It's been three weeks since I last saw my boyfriend, Mathias. Ex-boyfriend. It's hard. I miss him already, but I know that going back to him would be defeat. He didn't love me, he only loved music. Everything was about the music. If he loved it so much, why didn't he just fucking marry it?
Every day since then, my brother had taken me drinking to help me forget. It hasn't worked yet. He had a date with his Asian boyfriend- don't even get me started about that- and couldn't take me tonight, so I went alone.
I sat in the same barstool, in the same bar, drinking the same beer. Even if Emil wasn't here to get wasted with me, I was going to keep it traditional. Tonight there was a musician playing some quiet background music, which relaxed my tense nerves.
The song ended and the singing guitarist spoke into the mic. "I finished writing this next song last night. It's dedicated to a very special man, one that I love and miss with all my heart.
"Niky's eyes are like a jungle,
His smile's like a radio."
At the first line, I looked up to the stage. There, in all his devilishly handsome glory, was Mathias. Singing about me.
"He whispers songs into my window
In words that nobody knows."
We made eye contact. I frowned, even though my heart was really racing. He only smiled as he sang the next lines.
"There's pretty girls on every corner
That watch him as he's walking home.
Saying, does he know, will he ever know?"
I took a sip of my beer and turned my back to him during the chorus.
"You're beautiful, every little piece, love.
Don't you know, you're really gonna be someone.
Ask anyone.
And when you find everything you looked for
I hope your love leads you back to my front door.
Oh but if it don't, stay beautiful."
A light blush was making its way across my face, but I continued to ignore the lyrics.
"Niky finds another way to be
The highlight of my day.
I'm taking pictures with my mind
So I can save 'em for a rainy day.
It's hard to make a conversation
When he's taking my breath away.
I should say, hey, by the way,"
The chorus repeated. I was trying to force down the pink on my cheeks, knowing that if Mathias saw, I would be admitting that I still felt the same.
"If you and I are a story
That never gets told
If all you are is a daydream
I'll never get to hold
At least you'll know
You're beautiful, every little piece, love.
Don't you know, you're really gonna be someone.
Ask anyone.
And when you find everything you looked for
I hope your love leads you back to my front door
Oh but if it don't, stay beautiful."
There was tons of applause, but I stayed facing the bar. The music started up again after awhile, but it was over the stereo system. After a couple songs, I felt someone rest their hand on my shoulder.
"Go away." I growled.
"No, that's not how I work." Mathias sat next to me in the spot that Emil usually occupied. "Why can't I have a drink with a friend?"
"Fuck off, we're not friends."
"Then what are we?"
"Enemies."
"Come on, Nikolas. I don't hate you. In fact, I love you."
"Yeah right."
"You want the truth? I couldn't spend time with you because I was writing songs." He took a sip of my beer. "You have terrible taste."
"Well, that was why I left. You only cared about music." I chose to ignore the remark on my choice.
"Let me finish! I was writing about you! It was for your birthday. I was going to compile some songs and give them to you for a present."
I didn't have anything to say to that, so I chose to simply glare.
"You don't believe me?"
"No, I do, but I'm still mad at you."
"For what?"
"For singing about me in public."
He beamed. "But you love me, right?"
"…maybe."
I had the air squashed out of me when he hugged me. "Maybe means yes!"
"Let me go, stupid!"
Mathias released me, only to hold me by the waist. "Can I kiss you?"
"Why wouldn't you?"
"Well I dunno, you're mad at me and all-"
"Shut up and kiss me, you idiot!" I grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him towards me. His hands framed my face, guiding it up to meet his. Our lips met in a sweet kiss, earning a few wolf whistles and some clapping.
When we pulled back, Mathias beamed at me. "What do you say we get out of here and go to my place?"
"I say that that's a great idea."