"So what are you going to do now?" Bette asked quietly. She studied Shane's slumped body and the look of profound defeat on her face.
"I don't know," Shane mumbled. She ran a hand over her face and sighed. "Look, I'm sorry; I know you guys are worried about Angie. I didn't mean to dump on you."
Bette crouched down next to her and placed a hand on her forearm. "It's no problem. You can stay here tonight and try to talk to Jenny again in the morning."
"You sure Tina won't mind?" Shane asked in a low voice. She looked anxiously at the kitchen, where Tina was pacing back and forth as she talked on the phone with her boss. "She seemed kind of pissed at me before. I mean, I know I deserve it, but I don't want to make things weird between you guys."
Bette shook her head. "Don't worry about Tina. She's just upset about the Lez Girls fiasco. She didn't mean to snap on you earlier."
Shane rolled her eyes but her lips tugged up into a smile. After what she did to Jenny, she deserved Tina's wrath. "Yeah, sure."
Bette patted her knee and stood up. "I'm serious. Get some rest. I'll deal with T."
Shane stretched out on the couch and watched Bette walk across the room. She touched Tina on the wrist and the woman visibly relaxed, despite the obviously stressful phone call. Tina gave Bette a smile of thanks and they turned to make their way upstairs. Watching the intimate scene felt like an intrusion, and Shane felt a pang of jealousy.
She listened as the couple got ready for bed. Someone turned the bathroom sink on and a toilet flushed. Bare feet padded down the hallway and a door shut. The house eventually quieted, leaving her alone with just her thoughts.
The couch was uncomfortable and the living room was too hot. She shifted uncomfortably, wishing that Jenny had tossed out a pair of shorts when she threw her clothing outside.
Was she forever doomed to repeat the past?
She had loved Carmen. Really loved her. And yet, that didn't stop her from fucking it all up. But she was able to bottle all those terrible emotions up afterwards. She never thought about Carmen, or their almost wedding, or their nonexistent happily ever after.
None of it mattered to her anymore. That part of her was dead and buried.
Until Molly came along.
Molly.
Shane's chest tightened with anger as she remembered the hurtful words Phyllis had thrown at her. As much as she resented her, and wanted to hate her, she couldn't. Because everything she said was true.
She was nothing. She was a self-destructive loser who would never have the happiness she longed for.
Shane pushed off the couch and opened the back door. It was a hot, muggy night and stepping outside did little to cool her. The pool was an inviting blue haven and she considered stripping and diving in.
Her fingers were toying with the button on her jeans when she heard it. Voices.
Shane paused and cocked her head to the side, listening intently. The words were not clear but the voices themselves were, and she immediately picked out Jenny's and Molly's.
Her heart surged with hope. What was Molly doing at their place so late? She was supposed to be back on the East Coast. Shane darted out of the backyard and into the driveway, creeping closer to hear more of their conversation.
"Shane is at The Chateau, and she's fucking Nikki," Jenny drawled.
Panic clawed at her chest and Shane ran the rest of the driveway. She wouldn't let Jenny ruin what was left between her and Molly. "Molly? Molly!"
The two women froze and stared at her; Molly with tears shining on her pale skin and Jenny with dark, hate-filled eyes.
"I'm not fucking Nikki," Shane said desperately. "I – I went down on her at the premiere party. I didn't – it didn't mean anything, not like you do."
Jenny scoffed and rolled her eyes.
"It doesn't matter," Molly said stiffly. "It's not like…we're not together anyway."
"Yeah, it doesn't matter," Jenny echoed. "Because you don't care about either of us. You broke my heart and destroyed our friendship. And you obviously don't care about Molly, since you moved on so quickly."
The pity she felt for Jenny vanished as soon as Shane recognized her new angle. If Jenny couldn't be happy, then no one could. Shane ignored her and took a step towards Molly, her heart pounding a frantic beat.
"Jesus Christ, Jenny, shut up! Molly, don't listen to her. Please," Shane pleaded.
"I was just returning your jacket," Molly said, her voice just above a whisper. She held out the jacket and stared at the ground. In her t-shirt, jeans and tears, Molly looked younger than ever. The tears broke Shane's heart.
"Look at me," Shane begged. "Please Molly."
"Just take your jacket," Molly said, holding it out again. She sniffled and avoided looking at her.
