Chp.1: A New Adventure Begins

It was a deceptively peaceful-looking house. Three stories plus a tower, attic, and doubtlessly a basement, all done in a neat eggshell white. What could possibly be categorized as a front garden was filled with tall, dark green plants and vines that seemed to move all on their own.

The girl standing before it all gulped, self-consciously running fingers through her hair. She'd taken on plenty of challenges in her fifteen years of life, but this was just ridiculous. How was she going to feed nine (doubtlessly starving) working men all on her little lonesome? HOW? She gulped and squared her bony shoulders, toes curling in her ratty sneakers. She shuffled up the front walk, a number of th lethal-looking plants looming over her head.

She eyed the plain white door and chose to press the button on the intercom beside it. It crackled with static before a dry, rattling voice growled, "WHAT?"
"Ah, ano... this is Mitsuru Nakata? I have a job interview with..." she consulted the pen scribbles on her arm. "...Kakuzu-sama of the Akatsu-"
"Don't say it out loud!" the intercom hissed. "Hold on, I'm coming down."

Mitsuru waited nervously, wringing the neck of her rucksack between her fingers. She had thoughtfully painted her toe- and finger-nails a brilliant Akatsuki purple and briefly admired the color before a number of violent rattles and bangs sounded from the other side of the door. A purple-nailed hand lashed out and grabbed her arm so hard that she could feel the flesh bruise. Before she could think to scream, she was pulled into the darkness of the big house.

"Nakata Mitsuru?" Colored spots exploded in her vision from the sudden change of light to dark.
"H-hai!" she stuttered nervously, blinking furiously. "Umm... are you Kakuzu-sama?"
"Nakata Mitsuru from Los Angeles? Who I talked to on the phone?" She was beginning to be able to make out the speaker slightly better. Most of his body was lost to the shadows of the hallway in his black cloak and he seemed to be cowled as well.
"Yes, I'm from Los Angeles but I don't think I talked to you on the phone, Kakuzu-sama..." Mitsuru said doubtfully. "He said his name was... Zetsu?"

A grunt. "Fine. Wipe your feet on the mat and come this way." He clapped his hands and lights blazed into life down the hall, revealing a no-color carpet and a number of doors leading off of the hall. She trotted after Kakuzu's cloaked figure, slinging her rucksack over her shoulder. "Hurry up!" Snapping green eyes devoid of pupils flickered irritably in her direction. Mitsuru nodded vigorously and picked up the pace, following the elite ninja down a neck-breaking flight of narrow stairs down to what she assumed was the basement.

It smelled of mold and unwashed man-socks. Mitsuru wrinkled her nose and stepped around the questionable piles of what seemed to be miscellaneous human body-parts and dirty underwear. "Here." He clapped the lights on in a seemingly forgotten corner of the basement. An ancient cooking range sat hunched against the wall and the hulking shadow of a gigantic fridge created a threatening presence.

"Here's where you'll be preparing the three meals a day we'll be paying you for if you make it through the trial day." he said. "And I don't want you wasting ingredients, got it? And no fancy supplies like 'Tahitian Vanilla' or 'Free Range Eggs'."
"So, nothing brand-name?" Mitsuru couldn't see his face behind his mask, but she got the feeling that he was trying to decide whether she was making fun of him or not.
"If it's cheaper? No brand name."
"Okay." She cast an experienced eye over her work-space.
"So, get to work. Breakfast at nine, lunch at noon, and dinner at six. People might come in during the day to get something to eat between those times."
"Mmhm. Ninjas have to keep those calorie counts up." Mitsuru tied her hair back in a tight braid and kicked her rucksack into a corner. Kakuzu was nearly all the way up the stairs before Mitsuru ran and called up the stairwell, "Kakuzu-sama? Could you, umm, send someone strong down to maybe help me clean up? I'll throw in desert free of charge!" She guessed that Kakuzu was too important to help him herself.

He paused a moment before growling, "I'll send Zetsu down." and left.

It was actually a good hour before said Akatsuki member arrived. Mitsuru jumped and shrieked when he melted out of the wall she had been scrubbing. "You needed help?" he inquired in a slow, polite voice. His odd appearance did not faze Mitsuru, though, as she bobbed her head gratefully and pulled off her heavy leather gloves.
"Thank you very much, Zetsu-sama. Could you help me move this sack of... body-parts." she finished. She wasn't squeamish by nature but the way Zetsu grinned was a little too much like 30 Days of Night for her comfort.
"Won't be a problem. You can continue scrubbing while I take care of it." he told her reassuringly while he ambled off to pull apart the sacks she had put the miscellaneous people bits in.

