1863
BPOV:
He was gone, dead I sobbed loudly while I felt myself go under it felt like I was swimming except,…. I couldn't get to the surface.
In the days that followed my husbands death I was in a daze, never really there.
The only time I remember coming up to the surface was for His funeral. That was the only time I ever actually woke up.
"Bella darling please come out! You don't want to be late for his funeral!!"
I personally didn't want to ever come out in the dress, but I owed it to him.
My mother thought "It would be looovvveellyy darling if you wore the wedding dress to the funeral"
Little did she know that it brought me so much pain to even look at his-,our room let alone the wedding dress. She didnt get it, she never would understand the pain of losing the only thing that kept you alive.
But I decided I should honor him and his memory and wore it.
When I walked out of our room my mum gasped in shock or horror. I knew it was probably both.
I put my veil up so no one would see me cry. Picked up the flowers He choose for me and they handed me the flag.
I felt the world crash the flag once again reminded me he was Gone.
I couldn't handle it any more I placed flowers on his memory mantle but kept on holding the flag and ran to his grave.
What I saw finally pulled me back to the place I was growing accustomed to.
The grave said.
In loving memory of….
Beloved
Jasper Andrew Whitelock
And I was gone into oblivion I didn't want to come up for air and it seemed I didn't need to.
BPOV:
After Jazzy died I became a disgrace to my family not like I cared or anything. I started acting more like a man than a women.
I got into fights and shot targets, which I was pretty good at. No one had ever beaten me in a fight yet.
I became more reckless in my way of life I went cliff diving and always went looking for trouble.
Then I made the most reckless decision yet I joined the war.
I chose to enlist as Andy Whitlock one of Jaspers brothers that died. I took Jazzy's extra uniform, cut my hair, and wrapped my chest.
It worked and the next day I was in Texas training for the military. I hated the South side because I hated the mere idea of slavery. But I had a duty to my state and I wasn't going to ignore it.
The war dragged on and it gradually became harder to hide the fact I was a woman. But it wasn't until the next month that I knew someone had figured it out.
If they caught me they would send me back home and I really didn't want to deal with that.
So I did what I do best……I ran.