Author's note: This horrible piece of fan fiction was written by request. I apologize in advance for any trauma that might occur from reading this.

Disclaimer: Of course I don't own CM. If I did, they would so fire me for this!

Dedication: For Parzival. Ask and you shall receive.

Warning: Bad language, plot, content, dialogue, and mental images. You should probably turn back now.

Reid flipped on his hallway light as he stumbled toward his front door. According to his alarm clock it was 1:15 am, which meant he'd only been asleep for an hour or so before the loud knocking rudely woke him. He held his gun loosely as he looked out the peephole. The sight before his was so surprising that he blinked several times to confirm that he was seeing correctly. Sure enough, Section Chief Erin Strauss stood at his entryway. Her appearance was a bit disheveled compared to her usual prim dress, and her expression was relaxed slightly from its usual scowl. He could honestly not think of a single reason for her to be visiting him at home, and particularly at this hour.

Reid fumbled with the locks and disabled the alarm before pulling the door open quickly. "Section Chief Strauss, um…what are…is something wrong?" She didn't respond verbally as she pushed passed him into the corridor and continued walking away from him. He reset the alarm and locks before following her to his living room in bewilderment. As he reached the end of the hall, a hand reached out and grabbed him by the shoulder. It pushed him backwards against the wall opposite his couch with Strauss holding him firmly in place. Her face was less than a foot from his and he could smell the alcohol on her breath.

"Dr. Reid," she said casually, with a hint of a slur to her words.

"Ma'am," he responded curiously.

"Call me Erin," she commanded in a low voice.

"Ok, um…Erin…what can I do for you?" She snorted a laugh and stepped a few inches closer to him.

"What can you do for me? Hmm…what can you do Dr. Reid? His confusion rose considerably at that statement.

"Um…"

"Shh," she quieted him by placing a finger against his lips. "Talking is not required for what I want from you." He raised his eyebrows and started to speak, but she silenced him again. "What I want is very simple: I want you to fuck me Dr. Reid."

"What?" He yelled in shock.

"You heard me. I have admired your talent since you joined the Bureau, and I've appreciated your physical attributes since working with you on the case in Ohio. I'm tired of waiting Dr."

"Um, ma'am-Erin-are you…have you been drinking?"

"Half a bottle of scotch but that's beside the point. I've been married to my husband for almost as long as you have been alive. We married for convenience more than anything else, but the thrill has been gone for a long time. I'm getting older Dr. Reid, and my possibilities are quickly running out. There isn't much time left for me to have fun, so I have to take any opportunities presented to me."

"But, why me? What made you pick me?"

"Face it Dr. my choices are very limited. Your team has the best looking men in the entire field office. Lord knows I've tried many times to get into Hotchner's pants, but even after his divorce he wouldn't take. David is typically up for anything, but I've been there already so there isn't any appeal. Agent Morgan isn't my type, though he might be more willing. That leaves you. Now, less talking, more stripping."

"But, Ma-Erin…"

"The only 'but' I want from you is that cute little one pressed against the wall."

"I don't think this is a good idea," Reid stated diplomatically.

"Oh really, why not Dr.? Worried about your 'reputation'? Most of the department thinks you fucked your way to the BAU anyway, so this really won't hurt anything."

What, they really think that? Who do they think I was sleeping with-Gideon, Hotch, Director Cummings? He shuddered at both that train of thought and at the feeling of her hands running up and down his neck. All of the defensive moves he learned in the FBI Academy and practiced with Morgan in the gym flashed through his brain. He tried to calculate how much trouble he would get into for beating up his Section Chief, even if she asked for it, and that was assuming she didn't try to make this whole thing look like his idea. He knew first-hand how vindictive she could be when someone got her pissed off. Maybe I should just do what she wants…A twinge of nausea hit his stomach at that. But, how do you know she still won't use this against you somehow?

"Come on Dr. Reid, I'm ready for you," she purred as she stroked over his shoulders and across his chest.

"But m-Erin, how do I know you won't tell anyone about this, or blackmail me?"

"Oh for crying out loud, I thought you were a damn genius! Having any sort of intimate relationship with a subordinate will look bad for me too, Dr. Do you really think I' going to risk my ass for a piece of yours?" Good point. "The only way anyone will find out about this is if you don't cooperate. Just remember that I am a close personal friend of Jacob Cummings."

"Ok," he held up his hands placatingly. "How should we…I mean what…oh hell I'll just shut up and let you lead!"

