(A/N:: Hiya, this is my second 'X-Files,' story I have written, the idea came to me just today. It is a song fic to 'The Rasmus,' song 'Guilty,' my sister has a thing about the band and the idea came to me listening to the album in the car after a shopping trip. I hope this isn't to bad or dark. Enjoy. X X)
Guilty
I'm feeling so guilty,
My words are empty,
No signs to give you,
I have no time for you.
I left you Scully, I didn't leave a word, or a note, I didn't even call to say I was safe, or that I was even leaving you. But I had to, you see, I could have found her this time, Samantha, but once again, it was another lie sanctioned by the people every man, women, and child are supposed to trust.
I left in search for something, I knew in my gut I wouldn't find, but regardless, I still had hope and followed my ever breaking heart, my heart was breaking because deep down, I had had and epiphany, it just took me a while, a long while, to come to terms with.
You say I'm heartless,
And you say I don't care,
I used to be there for you,
And you've said I seem so dead,
That I have changed,
But so have you…
It killed me. I will never find her again. It took away my faith, my belief, it destroyed me, she is dead to me know, just like you, you have also changed, like I have, except I have become dead to you, because I wasn't there for you, to look after you.
Guilty,
Guilty,
I feel so empty,
Empty,
You know how to make me feel.
I split us up, I destroyed my, no our, work, because of a personal desire that had taken over my mind, heart and body, for this act of complete selfishness I feel so guilty, and empty for loosing the most precious thing in my existence, I lost you.
I put a shield upon you,
I didn't mean to hurt you,
Would've only poisoned your mind,
Never meant to make you cry,
You've been so thoughtless,
I can see right through you.
I was supposed to protect you, keep you safe, shield you from even more harm. I guess it's ridiculous to say that since we were in the FBI, working as partners on the 'X-Files,' investigating acts of the supernatural, the paranormal, from which you always countered my theories with you scientific knowledge, expertise, always willing to deny the things you have seen, things that I have seen.
If I had taken you with me, on my journey, it would have made you hate me even more. I would have hurt you far more if you had joined me in my quest, for the final truth, for my sister. Leaving you here, I know you had cried, your eyes pink and puffy, you would have cried from worry, not knowing whether I was alive and well or lying dead or in pain somewhere, you cried because I left you behind, seemingly without a care in the world except Samantha.
You used to be there for me,
So don't you leave and say goodbye,
Cause you have changed, but so have I.
I know I have brought this great pain upon myself, I got my hopes up about Samantha, again. But that didn't hurt as much as your refusal to believe that I have returned, you turned away, you told me I no longer existed to you, I was dead, I had been away too long, you had lost hope of me returning to you, so I became dead.
When I returned to your apartment, I knocked on the door, you shut it straight back in my face. This was the most pain I had ever felt in my life, more than Samantha's disappearance, more than the thought that you had died when you had been abducted, because you had rejected me, my friendship, my love, because of the immense pain that I had caused you.
Guilty,
Guilty,
I feel so empty,
Empty,
You know how to make me feel.
I never thought that time and distance
Between us made you so much colder,
I'll carry the world on my shoulders.
You became cold to me, yet I couldn't, even though I tried so hard, to regain the trust and friendship we once had. You made me like this Scully, you made me become empty, not just to you, but to everyone around me. Life became so hard, harder than when I left to find her without you, I couldn't live then, I couldn't wait to see you again, I knew that when I did return, I would become whole once more, I've told you before that you made me whole, now you have shattered the rest of my beating heart with your coldness. Thank You Dana Scully, for destroying the rest of me.
Guilty,
Guilty,
Guilty,
Empty.
Guilty,
Guilty,
I feel so empty,
Empty,
You know how to make me feel.
(A/N:: okay, so I was going to do an ending where Scully was going to wake up and it was all a dream, but all the schools English teachers always say that's a bad way out of a story, so I thought I would leave it as it is. I hope you liked it, please tell me if it was okay or not. I appreciate good and bad reviews.
Ryan x x)