I want to thank Tipper for helping me with this story and for ArcticLilly for her unending support. Idon't own these characters, The Walt Disney Co. and Jerry Bruckheimer does.
A Pirate Wedding
It was a clear blue Caribbean day. The hot sun was beating down towards this part of the world with a ferocity that was only matched by the cool sea breeze. The Black Pearl sailed calmly towards nowhere in particular but nevertheless was always on an outlook for adventure.
The illustrious pirate crew all gathered on deck wearing their very best. It was a special day. It was a day that many people were waiting for. The wedding of William Turner and Elizabeth Swann. The man who was to officiate this ancient rite would be none other than Jack Sparrow. Captain Jack Sparrow.
Will Turner stood in his best clothes with his best man Joshamee Gibbs trying hard to make sure the groom was presentable. Captain Jack Sparrow was to Will's right looking at everything with serious eyes.
Finally a bridesmaid came out. The dress was a beautiful canary yellow with a lace trimmings and a straw hat to match. The bridesmaid awkwardly but stoically paced himself to march. The corpulent bridesmaid finally reached his destination and stood there looking grumpy and miserable.
"You look absolutely stunning Pintal." Jack whispered.
Therotund man turned to give Jack a dirty look before the Maid of Honor made his entrance. Ragetti was stunning in a pink silk dress with a wide brim hat. His eyelashes fluttered with anticipation that he was so honored to be this important person in this illustrious wedding. He took his place besides Pintal smiling widely.
"Don't I look pretty?" he said.
Pintal sighed and shook his head wondering how he gets into these situations.
Finally, the bride came up. She was a vision of beauty and grace wearing a beautiful ivory gown that had been stolen during a plunging in the Bahamas. Hergold brownhair was adorned with tropical lilies that also made up the bouquet. She wore a smile that only a bride would have as she approached her future husband.
All the men looked on at awe with such a loveliness that was before them, but none more than Will who suddenly looked like he was going to hide his eyes from such beauty. Finally Elizabeth joined Will and they turned to Jack.
Jack got out a book and opened it. He cleared his throat for at least ten minutes before starting on:
"Dearly beloved we are gathered here to join this man right here and this woman who is wearing the ugliest dress that I have ever seen in my entire life in Holy Matrimony."
Will and Elizabeth gave each other quizzical looks, but Jack labored on.
"Which was instituted by God because he wanted to enslave us men into a life of purgatory and Hell with screeching children and only one woman whose job is to yell at us if we stay in the tavern with our fellow men for a little longer…?"
Jack continued on and on about the negativities of marriage. Finally he said:
"Do you William Turner take this lovely woman Elizabeth to be your wife?"
Will smile and was finally able to speak. He turned to Elizabeth and said "I do"
"Oh good," Jack said then cleared his throat. "Elizabeth, do you take this handsome young buccaneer to be your husband."
"I do," Elizabeth gushed.
"Elizabeth darling are you sure?" Jack asked raising his hand "I mean I know I said that it wouldn't work, but are you sure? I mean you are young..."
"Get on with it!" Elizabeth yelled at Jack.
"All right, um the ring."
Mr. Gibbs pulled out a lovely gold ring and placed it on Jack's book which was really a copy of Fielding's Tom Jones.
As Will said his vows and putting the ring on Elizabeth's finger, Jack rolled his eyes for Will was rather sickening in his delivery. Finally Jack went on to say:
"By the powers invested me by the laws of the sea, I now pronounce you man and wife. Now get out the Rum!"
Will kiss Elizabeth. The whole crew cheered not for the couple but for the barrels of rum that was brought out.
That night there was a party. The pirates drank and partied. Pintal and Ragetti was the entertainment though the only thing that was entertaining was Pintal clobbering Ragetti, and Ragetti chasing his false eye.
Later that night, Jack Sparrow went below. He had just remembered the newlyweds went missing sometime during the reception and he decided to bring them their pieces of cake. He stopped when he came upon a door. He put his ears on it and heard heavy breathing and sheets rustling.
Jack shrugged and sat in front of the door. He took one of the plates and he began to eat the piece of cake.
"Not bad," Jack said. "Gibbs is a better baker than I thought."
It was then a shout came from the door.
"OH WILL!"
Jack turned to the door then turned back.
"Drat, the boy is not a Eunuch!"
The End for now.