Hey guys, so I don't really write stories a lot. I read more of these than I write. I actually just made a profile so I could post it. Weird, I know. But hopefully its worth it. Its meant to be a One Shot but let me know if you think I should continue with it. I'm not making any promises...because like I said...I'm not a big writer. But I'm not against thinking about it. Hope you enjoy my random thoughts I call a short story.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. Thats all Glee right there.

You know what things I don't understand?

My bladder. I'm serious. Why does it decided to be full at the worst times. I finally find a empty table, get all my books out, my laptop on, and right when I'm about to study…I have to pee.

The library. Like, why wouldn't they have a sign pointing to where the bathroom is in this damn place? I'm pretty sure they do it on purpose. That way by the time you find the bathroom you are about to explode, practically peeing your pants, waddling into the first stall you see.

My pants. I have no problem with them in the morning but when I need them off in a second the button doesn't want to pop out. And don't get me started on trying to slide them down my shakira-shaped hips and thighs.

Bathrooms. Why don't they have a little alarm that warns you about the condition of the stall your about to go into? They know your rushing in there. They know your going to practically rip your pants off not paying attention to anything but the fact that if you don't pee now its going to get real. And by real I mean messy. Very messy.

Janitors. Is it not their job to make sure each bathroom is stocked with the necessary items needed in the bathroom? You know like soap, paper towels, toilet paper….its pretty important. Without these essential items people may find their way into a bit of a predicament.

Myself. Why the hell did I not check if the bathroom had toilet paper first?

"Well shit."

"Hello?"

"Quinn I need your help."

"What do you need Santana? I'm heading to class."

"Wait!…it will be real quick. I promise."

"Ugh what?"

"Come to the library."

"No."

"But Quinn…"

"I'm already about to be late for class."

"Quinn! I need you!"

"For what?!"

"Um…just come to the library."

"I'm not doing anything unless you tell me why."

"No."

"Fine…bye Santana."

"Ok wait!…I'mstuckinthebathroomandneedto iletpaper!"

"What?"

"I'm stuck in the bathroom and need toilet paper!"

"…."

"Quinn?"

"Hahahaha oh my goodness! This is priceless!"

"Quinn...seriously…"

"I can't breath….my ribs…holy cow Santana this is great!"

"QUINN!"

"Ok, sorry. Sorry."

"Now can you head over?"

"No."

"What?!"

"In class now, have to go. Just wiggle yourself dry or something."

"I hate you. You really have no idea how much right now."

"Love you too sweetie!"

You know what things I don't understand?

Quinn. She's my roommate and supposedly my "best" friend. Yet she can't take two seconds to get me some damn toilet paper! Let me tell yah…the quality of a best friend has really gone down these days.

Awkwardness. Why does it exist? Seriously. It doesn't do any good for anybody. None at all. Not one bit. Especially when someone else enters why you are still in quite a predicament.

Myself. Why do I feel like the best way to try not to be awkward is to quote Anne Hathaway? Who happens to be a pretty awkward person herself. Kill me now please.

(*authors note* for people who didn't see Anne Hathaway's Golden Globe speech or has never seen 30 Rock…this next word may confuse you. And that is completely ok)

"Blerg."

"Excuse me?"

"Um…I mean hi."

"…Hello."

"This is going to sound a bit weird…"

"…"

"And I know your busy…doing your business and all…but do you happen to have any toilet paper?"

"Oh….Oh! Yea of course hold on one…um…well shit."

You know what things I don't understand?

Conversations. In school people teach you how to have conversations. Proper conversations. Normal conversations. But they never teach you about conversations in interesting situations. For instance…two complete strangers, stuck in a bathroom. Where would you even start a conversation? Would you even have one?

Shoes. Why can't you tell everything about a person from their shoe. Like what they look like, act like, everything. You should be able to. Maybe I'm just not a shoe reader. But the only thing I am getting from a pair of black and white converse, with a unicorn drawn on each tip of the shoe, is the fact that this person may be able to tell me where the lucky charms guy is hiding. And that's not really helpful.

Myself. The fact that If I checked for toilet paper I wouldn't have been stuck on this toilet for more than 30 minutes, next to a stranger who I'm pretty sure thinks I am the most awkward person…next to Anne Hathaway and Natalie Portman of course.

"So you come here often?" I guess her giggling is a good sign.

"Just about every time I have to use the bathroom."

"Makes sense."

"Yea…so how long have you been here?"

"Probably like 10 minutes before you walked in."

"Why didn't you run out of the stall and grab some paper towels or something."

"I'm almost positive by the time I would have gathered up the courage to run out of the stall, with my pants down, you would have walked in. And it wouldn't have been a pretty site."

"It would have been an amazing site. Actually would have made my day."

"Um…"

"Not because you were naked!…gosh…I mean cause it would have been funny!"

"It wouldn't have been funny!"

"It would have been SO funny!"

"No, it would have been humiliating."

"Funny"

"Embarrassing"

"Funny"

"Mortifying"

"Funny"

"Fine…if it is SO funny then you go waddle out of the stall with your pants down and get us some paper towels!"

"Hell no."

"Why?"

"What if someone walks in?"

