Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house. Not a creature was stirring, except for Jean Beazley who was deciding to give Lucien Blake an early Christmas gift.
Lucien had come in from the station with Matthew earlier that night. A long day that could have ended so badly, Jean placing herself between a gun toting Norman Baker and himself. Speaking words that almost brought Lucien to his knees, saying she would rather die, than live without him. It took his breath away.
He vowed right then and there, that he would do whatever it took for her to never regret those words. To make her feel beautiful and loved and happy and secure for the rest of her life. As their friends and lodgers gathered around the television for a Christmas Special, Jean and Lucien snuck off into his office.
He took her from the kitchen where she was setting things to soak, to the safest place he could think of to get some private time with her. It took everything he had not to turn into his room, but he wanted to respect her wishes to wait until they were married to make love. She had never spoken the words, but he knew, and would never put her in a position to have to say them.
The door closed behind them and she turned on him, claiming his mouth in a way she never had before. He had always been the one to initiate taking their chaste kisses a little deeper, ever aware of her boundaries. But on this night, she took the lead and he happily followed.
When the kiss broke, he put his hands on her face, pleading, "Promise me you will never put yourself in danger like that again."
"I can't make that promise." She placed a hand over his on her face. "But I can promise that I will do my best to never find myself in that position again. And I'd like you to do the same."
"There is always a risk of someone I help convict getting angry. But I promise I will protect you and our family always. We are my priority. You are my priority. And if you ever get nervous or scared, you have to tell me. You know I get blinded by the case sometimes, but I'm trying to get better at not doing that. I never lose sight of you. You are my light, always." Tears rose to his eyes.
She leaned in and kissed him again, long and deep, her hands exploring his back. She loved when he wore his cardigans, she could feel more of him through them. The texture of his muscles. He attempted to move back from the kiss at one point, but she held on, moving with him, not ready to lose contact. And so he reengaged, his hands going up her ribs, just brushing the sides of her breasts. She gasped and squeezed harder at the skin on his back. They finally broke panting, foreheads together. He heard her sniffle and leaned back to see her face, there were tears in her eyes.
"I meant it, you know?" Her face was a twist of pain and she let go of him to put a hand to her mouth, trying to control a sob.
He went to pull her in closer, but she put a hand on his chest stopping him. Her eyes met his and when she spoke again her voice was strong and clear.
"Lucien, you are my life. You are the man I was made to love, I'm convinced of it." Tears were filling her eyes again but she was in control of her emotions now. "Our life, caring for you, loving you, has brought me a happiness I never dared imagine. Our differences even, are like the crazy sides of puzzle pieces, they just… fit. I see how you value me, my mind, and it makes me whole. I do not want to live a life without you, and I will die if you are taken from me too soon. So please be careful, you carry my heart with you every day." And she reached up to wipe the tears falling from his eyes.
They stood in an embrace, feeling each other's heartbeat fall into step, when they heard something crash in the kitchen. They leaned back smiling.
"I'd better go check on that." She said kissing his lips lightly one more time before turning to walk away. But he kept hold of her hand and she turned back to him.
"I love you Jean." He kissed the hand then dropped it and they went to the kitchen to find Alice trying to make tea. Matthew and Charlie arriving just as Lucien and Jean did.
Jean scooted everyone back into the living room so she could sort out some tea for them. As the kettle whistled Lucien reappeared to help her bring it in. Walking up behind her, he placed his arms around her waist and buried his face in her hair, inhaling. She leaned back into him, savoring the moment, then turned and handed him the tray of cups, sugar and milk.
Everyone enjoyed their tea with the end of the Christmas Special, then retired for the evening. It had been an eventful day and they were all exhausted. Lucien, Jean noticed, didn't even go to his study first as he normally would. Instead he went straight to his room after their goodnight kiss, her eyes lingering on him as he made his way down the hall. Sensing her attention, he turned at the door and gave her a loving smile. She paused at the bottom of the stairs before going up, the house was silent. Their house was silent.
She got ready for bed, then picked up her book, staring at the one page forever, not reading, but going over the events of the day. She had wanted to start the New Year with a clean slate for she and Lucien. He had haphazardly started the divorce proceedings weeks before. And now, she had finally taken care of her loose ends. Saying goodbye to her old life. Determined to take the good and leave the bad as she moved forward with the love of her life.