"Molly – "
"Take your fucking jacket, Shane," Molly choked out.
Jenny laughed and Shane fought the urge to punch her in the face. Just a few short hours ago she had been filled with overwhelming guilt and shame. She felt terrible for hurting their friendship. Now, though – now Jenny was threatening her relationship with Molly, and she wouldn't allow that.
"Can we go somewhere and talk?" Shane asked her, paying no attention to Jenny.
"Yeah, she can't stay here because I kicked her out for fucking my girlfriend," Jenny giggled.
Molly glanced at Jenny before finally looking at Shane. "I don't think that's a good idea. Here. Take it."
Shane took the jacket and shook her head, trying to find the words she so desperately needed to speak.
"Oh!" Molly bit her lip. "Um, your jacket…can I just have it back for a minute?"
Shane looked down at her jacket. "Why?"
"I think I left something in it," she whispered.
"Oooh, what's in your jacket, Shane?" Jenny sang. She reached for the jacket and Shane jerked it out of her reach.
Shane dug into the side pocket and felt her fingers close around a folded piece of paper.
"Oh, God," Molly muttered, her face flooding with color. She turned and bolted for her car.
"Molly, wait!"
Shane went after Molly, wondering what was in the note and why it would cause her to run. Part of her wanted to stop and read it, but the need to get Molly to stop was greater.
"Please, Molly! Talk to me," Shane demanded, catching her at her car. She grabbed her arm and forced Molly to turn around.
"Shane, let me go," Molly said calmly.
"We need to talk."
"I'm not talking to you right now," Molly shook her head. "Go back and talk to Jenny or whatever."
"What Jenny said isn't exactly true. It's – "
Molly laughed, but it was a hard sound. "You didn't fuck Nikki?"
"I did," Shane admitted. "But I thought we were over. I thought you went back to school. Why are you here?"
"Regardless of whether or not we were over, how could you do that to Jenny?" Molly asked, ignoring her question. "She's your best friend."
"Jenny told me they were over. She said Nikki was dead to her. I don't know what else I can say…it was stupid. It was a stupid mistake."
"Why did you do it?"
Why?
The questioned haunted Shane.
"I don't know," she said huskily. "A moment of weakness. I missed you, I guess. It just felt good to be touched by someone."
"That's not fair!" Molly said angrily, wiping away another batch of tears. "Don't make this about me. You weren't thinking of me when you did this."
"I'm not saying it to make you feel bad," Shane insisted. She opened the car door and gestured for Molly to get inside. "Let's go somewhere and talk."
"I don't want to talk."
"Fine. I'll read the note, then," Shane said, stepping away from her. She pulled the note out of her pocket and watched sheer panic flit across Molly's face.
"No!" Molly lunged for it. "Don't read that. You can't read it! I take it all back!"
Shane's breath caught when Molly brushed against her, trying to reach the note that Shane now held above her head. Molly didn't look her in the eye, concentrating instead on getting the note back.
Jenny's front door slammed shut and the momentary distraction was enough for Shane to gain the upper hand. She pinned Molly against the car, the pressure of their bodies against each other proving to be a distraction of its own.
The sexual heat that was always between them immediately flared up, and both of them felt it.
"You can't use sex to make this go away," Molly whispered, her breath caressing Shane's lips. Just another couple of inches and they would be touching.
"We're not having sex," Shane answered her, hearing the deepness in her own voice that wasn't there before. "We're talking."
"You're talking," she disagreed. "I'm going home."
"What's in the note, Molly?"
Molly lifted her chin, an act of defiance that only brought them closer together. "Words written by a silly girl in a weak moment. They don't mean anything."
"They mean everything," Shane whispered. Molly's chest rose and fell quickly with each shallow breath she took. The tension between them was rapidly becoming overwhelming and it was all Shane could do to stay still. Molly's eyes were on her lips and it was another minute before she was able to look up and make eye contact.
"Take me home with you," Shane requested.
Molly didn't answer. She ducked out from underneath Shane's arm and slid into the driver's seat. Taking her wordless response as a yes, Shane slipped into the passenger seat.
does anyone still read l word fan fic? i just watched the entire series and fell in love with shane...if you come across this, please let me know what you think. i'll continue it if anyone gets into it :)