"Oh my goodness…wait, what time is it?"

"Almost 11:30"

"Crap! I have to be somewhere at 12!"

"Where?"

"Just somewhere important"

"What kind of important place?"

"Nothing. Stop asking! This isn't 20 questions."

"OOO! That's a good idea!"

"Well shit"

You know what things I don't understand?

Time. It goes so slow when you have nothing to do. But when you have so much to do it goes faster than the roadrunner after drinking 6 cans of Red Bull.

20 questions. Don't you wish the rules were "whoever decides to play this game is the only one who has to answer questions". Or the fact that people decide to ask you the craziest of questions. What the hell happened to "What's your favorite color"?

Voices. Don't you wish you could tell what the person looked like by their voice? I mean voices can be so freaking deceiving. You hear a small squeaky voice thinking it's going to be a little midget girl or something and next thing you know a elephant-size buff guy walks out. It's freaky. Why can't voices just match the person?

Myself. It doesn't take that long to check for toilet paper. It really REALLY doesn't.

"I am not answering that"

"Aw come on! You have to! Its 20 questions!"

"No. I don't even know your name. Shouldn't we do those kind of questions first?"

"Ugh fine. What's your name?"

"Santana, what's yours?"

"Brittany…ok now answer the question."

"No."

"Santana, answer it."

"What?…I am not answering whether or not I would ride off on a unicorn to a magical sex island with Shay Mitchell or Gwyneth Paltrow."

"Why? Its a very good question."

"How is that a good question…and wait, why do I only get two girls as a choice?"

"Would you rather have two boys? one girl and one boy?"

"Um…I don't know."

"So you would have both?"

"Both of what?"

"A boy or a girl. Like you don't prefer either…you like both?"

"To go with me to a magical sexual island?…I don't know. I was just wondering why you only gave me two girls to choose."

"I was just wondering…"

"Wondering what?"

"Well would you have two girl choices? Two boy choices? Or one boy and one girl choice?"

"Are you asking what my sexual preference is?"

"No. I'm asking who would you rather bring with you to a magical sexual island."

"Like hypothetically?"

"Well yes…because I'm pretty sure a magical sexual island that unicorns fly you to doesn't exist. If it did, that is where I would be."

"Do I have to choose one out of the ones you gave me?"

"You can choose whoever you want Santana."

"I mean…hypothetically if there was a magical sexual island, and if I had to choose someone to go with me, I would probably choose Blake Lively…ok there."

"A girl?"

"I mean hypothetically and all"

"Right. Well I would too."

"Blake Lively?"

"No a girl. But I'm more of a Shay Mitchell person"

"Why her?"

"I've always had a thing for brunettes."

"Well shit."

"Santana? Are you in here?

"Quinn?!"

"Gosh your still in here! You know we have like 10 minutes to get to…"

"I know…could you just hand me and my friend Brittany some paper towels please."

"Brittany?…Santana…did you make an imaginary friend while you were stuck in here? That's not ok."

"Um no…she didn't. I'm Brittany. Very much a real human and very much stuck in a stall with no toilet paper."

"Oh well hi…nice to meet you!"

"Nice to meet you as well!"

"QUINN! PAPER TOWELS! NOW!"

"Jeez..ok, ok…she is a feisty one Brittany"

"Yea…I figured that out a bit during our conversation."

Quinn gets the paper towels and hands it under each stall for the girls. Brittany is the first one out of the stall and starts washing her hands.

"Wait. She actually had a conversation with you? Santana I'm so proud! Your being social!"

"Quinn shut the hell…well shit."

You know what things I don't understand?

Magical Sexual Islands. Why aren't they real? And am I allowed to change the person I want to take with me?

Myself. Why can't I carry on like a normal person? Why does my brain not connect with my mouth or legs…and tell them to move or say something. ANYTHING!

"Blerg" ok not that…"I mean hi"

"Oh goodness we aren't going to start this again are we?"

"No. No. No. Well its nice to put a face to your shoes and voice."

"Yea it is."

Brittany and Santana are just staring at each other; Quinn starts feeling a bit uncomfortable.

"Well…I'm just going to wait outside…ok. Bye"

"So your a brunette huh?"

"All my life. And you're a blonde?"

"Last time I checked."

"Cool"

"Yea…"

"Well, I guess I better get going. I have a class in a couple of minutes. And apparently you have somewhere to be."

"Right."

"Alright well, it was nice meeting you."

"You too. Sorry we had to meet this way."

"I'm not, its more memorable that way."

"Haha. I guess your right."

Brittany starts to walk out the door.

"Santana?"

"Yea?"

"It would have made my day if I bumped into you getting toilet paper"

"Because it would have been funny…I know Brittany."

"No…because it would have been hot. And you know…I really like brunettes. But I love Hispanic brunettes even more. Don't forget to wash your hands."

With that, she winks and walks out the door.

"Well shit."

You know what things I don't understand?

The heart. I never understood how it can make you feel so many different things at once. One, that it is about to break out of your chest because its beating so hard and fast. Two, it actually would break out of your stomach because that is exactly where it dropped. And three, how in the hell can it fall so fast…just by one look.

Myself. Why the hell didn't I get her number?