At some point in her daydreaming she dozed off, only to wake a short time later with a yearning for Lucien like she had never felt before. It had started in the study, she felt the tingles strongly then and who knows where it would have gone if they had not been interrupted. But they were, and now she had had even more time to think about what she was doing. Wasting no time, she took off her pajamas and put on her dressing gown. She thought of doing more to get herself together for him, and there was a certain nightie she had bought with him in mind. But she knew him, he wouldn't care and anyway this night wasn't about putting on more layers, it was about moving past them.
Two minutes later she was at his door in her underwear and dressing gown. She thought she would be nervous, but she wasn't. Not at all. And when she opened the door, she was even more sure of what she was doing, as she found him standing in front of his window, looking out, in a singlet and his pajama bottoms.
"Jean?" He turned to her. "Is everything alright?" His face was so sweet, it almost made her cry.
"Yes, everything is wonderful." And she walked over to join him, placing her arms around his waist and laying her head on his chest.
He breathed deeply and they stood in silence for a long while, wondering exactly why she had come to him. But all at once, he realized brushing her back that there was nothing under the dressing gown. At the same time, she pawed at his singlet, placing her hands under the fabric, onto his bare skin. And he knew.
"Are you sure?" He was pleading in a whisper with three little words for her to consider this decision as carefully as she could in the moment. Because if she would have any regret in the afterglow, it would kill him. He had hurt her enough already. The slightest hesitation on her part would not necessarily stop this celebration of their love, but it would change the ultimate destination.
She moved her head to look up at him, eyes set and certain, "I love you Lucien." And she went up for a slow deep kiss. Her tongue a silk ribbon moving in strokes through the air he breathed… Old friends, partners, now lovers.
It was a slow celebration of their love that began their first journey. A journey years in the making, to express their most intimate connection. Its pace was unhurried and quiet, reverent. Every touch loaded with emotion. Measured in lazy blinks, touches and lips that took their time. Celebrating in their own little universe, wanting it to go on forever.
The starts and stops were delicious. Pausing often to take each other in, their eyes more charged than their hands. Lucien thought his heart would explode at the sight of her as she undressed him. When she pulled the singlet over his head and ran her hands down his chest, this was not the same woman who had merely dressed his wounds weeks ago. She had seen him bare-chested before, but in this moment she wasn't his nurse maid, she was his soul mate, his lover, his future wife.
Jean thought she would be nervous on their wedding night, it had been so long and it would be such an overwhelming point of closure and firsts for them. But here, now, in their own special celebration of love, there was not a single thought that was anything but loving, confident and meant to be. As his hands slid down her hips taking her underthings with them, her stepping out of them, it wasn't nerves that struck her, only want. A want to become one with the man she was made to love in this lifetime and beyond.
As they stood finally stripped bare before each other, it all became too much for them both, and tears began to fall. Cleansing the space between them, soothing any hurt that had been part of the path that brought them there.
When they embraced, it was a simple hug that brought their naked bodies the first naked touch, heart to heart. She released a quiet sob. A single sound that released all the years of unspoken words. And he heard her, really heard her, understanding. Pulling back to look into her eyes, tears were falling from his own.
As they stood, they exchanged all the words either of them had ever had to hold back, all fear falling at their feet to rest with their shed clothing. That strange fear that had them dance around each other for years with casual touches, secret looks, and teasing words. The powerful fear of losing whatever they had by over-reaching, possibly getting it wrong. But they were so right.
Now as they stood beautifully bare in each other's arms, having shed all the tears, he moved them to him bed. She laid in the center, with a wide smile and all the confidence of her best self. A confidence she did not have, not really, until this moment. He climbed over her, looking down into her beautiful, darkening eyes and smiled before reaching down for what would be their first kiss, as lovers.
Her hands moved from his back to his bum as she devoured his mouth, taking handfuls of muscle and pulling him closer. He smiled against her mouth, at this new woman, as he pressed and ground his hips against her before sliding down her body, slowly taking all of her in on his journey south. She, finally able to run her fingers through that hair of his. A simple pleasure they had itched for since he put the ring on her finger. Imagined rewards finally realized, for fighting their way through so much to get there.
And now they were here. Slowly taking in every single inch of unexplored skin. Touching every single thing about each other they had dreamed of for years, and it was all so beautiful. When he looked up from between her thighs, hair adorably mussed and that sweet smile of his, giving her more love with one look than she thought she would ever receive in a whole lifetime, she was home. They were home, as their bodies began their next chapter.
Right then and there they shared the silent vows as they touched all the places they had hidden for so long... Thank you. I value you. I will protect you. I will be honest with you. I will make you happy. I'm sorry. I hear you. I see you. I celebrate you. I love you. I do.