Disclaimer: Love Mode belongs to the one and only Shimizu Yuki. No infringement is intended.
A/N: Clearly, I fail at deadlines. XD I started this for the, um, July challenge 'Addiction' and never really got around to finishing it until now. :/
Completed: 21 September 2007
Vice
Kiichi doesn't really smoke. Unlike Reiji, his fingers aren't stained with nicotine and he has no craving for the taste or feel of a cigarette in his mouth. He doesn't need it to relax, doesn't need its scent to pull him into the present. Kiichi can do that well enough on his own — he doesn't need anything else to drown away the past.
He knows Reiji started smoking as a way to pull at the invisible leash Shougo had collared them with; it is no coincidence that Reiji started sleeping around after he started smoking. He smoked several cigarettes a day, puffing out ribbons of smoke in Shougo's face, taunting and challenging, but Shougo had been dismissive. Had told Reiji to find another brand, because this one was too weak.
Reiji didn't change his brand. He also started staying out late and coming back in the early morning, smelling of sex and perfume. Kiichi could have told Reiji then that Shougo wouldn't have cared either — as long as Reiji was still under his control, he didn't have a reason to. Those petty means of rebellion didn't matter much to him in the long run. Kiichi could have told Reiji this, but Reiji had to learn for himself.
In Kiichi's more honest moments though, Kiichi admits to himself that he never told Reiji because he got a secret thrill every time Reiji indulged in those petty means of rebellion. Kiichi couldn't, but Reiji could. Back then, those small moments of freedom had been everything to Kiichi. Back then, Kiichi was selfish.
These days, Reiji is still addicted to the taste of nicotine, while Kiichi occasionally steals his cigarette even though he doesn't really have a need for it.
Freedom is all around Kiichi, unspoken and unseen, but still tangible in the way Kiichi wakes up to Haruomi's scent and the lingering warmth on the bed sheets; it is obvious in the way he eats breakfast with Haruomi, in the way he visits Reiji and is greeted by his cute, angry scowl. It is felt in the way they move through life, happiness finally within their grasp.
Still, Reiji smokes his cigarettes as if they could be snatched out of his life as quick and sudden as a beloved's death, and Kiichi occasionally indulges in its bitter taste, remembering how he never could in the past.