Very first FanFiction! Mostly centered around Rory and Jess but other characters definitely make an appearance!

I do not own anything.

Chapter One

Decisions

It really was so not like me to be so unbelievably… Stupid. Galactically stupid, according to A Few Good Men, that is.

The world was a small place sometimes, and it definitely felt that way whenever I kept running into Jess Mariano every year or so in Stars Hollow.

Okay, maybe that didn't make the world small. I did live here, and he did used to live here with his uncle Luke, who runs a diner. His mother, Liz, mother's husband, TJ, and half-sister Doula spend a lot of time here when they're not traveling with Renaissance Fairs so that Liz can sell her jewelry.

I suppose seeing him so much keeps me on my toes. But a downside of keeping me on my toes is that it keeps me thinking that I see him practically wherever I go.

But when I showed up at Truncheon books a while ago, I can't really blame him for reappearing, because it was me that did that appearing in this instance.

He came around the corner, and spotted me. He stopped five feet away, and looked genuinely happy to see me.

"Well, isn't this a day of surprises?" He says.

Why, yes it was.

"I didn't RSVP, sorry." I smile, stepping closer to him.

"This isn't really an RSVP type thing, showing up is cool." he replies, gesturing towards the crowd of people surrounding a young African-American man doing poetry.

"Good." I say, looking around a little. "So this is Truncheon books."

"Yeah, this is Truncheon books."

"I like it. It makes me feel like I instantly want to create something. Give me a pen, give me a brush." I see Luke and a teenage girl with brown hair and glasses with red frames. I wonder who it is while we walk over to say hi.

"I got to get something; Don't leave until I get back." Jess says, walking away. Luke and I continue to talk. He introduces me to the girl, who I find out is his daughter April. Luke and my Mom have been engaged for a little while, and he only recently found out about April, and was pretty much shutting Mom out of April's life. I'm not entirely sure how Mom feels about it, but I think she's really struggling. That's the only reason why I know who she is.

"The famous April." I smile.

Jess comes back and takes Luke away for a second, handing him a book and a piece of paper. I talk to April while I wait.

I see Luke and Jess hug, and then they return. April and Luke leave, and Jess and I are left alone again.

"So you're here alone?" Jess asks, somewhat awkwardly. I nod. "Cool." He nods his head towards where everyone else is, and we head over that way.

Jess returns to talk with a couple of his friends, and I sit on a hassock foot-stool and flip through Jess' book, not really paying complete attention to it.

Why had I come here? What was my plan? I liked telling myself that I was just here to support a friend, but I couldn't bring myself to believe that. My mind mulled over a million different thoughts and memories that all included Jess.

"Now, you don't have to read it again." Jess says, pulling over a chair.

"I know I don't." I smile, closing the book.

"There's so many things I would change."

"Like what?" I ask. I happen to love this book. It's so… Jess. It really was from him. It wasn't littered with a bunch of stuff inspired by other people. It was purely his writing, and his alone.

He sighs, and waves his hand in the air like he doesn't know. "Keep the back cover. Everything else goes."

"You know why I love your book?"

"Why?" We're leaning into each other, I can tell. The act feels dangerous. My instincts tell me to back up, but I don't want to.

"It doesn't remind me of anything. It's not a rip-off, it's just you."

"High praise, Mrs. Yale Editor." We get to talking about the newspaper a little bit, and he gets me to admit how much I love it. Of course Jess would know instantly how much the paper means to me.

"You look… Happier than when I saw you last." I nod. "So, you fixed everything?"

"Yeah. Everything's fixed."

"I'm glad you're here." He says, leaning in even closer. We're less than a foot away now. I purse my lips, and smile.

"Me too." He leans in, and we're kissing. Nothing awkward, nothing passionate, just… a kiss. A nice kiss. Then I feel his hand on my arm, and I'm pulling away.

"What?" He says, his hand falling to my leg.

"I'm sorry." I say, frantic, getting up.

"About what?"

"Uh, about coming here like this. I just got the flier and, I don't know, I just wanted to see your place, but, then, it's not fair to you. I'm such a jerk." I really was. To him and to Logan. What about Logan? I hadn't even thought of him since I'd been here. What kind of a girlfriend was I?

"I don't know what you're talking about." He says as I turn away, and then turn back towards him. I look up, scrambling for words to explain.

"I couldn't even cheat on him the way he cheated on me."