Mitsuru had started prying greasy dust from the range when Zetsu gave a small burp and announced, "That should do." She straightened with a groan and turned around, the bottom of her stomach dropping down to her toes when she saw that the once-bursting sacks were now completely empty.
"A-arigato g-gozaimasu, Zetsu-sama."
"No trouble. Anything else?"
"No, that's... that's good."
"So what've you got planned for dinner?"
"Oh, umm... you're still hungry?" She cast a nervous glance at the two Venus Fly trap leaves encasing his head. Zetsu bared sharky teeth at her in what was probably meant to be a friendly grin.
"I can always eat."
"Then how does roast beef sound? Is it all right?" Mitsuru asked anxiously. "I'm not exactly sure what you all like. I don't even know your names. Isn't that terrible?"

Zetsu muttered quietly for a few moments, apparently arguing with himself. "Kisame doesn't eat fish. At least, only rarely,"he said after a while. "Deidara won't touch vegetables. Kakuzu doesn't eat anything that's even sightly expensive. I think Itachi does photosynthesis sometimes, but he comes down and sits with us (I think he's trying to find our weakness while we're occupied at mealtimes). Tobi's a good kid and he always has hard candy in his pockets. Hidan randomly swings between carnivore and vegetarian. You won't have to worry after Leader because he's hardly ever here, but sometimes Konan drops by and if it isn't at least 56% less fat, she won't even look at it."
"And you, Zetsu-sama?" Mitsuru was committing the information to memory.
"Oh, I eat anything." He stepped back into the walls, humming a tune that sounded vaguely like the theme to The Little Shop of Horrors.

"Okay. So!" Mitsuru clapped her hands together and surveyed the now sullenly gleaming stove, refrigerator, and counter-top. "You behave, got it? If I find out any of you have some sort of technical problems, I know how to use a wrench." She waved her finger threateningly. The fridge buzzed morosely. "Good. Now let's get to work. Fiiiiiighto, ne!"

"Deidara-sempai, is it really okay to spy?"
"Shut up, Tobi! We live here. We have the right to make sure that someone isn't destroying the kitchen, un."
"The kitchen looks all right to me, Sempai. Better than normal, even. Shall we say hello?"
"What! We don't mingle with civilians, Tobi! The wench is obviously a civilian!"
"That's not very nice, Deidara-sempai." A disapproving note crept into Tobi's voice. He might have been frowning behind his orange mask at his superior. "You shouldn't call her a wench. She's probably very nice. Here, Tobi will show you."
"No! Tobi! What the hell are you-"

But Tobi had already trotted out from behind the secret door beside the fridge and waved, saying cheerily, "Hello!" The girl currently chopping up potatoes at the sink with a gigantic knife jumped.
"Oh, ah, hello!" Confused at the unexpected visitor (dinner wasn't for another hour) she bowed.
"I'm Tobi. What's your name?" The girl looked up at the Akatsuki member apprehensively, but she seemed to grow at ease with his friendly tone.
"My name's Mitsuru. It's a pleasure to meet you, Tobi-sama."
"Awww, you don't have to 'sama' me, Mitsuru-san! It's just 'Tobi' 'cuz Tobi is a good boy."

Mitsuru grinned at him, displaying perfectly white teeth and dimples tucked into her cheeks. "Then you can just call me 'Mitsuru'. I'm sorry, but dinner will be another hour. Are you all right with pot roast?"
"Tobi is sure that Tobi will like whatever Mitsuru makes. It smells really good!" Fragrant steam was rising from the oven. The scent was undoubtedly meaty, but with the sweeter undertones of roasting carrots and potatoes. Perhaps even leeks were baking alongside the vegetables as well.
"Thank you."
"Can Tobi do anything to help?" Mitsuru thought a moment.
"That's very kind of you. Do you know where I might find a table to fit everyone at and some stools or chairs?"
"Tobi does not know. Tobi is pretty new here, but Sempai might know."
"Sempai?"
"Yes, Deidara-sempai is here, but he's too shy to say hello."
"I AM NOT TOO SHY."