"Good idea," she confirmed as she loosened his tie. "Why are you so dressed up still?" she wondered while fiddling with the buttons on his rumpled shirt.

"I got back late from Tuscan and didn't feel like changing. You are dressed up too," he pointed out.

"I knew I was coming back out," she replied simply, her nails gently grazing his rib cage. The touch of her hands against his bare skin made him shiver, and he forced himself to remember why he was doing this. 'It's business, not pleasure' ran through his mind as her mouth licked trails down his stomach and her fingers deftly worked on removing his brown cords. Long fingernails danced along the waistband of his boxer and her warm tongue teased his belly button. Reid closed his eyes and pressed his palms flat into the smooth wall behind him. He felt skilled movements along his inner thighs as the soft fabric covering them was slowly slid away. He suppressed a groan and recited his mantra as her lips made contact with a particular part of his anatomy. Reid tried to force his brain to shut down and allow the building hormones to take over.

The whole situation was surreal, and he was certain things would go better if logical thinking wasn't included. He let out a soft moan; apparently she was more talented in this area than he would have expected-if he ever dared to consider such a thing. He felt light-headed and tingly as blood flow to his extremities was reduced, diverting to where it was needed more. His ragged breathing echoed through the otherwise quiet apartment. He could feel the pressure increasing inside and he knew he was only moments away from exploding.

Just as his lower body began to convulse with need, Strauss stilled her movements and pulled back. The shock of the sudden loss of sensation and denial of release made him pry his eyes open and let out a soft cry of disappointment. "Wha…" he queried roughly as he stared down at her in disbelief.

She looked up and grinned mischievously. "I just wanted to get you warmed up, Dr. I can't let you have all the fun." He sighed heavily and took several deep breaths to regain a semblance of control.

"Now," he croaked out, "now what?"

"My turn," she stated clearly. She was putting the words to action by unbuttoning her peach silk blouse. Suddenly the thought occurred to him that he didn't have nearly enough alcohol in his system to follow through with this plan.

"Can I get you a drink?" She looked up from neatly folding her discarded black skirt.

"Do you have vodka?"

"Yes."

"I'll have one straight."

"Sure," he whispered as he hurried to his kitchen. As he reached up to his top cabinet, he became aware of his state of dress-or undress as it was. His face flushed at that realization, and at the memory of what put him in that position. It's way too late to go back now. You may as well commit. He poured a glass and downed it before fixing two more and returning to his living room. His 'guest' stood next to his couch completely disrobed. Reid's steps faltered as the visual registered in his brain. This has to be a nightmare, or a really cruel joke! He barely restrained himself from looking around for hidden cameras.

It took nearly all of his willpower to continue walking forward instead of running away screaming. He swallowed hard and handed over a glass. He closed his eyes briefly and gulped the vodka hurriedly. When he opened his eyes, she was smirking at him. "Need this too?" she teased as she indicated her own drink.

"Uh, no…no thanks."

"Good." She finished hers and approached him. He ordered his legs not to move backwards as she grabbed his upper arms and pulled him closer. Her hands slid across his chest and down his arms, removing his shirt as they went. She gripped his loosely hanging tie and dragged him toward her, using the momentum to lay him on the couch. He looked up at her in surprise as she straddled his hips. From his inferior position flat on his back, he noted with part revulsion, part shock that her body wasn't as bad as he might have imagined if he'd ever allowed his brain to drift in that direction. The deep lines and signs of aging on her face seemed to disappear below her neck.

Maybe this won't be quite so hard to fake as I thought. If I can just avoid looking at her face than I can pretend this is someone else.

The sudden intrusion of her tongue prying between his lips caught him off-guard and interrupted his train of thought. It took all of his strength to resist pulling away; instead he reciprocated half-heartedly. After a moment she sat back slightly and began placing hungry kissed down his jaw line, chest, and stomach. The smoldering fire in his loins grew to a raging flame under her eager mouth and tender fingers. Her tongue caressed his lower abdomen and her naked thighs shifted against his. Now that he was fully aroused and convinced that this was really going to happen, a thought occurred to his fuzzy brain.

"Uh, Erin, don't we need…protection? I'm not sure I have…"

"Don't worry Dr." she replied mid-lick. "I'm too old for that, and I've been with the same man for two decades. Also, I know that you're clean from your physicals."