"Who? Who cheated on you? That… guy?" I don't say anything. I feel dejected. I look down, and out of the corner of my eye I think I see him shake his head a little. He sighs, and rubs his face with his hand. He knows. "You're still with him."

"Yeah."

"I thought everything was fixed."

"Everything but him." I admit. Jess looks a little mad.

"I hate this." He states.

"You should, I'm sorry."

"You came here, alone, to Philadelphia."

"He was out of town." I try to explain unsuccessfully.

"I don't deserve this, Rory."

"No, you don't. You don't deserve this. I just, I'm in love with him." I semi-shrug, a little unhappy by the fact. Why did I love Logan? Really, what did he have that Jess didn't? Couldn't Jess give me everything that he had if not more? Okay, besides money, but who cares? Jess is related to Luke, my future step-father. His mother is Liz, who's awesome. Logan had Honor, I guess, who's nice, but what about his parents? Who wanted them as father- and mother-in-law?

"Despite all he's done I can't help it. I'm in love with him."

"You love him." He says, softly, nodding his head like he's trying to accept it. My heart ached for him. Ugghhh… What was I doing?

"Yeah." I say

"I guess I'll call Matthew's poet, have him explain love to me. Poets know all about it, right?" He says kind of sarcastically. I notice for the first time that he looks really good. His hair is more kept, and he has a little bit of stubble. He looks… happy. I mean, not at the moment, but despite his emotions right now there's an underlying joy. Like everything's been going all right lately.

"They're supposed to." I say, quietly, my arms crossed. "Well, I guess I'd better go."

"Okay."

"I'm so sorry I came here." I say once again. I don't really here his disjointed reply, because I'm too busy yelling at myself.

"Hey, if, uh, it makes you feel better you can always tell him that we, did something." I smile a little, and say,

"Thanks." And then I left.

Why had I left? Now that I knew things were done with Logan, I really wished that I hadn't. Because now I was left pining away for the guy who's heart I'd probably broken. It was stupid to say that I needed him, but sometimes it really did feel that way.

It would have been nice to tell Logan I was leaving. To pack my things and move out. Hurt him like he'd hurt me. The thought felt satisfying right now. Just because I didn't want to get to marry him and move with him right that second, we couldn't even try to be together anymore?

I guess it doesn't even matter. I wanted Jess now.

Was I always going to keep doing this? Say Jess and I never got together, would I always want to go back to him? Even when I was married someday, would I always be pining away for him?

Past instances would say yes.

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Two months after my Obama Campaign Reporting job was done, Jess and I saw each other again. I was at Luke's, of course, drinking a coffee with Mom at the counter. Luke had been acting weird all morning, and when a person came down the steps of the apartment and swung around the corner, I knew exactly why.

"Jess." My mother and I say in unison. A few seconds of silence pass, and I turn to Mom, looking for help. Her blue eyes look frantic, as if she's scared for me. She knows what he does to me every time I see him. What she doesn't know is what I do to him every time he sees me.

Luke clears his throat, and disappears into the kitchen. Mom gives him a withering glare, and I know that as soon as I leave she'll give him a piece of her mind.

Jess was wearing a Velvet Underground t-shirt, and dark-blue jeans. His hair was more mussed than the last time I'd seen him, more like it was when we were in High School.

My heart kick-started, and I fumbled for something to say.

"Hi." Was my oh-so original retort.

"Rory." He nods, definitely not surprised to see me.

"Jess." I say, very surprised to see him.

This was beyond anything I could handle at the moment. Wasn't it only a week ago that I'd really confronted my feelings for Jess? I'd only barely begun to understand everything, and here I was confronted by the man himself.

"Let's… walk. Do you mind?" I ask, standing up. Mom looks at me, semi-horrified with what I'm saying, and I nod at her, trying to convey that it's alright, that I haven't lost my sanity.

"I don't mind." He says, smiling a little teasingly. I walk briskly out the door and he follows behind.

We fall into step as I turn the corner, and I stop.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, shaking my head, trying to make sense of all the emotions running through me.

"Visiting Luke…" He says, eying me carefully. When I see his eyes scan over my body, I flush deep red with pleasure. Okay, hold on. He's not here to see me. He's here to see Luke. Luke. Luke, Luke, Luke. Not me.

"Oh." I say a little unhappily.

"Yep. And…"

"And?"

"I wanted to see you."