Deidara stomped out from the secret door, turning red from the relief of finding some that looked near her own age that suddenly lit up Mitsuru's face. Their last few potential cooks had all been hardened chuck-wagon drivers or Hell's Kitchen survivors/rejects. Not a single one of them had been under thirty and nowhere near as cute as the culinary hopeful standing there in the leather apron she had procured from (strangely enough) the refrigerator.

"Deidara-sama, do you know where I might a table and chairs? I assumed there was already one down here but all I could find were some half-burnt pieces of wood." Mitsuru looked anxious. "And I think it would be tacky to have a bunch of smaller tables instead of one big one."
"Umm... I think there's one in Sasori's workroom. No one's been in there since he bit it, un."
"Tobi and Sempai will find a table, don't you worry, Mitchan!" Tobi said eagerly. Mitsuru didn't object to the nickname. "C'mon, Sempai!"
"Wait a second,To-!" But Tobi was already dragging the hapless blond up the stairs, chattering all he way.

They returned a good forty minutes later, a huge wooden table suspended between them. "Stop swinging it, un!"
"Tobi is sorry, Sempai. Mitchan, look, we found a table!"
"Thank you so much! Please set it here." Mitsuru indicated the center of the spacious room and Deidara set down his end with a grateful sigh. Tobi ran back up the stairs to find enough chairs for everyone. Deidara stayed behind and watched, though, as the little brunette attacked the table with a scrub-brush and what smelled like a bucket of soapy water treated with lemon juice. He felt a twinge of what might have been guilt at the sweat pouring down Mitsuru's face and how tight her mouth was with the effort of scrubbing. Her sleeves were rolled up above her elbows revealing slender forearms and delicate wrists. Though her hands were chapped and dry from so much soapy water, he recognized them as belonging to an artist.

"Can I, er, help?" Deidara asked awkwardly, forcing the strange words from his mouth. He didn't like seeing an artist's hands to raw.
"That's very kind, thank you. There's another brush in the bucket. You can work on that end, okay?" She looked up and smiled briefly. "But, might I ask, exactly what kind of work did Sasori-sama (may he rest in peace) do on this table?"

Deidara looked at the table with a vague sort of disgust before rolling up his sleeves and saying, "You don't really wanna know, yeah. Bleach might do the job faster and better."
"Oh." Mitsuru pulled away from the scarred wood surface for a moment before shrugging and continuing. "That's nice."
"Mitchaaaaaan!~ Tobi found more chairs!"
"Thank you, Tobi."

A few minutes later the oven dinged, making the girl yelp and run, opening the door with a creak. "I need a taste-tester!" Deidara was faster than Tobi and didn't even feel a bit resentful when a spoonful of something hot and delicious was shoved into his mouth. He fanned his mouth a bit at the hot food item, but finally chewed and closed his eyes. It was deliciously savory yet slightly sweet and perfectly seasoned. The texture was smooth and melted in his mouth like butter. "Oh my God," he said, eyes closed in rapture. "Damn that's good, yeah."
"Sempai." Tobi's quiet voice was filled with awe. Deidara's cracked an irate blue-green eye at him.
"What, un?"
"I'm glad you like roasted carrots, Deidara-sama." His eyes widened in horror at Mitsuru's impish grin. She flashed a peace sign at him, spoon in one hand.
"Th-that was a c-carrot?" he sputtered.
"Yes. I was told you didn't like vegetables, Deidara-sama. But it's kind of hard to not like them, isn't it? It just depends on how you prepare them." That blinding little dimpled smile was turned his way again and he found himself turning red. Before his scrambled brain could find a clever retort, a voice boomed, "Damn that smells good."

A tall, blue-skinned man sniffed the air appreciatively. "Please have a seat." Mitsuru bid, pulling a pair of ancient oven-mitts that looked like bear paws on her hands. She pried the oven door open and pulled out a roast that had to have been at least thirteen pounds plus the vegetables cooking beside it in the drippings. She set it on the table and rummaged in her three-quarters empty bag for a two-pronged carving fork and knife. Seven sets of plates and cutlery soon followed as Tobi cheerfully set the table.
"I smell meat." A white-blond violet-eyed man stepped out of another secret passageway three feet from the stove. He had the slightly haggard look of one on a diet. "I hate fucking meat."
"Hidan-sama, right?" Mitsuru said breezily, reaching for a pair of tongs as she took the lid off of a steaming from on the range. "Don't worry. I've prepared a no-meat alternative. Please sit down and make yourself comfortable."