The fact that she'd looked up such personal information about him made him blush despite the dramatically more intimate activity they were involved in. As she continued to tease and stimulate him, he realized that this could be a rather drawn-out event. He could expedite things by taking control, giving her what she came for, and getting this whole ordeal over with. That plan in mind, he waited until she sat up to shift positions. He sat up while simultaneously pushing on her shoulders gently. He ended up kneeling over her with her legs wrapped around his hips.

She watched him with excitement and surprise in her eyes. "Well Dr. Reid, that was unexpected," she enthused eagerly. "I often wondered if you had a dominating streak.

She thought that about me-ew! "Well, if I'm going to do this I want to do it right."

"I agree. I…" This time it was her statement that was cut off by him lowering his lips to her chest. It took only a few moments before her pleased moans and panting breath filled his ears and her fingers tugged at his hair. Reid spent a couple more minutes putting both his practical and theoretical knowledge of female anatomy to good use before deciding to get on with things.

Nearly half an hour later, he was collapsed onto his elbows above her, breathing deeply and sweating from exertion. He was pleased with the performance he'd given, and he interpreted the satisfied grin on her face to mean that she was also. Once he regained control of his respiration, he lifted up to sit on the far end of the couch. Using the tip of his tie, he wiped the sweat from his forehead. He had wondered why she hadn't taken it off when she undressed him, but during the course of their activities she used it both to direct his motions and to avoid scratching his back. He definitely was grateful for that; he didn't need any physical reminders of this event.

Movement caught his attention, and he glanced over to see her propped up on one elbow staring at him with a lecherous expression that made him feel very tired. He decided to discourage any further undertakings by standing up and collecting their clothing. He felt her eyes burning into him as he moved around the room. For some reason the idea embarrassed him, and he avoided meeting her gaze as he returned her stack of garments.

"I'll be right back," he mumbled, and rushed off to the bathroom to dress. He deliberately took extra time, hoping she would be clothed and leaving when he returned. He eventually entered the living room to find her dressed and holding a fresh glass of vodka. She pointed to another drink on the coffee table.

"I made you another too. We need to discuss some things." No kidding. He walked toward her slowly, picked up his drink, and sat in the nearby armchair rather than next to her on the couch. He forced himself to sip the alcohol as he listened to her. "I know that I don't need to tell you that this doesn't go anywhere other than between us. I made the consequences of that clear earlier." She gave him a hard look and he nodded in agreement. "Second, I expect that in the future, when you are in town, that you will make yourself available to me if I call. I'll give you enough time to make arrangements beforehand."

His jaw dropped. She can't be serious! "What?"

"You heard me."

"But…"

"This isn't up for debate, Dr. Reid." She finished her drink and stood. "I'll be calling you if I don't see you at the office." Sudden anger flared inside him and he jumped up from his chair.

"No. No, you won't be calling me unless it is work related. This was a one-time event and there won't be a repeat," he stated firmly. She gave him a disinterested look.

"You don't make the rules here. You have more to lose than I do. I'll see you at the office." He moved to block her exit.

"Actually, I do make the rules," he countered. "I will not allow you to use me like this. At work you are my boss and that is fine, but I won't be blackmailed into being your booty call!" The phrase surprised him as much as it did her. Where did I get that from? He strongly suspected that Morgan was responsible. The look of disbelief on her face empowered him even further. He pulled open the door and stood back to let her out. "Thank you, Erin for a nice evening, but I'm going back to bed. I have nothing further to discuss with you regarding tonight. Any questions or comments you might have can be directed to my lawyer. I'm sure you know where his office is." He motioned silently for her to leave, and she stormed angrily out the door and down the hallway. He closed and locked it behind her and leaned against it for a long moment.

He walked back to his living room, stopping to stare at his couch before picking up the glasses. After everything was cleaned and put away, he glanced up at the clock. 3:45 am. Close enough. He knew Hotch usually got up a 5 am to get to the office, but Reid didn't want to risk waiting that long to do damage control. He ran to his room to get his cell phone. Hotch answered on the second ring, sounding so alert that Reid knew he hadn't been asleep. Even better-at least I didn't wake him up to deal with this.

"Hotch, I may have a problem. Can you come over here before work?" He very briefly outlined the situation in one long, breathless sentence. As expected, Hotch promised to be there within the hour. Reid hung up the phone and sighed in relief.

Damn, I should have just done that to start with and spared myself! Oh well, too late now. He went to the kitchen to start coffee while he showered and changed. Twenty minutes later he was ready. After pouring a himself a cup, Reid went to disinfect his couch while he waited for Hotch to arrive.