"Oh, you did?" I say, pleased. He wanted to see me? I felt like a thirteen-year old who's crush came to her locker. Loser. My mind called me. "Can I ask why?"

"I got your letter. You seemed a little down."

"And you felt the need to rush to my side and comfort me?"

"I suppose."

"Wherefore art thou, Romeo?" I laugh. "How gentlemanly."

"Did you not want me to come?" I briefly contemplated that. Did I want him to be here? My mind instantly shouted yes, but I tried to find a more witty response. I couldn't really find one.

"Of course I did."

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I woke up not knowing where I was. When my sleepy eyes focused, I realized where I was.

The apartment above Luke's diner.

Oh, God.

The whole night came flooding back, and I was instantly horrified with what had happened. It was so out-of-character.

I was wrapped around Jess on top of the covers. In all the thousands of times since Junior year that I'd imagined this scenario, I didn't really imagine it like this. I didn't imagine it in Luke's apartment, even though he didn't live here anymore, and I did not imagine it happening when someone could come up here at any second.

I disentangled myself, and Jess stirred. I grabbed my clothes and pulled them on clumsily as he sat up in bed.

"Leaving?" He asked.

"I don't know. Are there people downstairs? I don't want anyone to see me…" I groaned, running my hands through my hair.

"Luke's is closed. It's Sunday." Oh. Luke had started closing on Sundays so Mom and him could spend the day together with April. It was a new rule they had, ever since they got back together. That was Mom was in April's life but wasn't trying to be her new mommy.

"Oh. Well, I've got to go."

"Don't go, Rory. At least have coffee or something."

"Jess, this is wrong. This shouldn't have happened…" Ugh, so, so stupid.

"Rory, stop." He says, standing up. He grabbed my arm, but I shook free. "Please don't leave."

"No, I've got to go." I say through gritted teeth, and then I leave. Again.

Three weeks later, I was late. In… that way. After the proper amount of freaking out, I waited another two weeks, and then called Lane. She bought me a pregnancy test, and while Zach was away, I took the test in their bathroom.

I shouldn't have been surprised when the test came back positive.

That's what happens when you rush into things like… sex.

Three months in, I had to tell my mother. She didn't even have to ask who the father was. Jess had inevitably disappeared a week later when I had avoided him at all costs. Why had I done that? Right now I didn't quite understand.

I had Mom tell Grandma and Grandpa. I couldn't face them. I didn't want to face Grandma's disapproving glares and Grandpa's unhappiness and sulkiness. I never asked Mom what their reactions were, because I had a pretty good mental image from all the times that they'd let Mom know exactly what they thought of her getting pregnant at sixteen.

I think in some ways they were more disappointed by me than Mom. Because I was the reliable one. I'd gone to Chilton and was top in my class and I'd graduated Yale and gotten a good job right out of college. It wasn't something I would have done, but yet I did.

Six months later, after sixteen hours of labor, Malia Jessica Gilmore was born. Yes, "Jessica". Thankfully, my mom didn't comment on it.

Malia was beautiful. She had bright blue eyes, like me, and very curly, dark brown hair like Jess. She had my round face, and Jess' nose. In other words, she's so beyond perfect.

Forty-eight hours later, I got to take Malia home to my apartment. Mom stayed for a couple days to help out, and, though I knew she'd planned on staying way longer, I told her that I wanted to try taking care of Malia myself. If Mom could do it at sixteen, I could definitely do it at twenty-three.

I had a job as a freelance writer for the Hartford Gazette, so I had stable income, on top of help from Mom. Also, a month after Malia was born money started showing up in the mail at regular intervals. I recognized Grandma's handwriting on the mailing address, even though there was no return address.

Two months after Malia was born, Luke oh-so subtly hinted that I really needed to tell Jess. He'd gestured towards April when he did, and I understood. He'd gone thirteen years without knowing he had a daughter, and didn't want the same to happen to Jess.

I didn't know if I wanted to tell him, because I knew that Jess would instantly come running to be a part of his daughter's life. That was just how he was. I didn't know if he wanted kids, but he was a good enough person to take responsibility. After all, he didn't know that I'd stopped birth control after Logan and I split.

And so I made the decision.

I would tell him.

And so I was faced with one of the hardest challenges of my life.

Please leave comments! Helps me to make my writing better! It's a little long because I'm used to writing full-length chapters. I'm definitely going to update if you guys like it!