grandpa telling the story to the Grandson, it was Maddy telling the story of Uncle Mike and Aunt Fi to a young Charlie. I just could not stop giggling at the idea of the various characters playing the roles in the movie. So here is my rewrite (sorry if the format is a bit hard to read, but it is more of script format since I am taking the whole thing, at least the beginning from the movie almost directly)… none of them are mine… I just wish that they were…

Cast as translated from movie to BN:

Mother: Ruth

Son: Charlie

Grandpa: Maddy (obviously grandma)

Buttercup: Fi

Westley: Michael

Humperdinck: Larry

Count Rugan: Vaughn

Inigo: Sam

Fezzik: Jesse

Vizzini: Brennan

Miracle Max and Valerie: Seymore and Jackass

King and Queen: Bailey and Monaro

The Albino: Sugar

Ancient Booer: Nate

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Our story opens with young Charlie home sick in bed.

Ruth walks in and gently puts her lips to Charlie's forehead. "Hi Honey."

"Hi Mom." Charlie mumbles.

"You feeling any better?" Ruth asks.

"A little bit."

Ruth trying to cheer up her grumpy son askes him "Guess what?"

"What?"

Ruth trys to inject excitement into her voice. "Your Grandmother is here."

"Mom, can't you tell her I'm sick..." Charlie whines.

"You're sick? That's why she's here."

Charlie responds to Ruth in a rather whiney and petulant manner complaining that She'll pinch his cheeks..."I hate that!"

"Maybe she won't..." Ruth responds, trying to sooth her irritable son.

Madeline sweeps into the room, all bright colors and brash manner.

She practically dances over to the bed, in her element amidst the unspoken drama between mother and son, "Heyyyyy...How's the sicky? Huh?" as she pinches Charlie's too pale cheek.

Charlie looks over at Ruth with a truly put upon look, to which she just sighs and shrugs. Seeing her chance for a quick escape and a bit of time to herself she smiles at them both

.

"I think I'll leave you two pals alone.:

Madeline pulls a brightly wrapped package out from under her arm and hands it to Charlie with an expectant look on her face, proudly stating "I brought you a special present"

Charlie, being your typical kid is of course excited by the idea of a gift.

"What is it?" He says excitedly.

"Open it up."

Charlie tears the wrapping paper off the package and with a skeptical look on his face states "A book?"

"That's right," replied Madeline. "A photo book, when I was your age, television was called books; and this is a special book. It was the book that was given to me me when your uncle Mike was away and I used to look at it with your father...and today, I'm gonna look at it with you and tell you the story that goes along with it"

"Does it have any explosions in it?" Charlie asks, barely managing to sound interested.

"Are you kidding?" Maddy practically oozes. "Explosions, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles."

"It doesn't sound too bad. I'll try and stay awake." Charlie replied with sarcasm.

Maddy gives him the raised eyebrow and the look that she has given to both his father and uncle many times over the years and replied back with her own acidic whit. .Well, thank you very much. That's very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming" she pauses and Charlie gives her the patented Westen stare back. "Oh..alright..The Story of Michael and Fiona… as told by me."

Maddy begins to tell the story in her best story telling voice.

Fiona was raised near a small pub in the country of Ireland. Her favorite past-times were working in the family pub and tormenting the young man that had come to work there and train to be a member of the IRA. His name was Michael. But she never called him that. Isn't that a wonderful beginning?

Charlie responds with little enthusiasm. :"Yeah..it's really good".

"Nothing gave Fiona as much pleasure as ordering Michael around".

As Maddy is telling the story, Charlie dozes a bit and in his imagination begins to see the story like he is there, not just looking at the pictures in the album but really living them.

"McBride," Fiona called out sweeping into the pub. "Varnish the bar top. I want to see my face shining in it by morning."

"As you Wish." He quietly stated back.

Madeline's voice seems to drift to Charlie from far away. 'As you wish' was all he ever said to her.

"McBride, fill these with water...please?" Fiona stated, holding a tray of glasses.

"As you wish." Was the quiet reply.

That day she was amazed to discover that when he was saying 'as you wish,' what he meant was, 'I love you.' And even more amazing was the day she realized she truly loved him back.

"McBride, fetch me that c4." Fiona practically whispers while standing well within reaching distance of the box that she is working with,

Micheal reaches across her, and gently hands her the c4 that she is asking for "as you wish" he whispers back while helping her to affix the detonator and leaning in to brush her lips with his.

"Hold it! Hold it!" Charlie bolts upright in bed, practically tossing the album off his lap. "What is this? Are you trying to trick me? Where's the explosion? Is this a kissing story?"

"Wait, just wait" Maddy replies.

Charlie lest out a big sigh. "Well when does it get good?"

Maddy gives him another look, "Keep your shirt on and let me tell the story".

Michael had no money for marriage so he packed his few belongings and left the pub to seek his fortune, as he was really an undercover operative he knew that he would have to leave anyways. It was a very emotional time for Fiona."

"I don't believe this!" Huffed Charlie.

Michael has told Fiona that he may have to leave for a mission, though he has told her that it is for the IRA.

"I'm afraid I'll never see you again... if you go without me" She sighed while leaning into his chest.

"Of course you will." Michael replied, wrapping his arms around her slight frame.

"But what if something happens to you?"

"Hear this now, I will always come for you". Michael replied burying his face in her fragrant hair.

"But how can you be sure?" She whispers into his neck.

"This is true love. You think this happens every day?" Michael kisses her and they go upstairs to the room above the pub. In the middle of the night Michael sneaks out, leaving Fiona behind.

"Michael didn't reach his destination." Maddy continued. "His transport was attacked by a terrorist insurgent group, who never left captives alive. When Fiona got the news that Michael was murdered..."

"Murdered by terrorists is good!" Charlie interrupted.

Maddy continued. "She went into her room and shut the door, and for days she neither slept nor ate."

"I will never love again." Fiona passionately stated her eyes now dry and tearless.

To Be Continued…..