When Mitsuru next turned around with her sharpened carving knife in hand, every seat was taken up at the table. She took a fortifying breath at Tobi's encouraging nod as he bounced around in his chair. The other members looked bored and like they had yet to be blown away. "When you are finished, please tell me what you think and what other things you would like to see on the menu, should you hire me." She bobbed her head nervously in Kakuzu's direction. He watched her impassively. "Tonight's supper is roast beef with carrots, potatoes, and leeks."
"I hate-"
"And for anyone who is not satisfied with this-" Mitsuru interrupted. "-there is linguine with wild mushrooms. Completely vegan and organic, I might add." She raised her knife and brought it down gently upon the steaming side of beef, professionally separating seven slices and setting them on the plates around the table.

Tobi immediately dug in with a small whoop, Deidara following a moment later. Even Hidan's stressed diet look lessened when he bit down on a mushroom that had been perfectly sautéed in olive oil and white wine and sprinkled with pepper. "Fuck." was all he said before attacking his plate of pasta.
"Are you going to eat that?" Zetsu asked the dark-haired man sitting beside him. The ninja shoved his plate at the ravenous grass-nin and it was quickly cleaned.
"Itachi-sama? Would you like some pasta instead?"Mitsuru asked concernedly. She blanched suddenly when the cold Sharingan eyes were turned towards her.
"I'm not hungry." He said in his usual low monotone.
"Not even some roasted carrots? They're good for the eyes."

Everyone stopped eating momentarily to see the small spasm that passed across the Uchiha's face. "Good for the eyes?" he repeated.
"Yes. It's the vitamin A in them that keeps your vision up to snuff. Also very good for the skin."
"I'll have some."
"Right away. I- what?" Mitsuru looked in puzzlement at the small smiles and smirks and nudges going around the table. "Am I missing something?"
"Nothing at all." Itachi said coldly, ignoring his colleagues. "Carrots. Now."

When the last bites of roast and pasta were gone, a huge trey of covered bowls was excavated from the fridge. Panting slightly from the effort, Mitsuru took away the plates and cutlery and replaced them with the bowls and a number of spoons she had found. "I hope you all like chocolate pudding. It's an old standby recipe of mine. It's just milk, chocolate, and eggs." When she had turned away to begin doing the dishes, a hard kick was administered to Kakuzu's shins beneath the table.

"Hire the wench. Now." Hidan hissed, voice low so that the object of the conversation did not hear.
"Did you just kick me?" Kakuzu muttered incredulously.
"Yes, please do, Kakuzu-san," Tobi begged.
"See? Swirl-face likes her!"
"Tobi likes everyone." Kisame snorted. "But if she keeps making roast beef, I'm all for it."
"I can't hire her!" Kakuzu responded hotly. "She's going to fuck up and then it's going to be expensive."
"But she's so nice!" Tobi cried while the others shushed him.
"Hire her." Zetsu's black half said with a belch.
"I ate her friggin' carrots, Kakuzu! She's an artist!"
"What does ole Red-Eye have to say?" Everyone turned to look at Itachi who had sat impassively while they conversed. He was absorbed with scraping every last bit of the decadent pudding from his bowl. "Well, Itachi?"

Itachi did not respond until his bowl was spotlessly clean. Slowly, he put his spoon down before facing the group. "Hire her." he said. "I'm sure she will be of value."

Kakuzu was defeated by the mental cheering going on all around him. He sighed and massaged the bridge of his nose. "Mitsuru. Come here." Said girl immediately ceased what she was doing and came to stand at the head of the table.
"Hai, Kakuzu-sama?" she asked somewhat hopefully.
"You're hired."
"Thank you, Kakuzu-sama!" For a moment, Kakuzu had the horrible feeling that Mitsuru was going to hug him. She clasped her hands and bowed deeply. "Thank you so much! You have no idea how much this means to me."
"Yeah, okay, just don't be expensive."
"Oh, no, Kakuzu-sama, I'm an incredible miser." She held up her fingers in a peace-sign, dimples practically glowing. "You'll hardly notice I'm here."

A/N: When did change their layout?!??1 I've been away from too long! D= This comes from reading too many cookbooks and loving the Akatsuki too much. I look through cookbooks like toddlers look through cardboard picture books. I devour them and their contents with an incredible passion that leaves me breathless.~ Whoa. o_O That sounded dirty. Anyway, have fun.

To date, I have only finished two out of four of my series. And I just started this one. Hey! 50% chance of me finishing this one, then. =3