I said that I'll be doing this, remember? So I'm turning them into fanfics. They probably won't be very funny, but... deal with it.
Good Idea: Sit in a car with Little Guy at the wheel
"I feel a bit embarrassed by this," Naomi Kimishima mumbles, "But I kind of need a drive back."
"I'll take you!" Little Guy leaps to his feet, grabbing Naomi by the arm, and leading her to a car. Her cheeks start flaring a little pink, but she goes with Investigator Navel anyways.
"They look really cute together, you know," Maria laughs.
Little Guy spins around on his left heel glaring at Maria. "I'll pretend that I didn't hear that."
"If you're going to drive me home, can't you at least hurry up with it?" Naomi asks impatiently.
Little Guy's cheeks blazes with scarlet as he grabs Naomi's arm again and leads her to his sleek black car.
"You do know how to drive, right?" Naomi asks hopefully.
Little Guy shoots daggers at her. "Would you like to see my license?"
"If you can fake your way into the FBI, surely you can fake your way to a fake license," says Naomi, but her voice has an aura of danger in it. Kidding about things like that is normally calling for people to overhear.
"You've been in my car before, am I right, Dr. Kimishima?" Little Guy asks. "Please, have a seat."
"You don't need to be so formal, you know," says Naomi, rolling her eyes, getting into the front passenger's seat. "Just call me Naomi. I won't bite your head off. Haven't I said that already?"
"Uh… yes, Dr. Kimishima!" Little Guy stammers, and slips into the driver's seat himself.
The blond begins driving, backing out of Resurgam First Care's parking lot. Naomi chuckles to herself as she watches Little Guy's fingers scramble around, nudging the wheel, pressing buttons, bending the car to his will.
Block after block passes, streetlamp after streetlamp, and finally, as the soft twilight turns into a pitching blackness, Little Guy's car reaches the corner of Naomi's house.
"There. Now say I can't drive," he says proudly.
"You can't drive," says Naomi, getting out of the car.
Little Guy sighs. At least he has seen to getting Naomi back home safely. Whereas, if Maria had taken her…
Bad Idea: Sit in a car with Maria Torres at the wheel
"I feel a bit embarrassed by this," Naomi Kimishima mumbles, "But I kind of need a drive back."
"I'll take you!" Little Guy jumps to his feet, but something bars his way. Maria's yellow-and-green sleeve bangs against Little Guy's chest, forcing him to sit back down.
"No, it's all right," says Maria. "You two have had your two-person space already. Little Guy will be too lovesick to see if the light is red or green. I'll take her."
Little Guy's face burns redder than a cherry tomato. Naomi inspects him closely; she knows that he likes her, but isn't sure if she likes him back.
"I think it's a good idea to have Maria take me back," she says cautiously.
Those words quickly evaporate as soon as Naomi sees the grin on Maria's face as she makes herself at home in the driver's seat.
In that split second, Naomi would've traded for Little Guy in a second.
"Hell yeah, baby!" Maria cries, and with a screech, the tires spin free from the gravel and shoot backwards. Naomi automatically reaches for her seatbelt.
Suddenly, Maria's hand hits the speakers, and a loud blast of rock music hits Naomi's ears. She covers her ears with her hands, trying to block out the awful clashing of drums.
"How do you even get around?" she groans, clutching her ears, eyes squeezed shut.
"I normally ride a motorcycle," Maria shrugs. Naomi figures that Maria at least knows how to ride one.
"Can we go by motorcycle then?"
Maria glares at Naomi. "Do you want to know how I ride a motorcycle?"
Naomi moans again. "No."
The entire trip is torture. Naomi finds herself banged and beat up by the time Maria finally approaches the corner of her street, having taken the wrong route seventeen times, crashed twice, ran a red light twenty-one times (yes, Naomi counted), and went above the speed limit more times than Naomi can count. When she finally staggers from the car, her stomach is feeling queasy and nausea is forming at the back of her head.
"Uh… thanks for the ride," Naomi whimpers. "See you… next time…"
"No problem!" Maria calls, cheerily. She drives away, the last traces of rock music still lingering in Naomi's ears.
At home, the forensics researcher grabs her cell phone, wincing at every noise she makes. However, she manages to punch in Little Guy's number (which was on speed dial anyways, but she forgot) and call him.
"Yes, Dr. Kimishima?" Little Guy answers on the first ring.
"Little Guy?" Naomi straightens up, her old, tough self back again. "Next time, you're going to be the one driving me home."
Little Guy chuckles softly, so that Naomi can't hear. "So how bad was Maria's driving?"
Naomi can hear the far-off giggles of her partner, but doesn't bite his head off this time. "Would you like to try?"
Little Guy stops laughing and his face turns pale. "Nah, I'll pass."