Some Call It Flirting
By Delena/Aneled Hupp
Rating T/ PG-13
Genre General
Legalities All recognisable characters present in this derivative work are property of Matt and Trey, Comedy Central, and I'm pretty sure Viacom, overall.
Mission Summary A lesson in pride: Most would call it an unhealthy rivalry, but some call it flirting. Wendy pays a visit to Cartman's house to issue an apology she feels is due. Hey, we all make mistakes.
Mission Statistic WarningsNone I feel should be given if you're reading for South Park, of all things.
Mission Status Report One-shot, teaser.
Pre-Mission Briefing This is sort of a teaser for a longer piece I plan on writing for this fandom (once I get all my notes for it organized) that involves Wendy, Cartman, South Park Senior High's SGA, and the power struggle of the century. Okay, maybe not that epic, but it's one of which the likes the senior high has never before seen. So anyway, this is just me testing the waters, let me know what you think.
End briefing-Begin Document
Wendy hesitates a moment, her hand just hovering above the doorbell before she swallows her pride and rings it. There's a muffled shout from within, no doubts in Wendy's mind that it's Cartman yelling at his mother to answer.
"Why am I doing this?" she wonders aloud for what now makes the seventh time since departing from her own home. She doesn't get much time to rethink her decision between ringing the bell and Ms. Cartman opening the front door.
"Hello," Wendy greets, albeit apprehensively, "I'm here to see your son?"
A smile crosses Ms. Cartman's face, "Oh of course! My little pumpykins is just playing in his thinking spot."
And with that Wendy is led to the basement door and left to her own means. She draws in a breath and takes a plunge. She only makes the second step down before she once more considers fleeing the premises… Once more she remembers that her integrity comes before her pride, so she chokes down her damnable pride yet again. Halfway down the basement stairs she swears she hears Cartman muttering something about lotion and she sees him first… and the gaping pit just in front of him in the middle of the basement floor second. He's running through the steps of what Wendy can only think looks like some depraved Hannibal Lecter routine.
Why hadn't she run when she had the chance?
She commits herself by clearing her throat loudly.
He doesn't acknowledge; Wendy's certain he's ignoring her so she clears her throat a second time.
A third time.
She coughs and he still keeps his back to her, but this time at least graces her with a, "Goddammit, what the fuck do you want?!"
"I'm here to apologise," Wendy announces boldly, but winces internally as the dreaded words escape.
At this, Cartman's head slowly turns.
"Come again?"
Goddammit.
"I said, 'I'm here to apologise.'"
His eyes narrow suspiciously and Cartman returns his focus to the pit before him, "That's what I thought you said."
A long silence follows wherein Wendy actually entertains the possibility that he'll accept her act of contrition. Nothing happens. Instead of leaving it at that and getting back to her life, however, Wendy decides that this turn of events is unacceptable and finishes descending the stairs, storming over to the overweight teen with every intention of tearing him a new one.
Her train of thought is immediately derailed when she takes note of the doll in the shallow pit and the plush dog resting just beside Cartman.
"What the hell?"
"Hmm?" comes Cartman's distracted response.
"You are seriously fucked up," Wendy decides aloud.
"Whatever, ho; it's therapeutic" She bristles lightly at the dismissal; whether from the offending "ho" tacked on or the dismissal itself, she isn't certain.
"Looks like a cause for therapy to me," she mumbles and Cartman actually offers something akin to a glare in her direction.
"Anyway," she presses, once more reminded of her mission here, "Like I said, I'm just here to apologise for calling you out in the cafeteria today. It was cheap and low and I don't even like mudslinging tactics. So, I really am sorry."
Cartman actually has the audacity to laugh.
"That's it?" he wheezes between gracious bouts of laughter and once again Wendy feels the hairs on the back of her neck rise in anger.
"What do you mean, 'That's it?'" she annunciates carefully, "I'm apologising for humiliating you in front of our voting public!"
"Humiliating!" he all but crows; it's an entertaining thought to a guy who's been seen in women's clothes by more people than he can count on more than one occasion that a few choice words in front of the second lunch period population could possibly be humiliating.
"Seriously, skank," Cartman manages as his laughter dies down, "You think I'm down here because my feelings are hurt?"
"You mean you aren't?" she's got a bad feeling that those words never should've left her mouth.
"Bitch, please, I'm not a pussy like that boyfriend of yours," Wendy literally bites her tongue at this remark, "I'm not gonna hole myself up in a basement because some hippie dyke played dirty. I expect that. This is my thinking spot; I'm plotting my victory over your bitch ass."
Wendy blinks.
"You expect me to defame you?" she's not sure whether she should be shocked or insulted or maybe feel a proper combination of both.
"Duh, that's what this is about," Cartman replies simply as he lowers a bucket with a small dispenser of lotion into the pit, "Well, that and power."
Wendy decides to let it drop for today and glances back into the pit.
"You really are fucked up," she announces again, for effect.
"Jesus Christ, you're still on that?!" he squawks, but she's already ascending the basement stairs.
End Document
Post-Mission Analysis So there, first venture into the fanfiction realm of South Park fanfiction. Feedback on this piece in particular would be most helpful as far as characterisations are concerned, and if anyone would be interested in the larger story surrounding the isolated incident you just read here, let me know. This is just a window to something bigger.
End Transmission